Oh, Not So Holy Night!

I do NOT enjoy bursting the bubble of Christians, but once I learn a truth, I’m obligated to share it.  You are free to disagree with me if you like, but  research and search the Scriptures to either prove me right or wrong in your own minds, hearts, and conscience.   I don’t answer to GOD for what anyone else does in their relations and worship of  YHVH GOD, I only answer to Him for myself and my actions.  I have to do what I’m led to do, based on the truth YHVH reveals to me through Scripture, revelation (Rhema’s), and what I can discover based solely on historical facts.  Believe me, this was NOT an easy decision for me to make. 

It was one man about 1700 years ago that decided in order to coaxed the pagans into this new state religion called Christianity, it was best to adopt their pagan practices, "baptize it into Christ," the Pope Julius I said. That gentile pope found nothing wrong with slapping a Christian name on a pagan practice, because those gentile clergy hated everything about the Hebrew Scriptures. Many of them wanted to dispose of the Hebrew Scriptures entirely, but if not for the Grace of GOD, we would never have even had them in our Bible today.  In those days, when the Bible was inaccessible by the common man,  because the corrupt Roman Church had made it illegal for common man to have access to that which GOD wanted read by every man, the people were deceived into believing that these clergy were vicars for Christ and infallible when it comes to revelation from GOD.    The roots of Christmas actually comes from pagan celebrations to the fertility gods of the pagan, and once, I learned of just how offensive the whole Yuletide season was to GOD, I just could not enjoy doing it anymore. We still give them gifts, because to take that away just seemed too cruel, however, I do not call them Christmas gifts, I call them, "end of the year," gifts. I answer to GOD for what I know, as do you. 

GOD had prescribed certain religious observations to Him in the Torah in the book of Leviticus.  Many of them we cannot observe to the letter of the law, because there is no centralized Temple any longer.  Some Jewish holidays such as Purim and Hanukkah are not commanded of GOD, but are man's  celebrations of GOD's deliverance of His people.  Hanukkah was was referred to as the Festival of Lights, and the gift giving aspect of it came out of the Jews wanting a gift-giving excuse as the Gentiles had. Back before Christmas was established, it was a Jewish tradition based on the celebration of the Maccabees defeat of Antiochus IV of Epiphanes.  Even Jesus honored that Festival of Lights in John 10:22, as he went up to the Temple in the winter to acknowledge the deliverance of GOD’s people from a tyrannical murderous ruler.  I am not saying that all man's traditions are bad, but what I am saying is that copy-cat worship is not something GOD is okay with, as stated in many places in the Hebrew Scriptures, in particular Deuteronomy 12.   

Every time I mentioned this conviction to someone, I get the same argument that I used to give, that we are honoring the birth of Jesus, even though we know for a fact it did not happen on December 25th.  GOD’s definition of idolatry is any time His people  adapt the religious practices of the false gods of the pagan nations into their worship of Him. Now, someone who is truly adept at the New Testament will bring up Romans 14, when Paul declared one man’s unholy day an another man’s acceptable holy day. At least, I would have, and did, until I read the Scripture more closely and studied the Hebrew Scriptures as they were meant to be studied and understood.  I am surely not going to poo-poo your celebration of Christmas, but in good conscience, I can no longer observe it in the intent of which it was given, knowing what I know about GOD now.  What you choose to do with your knowledge is between you and GOD, and what you choose to ignore as possibly offensive to GOD is again, between you and Him alone. 

This realization of the offense of Christmas to GOD hasn’t been easy for me to accept either, because I love those traditional Christmas songs from “Last Christmas,” to “Oh Holy Night.” My children and I used to belt out our favorites with my speakers jacked up to full volume as we danced around the room, having the time of our lives, doing what we do every Christmas.  It was a difficult decision, and I miss the fun of it.  Sometimes, we have to sacrifice the traditions of men to prove our loyalty to YHVH GOD, like Jesus said in the Bible.  With GOD, it is always a heart thing, and never a performance thing, so celebrating a pagan’s traditional worship to their pagan gods is essentially the same thing eating foods sacrificed to idols.  Paul said that if they knew the food was sacrificed to an idol or a false god, it was strictly forbidden, then in essence  us knowing that celebrating Christmas is essentially the same sin. When I learned the absolute truth about this and saw it in black and white in the Torah, which means instructions, not LAW, by the way,  I just could never see Christmas the same way ever again. It went from a sacred event in my mind to a very unholy season, and for the rest of my life, I just cannot perceive it as a joyous event if the LORD says in Scripture that it is an abomination to Him. 

 What I thought for five decades was worship, now I know was an offense.  We are responsible for what we know at the time and what the LORD teaches us, when we are taught it, not before. Revelation from GOD is progressive, so we are only guilty of sinning when we are shown what we do is a sin.  There are unintentional sins in which we will not be held guilty of, and then there are the outright rebellious sins we know to be wrong, in which we will stand and give an account. 

I just can’t do it anymore, knowing what I know, now,  because my conscience before GOD won’t let me.  I would rather offend man, even though it’s NOT what I like to do, than to risk  offending GOD.  I teach my children the truth, now, and some day, GOD will convict them of His Revelations when they are ready to obey Him fully.  As I advise all parents of adult children, they are not your children when they are adults, they are GOD’s, and you have to give them back. They now become just your offspring and any advice or counsel you want to give them must be sought out by them, not offered freely or oppressively, because you are not their mommy anymore. You do not answer to GOD for what they do as adults. You are only obligated to the LORD for teaching them what you do know while they are still under your stewardship. When the LORD teaches us new things, it’s because we have come to him to seek new things to be taught. He never oppresses a man into morality, it is always a choice on our part out of the love in our hearts for Him. For that is your bodily act of worship, and the only kind of sacrifice he wants from us.

For you information only, I always revisit this wonderful teacher this time of year, and every year, I'm more convicted that celebrating Christmas is offensive to GOD.  David Pawson The History of Christmas  Part 2 is here David Pawson The History of Christmas Part 2 and Part 3 is here  David Pawson The Truth About Christmas

Isn't GOD Pro-Choice?

      For as much as you are not going to agree with me on this,  as a devoted lover of Jesus, student of the Whole Counsel of GOD, and faithful servant of the Most High, in the Abortions debate, I am most assuredly pro-choice because YHVH GOD is pro-choice.  I know that does not fit the church mold, but, I don't fit the church mold, I never did.  I'm the cookie cutter that everyone throws out, because the dough sticks to it, and it makes baking difficult. My daughter had an abortion debate with a Christian student at school, and I was so proud of her.  She was able to think critically and not just re-state the talking points her friend had learned and had drilled in to her since days of sitting in a pew as a fetus. She's heard me say these things over and over, but sadly, she did not have the Scripture references she needed.  She does now!   GOD is most assuredly pro-choice, he wants us to choose Him, that's why He gave us a free will, a free will subjected to His Sovereign choice, that is. 

 Point number 1: GOD put the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil INSIDE the Garden of Eden and gave Adam the choice, hence GOD is pro-choice. He wants us to choose the right path. Deuteronomy 28 supports this. GOD wanted his people to choose to obey, and he gave the consequences of obedience versus disobedience. This is the undeniable Scriptural reference point.  

     Point number 2. This is my opinion, although I can "prove" it with Scripture, that's where interpretation comes in and makes the water muddy.  You'll have to pray on this one.  Every human created with a brain has a soul. As a woman who has had four miscarriages, I'm well aware that the brain is formed around week five after conception. I had early miscarriages, there never was a heartbeat.  What I lost was had no brain, because they were too early, yet there was "tissue" there. So, life does indeed begin as conception, but it doesn't always survive. You may call that a weak argument, but thousands of processes have to occur for for a live birth to happen.  That's why miscarriages are so prevalent. I birthed 8 children, but I had 4 miscarriages, so that is a 50% ratio. That's pretty high. Any abortion done before the brain forms may or may not have been a viable life anyway. (Weak argument, I know, but only GOD knows.) GOD's tests the heart, not the actions.  Also, Scripture says the breath of life is given to humans by Sovereign act of GOD in many places. The word breath in the Hebrew is Ruach, which also means spirit. Is it possible that without the Ruach, there is no life? We are told with out the Holy Spirit, we are dead in Christ.    

    Point number 3 is definitely my opinion.  I didn't get this from revelation or from any Scriptures, except buy by studying the history of people from the Bible.  Who are having abortions? Is it loving Christian women? I dare say not. GOD told his servants to completely annihilate the Canaanites because of their evil practices. Yes, GOD included women, children and pregnant women.  Have you ever asked why?   If those types of women had those babies, would they be loved completely? Maybe, maybe not. Would they grow up to become Christians? Maybe, maybe not. The likelihood is about 10% of them. Hence, nine out of ten of those babies born to secular mothers would likely perish. I can safely use that figure because I grew up in a secular family and out of six children, I was the only one called and born-again. I am not just talking my nuclear family but grandparents on both sides, plus aunts, uncles and cousins. I am the only lover of Jesus, and have been for 35 years.  Lastly, no woman should become a mother who wants to kill her baby.  My mother wanted all six of us, and she really messed up her job. Imagine a woman not convicted by GOD to give birth. Is allowing abortion in some way GOD's way of depopulating those who would never become His? 

     This leads to point number 4. Why did GOD have His servants annihilate entire nations, including women, children and babies? 1 Samuel 15:3. Did GOD wipe out women, children, infants, and pregnant women at Sodom and Gomorrah, and at Jericho? Yes, He did. Why? Because those children would have grown up to become just like their child-sacrificing, pagan parents, because their parents did, and so on and so forth.  I think it was GOD's way of saving those children, lest they grow up like their pagan parents and become as depraved as they were. Doesn't Scripture tell us that we are depraved without GOD? So, when GOD wiped the children and infants out, He saved their souls. 

     

     LAST and most important point, the anti-abortion movement has become a Jericho's wall, a hill to die on, and sadly those dying are those outside of the church, because this hill and wall is nothing more than combative Christianity. It is keeping the Gospel locked up inside the walls of a church.  The church is building its own Jericho's wall on this stance.  Some anti-abortion people are the most obnoxious self-righteous people in the church.  As one who was saved at twenty-six and was very much a progressive feminist who was very much pro-choice/abortion then, I can tell you, Satan has filters on their hearts and souls to only see this as combative and hateful Christianity. I went from pro-abortion to anti-birth control and then to pro-choice, because I choose GOD's ways.  Only GOD can change a heart that much. The Holy Spirit must come into a heart for it to be able to defeat the filter the enemy has put there to block the Gospel.  

     With all this said, the sale of fetus parts is abhorring and an abomination, and those who do this will be called to account. Yet, my arguments are more about the souls of these babies and where they end up, because isn't that what matters more? Where do they end up? We don't know.  This life is fraught with pain, (Job 14) and those babies are being spared all that hurt.  REMEMBER beloveds, It's not about being born, it's about where we end up when we die. Ecclesiastes 4:2. Even Solomon said, blessed are those who are never born. I was born into a horrible family and suffered emotional pain that is indescribable and still am.  With the life I've lived, the decades in the fiery furnace of affliction, like Job, there were far too many days that I cursed the day I was born, but it was GOD's will for me to be born, so, I'm going to take that pain and try to use it for good, not for arguments with unbelievers about whether abortion is murder or not.  

 Good Doubt  -  Bad Doubt  

Is there a difference? 

     As children of the Most High GOD, we are told to not doubt, and made to feel guilty if we do. Is there such a thing as good doubt? The answer is absolutely, yes there is. I asked GOD, "Why do I doubt all the time? How can you really use me, love me, trust me, want me if I doubt the direction you are giving me? The answer I got was  

     "Child, you know that doubt is good at times, when it sends you into the Word to prove what you hear." 

     I knew that answer was from the Holy Spirit, because it came to me before I even finished asking, and it was wisdom far beyond my limited brain could have thought on my own.  The English language is so boring whereas, Greek and Hebrew have several different kinds of words for our one English word. There is a doubt that really means, "research this," and there is a doubt that mean, "ya, right!" So, doubting is good, if it means seeking more information. There is a chip on one's shoulder doubt, and then there's please GOD help my unbelief doubt. 

     The best example we can see would be John-the-Baptist. He was the greatest born of women, Jesus said. Yet, while he was in a dungeon, chained to a wall, he sent his cousin a message, the one he "knew" since he was in the womb. During his despair, he sent his disciples to ask Jesus if he was the One to come, or should we look for another. We are thinking, Really, John, it's your cousin, you lept in your mother's womb when my mother was in your presence. You baptized him and saw the Holy Spirit descending him. For Pete’s sake, how can you question all this now?

     Jesus didn't say that, though. He just sent back a confirming answer, not yes or no, but consider the evidence: " Jesus answered and said to them, “Go and report to John what you hear and see: 5 those who are blind receive sight and those who limp walk, those with leprosy are cleansed and those who are deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have the gospel preached to them. 6 And blessed is any person who does not take offense at Me.”"

     John had doubts, because of his dreadful hopeless situation, not because he was cynical, needing to prove Jesus wrong, like the Pharisees. Their doubt was different in tone and inference, theirs was from pride, from a chip on their shoulders that was permanent.  The kind John had comes from a broken contrite heart. Hopelessness and faithlessness are two different things. Hope is a feeling, while faith is fact. We can lose hope without losing our faith. Hope is an emotion and emotions have no intellect, whereas facts are truth, and facts don’t have feelings.

     When hopelessness and fear set with me and I doubt that I'm truly hearing from GOD, I compare it to what I have learned in Scripture. I research and I research until my eyes bleed and my fingers are fused to the keyboard. Life in the fiery furnace of affliction can be exhausting and scorching.  I've spent a lot of years in the Bible, and I'm mean nose to page, so I have a pretty good working knowledge of it, and I know how to get around the Whole Counsel of GOD.  I know where to go to feed my faith with facts. Eventually, after I overdose with Scriptures that I know are facts, there is a slight whisper of hope that accompanies that faith, until the fatigue sets in. Never believe what you feel when you are tired. That’s the enemies favorite time to attack.

     When we fall in love with someone, what do we do? We study everything about that person, their mannerisms, what makes them tick, how they think, and their history. We fall all over ourselves trying to make them deliriously happy.  Yet when it comes to loving YHVH with all our hearts, souls and mind, we go to church and are spoon-fed a few verses in 43-minute sermon, and we are done for the week. We cannot really determine if we are hearing from GOD if we do that, even if we never miss a sermon. Think back, how many sermons you have heard, how many can you remember all the content? Not very many, huh? Just a few highlights of a good one, right?

     I was married to a cynic. He has always been a cynic. His attitude toward anything I told him that I thought GOD was going to do, his response was always the same. "Well, I guess we'll see if it happens." His cynicism is a vicious cycle of doubt and disbelief, to complete unfruitfulness in the Kingdom.  It was a cancer in his spiritual life that was terminal.  When his spiritual life died, he walked away from GOD, permanently. His cynicism kept GOD from showing Himself because of chip on his shoulder. If a cynic walks away, in all likelihood, they won't come back. There is a difference between a cynic and a prodigal. The cynic walks away out of disbelief, whereas the prodigal walks away out of hurt and not knowing how to process the emotions, or the event that sent them over the edge.

     We are told not to question GOD, but I can't find that in the Bible.  Lots of men questioned GOD.  The only stupid questions are the ones not asked.  How else can GOD speak to us if we don't ask Him questions and if we don't compare our circumstances with Scripture.  You know an answer or direction you feel led is really from GOD if it matches with Scripture, is bathed in Wisdom, and fits in GOD's character. It is probably something you never would have thought up yourself, because it’s way beyond your any human wisdom you have achieved.   I have always said, if you look for GOD everywhere, that is exactly where you will find Him. In other words, the more we pursue the One we love, the more we will hear from Him, learn from Him, see His Hand at work, and know Him intimately. When seeking truth, let Scripture interpret Scripture. One Scripture taken out of context is not proof enough, there must a few more Scriptures in line with the historicity of GOD's dealings with His people. Therefore, one must study the Bible from cover to cover and the historical context. I tell people, if it makes no sense to humans, it's probably from the Almighty. As mere humans, we can never really know the mind of GOD or, understand the ways of GOD.

 Who am I? I really do not know

 I wish I did.  

I'm not really an author, so to speak, not recognized by man.  I may have written ten books and a fictional series, against my will, but I did it, anyway.  I hate fiction. I’ve always hated fiction. (It is turning out less fictional every year, whooda thunk it?) When GOD put that silly notion into my head to write a novel,  I did have one condition though.  I would do it, ONLY if it had a happy ending.  Too many tragic literary fictional stories out there, and life is depressing enough. I don't want any money for them, nor will I ever write anything like them, again.  I only did it, because GOD turned on a movie projector in my head and I typed everything I saw and heard in great detail. A lot of people who read it say they feel like they are watching a movie in print.  Yeah, that's how it was for me.

 

I don't want a publishing contract, even if offered one, I won’t sign on any condition. GOD entrusted LOVE'S MUSES and its character with me, I won't turn them over to anyone else because they are that precious. I don't even want my books really out there until after I'm gone, as in permanently Retired in that Assisted Living Mansion in Paradise, the one Jesus says that he is preparing for me. (John 14). That way GOD gets all the Glory for the work, and Katie Lynn Moore becomes world famous in my stead, and she's limited to the words on a page. 

 I'm a mother who has graduated seven children into legal adulthood, so I can’t be sued by anyone for anything they do, now. I have one left who is still a minor. Man, am I going to miss that.  I say legal adult, because in the eyes of the law, they are adults, in the eyes of anyone else, that’s left up to interpretations.  GOD told Moses to count only the males twenty and over as adult enough for any kind of military service. (Numbers).   A Levite could not start serving as a priest until thirty. (Leviticus, Ezekiel) 

  I'm an ex-wife by man's law, but a Covenant Wife according to GOD's Law, yet, I've been cast aside by a man who doesn't want to live the Christian life anymore, after 30 years. Well, the Bible's version of it, anyway.   I'm not old as some would see it, but I'm not young as others would see it. I'm at that dreadful middle-age.  You know, smack dab in the middle, wishing I was young, but knowing young and stupid is not an expression, it's a reality.  I hated my fifties, fought all the way through it, now that I have the wisdom of the "aged," I boast about my age, now.  I was thrown in and lived in the fiery furnace of affliction for most of my life, so I have a lot of weight to my words.   

These past years in the furnace, I’ve studied just about every main character in the Bible, backward, forward, inside, outside and upside down in order to find some semblance of hope that the fire will go out someday, and the furnace door will open.   They are my BBF's, (Bible Best Friends), and they all gave me a  reason to rise up and put my feet on the floor in the morning, besides my children and my assignment from GOD.  More on him in other posts.

So, daily, I ask GOD, who am I?  Why did all this awful stuff happen to me?  I’ve lived Job’s life, only not so immediate, but I’ve suffered gradual losses over the years, the kind that just keep picking away pieces of your heart, until you think there’s nothing left to pick away or give away.   I do not handle loss very well, in fact, I handle it quite badly, because I love too big. 

So, I guess: I'm Abram - called out of Ur or in my case – Massachusetts, away from my family of non-believers.  

I'm Leah - the rejected wife who was a dirty man's trick to a "trickster," who competed with a  beauty queen, then her ghost.   

I'm Jacob - the trickster, trying to manipulate GOD, losing all the time, because I'm slow learner.

I'm Joseph - rejected by my siblings as the different one, imprisoned for not doing "it" Egypt's way.

I'm Naomi -  call me Mara because sometimes I'm really bitter about what's been done to me, but I know there is a kinsman redeemer out there somewhere.

I'm Ruth - "widowed" of Mahlon, the weakling with no future, a Moabite woman, wishing there was a Boaz for me.

I'm Hannah- barren with no spiritual descendants to speak of waiting for GOD to give me spiritual children.  Worse even than that;

 I’m Peninnah - her rival, used only as a wife to pop out a bunch of babies, whose husband loved someone more.    

I'm David- hunted by a mad king (the devil) wanting to kill me, yet suffering the consequences of my sins because I'm human, and I did cave.   

I'm Josiah - The TORAH has been found in the church, but just as disregarded as it was in Jesus's day, because the church decided to make up their own rules.  

I'm Jeremiah - the weeping prophet with a fire burning inside me that I can't quench, GOD won't put out, and grieving for what I see as not just a lost sheep, but an entire field of them. 

I'm Daniel - trapped in an upper room with only Jesus as my friend, nose buried in the Word, if not in the carpet, sucking up prayer dust mixed with tears. 

I'm Zerubbabel - an exile, wondering if ever we will ever be able to back to Jerusalem and rebuild or are we lost forever, a people forsaken by GOD, so as it seems. 

I’m Paul, a former legalist, who was set apart (and very much alone) in the wilderness for a certain amount of years to learn to hear only the voice of GOD, and not cave to the voice of the masses.  

I’m Peter – an impulsive loud mouth with a bit of a temper, who has trouble swearing I’ll do things, then finding I don’t have the strength or stamina to do them, constantly feeling like a failure. 

What about you?  Who are you?  Can you identify with one of these? Maybe you can identify with all of them, like I can. Are you a seed in the soil like me, covered up, buried in the dirt where it's dark, damp and you feel quite alone and despaired wanting to break out of your shell?  Maybe you have a dream bigger than the prison in which your trapped? David did, Joseph did, Jacob did, Josiah did, Daniel did, Zerubbabel did, Ezra and Nehemiah did, and a host of others.  What I want to be is a lighthouse for those drowning in their seas of despair.  The fiery furnace of affliction has fired the bricks GOD has formed to build a very tall lighthouse out on an isolated jetty.  I don't have a working light yet, GOD has to install that too, then He has to supply the Power to light it up.  So, who am I?  Nobody, and that's all I ever want to be, is a nobody pointing people to a Somebody who can help them. 

 

Cancer,  Death , 
and Good Humble Pie 

~Among Others~

   Twelve years ago, I remember GOD calling me to begin a writing career. Of course, I thought that was the most ludicrous notion that I had ever heard. After all, I don't think I received higher than a D in any of my college writing classes. So, I said to GOD, "But GOD, I'm not a writer, I'm not a novelist, I haven't a clue how to do that." I distinctly heard in my spirit, before those frightful words of rebuttal left my lips,

   "Kristina, you are who I make you to be." Oh, yeah, that did it. I had no argument with that.

     You see, we can argue with GOD all we want, but we will never win. Here's the beauty, He doesn't mind how much we do it, until we learn that we aren't going win, and we can trust Him with that which we know we can’t handle. Eventually, we realize that He has been trying to teach our slow brains that we can’t handle it, but He can. 

    Another day, I remember being on one of my five-mile autumn walks, and  I saw in my head in the future, a very successful author who had my face. The terror that ran over me on my walk nearly face planted me right there and oddly enough, right in front of the local library. GOD has a funny sense of humor. That fear gripped my heart because I know just how much of a screw-up I have been and still am. Again, I had a rebuttal for GOD, and before the words,    "Oh, no, GOD, what will I do if I am successful. I'm sure to ruin it. That kind of success like that ruins everyone. What if I get too full of myself? What is to stop me from making it all about me?

    Again, the answer was swift and only took two nouns and a conjunction, "Cancer and death." 

   “Oh, yeah, that'll do it." The Bible is clear, storms come from GOD’s permissive and sometimes planned will. The crook in your lot that totally messed you up came from GOD. He may have used other people to put the bend in the road that caused you to crash and burn. He did it because you were probably going the wrong way at warp speed and didn't see the train wreck coming right at you.

   Two years later, I was knee deep in radiation hell, having all pride I had built up in my first book, finished, with “rave” reviews burned out of me. (I sometimes wonder if there was more wrong with those who reviewed my book than me in the intelligence department.)   So, one book down, another started and an amazing one at that. You see, GOD let me screw up the first one, make every mistake a new writer could make in order to prepare me for the EPIC!  (LOVE'S MUSES). God gave me a story that was sure to be an epic, as sure as I am sitting here typing this, or rather revising it here six years later than I wrote the original. Right after I finished the rough draft, I spent the next six months in radiation hell getting the snot burned out of me, literally. 

   Sadly, though, GOD had more sense-of-self I needed to be rid of, because having bounced back beating cancer and surviving radiation hell, I still had a garden needing to be weeded after a longest winter of my life. So, he ruffled up the garden paradise of my home and family life. With a stroke, dual cancers, a few days past the pain of radiation hell, I was basking in victory. With no real warning, none that I paid attention to, because I never thought divorce could happen to me, my husband informed me during the last few weeks of my cancer treatments that he was filing for divorce when my treatments were over after twenty-nine years of marriage. 

    A year after that, another major heart crushing rejection came along to seriously send me under the bed hiding behind my cat afraid to even come out of my room, lest something worse happen. Rejection is one of GOD's greatest tools, not only to protect us from those who are not good for us, but to protect us from ourselves and that ugly human disease called, P-R-I-D-E. It is so sneaky. Even in all that, it still snuck up on me. You'd think I would have had my fill of humble pie with my family shattered, dual cancers, divorce pending, and a crushed and broken heart should have humbled me, but nope. He had one more lesson. Vindication!

   You see, the Bible promises us that He will vindicate us from those who do us harm, even if sometimes He was the one who sent them to do just that. Boy, I surely needed some vindication, or rather thought that I deserved vindication. Do you see it? Pride entered even through my brokenness. I was so broken by those who GOD sent in my life to hurt me, on purpose, to keep me humble, but now as the "victim," I felt I deserved some Heaven sent vindication, and some serious justice to feel satisfied. There is a difference between seeking justice for a person’s well-being, and seeking vindication for our bruised egos. When we plead for justice, it must be with an attitude of needing deliverance from something that is oppressing us, with the Father-forgive-them-for-they-know-not-what-they-do attitude and heart behind it. When we seek the self-satisfying kind of justice and vindication, that is usually nothing but pure anger and bitterness coated in pride.

    Now, I am cancer survivor who is well aware that just like the winter, cancer always comes back, especially the rare kind I was gifted with, even if it takes decades. Yes, cancer was a gift, and anyone who drew closer to GOD during theirs understands that. It is, however, a permanent, unwelcomed guest that never really leaves, but lies dormant in my cells, ready to leap at a moment’s notice, and all just to keep forcing that humble pie down my throat, but then again so isn't a brain aneurysm, when cancer's return doesn't scare you or humble you enough.  Sometimes, GOD has to pull out the big guns to keep us humble.

     

  So, here I am twelve years later, still working on my eighth of ten books, (eight meaning new beginning in Hebrew numerology) Google-able, yet, still a nobody. Yes, you can google me.  As a mother of eight in a small town, my house isn't all glass, but still too much of it is. I can't walk down main street without one of my children's friends letting them know that they saw me tripping over my own two left feet on that sidewalk, again. Failure in obscurity is fine with me. After fifteen years in the fiery furnace of affliction, with the heat turned up to broil, I've learned that failure is the flour in humble pie and the stepping stones to success, and it is way easier to deal with, and much more preferred than success. I know how to do failure very well, but I've never done success. Believe me when I say this, I'm scared to death of it! PUN intended. I'd almost rather fail my entire life, and let my work succeed after I am gone. That way GOD gets all the credit, all the glory and I'm just a stone in the ground. After all, Allen means stone!

It would be nice to have "one moment in time when I'm more than I thought I could be, when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me!"  Enjoy one of the many songs that have kept me going these twelve years of writing, crying, fighting with GOD, and everyone else who were naysayers the devil sent to me.  

ONE MOMENT IN TIME

TIME TO GET IN THE KNQW

      I know that you are probably going to think that I've lost my marbles, all of them, not just the sum of them that I had lost over these past few years, but bear with me, because I've actually found a few! I know to some, this is going to sound like fiction, but know this, I hate fiction, even if I've written a few fictional books. (It wasn't by my choice, but by GOD's calling. More on that later, much later.) When it comes to my blog posts, they are completely non-fiction and truth, as best as I know it.   So, if you haven't lived in a cave, you may have heard of this Qanon, or the Q conspiracy thing on the news. People say not to mix religion and politics, well, that's impossible because they are intricately intertwined in all eras of time. The Bible is replete with it. GOD is the author of all politics, it's not just a man thing. GOD appointed kings, defended kings, and let select kings fall. This political movement we are watching isn't about a Presidential election, it is about good verses evil. GOD called Jeremiah a prophet to the nations. He and Isaiah both had to confront and advise kings. Many of GOD's prophets in the Bible were assigned to confront or anoint kings. These were all laymen, not military advisors, or brilliant scholars.

     So, this non-prophet, research junkie has done enough investigative research to to make my eyes bleed. It's my nature. I search a matter out until I find the truth. When I finally do, GOD affirms what I have found through Scripture and that inexplicable peace that passes all understanding. Q has been labeled a conspiracy theory by the enemy of the people, the ones who want us destroyed, the Satanist, the Cabal, or better known as the Deep State. One cannot call something a conspiracy when the other party has rock-solid, and I mean digital-copies of proof of EVERYTHING that the "enemy" of the state has done. Ecclesiastes tells us that nothing there is nothing new under the sun. So, if it happened in the natural in the Old Testament, then in the present/latter days, it will happen in a spiritual sense, but on a much larger scale. This is why I find credibility to the Q-movement. It is in the Old Testament in what is call a portrait of future events. I'm sure over these past eight years, you are aware of the battle going on right now between two forces. There are three types of people right now in this battle. There are the digital warriors who are awake and believe nothing they see on TV or social media news. There are the WOKE cancel culture who want to cancel all that is good and righteous as described by GOD in the Bible. Then, there are the Normies. Those are the confused. They aren't quite awake yet, but they aren't WOKE, either. Sadly, they are the sensationalists who believe everything they see, and sometimes, they cave into their fear and do what they ought not to do, i.e. get the jab.

      Because President Trump visually walked away from the White House, by design and plan, there are a lot less Normies now than there were four years ago. In fact, because the Q team, or rather the White Hats running this deliverance plan, have been operating behind the scenes, we have been shown over the past three years what the evil Deep State had been planning to do to this country and the world all along. This was something that the people had to be shown, because if they were told, they would not have believed it. In fact, we did try to tell the world, and most of us were not only laughed off, but some of us lost family members over this.

      With the current state of affairs, we find the leftists literally losing their minds, and their hair. I recently saw a woman at the hospital who had shaved her head. She looked at me, saw my Trump hoodie, then put her head down. The next time I looked up, she had a knit winter hat on her head. I could almost feel her embarrassment for jumping to on the bandwagon too impulsively. I felt really sad for her. She believed the lies she was told, and so have too many others. The legacy media has lied to them and cause mass psychosis, almost akin to the COVID scam. I feel sorry for some of these lefties, because they haven't been able to hear or know the truth. I do hope that some of them will be able to see the truth and cling on to it, but I'm afraid more are lost and forever condemned because they think this whole election was about abortion.  Quite frankly, the devil loves the Abortion wall that keeps people in the world out of the Believer's world. Can't you see how he has used it as a fiery dart to keep unbelievers trapped in his lies? To be frank, I'm pro-choice, because GOD is pro-choice. After all, where did He put the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, inside or outside of the Garden? GOD wants us to choose life, and sometimes that means ending the debate, throwing away your birth control and actually living what you believe. Radical, isn't it?

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What is in your [kill brackets]?

ANOTHER RECYCLED POST (FROM 2021)

 I am a hard-core Q patriot.  I love everything Q.   In fact, if it weren't for Q, I don't know how I would have survived the past three years of my miserable life.  Before Q came along, I was completely all out of hope.  All looked so bleak, inside my personal life, outside my home, and all over this dreadful planet.   I was not paying particular attention to the date when I wrote it, but it was a few days later I was to discover that I wrote it on September 11, 2018 which was exactly SEVENTEEN years after it had happened,  and it posted exactly at 10:03 am, which was the exact time Flight 93 allegedly went down in Shanksville, PA.  I do believe there is a lot more to that story than meets the eye, because by the look of the area, there is no way a Boeing 757-222 crashed there, leaving nothing more than a burnt crater of ash.  Honestly, people, how many airplane crashes have you seen where NOT a trace of an aircraft was left distinguishable?  None, I’d say, but that’s a blog topic for another day.

That being said, I’ll say what Q has taught us to believe, “How many coincidences does it take before something becomes mathematically impossible?"  I love that!  What's the chance that I just so happened to be inspired to write about the world-wide famous, fact-based phenomenon we call Q, on September 11, having no idea about the date, or the posting time. When I get inspired by GOD to write, I have to stop everything and just go write. I never know the topic ahead of time, nor the lesson I'm trying to share, until it's all done.  It's as if GOD is teaching me through my fingers on the keyboard, and I'm sharing it with you at the same time as I am learning it from Him.  

 I know this Great Awakening which started with the first Q post is from GOD.  I found precedent in the Bible for Q, and that is what gave it credibility for me.  Not only did I find it in Bible prophecy, but I found a natural event that was a type of what we are seeing Q do for us now.  I'll have to write an entire blog post on Daniel 5 and how it relates to Q-posts on the 8-chan wall on a later date.  As stated before, whenever something happens in the OT Scriptures in the natural, GOD repeats the event in the Spiritual in our latter times, but on a global size, with prophetic significance to the historicity of His dealings with His people. (It's called typology.)  There is NO human who could have seen that coming, but an Almighty who inspires such topics, and arranges the times and moments of my day, could, because He wrote it in my story before one day of my life began. These topics and ideas come out of nowhere, and they are usually way over my ability to put words together to make any kind of sense, for example, using [kill brackets] to teach a spiritual lesson that Elohim taught me about my particular time of trial and testing.  Q used [kill brackets] to let us know what this plan would eventually eliminate, be it an corrupt agency or a corrupt politician bought and sold to the highest bidder. 

     Our lives are recorded in the Books in Heaven, every word and every deed. Our biography is playing out day by day as we breathe and speak. GOD will publish the work after we are gone, but until then, we take part in what is written on each page.  So, let's take that thought and ask ourselves, what's in our [kill bracket] that needs to be eliminated or dealt with because it is holding us back from being successful in this chapter of our lives? We can't stop the pages from turning, nor the years from rolling by, but we can effect how the sentences are written, how the paragraph is composed and how long it takes to get to the end of that paragraph. We can have a full page of good, or an empty blank white page, because we choose not to act upon something the LORD is nudging us to do. We put off the inevitable and only add pages to our books, but empty pages. Sometimes, that which causes us to put off what GOD is trying to write into our narrative is pure and simple opposition from the pit of hell, things we can’t seem to master.

      I will tell you what's in my [kill bracket]. It's [FEAR]! That blasted thing, won't leave. It is in every page, every chapter, and I haven’t been able to kill it, myself. Every time I think I’ve won the battle, that hideous evil entity pops up, again. I fight it daily, but there are times it stops me cold dead in my tracks and causes me to leave blank pages in my life where I’ve accomplished no good. It has the most power over my life when I dwell on it and actually get in the [fear brackets] with it, and let it control me. It stops me if I hold up my work behind the [brackets] and I do not complete my sentence. The only way to complete my sentences, my narrative is to either go around the [fear bracket] or to defeat it. We will always face [opposition], it never goes away, but we have a choice to let it stop us, defeat us, and destroy or diminish our narrative.

   The [fear] that holds me back is seemingly [never leaving this horrible chapter of my life]. This chapter of my life has been simply dreadful, and what feels like the longest. It's been about six years with each paragraph more negative than the previous. The promises of GOD in the Bible are my springboard that usually catapult me over the [fear brackets]. I know them all, but at times, they just seem like words on a page, and not a reality, or a my destiny in Him. The longer this chapter drags on, the less weight the words on the pages of the Bible seem to have.  That's when I get stuck inside the [fear bracket]. 

   I tell myself, "GET OUT OF THE [ ], but most times, I need Supernatural assistance, and He never fails to pull me out when I can’t get out on my own. So, I ask you, what's in your [kill brackets]? What keeps tripping you up, causing your run-on sentence or never-ending paragraph that is keeping you from being able to turn the page? It is my hope and desire to assist you in locating and recognizing your [opposition] and to help you recognize it, learn how to get around it, and seek the only One who can help you kill it, because, as Q has taught us digital soldiers in this battle:

"Where we go one, we go all!"

 

 

JUST BREATHE!

(Another recycled and heavily revised post from years ago.)

After 36 years of parenting with eight children, one thing I've learned is how to not panic.  There is WAY too much information going out there on the in Information Highway and way too man self-proclaimed experts.  Everyone swears they have the secret intel on the coming political future.  Seeing how I cannot accurately predict the future based on the latest political experts,  I opened my Bible and I went to the Hebrew Scriptures, referred to by the Christian Church as the OLD Testament, as if it were obsolete.   I found some great Scriptures that really help me calm down and listen to the Holy Spirit.  GOD gave Nineveh a chance to repent, which they did.  I do believe that the majority of Americans have repented and turned to GOD for help.  I've seen a spiritual revival in the Christian church, and I've seen some go completely apostate.  Many Christians say GOD is punishing us for the choices we made in electing our leaders.  Let me tell you, over the past 60+ years, leaders have been appointed by GOD and by the deep state.  We only had the illusion of elections.  GOD is not punishing us, but sometimes He has to show us how bad it can get before He makes it better.  He sent prophets to His people in Israel to turn back to the purity of the Torah, but they had mixed so much of the world into what GOD taught them then ended up with what is called Halacha.  They did not listen to those prophets, so GOD had to let it get really bad for them.  He has done the same with the Christian Church.  They didn't listen to Him either. They have done their own thing.

Halacha is a combination of the teachings of the Rabbinic writings of the Talmud with the Torah.  It looks nothing like what Moses taught, hence, why Jesus came.  He came to bring back the original instructions, because that is what Torah means.  Here we are 2,000 years later with this thing called Christianity.  Well, folks, it's the same thing as Halacha.  So, I'm seeing a different kind of Spiritual Revival and I'm not the only one.  It's a world-wide movement to bring us back to the original instructions.  

He is a Gracious and Merciful GOD and Father. He has not condemned America, He is not punishing the world. He is doing what the Pharisees expected two thousand years ago.  He has risen up a political messiah.  Messiah means anointed one, that's all.  There are two spoken of in the Bible, The Messiah, Jesus, and a world leader.  The Christians think it has to be the anti-Christ, because most New Testament Christians consider the Hebrew Scriptures old fashion, obsolete, not worth REALLY studying.  Well, Scripture speaks of a good world leader also, but most New Testament Christian Churches have not been able to see it.  It's just like He said to Abraham,  if there were 10 righteous people in Sodom and Gomorrah, He would not condemn it.  Well, there's more than 10 here.  So, sit back, people, try not to listen to the panic of the Biblically illiterate.  Open your Bible, in particular the  Hebrew Scriptures around the building of the Second Temple, what is called the post-exilic prophets.  Most churches today don't teach about those prophets with any kind of true understanding, because to many NT Christian churches there is only Jesus and Paul to study.  Most  incorporated churches are an entity that is there to fill seats.  Oh, they say they are evangelical, but really, if you could see their hearts like GOD could, you'd know many are there to build a name for themselves, rock star pastors from mega-churches to tiny little back country little congregations.  Haggai, Ezra, and Zechariah are the Hebrew Scriptures most people skip, because they understand the historical aspects of them, nor can they see the type and foreshadowing of what GOD is planning on doing in our time. 

I am not longer a part of the Christian church, I am a Messianic Jew, became one when I found out my ancestral history, which was Italian Jew.  I never understood my strong desire to study only the Hebrew Scriptures and study them inside outside and upside down until I found out that I am one of Abraham's daughters in 2018.  The Hebrew Scriptures are a type of foreshadowing of the future.  What happened in the past in the natural will happen in the future in the Spiritual.  Zerubbabel's prophecy is where we are now in the timeline of GOD's people. GOD is rebuilding His Spiritual Temple like Zerubbabel rebuilt the second temple and restored the practices of  worshiping at the Altar, but that  time without the Ark of the Covenant.  GOD is rebuilding His Temple, but without the building and the altar or the animal sacrifices, for now that it is.  

Open those glorious Scriptures in Haggai, Zechariah, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Amos, Jonah, and the like and you will find hope for America.  Look for verses that reference the "Tribe of Joseph, or Ephraim." You know, there really were 13 Tribes, not just twelve, because Jacob blessed two of Joseph's sons, hence twelve became thirteen.  I truly believe that GOD was referring to the US the 13th tribe when He prophesied about them.  That's MY interpretation.  Don't go running off telling others, just pray on it, and see if GOD gives you the same vision.  GOD is working both in the two houses of Israel, reuniting them with the Christian Church.  He hasn't replaced one with the other.  The end isn't coming just yet, but a new beginning is.  Sure, the end will come, but the Christian Church is stuck on it's on man-made, agreed upon timeline.  Tell me, when did GOD ever do what man predicted?