The Bible as a Treasure Chest

As many of you know, I'm an Old Testament buff, in fact, I buff it out so much that the more I buff it out, the more brighter the shine that comes out  to near blind me and confuse me.  The brightness of that shine of the Old Testament is so illuminating that my eyes can't comprehend it, and my mind cannot filter it.  There is so much there that the human mind is incapable of comprehending all of it in this lifetime.  Yet, it is so highly ignored by most Christians. 

Most Christians these days are New Testament Christians only.  Yeah, they see the Old Testament as a good story book, a good poetry, a good  intro to the Gospels, but they don't understand, the Old Testament is the cake under the frosting.  If you don't have the cake, there is no frosting. Most of the Old Testament Scriptures that are quoted over and over again don't even show the tiniest fraction of the whole picture.  Everyone has their favorites, but their palates are so accustomed to the taste of the favorites, that the people don't want to try and find new flavors.

While praying about this and asking GOD what can I write about the Old Testament gifts, I saw a treasure box.  Go with me here for a second.  Open the treasure box, and there is a tray on the top of the box that holds all the greenbacks of the US Treasury.  Sure, those green backs are good. They spend like real money, and they can buy you anything you need or want, however, the gold and jewels that those greenbacks are based upon are underneath that tray.  You know they are there, and if you lift the tray you can see the beauty underneath.  The real problem is that unless you take out the tray, and pick up each piece and carefully examine each jewel and the glow of each piece of gold, you are only getting 1/4th of the treasure box.  A quarter of the treasure is good, it's enough to make you rich in Christ, but how rich do you want to be? 

Too many Christians are settling for that top tray, because it's good enough.  Good enough was never good enough for me. That is why I got in trouble with my children and my husband.  They think that I was never satisfied with them, because they were not good enough.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Yes, I set the bar high, but so didn't GOD when he came here as a baby in a manager and when Jesus stretched out his arms and died on that cross for you and me.

 Psalm 119 is the perfect example of the gold standard of the Old Testament.  The jewels in this Psalm is in the poetry.  Yeah, I know it doesn't rhyme, and that's because we don't speak Hebrew.  The Psalm is divided into 22 sections, each stanza begins with a Hebrew letter.   Recently, I started studying some of the Hebrew alphabet.  I'm telling you, GOD loves letters, but even more so, He loves numbers.  Each Hebrew letter has a specific meaning in Hebrew, it doesn't just represent a sound.  Each letter has a number assigned to it, and each number has a meaning behind it.  For example, 1 Represents GOD, as GOD is one, the only One.  My favorite letter in Dalet, the 4th letter, it means door.  My favorite number is 8, which means new beginning, and if anyone needs that, it's me.  There is such beauty in GOD's creation and the story of His people.  Knowing some nice OT Scriptures as comfort verses is like eating beans in a can when GOD offers us an entire banquet table in which we can feast.  Not knowing the Hebrew alphabet is again, like only tasting the frosting and not the cake underneath.  The English Alphabet is good enough to create the words that teach you the Gospel, but the Hebrew Alphabet is the gold and jewels that will make you far richer in Christ than you could ever imagine.

Might I encourage you to take your Bible, learn it in Chronological order in historical context. Learn the culture behind the stories and the people, and you will find such treasure in the truth and knowledge of GOD that you've been missing all this time.  Not knowing the Hebrew alphabet is again, like only tasting the frosting and not the cake underneath.  The English Alphabet is good enough to create the words that teach you the Gospel, but the Hebrew Alphabet is the gold and jewels that will make you far richer in Christ than you could ever imagine.

I'm working on my final book, Living as a Jeremiah in a Job's World, and I hope to have it done by the end of the year.  It has three sections, The BODY ~ A Reason to Believe, The SOUL ~ A Reason to Hope, and The SPIRIT ~ A Reason to Change.  The Old Testament is not the book of a wrathful GOD, it's the book of the Merciful GOD pleading with His people to turn back to Him.  He is doing that very same thing today.  When reading the Prophets, I do not picture GOD speaking to an ancient people, threatening them within an inch of their life, I picture GOD speaking to His people today, in His church.  I see GOD calling out His remnant saying;

"Here I am, I'm over here. You've been looking over there, and that is just a reflection of me in a mirror.  Turn around and see the real thing, the full figure of Who I am."

What would Mom think?

(This is another recycled post from my previous blog right after my mother died. This was how I processed the hurt.)

         To quote a classic line in a classic movie, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," anymore. Sorry for the language, if some of you are offended, but there is no other appropriate response. I have arrived home from my two week trip to Hell up north. Yes, I said Hell up north. I had to go home to watch my mother die, then manage through her funeral, my first one, in a receiving line. It was brutal. The absolute worst part of that trip was being there with my siblings and all of her friends, after I did the unthinkable. 

       Confession time! I read Mom's emails that she sent to my siblings and her friends about me. I was only interested in what she said about me, and I got an eye full. WOW! I knew my Mom could be a Jekyle and Hyde, but I never thought more Hyde than Jekyl. Mind you, I love my mom, like most daughters do. I'm going to miss her, like anyone else, and a part of me has died with her. I, however, understood my mom, maybe even better than my five siblings, because I am a chip off the old block. I am exactly like her. We clashed a whole lot while I was growing up, and they were nuclear. 

       Now, that's not uncommon, we all go through spells, some worse than others, but the stories I could tell would curl or uncurl your hair. I won't even dare to go into any details out of respect, just know this, my mom was reacting to six decades of her mom rejecting her. My grandmother was reacting to nine decades of her mom rejecting her. Yeah, we keep it in the family all right. I'm the only one who gets it, and gets another chance to get it right.

   

        Mom never received unconditional love and acceptance, unless she was pregnant, and that new baby loved her and made her feel complete. Life for the toddler above that baby didn't go so well when a new one came, the older ones were virtually invisible to mom. It all went south from there. He said, she said, what does it matter what stories are told from whoever's perspective? Six children were irreparably damaged from their dysfunctional life and marriage.

        When the marriage ended, my mother demanded, within inches of our lives, total devotion and loyalty to her, and we were REQUIRED to hate our father. She made life a living hell for us, because she didn't have Jesus. She taught us to reject people before they get a chance to reject you. Guess who resisted! Every little fit Mom took, I got blamed for, because I wouldn't put up with her nonsense, accusing us of being out to get her on our father's behalf. 

   

    GOD called me to something different! Jesus called me out of that rejection cycle, and gave me a chance to live my mother's history all over again and right the wrongs. Let me tell you, I'm doing my best, but definitely failing most of the time. There is no mistake so big that we can make that GOD can't fix. Phew! What a relief to know that. You know, it took Jacob in Genesis one hundred years to finally get it right? I'm only at fifty-six, so I have some play room, here.

        The last few years have been so rough for me. I pretty much had stopped calling mom, because the conversations were mostly negative. She scoffed at everything I did, every word I said. I think she favored my husband over me. She disapproved, and she always let me know it. Whenever I spoke about my writing or my books, she couldn't believe GOD could call me for anything special. She didn't believe, because she had her own pre-conceived, but erroneous concept of who is GOD. He wasn't the miracle working, personal, and very involved GOD, the loving unconditionally GOD that the Bible tells us. Therefore, if she didn't believe in the miraculous GOD, she surely didn't believe I was anybody special to Him.

       This week, if finally realized that I've been in prison all this time. I've been in "What Would Mom Think Prison." I've been trapped by a spirit of unbelief, knowing anything I told mom about my writing or work for GOD meant absolutely nothing to her, and she did not approve. In fact, I knew in my heart, regardless of what I did, mom would not approve. She even said, "I disapprove" over and over for the five and a half decades that I knew her.

      I never realized until today, just how hard I've been working to accomplish the impossible. I've been trying to get mom to like me, to approve of what I do, to see that I had real worth in the Kingdom of heaven. That was never going to happen. I did not even realize that in the back of my head, while I always contemplated my future, I would always think, "What would Mom think?" Immediately, I could hear her scoffing in my head, knowing full well, that was what I was facing.

       I'm free, now. I never have to think that way again. Now, GOD can do whatever He wants or planned to do with me, and I don't have to worry about Mom 'poking' fun at my delusions of grandeur. I wonder just how many billions of daughters and sons out there are trapped in the dungeon of disapproval, and who will like me, finally be able to breath the fresh air of freedom.

No one is promised tomorrow 
so make sure you logout!

(Addendum: I wrote this last year August 16, 2019, right before my mother's funeral in my previous Blog: The Woman at the Well)

     Tomorrow, I will bury my mother with my five siblings, of which I wrote in an earlier post. It was an unexpected death, not sudden, but surely unexpected. Cancer came in and humbled my mom, because sometimes, that is how GOD has to do it. People say that GOD never sends cancer, well, I happen to disagree. The Bible is clear that GOD sends calamity. 

  Maybe it is not done by His hand specifically, but He is ultimately Sovereign, and nothing comes by us or to us without His prior knowledge and permission.  We read in the first chapter of Job that GOD was bragging on his faithful servant, Job, when the devil approached GOD and accused him of being faithful only because he had everything served to him on a silver platter, to quote a contemporary colloquialism. GOD let Satan stricken Job taking everything away from him, children, livestock, servants, and all his earthly goods. When Job did not curse GOD, the devil had something else up his sleeve, PAIN! It's one thing to lose all our earthly goods, it's a whole new ball game when physical pain and discomfort torture us, wearing us out. Again, Satan had to seek permission from GOD, and it was granted, however the devil was to spare Job's life. (Hence, the devil has power to take life, according to this Scripture. Remember that little point!) The devil has to seek permission for everything he does, so the devil gets the blame, but GOD gets the glory in it, if we let Him. (Romans 8:28) The devil hit Job with everything he had, and yet, Job did not curse GOD.

     Now, Job may not have cursed GOD, but boy oh boy, he surely did complain, and who wouldn't? This is where GOD becomes an even bigger GOD, who can handle all our complaints, and He actually prefers that we do come to Him, and Him alone. Job was not suicidal, but he cursed the day he was born. Things went from bad to worse when Job's "friends" instead of grieving with him, accused him of deserving of this punishment from GOD. There was no mention of the devil in those days, so all things came from GOD's hand, the good, the bad, and the ugly. The mere thought that something so dreadful just happening upon a righteous man, for no reason other than to resolve a bet between GOD and the evil one was simply unheard of, unthinkable, and quite frankly, disturbing beyond human comprehension. My mother's cancer came like that, out of nowhere, unexpected, unannounced, and unheard of, as cancer was not in our family history. I guess we all thought we were safe. Cancer runs in families, right? If no one in your family or line of ancestors had cancer, well, then you were going to dodge that bullet, or so we like to think. 

   How wrong we are. I was the first in my family to contract it, a very very rare form, parotid cancer. Only one in every 500,000 women, my age contract this kind of cancer. It is even rare for older men, let alone a middle-aged woman. This I knew was from GOD, because I sort of got a heads-up on it. I believed that the Holy Spirit warned me two years ahead of time that cancer was coming to humble me and keep me humble. Again, I wrote about this ordeal in an earlier blog. Cancer, Death, and Humble Pie, Among Others . 

   My cancer was stage one, so easily defeated with a little radiation HELL! It was slightly under six months of hell for me, but it did the trick. It drew me closer to GOD. It taught me more of Who He is and His grace being sufficient in my weakness. It had the intended purposed affect on me, and now, I'm a "ticking" time-bomb with all the radiation I did receive, thus perpetually feeding me humble pie for the rest of my days here on this planet. My mom's cancer was quite a bit different. It had an appetite for her body that was ravenous, and it fed on her like a famished lion. In less than twelve weeks, my mom was gone.  This cancer was brutal, tumors grew like wildfire and burned like it also. My mom suffered terribly for about eight weeks. It was a suffering one would never want to watch their parent endure. I learned that it is just as hard to watch one's parent suffer as it is one's child. As would any child, I rushed home from one thousand miles away to be with my mother in her worst hour of suffering, and to be with her and my siblings as she exited this world and entered the next. I don't like to use the word dying, I'd much rather call it graduation or demotion. In my mother's case, I truly think it was a graduation, as I did not know her spiritual status. I did, however, receive what I thought was revelation from GOD that He had her up there in heaven, and all was well, now. The minute after she died, John 3:16 popped up as the first tweet in my Twitter feed. There was one other thing that I believed was from GOD, and that was what I was reading the second she took her last breath. I just so happened to be in 2 Chronicles 33, reading about King Manasseh. 

     Now, that was a bad king, so bad that he caused the final judgment from the Lord, to come upon Judah, the southern kingdom in 586 B.C. Both the northern kingdom and the southern kingdom had turned their back on GOD and worshiped other gods, and that was the least of their sins, from a human perspective. There were far more evil things they did that you can find out with a little investigative work on your own, but be prepared to have your stomach turned upside down. King Manasseh, though, he took the cake, and the frosting, and the candles, when it comes to evil. It is said of him that he lined the streets of Jerusalem with the blood from one end to the other. It is even reported that he had the prophet Isaiah hung on a wooden X and sawed in half from the bottom up. Now, that's a scene I can't even fathom to visualize, nor would I want to. You really can't get much more evil than that.  Both 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles speak of just how evil was the son of the good king, Hezekiah, but only 2 Chronicles tells of Manasseh's repentance. When God wants to humble a person, He knows just what it will take, and a hook in Manasseh's nose and bronze fetters on his feet did the trick. In his affliction, King Manasseh called out to the LORD. Now, we humans would have said, "tough cookies, bud, you deserve this." Aren't we glad that we are not GOD and GOD is not us, that we don't think like GOD and GOD doesn't think like us? One small act of humbling himself before the LORD, a sincere act of repentance (a change of heart), and GOD restored the evil king, who was immediately transposed into a good king. He proved his repentance was genuine as he went about restoring Jerusalem, the Temple, removing the wooden idols, and demanding that the people worship only GOD. It's an amazing story of just how big and wide is the Grace of GOD with one simple, sincere act of humiliation before him.  

      As I mentioned, I was reading these verses just as my mom took her last breath, and that is no coincidence. I truly believe that GOD wanted me to know that all the sharp words my mom used were thrown in the deepest part of the ocean, gone forever, and not held against her. Let me tell you, she had a tongue sharper than than any finely tuned razor blade. She could chop a person to pieces with it with no effort at all on her part, and in no time flat. She wasn't just a Italian Yankee firecracker, she was a nuclear explosion when her fuse was lit. The day after she she died, I happened to stumble upon some of her emails she wrote to my siblings about me and my children. After reading about twenty of them, I had seen more than my eyes should have seen. There is NO question in my mind why my siblings hated me so much.  Mom was the fuel that fed that fire of fury She had said the most dreadfully horrible things about me and my children that no decent relative should say about another, let alone a mother about her own child and grandchildren. I had no idea that who I thought was my supportive mother was not only not so supportive, but she had hoped to see me fail. According to these emails, she hated me and even went as far as to take my ex-husband's side when he abandoned me.  Maybe she even got some pleasure from it. I will never understand this, but here is where that BIG huge Grace of GOD comes into play.  My mom's heart was like every human heart, deceptively evil, hard to even fathom (Jeremiah 17:9), and GOD, knowing that her time was coming soon.  Instead of letting her evil heart drag her into hell, he gave her an opportunity to be so afflicted that her only option and hope would be to call out to GOD, as did King Manasseh. The Bible says in several places, "Whoever calls on the name of the LORD will be saved," and I heard many times during that brief time of severe suffering, her calling on the name of Jesus for relief and mercy.  

    I could hold a grudge against my mother, but what purpose would that serve? My tongue is just as sharp as hers, and I've ripped a few people apart in my day, even in recent days, when my fuse was lit. It's a terrible sin, but it's the human condition. We let our emotions dictate our words and actions when under a great deal of stress or distress. I am no angel and in need of just as much mercy from GOD as was my mom. My mom didn't get a chance to apologize to me, but GOD let me see just how He works in forcing an apology, even a silent one out of one's heart on their deathbed. I, on the other hand have plenty of opportunities to apologize, still, and I plan to make that a common habit, hoping for a little understanding a great deal of mercy from those I've offended. I could hate that woman for the damage she had done to me all my growing up years, and there is still plenty of damage left over, but she is not that woman anymore. She is a new creation, a whole person, loving, happy and pleasant in Glory.  I never saw my mother pleasant and happy.  I can't wait to meet the woman she is now, and I will have the chance, sooner rather than later. Sin is sin, whether we fall into it, or commit it with malice-a-forethought, and we are in need of forgiveness from GOD for every sin, past, present and future.  Here is where GOD looks at the righteousness of Jesus and his work on the cross, and not the decades worth of sin that we either fall into, or plot in vain. Grace is not a license to sin, but in the end, if we do take that license to sin, in the end, GOD knows our true hearts, even if we hide it from the world.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I see this suffering as a gift from GOD. He will use it to bring us closer to Him either in this life or the next.   I would like to believe that He took pity on me and my mom and taught us BOTH a very valuable lesson in how GOD not only humbles us in our sin, but by doing that, He wipes away 87 years of evil behavior in one instant, and that proves to us just how BIG and WIDE is His grace and mercy.