When GOD won't let go, even if you beg Him.

Sometimes, GOD will show you something in a person that only you can see, because GOD showed it to only you. He will give you Scripture after Scripture and Divine Coincidence after Divine Coincidence to prove it to you. You may have to wait upwards of 7 years,  month, and 26 days, but the LORD will strengthen you  Even when you beg Him to stop teasing you with hope deferred, (Proverbs 13:12). He won't stop telling you to wait, to hold on, and to believe.  He will give you glimpses of the heart of a man that only He sees, but He will allow you to watch the storms that will come along and submerge that man under the weight of pain and confusion. Most men don't know how to deal with devastating pain, they cannot process it, so they will act out in complete opposite of the Godly character you saw in him. David hid behind his fear for 16 months in the land of the Philistines, working for the enemy, and also deceiving them. 

The verse Psalm 37:4, Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart, is properly translated in the Hebrew as "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He would put/set the desires of you heart. The Hebrew NATAN, for shall give really means put, set. ( Philippians 2:13  Proverbs 21:1, Isaiah 46:10-11)  I have a whole notebook of these types of verses on GOD’s Sovereignty.  Do not believe people who will discourage you with the words, "Man has his own freewill," because in cases where GOD has already planned to do something through a man, that man’s freewill is limited to GOD’s Sovereignty.  Sure, GOD will allow that man to fall below any level he thought he could, but GOD has a purpose in sin, also.  GOD allows sin so we can understand His Amazing Grace.  

GOD will use that sin to refine the man and bring him closer to Himself.  Then he will be better than your heart could have ever imagined, and his passion for the LORD will blow your mind. The hell is in the waiting, but you will see the Mighty Hand of GOD in ways that barely a person alive has seen.  I constantly beg GOD to leave me be in my despair, because the overwhelming circumstantial evidence is just that, circumstantial.  It would not hold up in court, nor will it convict a man.  Pun intended.   He won’t let me let it go, and He will prove His ordained plan with another Scripture or another Divine Coincidence. 

I know that only GOD and I understand these signs and Scriptures, but isn’t that just how GOD works, individually communicating in ways that only His beloved understand? My point is that sometimes the miracle GOD wants to prove to you is coming regarding a person’s Godly character which is hiding behind a Jericho's wall of pain. It doesn't matter how many times we give up, if GOD has ordained us to an assignment, even if that is only as an intercessor, He will let us fall to levels of utter despair just so He can show off His Miraculous Hand, again. 

CANCER REALLY IS A GIFT FROM GOD THAT LEADS US TO MERCY

(IN MEMORY OF OUR BELOVED ROBERT. YOU WILL BE GREATLY MISSED. )

    Most people would shutter at that statement about cancer really being a gift from GOD, but having been through it, I have earned the right to say it. I've also witness the miraculous that comes from it. Most people say cancer is a curse of the devil, well, they are wrong, very wrong. I've been telling people it's going to be my Ticket Home, and I look forward to it's return. Most people think I'm crazy, I've been called far worse with more colorful adjectives before that word, but I'm not, they are just ignorant to the Hand of GOD, because they can only think like humans.

    I've been going over in my mind how GOD used cancer to bring a very wonderful, yet messed up man to Mercy. His life was as messy as any human can do to themselves. I saw GOD do it with my mother who had a terrible mean streak and a tongue that could tear a person to pieces. Neither one of them lived a life devoted to Him. Both led very secular lives. 2 Chronicles (2Chronicles33) tells us of the story of Judah's most evil king, and how he filled the streets of Jerusalem with innocent blood, and yet when trouble befell him, he turned to Mercy. I just so happened to be reading this story the exact moment my mother took her last breath, three-plus years ago, and I know that GOD was giving me a clear message. He took my mother to heaven, and He used cancer as the means to do it. Ask the thief on the cross next to Jesus. He also turned to Mercy after he was crucified, not before.

  

 GOD obviously doesn't put a "hook" in everyone's nose to turn them back to Him. He obviously does not save all, so whom does He choose to bring to Mercy and why? That was my question I asked him. The answer I got was, He knows the heart of everyone. He knows who will and who won't. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my new friend, Robert, is in Heaven right now. I'm pretty sure my mother is, but I'm not as sure as I am about Robert. Why? Because GOD sent me to Robert for the last month of his life to show him just how peaceful the transition will be, and to assure him that GOD was orchestrating the whole thing. GOD wanted Robert to know that his greatest fear of dying alone was not going to happen. GOD wanted Robert and his family, (and me for that matter) to witness just how He was putting all the pieces of the puzzle together, one mile and minute at a time.

    The whole path to meeting Robert was miraculous, in that I rarely answer the phone at the food pantry where I volunteer, but I just so happened to answer it that day. He was told to call to ask for a food delivery as he had no way of coming to get food himself. He cried on the phone over his gratitude that someone was coming to bring him food in two days. That was all it took for me to pack him a bag and bring him some that evening. When I first walked into his house, I saw the most pitiful sight I've ever seen, a fragile, thin man, whose body had been ravaged by cancer over the past few months. He told me his story, and he cried over his fear of dying alone, and that was it. I was hooked. There was no tearing me away from this fascinating man. I spent almost every day for the last month of his life taking care of him, but not to the best of my ability, a regret that will be with me for the rest of my life. I did not know he had less than a month to live. I had no clue that on a Sunday night when I left him that he would be gone Monday afternoon. No one expected that, not the doctors, not him, not me, but the One who did was the One who orchestrated every minute of Robert's last days.

       Here is an undisputed fact: None of us is able to save ourselves. GOD's individual plan to bring His chosen to Him is as varied and diverse as each one of us is and He orchestrates the whole thing. Like Robert's brother-in-law said, "This may be one big wake up call for all of us." He has no idea just how true that statement was. I told him that it indeed was, and it surely isn't the way the church would have said GOD does it. They are too busy pounding over everyone's head what sinful people we all are. Jesus never scared anyone into heaven, nor did he threaten anyone with hell. GOD saves us by His Grace, He calls to us with His Grace anyway He chooses to get our attention. He has no limits, and He makes up the rules. He knows who is coming to Heaven, and He knows just how to get them there.

    Robert messed up his life himself by doing all the things we are told not to do. He had an addiction that he helped create, and this talented man could not seem to hold down a steady job, because his creativity couldn't be stifled by the strict environment of the workplace. He himself admitted to me the first day I met him that "he deserved this liver cancer" by the way he lived. Cancer humbled him and brought about life-saving repentance. He also told me that before I came to his house and into his life, he laid there on his couch for weeks crying, giving up, and begging GOD not to let him die alone. That's where I came in.

  

 I know for sure that GOD sent me as sure as I am here typing this at my regular inspired 2 am blog posting, like most of my inspired posts. He sent me to show me a heart so full of love, one that He loved very much, but a life completely messed up by human error. It was also my job to get his family here so they could witness and be there for the most precious thing outside of the birth of a baby, the entrance of their beloved into Eternal Life. My most important assignment was to love him to Heaven with the purest kind of love I could give, and I did love him with all my heart. You see, GOD put that love in my heart, and I am crushed at this loss. This complete stranger that I knew for three days less than a month so touched my heart, that it's broken because I did not have more time with him. I will never forget the wonderful things I learned because of his entry into my life and like I told him and his family, Robert was much more a gift of GOD to me, than I ever could have been for him.

  

 Where Our Feet Have Trod

    As many of my readers know, I've lived like Jeremiah in Job's World.  Anything that can go wrong has gone wrong.  Anyone who could stab me in the back has.  Here I am, trying to warn people about the Just GOD of the Bible, the one my covenant, but ex husband in the eyes of civil law only, calls a "mean-ass-God."  Yes, he really did call the GOD of the Hebrew Scriptures a "mean-ass-God,"  He called YHVH that because he doesn't believe YHVH is real.   Oh, he believes in GOD, he'll come right out and say that, but like the majority of the New Testament Church, they don't believe in the right GOD, YHVH, the one Yeshua spoke about, the One who holds their fate in His Hands.  Instead, they have created a god in their own image, one they can live with, one that loves everyone, no matter what they do.  If it weren't for lies they tell themselves and others, the church would be dead. 

    Paul warned us that this would happen, and it did not take long for it to occur.  Satan is just as comfortable in the New Testament Church as he is in the open world.  As long as he can deceive those sitting in the pews with that warm happy feeling that GOD loves them just as they are, they won't want to change.  As long as he can tell them that GOD isn't to be really feared, but to be worshiped, praised and loved, the way He "praises/worships" us, then all is well with however they live. 

    I had dreadful parents.  My mother was beastly, and yet, my siblings worshiped and praised her.  I never did.  Yet, I still tried to earn her love, like I tried to earn my father's love who abandoned us.  I determined never to do as my mother did to us and make us feel like we didn't matter.  So, I risked my life to have six more children than the doctors recommended and I treated them all like they mattered.  I bent over backwards trying to serve them and be a good mother, while teaching them about YHVH GOD.  I did this with my husband also.  There was never any question about my love for them, because I showed them and I told them.  Yet, six out of the eight threw all of that away, as well as my husband.  I sit here, all alone, the only one walking with GOD asking Him how this could have happened to me.  The only answer I get is that the devil hates the truth.  In me are no lies.  I refuse to lie, so, I end up saying things people do not want to hear.  

    The church is like that.  They constantly tell people the lies people want to hear.  People listen to words, they do not watch actions.  Hearing words they like appeal to them.  I took in an elderly man with dementia, because his grown children ripped him off blind and dumped him in squalor, yet, when he was handing out money for anything they needed, they loved their dad.  As soon as the courts came and took his money away from them and him, and assigned him a conservator, they dumped him like a hot potato.  This man proved his love for his kids, so they knew they had it.  Thus, they never tried to earn it.  I find it odd that children who have beasts for parents are devoted to them, they almost worship them, but those who have loving parents who prove it dump them at the first opportunity.

    Then the truth hit me like a MOAB, (mother of all bombs).  We are the same way with GOD.  Those of us who know the true YHVH GOD constantly try to earn His love and favor, because we know it can be lost.  Yes, it can. The church says that GOD loves everyone, well, that's a lie from the pit of hell.  It's not true. You can take Scripture and twist it to anything you want it to believe, but history proves the truth of Who YHVH GOD is.  Read the judgments against the people and nations who rose up against His people.  Read what He said about His people who turned to idols and dumped Him by the roadside.  Open up the book of Hebrews, in particular, chapter 2 and chapter 6.  GOD's love can be lost, His favor can be lost, and salvation can be lost.  

    Those who have created a god in their own image refuse to believe that Who my husband called a  "mean-ass-GOD" exists.  They refuse to believe that they will be judged based on how they live, even though, it is explicitly taught in the Bible and in the church.  You see, everyone's mirror is distorted.  No one has a correct mirror into their own souls.  If you ask anyone, "Are you a good person" who will answer correctly?  No one, I say, no one. You see, people who are bad think they are good and people who are good think they are bad.  It's like that with everyone.  Bad people don't believe they are bad.  Good people don't believe they are good.  Now, which ones does YHVH GOD love? He loves the ones who think they are bad, and those people will forever be trying to earn His love and favor, even though they already have it.  

    Those who think they are good, or okay, don't have it, thus they don't think they have to earn it, because they are deceived into believing they have it.  It is a very tragic situation.  Here is one thing I posted on Facebook, and I think it's a pretty good scale in order to judge oneself by when looking in the mirror of our souls.  When you look into the mirror of your soul, if you can say yes to the question above, then you are in danger of having a false god, one you created in your own image. 

    I can tell you the people who will tell the truth, those on their death bed.  GOD recently brought a man into my life who is in end-stage liver cancer, and this man admits that he deserves this, because he earned it by living wrong.  He has  prayed and asked GOD to forgive him and take him to heaven.  He is now a humble man who cries at the drop of a hat and now  is only days away from Eternity in Paradise, just like the the thief on the cross, after he was crucified came to know about himself.