Don’t feed the elephant in the pond.

There’s an expression about an elephant in the room and most people understand its meaning.  The elephant is that thing that is constantly on everyone’s mind, but no one wants to mention it. Well, I had an elephant in the pond. There’s an elephant in the room of my life and I can’t seem to get around it. It keeps rushing me. Jesus is bigger than the elephant, and He will use whatever means He needs to use to send me a message above and around the elephant. The elephant is still there, but I can hear Jesus voice of reassurance when I stop looking at the elephant, but just listen for GOD’s voice.

Nightmares,. I’m plagued with them. If I go to sleep and silence befalls the room, guaranteed, I will have a nightmare. It happens all the time. This is why I put my sermon playlist on when I’m going to sleep, if Jesus is being preached or Christian music is playing, I am under GOD’s protection and the enemy cannot torment me in my sleep.  Sometimes, however, the nightmares are from GOD. Well, I had an elephant in a pond.

I had one the other day and I woke up with my heart racing.  You know those dreams when you’re screaming but no sound is coming out, but you are screaming with every bit of emotional energy you have.  I dreamt that I went somewhere with my ex and a few of my other children, but I left one of my children home, she’s twelve. I didn’t mean to be gone all day, but it turned out that way.  I felt guilty and when we pulled up in the street (of our old home, by the way)  a bad feeling came over me.  Melanie’s friend was standing on the sidewalk with a look of terror on her face.  She was shaking and terrified.  I asked her,

“Where’s Melanie!  Her voice kept breaking as she tried to tell me what happened. I kept yelling at her, “Where’s Melanie!” 

Then in tears she said. “She went in the water she was just  exploring. She went in the water.”  She looked up into my eyes and I knew what was coming next. “She didn’t come up.”

I froze, I thought, “Oh GOD! This can’t be happening to me.”  I started running toward the pond with a trail of people behind me, screaming for help, telling someone to call 911. 

I reached this tiny pond, no bigger than my front yard. I knew it was deep, and I couldn’t decide whether or not to jump in and search for her. I was so afraid of finding her dead body. I was terrified. If I jumped in and saw her dead then there’d be no hope, it would be over. As I debated, I saw some sand rising to the top as if it were bubbles.  I thought, “Maybe she’s alive, deep down there and digging her way out…," I froze and I screamed, but I couldn’t decide what to do. I kept seeing the dirt rising, and that gave me hope.  I continued to scream in anguish, then I awoke.

It took me a couple of minutes to get my bearings. Of course, I immediately turned on a sermon and started listening.  A day later, that dream came back to me. My dreams usually do not unless there’s a message from GOD in it.  This one came back and I heard, “Pay attention, Kristina, think.”   I saw the dirt rise to the water’s surface. Then I thought, “maybe she was digging under the pond to get to the other side where there was no water. She must have gotten resourceful and found a pocket of air under the bottom of the pond and she’s digging. “  Then I heard.  “As long as there’s dirt coming up to the surface there’s hope.”  The pieces of the dream kept coming back to me and I understood the correlations.

The murky pond represented my heart drowning in sea of despair, but the pond was so small. In other words, smaller in reality than I am making it.  I was on my old street of the house we lived in eighteen years ago.  Melanie wasn’t even born then.  I knew right away what GOD was trying to show me. “That’s your old life.”

“Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19

I asked GOD, “Of all eight children, why Melanie,”  I took a stab in the dark. I looked up and said to GOD,  “She’s the only one.”  That matter is too personal for a public blog. To put it simple, she’s the only one who touched the elephant.  I truly believe that GOD did indeed send that nightmare. God will use any means He has to either get our attention either to convict us, to strengthen us, or to encourage us and tell us, again for the 16,733 time, “Don’t worry, child. You can keep hoping, there’s hope.”

“And it shall come to pass afterward that I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. And also on My menservants and on My maid servants, I will pour My Spirit in those days. Joel 2:28-29

I guess it’s time to face facts, I’m the “old” category, but there’s hope. In all of this, there has been one promise that GOD gave me at the very beginning of this arduous journey and that was in Joel.

“I will repay the years the locusts have eaten.” 

Let me tell you, I have some pretty fat locusts in my yard, house, and everywhere I look.  So, as long as the dirt is rising to the top of the dark murky pond of despair, there’s hope!

By George, I do believe that there really is a "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

       One of my favorite times of the day, or rather, night, is about 2:30 am - 3:30 am, and my favorite place is to be out on my back deck, wrapped in an old comforter, under a sky full of stars, while swinging on one of my two deck swings. I stare up into the night sky and have some of my best talks with GOD. Today, He taught me a great truth and a wonderful explanation for these past few horrendous years.

      These last few years the heat in the fiery furnace of affliction has been exceptionally high, so much so that I have 3rd degree burns over 95% of my spirit and soul. Each year has been getting progressively worse than the previous. I've cried an ocean worth of tears and I think maybe Jesus has, also, watching me hurt so much, but tonight, I think I may have seen a great truth.

       You see, I've lived in "Kansas" all my life, gray, boring, but stable Kansas life. It's all I've known, it's all I've ever expected. I never sought more, because I never knew there was a “Somewhere over the Rainbow,” out there for me. God wanted me to know that there really is a "Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, where skies are blue, and troubles melt like lemon drops, and dreams that you dare to dream of really do come true."

   In order to prove to me that it really exists, He brought me there temporarily in my life, mind, heart and dreams. I had heard of that place, believed it existed for some, but never dared to dream that I'd ever leave the gray-scale of "Kansas." I never believed that GOD would color my world with the brilliant spectrum of the spectacular hues of the rainbow.

    At first, I couldn't understand why GOD had shown me such a wonderful place, but then took me away out of it, back to an even darker gray-scale Kansas. Since then, He has kept me trapped here, lost like a needle in a Kansas haystack, not able to find my way out, which has just broken my heart even more until tonight. Then, the light got a little brighter when He opened my eyes to a truth I knew about myself, but always hated.

      I'm so terribly sentimental, probably more than the average woman, and when I love something or someone so deeply, I am unable to stop. I take loss harder than most, and it weighs on my heart like 50-ton weight, trying its best to crush it and bleed it dry. GOD had planned all along to take me out of "Kansas," because He knew I would never leave on my own. Being Who GOD is, as Omniscient, He knew I couldn't take the emotional pain of being ripped from what I've always known and loved, unless, I had a taste of "Somewhere over the rainbow" first.

      I've been watching and choking as my "Kansas" has become a dust bowl. Soon, I will be leaving it for good and the knowledge of that fact has ripped a whole in my heart the size of the black hole way out in the universe. Knowing, however, that a place where skies are blue is just beyond the rainbow of promise, has been my saving grace, helping me to accept the current dust bowl status of my "Kansas" life.

      Sometimes, GOD has to turn up the heat in the fiery furnace of affliction to get us ready to handle "Somewhere over the rainbow," because it's going to take more than just a "Kansas" kinda of girl to be able to handle that place in life and still be able to give GOD all the credit and glory, while enjoying the lemon drops and wishing upon a night sky's worth of stars in that new exciting place. 

Maybe, I won't miss "Kansas" after all.

My Favorite version!  Enjoy!  Somewhere Over The Rainbow 

God does not fix what's wrong with 

His people, He starts all over again.

        Jesus did not have a mortgage, and he did not incorporate. He did not have office hours, nor did he assign his Apostles as CEO's, telling them to register with the emperor, and be ready to have all their financial records ready to be audited annually. Jesus never asked for money, he healed for FREE. He never pressured his followers to give toward the mortgage fund or a building project so he could expand his ministry. He did not hire a marketing firm to teach his disciples how to be good stewards. He did not initiate a fund raising campaign to increase the size of the campus, so the corporation could expand, and create more programs, branches, and differing kinds of ministries. Jesus did not rely on programs. Jesus did not seek converts, he taught disciples. He certainly did not have super-conferences with guest speakers and a ticket price upwards of near 100 talents.  He even kept the mysteries of the Kingdom of Heaven a secret from those he knew were in it for only how it filled their bellies.  In Matthew and Luke he said, 

     "To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been granted. For whoever has, to him more will shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him. Therefore, I speak to them in parables; because while seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand."

       He then went on to quote the prophet Isaiah, because Jesus knew intimately what was written in the Old Testament. He not only knew it, he understood it because he inspired it. I once heard an associate pastor at the church I attended say, "The Old Testament is so hard to understand, it's a difficult read and so harsh. Besides, that’s the Law, we are under grace now, so none of it really applies." When I picked my jaw back up off the floor, I gathered my flock, went home and never went back, to any church. His answer was not out of the ordinary, it's what I hear all the time. He is a New Testament Christian, or what I call a carport as opposed to a garage with a brick siding, a foundation and a solid roof, one that does not blow off with a strong wind.

       I’m not any kind of expert in the Old Testament, but I’ve studied it for eight years now, inside, outside and upside down. (A little Dr. Seuss humor there) You know what my friend, in my humble opinion, I actually find MORE grace and mercy in the Old Testament than the New. The Law and the animal sacrifices did NOT save the Israelite's, nor did it cleanse them of sin, it was the grace behind the obedience of the practice of the Law. The sacrifice was supposed to be a reminder of the curse and damage that sin does, and how much GOD hates sin. It was a reminder of Whom they served and Who saved them, as opposed to other pagan religions.

       New Testament Christians say, "We are the church, the bride of Christ, GOD will never abandon us" just like the Jews said, "This is the temple of the LORD, this is the Temple of the LORD, and they thought GOD would never leave it. SURPISE, He did.

       If someone tells you that he/she is a New Testament Christian, well, then you know that you are talking only to a carport with no walls, no foundation, and an aluminum roof that can easily be blown away.  Do not bother to argue with them, because they have their minds made up, and everyone else is wrong. Their pastor told them to be that way, to stand their ground under their carports. We can try to educate them, but most have unteachable hearts from anyone but their CEO/pastor. They are loyal to their corporations, that's for sure. After all, they have invested much of their funds into this capital venture.

     

      The more we understand the history of GOD's people, the more we can see GOD repeating Himself, over and over, again. The book of Ecclesiastes, lately, has become one of my favorites, because basically it says, “Don’t expect GOD to do anything He has never done before, because there is nothing new under the sun that GOD hasn’t already done.” Yes, you will have to get your Bible out and find that passage, also. The purpose in doing that may just help you find some wisdom GOD wants you to have before and after those verses. GOD's people throughout all generations kept becoming too corrupt to reform or repair.  Over and over again GOD pulled out a remnant and started all over again. 

     As the metaphor Mama that I am, if you need a picture, I have a good one for you. The church today is like flour. There is all-purpose, there is self-rising, and then there is this “whole-wheat,” that’s really not whole or in it’s original form. No, my friends, the Remnant is the whole grain, straight from the ground, exactly how GOD made it, in it’s original form. It’s not bleached, it’s not ground into fine powder that just becomes dust, rather in it's natural state, it has all the nutrients needed to feed the flock. 

      Where does wheat grow? Does it grow in a building, on a huge cement campus, in programs, does money grow it? It grows where the gospel was meant to go, in the fields, outside where the Wind can take it where the Wind intends for it to go. The pure Gospel is the protein in the whole grain, it’s the muscle that makes the Remnant strong. It’s not supposed to be holed up in four walls and a ceiling, keeping it contained. Jesus said "Go and make disciples," not "gather and convert people." Beloveds,  GOD made sure that the Temple was completely destroyed in AD 70, because the Temple was now the Holy Spirit living in us, and the Temple is meant to have arms, legs, and wheels, and it is supposed to be moving at all times.

    Satan entered the church in the very first century to begin the corruption.  Paul and Peter and Jude all mention false teachers and prophets. The doctrine of Balaam is alive and well and has been since the days in the wilderness.  Corrupt within, because an outside attack is not effective enough.  Christianity today is an offshoot of the corrupt religion invented by  Constantine.  He created his own brand of Christianity, one with the political advantage he needed.  He was just another false convert, using thw work of Yeshua for self-advancement.   He wiped clean any signs or practices of Judaism that GOD Himself ordered and commanded and outlawed all the appointed feasts and the seventh day Sabbath.  Imagine an emperor so bold as to take what GOD instituted and outlaw it in the name of Christ.  Constantine incorporated pagan practices, slapping a Christian name on them, and the corrupt papacy only added to this man-made deliniation of the Word of GOD. 

    I'm sorry to say, but evangelism has been the downfall of the church.  Satan always takes a little bit of truth and slides in his brand of lies to convince man that he is doing the right thing  Today, the church's recipe for salvation is NOT Biblically sound.  Just saying a prayer saves no one.  The only one who can initiate salvation is GOD Himself.  He decides who becomes His true children.  

John 1:

13 who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

John 6:

“Do not murmur among yourselves. 44 No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day. 45 It is written in the prophets, ‘And they shall all be taught by God.’ Therefore everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to Me.

63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. 64 But there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who would betray Him. 65 And He said, “Therefore I have said to you that no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father.”

 

Matthew 16:

16 Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

17 Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.

Romans 9:

11(for the children not yet being born, nor having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works but of Him who calls),

14 What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? Certainly not! 15 For He says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.” 16 So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy. 17 For the Scripture says to the Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth.” 18 Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens.

       My friends, we do not ask Jesus into our hearts.  In order for it to be a true conversion, the Holy Spirit enters our hearts before we know what's happening to us. Grace enters us in the form of conviction of our sinful state long before we invite Yeshua into our hearts.