It All Goes Back To Original Sin

    I  have this person who came into my life in 2016. The thing that attracted me to her and her to me was my relationship with GOD. She liked what I had to say and the answers I gave her when she asked me questions. They were very different from her Pentecostal upbringing, which just did not sit right with her. Her mother was extremely judgmental toward anyone who did not think like her. 

  In 2019 when she needed a favor she got back in touch with me and I took her in. She was escaping an abusive background. At that time, I was in no place to minister to her about YHVH GOD because I was in a dark place myself, but I let her move in.  That did not go over well with my family.  After a few months, she began to pick fights with me and then left abruptly.  She came back into my life a few years later and needed another favor, and of course, I jumped in to help, and then again, she started picking fights with me after the favor. In the meantime, I had learned that she "had picked a fight with GOD" and had become an agnostic.  This year, she came back into my life, and again, she needed a really huge favor, and again, I got in trouble with my family for letting her move back in with us for a limited time. She continued to need my help and I helped her.  After a few weeks, when I asked a favor from her, I noticed she started to pick fights with me again, this time over President Trump. She was scraping the bottom of the barrel to find something to fight with me about because I was not witnessing to her about GOD, knowing she had developed a hatred for all thing relating to YHVH GOD.   I tried to get her to not pay attention to all the news, but she continued to antagonize me, until we got into another spat and she broke off contact with me, again.  

    So, I asked GOD, why has this happened three times, and the answer I got was not what most people would think. She wasn't using me for what she could get out of me. She genuinely appreciated my help.  She's is fiercely independent, and she hates being obligated to anyone.  She hated that she "owed" me, so it was easier to get angry with me and find fault with me than to owe me any debt.  This way, if she could find fault with me it erased any debt she had to me.  

   Then, GOD showed me that's how people treat Him. We will find fault GOD with Him, any little thing we can find so we do not owe Him our obedience.  I'm guilty of the exact same thing at times. I've done this many times.  If I can find a reason to be frustrated or angry with GOD it erases my debt of total submission and giving up my complete autonomy.  Then, of course, if we cannot find fault with Him, what we do is bring Him down to our human level, hence make Him our buddy who has a "boys-will-be boys" attitude.  As long as we believe Jesus died for our sins, we are safe and good, because salvation is by faith alone, right?  Sadly, it doesn't work like that. 

   If one really reads the Whole Counsel of GOD, whenever His people turned away from Him, He let bad things happen to them, then they found reason to erase their debt to Him and follow after other gods.  It happened over and over again in the historicity of Scriptures.  If the entity is bad, we owe them nothing no matter what good they did in the past.  We do it with people, we do it with GOD, but we don't do it with Jesus, because well, Jesus is different from GOD. (Faulty human logic, but if it works for us, we are going to stick with it.)  I know you say that's not right, but believe it or not, people actually believe that Jesus is a kinder more passive God, than the GOD of the Old Testament.  It's true that most Christians believe that and it's a terrible lie. 

    GOD brought it all home to me with that simple phrase from above.  We don't want Him to have complete Sovereignty and autonomy over our lives, after all, He gave us free will right, so, lets take advantage of it.  We are told that our sins are forgiven once we "ask Jesus into our hearts," past, present and future.  Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. GOD's promises to us are conditional based on our obedience. (Deuteronomy 28) A long time ago, after my husband first left me, when I was searching for a new man in my life, EVERY man I spoke to when asked about sex before marriage gave me the same answer.  "Well, I know it's wrong, but that's what Grace is for, my sins will be forgiven."  

    If we intentionally sin with the attitude that it will be forgiven after the fact, then we are using Grace and Free will as a license to live in sin, and that is man's doctrine, not GOD's.  Adam was the first to sin, he changed GOD's word, Eve was the second, she gave in to the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life. She wanted to be like GOD, and when she didn't die by just touching it, she assumed GOD lied to her.  Hence, if He lied, she doesn't owe him her obedience.  

   Maybe Adam should not have changed the command from not to eat it to "don't even touch it, or you will die."  Job 42:7 is a warning I never really took very seriously because I never really knew it was there.  GOD's wrath burned against Job's friends because they lied about GOD.  Maybe we should stop lying to ourselves about YHVH GOD so we can have our own way and erase our obligation to Him? 

 WHEN MAN GOES UP AGAINST GOD TO BUILD AN EMPIRE OF HIS OWN

(The final downfall of Quest Community Church )    

     After watching a very disturbing documentary about how a corporate entity under the guise of an evangelical organization bamboozled and gaslighted a well-established and healthy, happy congregation, I've decided to post the letter I wrote back in 1997. Watching that docuseries about a hostile  church takeover brought back all those painful memories of when we experienced that heart break almost thirty years ago.  I cannot specifically give you the date that I saw this downfall coming, but I can give you the year.  It was 1997, we were a young family with three young children enjoying the fellowship of a healthy local congregation when the ambitions of one of the associate pastors wreaked havoc on a healthy and loving church family.  

     It was the beginning of the Seeker Sensitive movement, and a man name Bill Hybels was making a name for himself with his new brand of church.  He was the first generation of today's rock-star pastors of  mega churches built without the power of GOD, but by ingenuity of man by the spirit and power of the adversary, dressed up neatly under the disguise of evangelism.  Our associate pastor was awed by this man's ability to draw a crowd, and I'm convinced this youthful pastor was envisioning a mega church of his own, not for the glory of GOD, but the glory of man, only he did not know that himself.  I remember seeing the stars in his eyes at the very first meeting when he presented this evangelical outreach opportunity.  I  was in my early thirties and only about seven years-old-in-Christ, but I could see the writing on the wall clear as day, even if no one else saw it.  The leadership of this well-established strong congregation got caught up in this hell-fire of an idea with visions of being a part of a new burgeoning movement, one that would "put them on the map!"  

    As my husband and I watched this new church plant at its roots, we noticed something was just not right. Root rot was taking hold, and there was not good fruit coming from this branch.  When we voiced our opposition, we were told we were troublemakers getting in the way of a work from GOD.  This younger sect, only a decade younger than us was hell-bent on turning our stable congregation into a seeker-sensitive mega-church.  We watched founding family members leave one by one, with broken hearts and spirits. Children were hurt as they were ripped from dear friends that they had made from as early as their nursery days to being crying high schoolers as they were torn away by their broken-hearted and angry parents. Brothers and sisters in-Christ who were once loving siblings in the family of GOD became bitter enemies

    When I sent the following letter to the elders, I was promptly shown the door and told that we were no longer welcome back into this congregation.  At first, I was devastated, until the phone calls began pouring in from the previous founding members who had already left.  It seems my letter was leaked and made the rounds to many families who were long gone.  They were all telling me how grateful they were that I was able to put into words what they had been feeling all along as they watch their beloved church family go through a terrible church split.  One of those calls came from Lexington's beloved news anchor John Lindgren. I did not even know this man, but when he got a copy of the letter, he actually called me from the news studio and thanked me.  That was my first hint that some day I might end up as a writer, and it would take upwards of twenty-five years before that actually happened.  

   This is the letter that got me in trouble with the leadership and kicked out of the first church we invested our lives and family in  right after we moved here to Kentucky from Massachusetts. It was a heart breaking time, but isn't that how YVHV grows us up into adults under Him?  It's always in the fiery furnace of affliction that we learn the most valuable of lessons in Him.  Maybe you have seen your own congregation sliding down this slippery slope, but can't put your finger on what just does not feel right in your own spirit.  I've made no changes to it since 1997, so if it's a difficult read, you'll understand how much I've changed and grown as a writer in the past thirty or so years. 

THE NEW QUEST CHURCH AND THE SEEKER-ORIENTED MOVEMENT 

TO THE ELDER BOARD:

An examination of the seeker movement, as based on the new Quest Service at First Alliance Church which is modeled after the services at Willow Creek, near Chicago, pastored by Bill Hybels..  

By Kristina Sakowich. 

The following assessments are based solely on personal reflection and spiritual and Biblical searching done by myself and with no outside information gathered.  

     It is plain to see that we are using modern day man-made marketing strategies to try to draw people to the church.  In Jer. ch 7 the Lord says "Do not trust in deceptive words and say, "This is the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord!" Paul says in Galatians  Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God?  Or an I trying to please men?... I want you to know, brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something that man made up.  I did not receive it from any man or was I taught it; rather I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ.   It is not uncommon for a church these days to use marketing techniques or hire consulting firms to attempt to cause an increase in giving or create “theme” churches or “themed sermons.”  

It seems we are trying to draw the current generation  to our church by using non-offensive language.  We don't say unsaved, we call it "unconvinced," or "irreligious,"  we don't say the word repentance, we call "changing  some of our wrong doings."  The Bible is clear about them who would be our listeners.  "To whom can I speak and give warning?  Who will listen to me?  Their ears are closed, so they cannot hear.  The word of the Lord is offensive to them; they find no pleasure in it."  Paul says in 2nd Cor. ch. 2 "For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.  To the one we are the smell of death; to the other the fragrance of life."  In Quest they were hiding the Bible and hymnals and any other "churchy" thing so as to not offend those who come in.  Opening and examining of Scripture is not encouraged or done during the Quest service, as that is seen as "barrier" to people who are the present day "seekers."  Other practices used are changing the sanctuary to an "auditorium,"  hiding "churchy type" things, and "churchy" words such as repentance so as not to "sound churchy", (these quotes were given to me by Quest people themselves.)   Let me remind you of some words of our Lord Jesus, in  Mark 8:38  "If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in the adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels."  Also His words in Matthew 24:35,  "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."  Hebrew 13:8 tell us that  "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Are we guilty of using man's wisdom (or “state of the art facilities)  to reach our neighbors instead of God's Holy Word and relying on God’s Holy Spirit and His power?  It is clear to many that the techniques learned at Willow Creek are "marketing strategies"  it  seems that we are marketing (selling) the church to the current politically correctness of today's culture in order to build the church and increase our number.   Paul makes this powerful claim in 1st Cor. ch. 1:17  "For Christ did not send me to baptize, but the preach the gospel, not with words of human wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.    Likewise, Paul says, "We have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.  This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths  in spiritual words 1Cor. 2:12-13   In proverbs we learn,  "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. Prov. 14:12.  God himself says in Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  " As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  Paul says in 1st Cor. ch 2 "My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive word, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." Jesus simply told us to "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey every thing I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age." 

      I have heard it said that the church needs to change with the times, let me remind you, that God is everlasting to everlasting.  He is unchanging.  If Christ were a Pastor in these times, would He think He needed to change with the times?  It has been said that we   are trying to reach a certain kind of person with a new "kind of church,"  we are reaching out to the sect of population that is anti-establishment, who doesn't trust church because of past hurts or reputations.  Let me assure you, I was one of those persons  just few years ago.  I was as left-winged and liberal in my thinking as the people  they are trying to reach, even more so.  I am a product of the 70's culture.  No new fancy, changed version of church caught my attention.  God's Holy Spirit drew me, God's Holy Word fed me.  I am living proof, God still moves in  His own way.  He doesn't need to change, He didn't for me.  I am the one who changed.  I didn't need Him to change for me, He required me to change for Him.        

     I believe in the "idea" of  a service that speaks in more simpler terms of how we need a Savior, and I believe we should reach out to our neighbors in the city with the saving news of Christ, but not at the expense of covering the truth of God with "non-offensive" words and ways.  Jesus says in Matthew 5:13 "You are the salt of the earth.  But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  Think on the properties of salt; salt stings, but after it stings it heals.  Just like the Word of God, it stings at first, but after it stings, it heals.   Apparently, from what I have observed, the purpose of Quest is not to sting at all.   The "gospel" preached at Quest has no salt.  Paul states in 2Cor. 7:9-10,  "Yet now I am happy not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance.  For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in anyway by us.  Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret.   Are we misleading people when we preach a "watered-down" version of the gospel, or when we spend more of that time preaching all the "warm-fuzzies" of God?  Why brothers are we not depending on the Holy Spirit to draw people into the Kingdom. When Jesus promised the disciples of the One to come, He said,  "When he comes he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgement:" Hebrews tells us, in verse 12 "For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Jesus also said "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him," John 6:44.  

     In Acts, the apostles were using their gifts from the Holy Spirit to share the good news of the Kingdom and to convict the people of their need to repent of their lifestyles and turn to Jesus.  They taught the people of their need of a Savior, Jesus and what does it say next?  "And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."  Peter's message to the people stated simply  "Repent and be baptized, everyone of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins.  And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit."  I was told that out of 28 weeks at Quest, (only) three weeks were on "the idea of repentance."  Jesus never spoke about the "idea of repentance."  His very first words in Mark are "The kingdom of God is near, Repent and believe the good news!"  John came to prepare the way, and his message was of a baptism of repentance.  John called the people to repent.  The Spirit of God is suppose to do the work of drawing people to church not our fancy fun filled “themes.”  We are to be light in a dark world, we are not to add darkness to it to "fit in", but shine bright so people can see us and then let the Holy Spirit do what God intends for Him to do.  For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?  Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? .. . Then come out from them and be separate, says the Lord, Touch no unclean thing, 2Cor ch 6:14b,17.  We don't need to change the church,  or bring the culture into the church, or to  step up to this culture, the culture and people need to change for God.   

          The premise of the seeker-sensitive church is to reach out to the "seeker" and answer him yet the Bible is clear that there is no such thing as a seeker.  The Bible tells us in Rom 3:11, that no one seeks God.  In John chapter 3 Jesus says, "The wind blows wherever it pleases.  You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.  So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."  We are not in control of the Spirit's calling.   The purpose of worship is just that WORSHIP of the Lord.  We must be careful not to allow ourselves to share in God’s Glory.  Isaiah 42:3-5 states,  I am the Lord, that is My name; I will not give (share) My glory to another, Nor My praise to graven images. (Italics mine.)  We need to be careful not to fall into the trap of taking credit for the Lord’s work, or overstepping the Lord’s work.

      As I re-read this letter, I'm simply amazed at how in 1997 at the birth of this movement, how very right I was.  Look what we have now, mega-church pastors are falling like flies embroiled in scandals of sexual and spiritual abuse.  It seems that twenty-eight years ago when everyone was falling for this new movement, I was predicting their downfall. I'm glad to know that GOD is bringing into light the deeds of darkness that men fell into assuming they could do evangelism better than Yeshua, the Son of GOD Himself.  YHVH GOD has proven that it man's ways fall short, terribly short.  

    Like the title of my blog, Living Like Jeremiah in Job's World, I'm watching the "temple" burn and it makes me very sad. Christianity has not gotten better over the decades, it's gotten worse, enough for me to have to finally leave it and denounce it to a degree.  I don't know if this blog helped you at all, but if you are seeing this kind of apostasy at your healthy congregations, maybe these words will help you help your church elders find their way back to the old way, the ancient paths that YHVH GOD calls us back to. 

It’s that Damned Four-Letter F-Word Every Time!

    Every bad decision I have ever made was because of that damned four-letter-F word, and I’m not talking about the obvious. Oh, yeah, I use that word way too many times, but I've improved much lately.  In New England, that four-letter word is used in all 8 parts of speech like any other normal word, so some habits are harder to break.  Like Isaiah, I am a woman of unclean lips. One night, while crying, talking to GOD, like I do all the time, GOD asked me a question. The Holy Spirit asked me,  “Kristina, why are you crying?” I knew the answer immediately as if GOD Himself fed the answer to me before I finished "hearing" the question. It’s the four-letter F-word, the devil’s most useful tool he uses against us.

F -E- A- R

    I realized that night, for the first time that nearly every bad decision or stupid impulsive deed I ever make has a foundation in FEAR. He then reminded me of the Biblical heroes who were total screw-ups. Almost every bad decision was grounded in FEAR. The first generation of Israelites, who saw the Mighty Hand of GOD deliver them from Pharaoh, were condemned to forty years of wandering in the wilderness, and not allowed to enter the promise land simply because fear spread like a wildfire in the dry wilderness. Ten out of the twelve spies lit a fire of fear into the mass population. All it took was ten people to spread fear like leprosy among the two-million newly delivered wanderers. Fear, like leprosy contaminates the whole body just by going near it. Fear is the spark in a dry valley of kindling wood. All it takes is one spark, and the entire forest goes up in flames.

    When I started to think about my depression and despair battles, GOD showed me that FEAR was the motivating factor. I’m depressed because I think that GOD will never rescue me from this nineteen-year slide down into the valley of Achor. Despair is just fear on steroids. Despair is the fear that life will never get better. Then I started thinking about what other bad decisions we make.

      Nearly every sin we commit is baptized in fear. Why don’t we return to GOD when we have strayed? It is the fear that GOD could not forgive us for how far we’ve fallen, the fear of having to admit that we fell that far, and the shame that will accompany that fear. So, to avoid the FEAR and SHAME we choose to live in DENIAL. Do you see a pattern here? It seems that all the devil’s best weapons are grounded in fear and are used effectively to keep us from becoming the masterpieces GOD intends to create in us. The last thing the devil wants is for us to fulfill the destiny GOD has written for us, so he pulls out his most effective tools, PRIDE, SHAME, and DENIAL which all have a foundation of FEAR.

    If we really stop to think about it, and I mean, really wrap our brains around the reasons we commit most sins, almost every single thing we do that we know is wrong is founded in some hidden fear. I know that every tear I cry is wet with fear. I keep saying to GOD, “But GOD, if I only knew for sure that You were going to do thus and so, I wouldn’t cry.” He reminds me every time of how many times He has assured me that He will do thus and so, and how many times He has proven it to me. Yet, FEAR is alive and well in my heart., My next question was, “So, why do I fear so much, when will it ever stop?” The answer, I got was NEVER. For as long as there is a devil, there will always be fear. This a battle that we will have to fight every day that we breathe. Until we are safe and secure in our Heavenly dwelling, fear will be our constant unwelcomed companion.

    I see myself in David because he is the biggest screw-up with the best heart to whom I can relate. Yes, the brave warrior, David, had a horrible battle with fear. One of the very worst things he did was living as a prodigal for sixteen months with the Philistines, killing innocent men, women, and children for profit, making sure no one survived to rat him out to his Philistine commander, and embezzling off the top, for himself, thus making him a mass murderer and an embezzler. He walked away from the promise, because he feared King Saul would kill him, thus he hid behind enemy lines and participated in their sin against GOD. (1 Samuel 27: Then David said to himself, “Now I will perish one day by the hand of Saul. There is nothing better for me than to safely escape into the land of the Philistines. Then Saul will despair of searching for me anymore in all the territory of Israel, and I will escape from his hand.”)

    Thirty years later, trying to cover up his sin with Bathsheba, his crimes against Uriah were fraught with fear. Fear of getting caught as an adulterer was the motivating factor behind his elaborate scheme to try and get Uriah to sleep with his wife, to cover her pregnancy, but when Uriah proved more noble than David, the fear of the shame motivated him to have Uriah killed in the battle field.  If He called a screw-up like David, "a man after His own heart," or forgave King Manasseh, who flooded the streets of Jerusalem with innocent blood from one end of the city to the other. (2 Chronicles 33), there is no low that is too low, regardless of what you think or believe.     The devil is very sly, he knows very well how to disguise fear. 

    Think about why do we commit sexual sin? For most of us, it is the fear of never being truly loved, (again). Why don’t we love? Well, there’s that fear of getting hurt. Sometimes, he uses lust of the flesh to disguise fear. For me, fear has so crippled me that I have no friends and I want no friends, because everyone I have ever loved has broken my heart. So, I’ve cocooned myself here, up in my room, and my only friend is my desktop, it can’t hurt me. Impending being divorced had me hiding under the bed, like a scared cat.

    Pride is another disguise of fear. Pride keeps us from admitting that we are depraved sinners who can't help ourselves with what we do and do not know. What we do not know or what we cannot control fears us. We feel the need to be in total control of our lives, because we fear our life circumstances outside of our control.   Hate is a great disguise of fear on steroids. Hate is us fearing what or who we do not know or trust. Like Big-Tech censoring us, the people running big tech silence us out of the fear of what we will say. We silence those from who we fear the most. We fear those who will make us feel guilty, so we ignore them. 

   We block out of our lives those we know truly do love us. Our pride tells us that person will make us feel less of the person we wish we were. Apologies never happen, because of fear. Most of all, we fear the humbling effect of admitting we may have been wrong. Mistrust, I think that’s an obvious manifestation of fear. I know that I will never trust another man again, or so I say. Why? FEAR of getting my heart broken, again.  Let me assure you that you have not exceeded God's reach of His Amazing Grace of forgiveness.  If God's Grace can cover David and King Manasseh, we have nothing to fear by coming clean with God, allowing Him the room in our hearts to feel His love and Grace.

    The next time you do something you know is the wrong, ask yourself, “Is fear the founding factor for doing this?” In most cases, I believe that you will find fear disguised in either shame, pride, or denial. I have been putting off writing this blog post, and GOD asked me why. My answer was, “What’s the use? No one will see it.” Here, fear is disguised as procrastination. I knew GOD wanted me to write this, but my frustration with GOD over my fear that He would never deliver me from this sadness kept me from obeying Him. It’s that damned four-letter F-word every time.

    While looking up some Scriptures, I went to my favorite on-line Bible, Biblegateway and this is what I saw! Now, how about that for GOD's signs and confirmations! Today's verse of the day!

 I WILL NOT PUT A DRESS, A VEIL, AND A BOW-TIE ON DIVORCE BECAUSE SIN IS GROTESQUE  

     My husband and I married 40 years ago this year, vowing never to divorce.  We had a Covenant Marriage ceremony on our fifth anniversary after we had become Born-Again Christians, vowing again to never divorce. During all eight baby dedications we re-vowed to raise all our babies in a Godly home and to never divorce.  We vowed to remain in a loving nurturing husband, wife, relationship as  father and mother to  our children so they could be raised in a s secure environment where they knew they were loved. A human judge tried to get me to gloss over my Covenant husband's decision to buy himself a NO-FAULT divorce, well I say, HELL NO!  I will not put a dress on his actions and just write off everything we vowed, and tried to build so he can destroy it, and walk away free and clear.  I will never lie to my children, ever.  I grew up with all liars, I will not repeat history, even if their father wants history repeated.  I contested the divorce and told the judge that the GOD of the universe would overrule him.  Not only did I not sign the papers, but until six months ago, I never even kept a copy of the divorce papers. I put them where GOD would have put them, in the trash.  I knew if I read them it would cause more division between my husband and I, and that I would hate him all the more.  Sadly, I needed the papers for a legal matter and had to have my Covenant husband make a copy for me.  It was an eye opener when I did read them and found out what was in them.  I'll just leave it at that, but I have grounds to protect myself if I have to. I don't believe I will have to go back to court, because the Lawgiver who wrote the Laws of the Universe will protect me as He always has. The divorce judge tried to tell me that I could not discuss the divorce with my children as if he had a right to strip me of my right to free speech. 

 I refuse to let that judge tell me how to raise my children and strip me of my Constitutional right to free speech.  That judge may have demanded I remain silent, but I answer to YHVH GOD alone.   I will not say, "Well, daddy just decided to love someone else besides the woman to whom he married and vowed ten times to be faithful to, but we must respect his decision."  I refuse to participate in what GOD says He hates.    People advised me to get a lawyer and fight him, and fight for them and get all I can get from their father.  That did not happen. My Lawyer sat right next to me, although, I was the only one who knew He was there.  My husband  divorced me after 35 devoted years over Skype, behind a monitor and with a  lawyer whom I compared to an abortionist, because she murders the one-flesh.  My Lawyer told me that when he divorced me and himself from his vows to YHVH GOD, he divorced himself from the One Whom he vowed to.  He may still attend church, but YHVH GOD is not with him, a sad fact he cannot see himself.  it is much like when YHVH GOD's spirit King Saul and Samson, neither one noticed.   

I tried my hardest to talk him out of this divorce. I pleaded with him, begged him, and told him that the repercussions would be irreparable, especially with his children, and four years has passed, and what I feared has come to pass.  I did not try to destroy his relationship with his children, I kept trying to repair it, however, he never cooperated with that effort.  I watched what happened to my father with his remaining five children happen to my own husband and children's father, and it grieves me so.  It was six years after he told me that he was going to divorce me that he finally did it, after he got a big windfall inheritance.  Since his first big purchase with that inheritance was retaining a divorce lawyer, his money is running out like a leaky faucet.  He can't see that as GOD's doing either.  He used what GOD gave him to do something the devil led him to do.  He admitted to me that GOD was not telling him to divorce me, so he admitted to going against YHVH GOD, the One he doesn't like.  He much prefers the one he created in his own image.  He divorced me to keep me from his money, but GOD has taken it from him anyway.   

  I want my children to hate divorce as much as GOD and I do, but I realized that even though I grew up in the most nastiest of divorces as did my husband, we did not really understand the devastation of it back then, after all, everyone was doing it.  I was a teenager when it happened to me as a child, hence it wasn't until I hit middle age, and as a devoted servant of GOD, that I truly understood the tragedy of it.  I did not appreciate the devastation it caused my own mother back then, and I'm sorry I was not able to be more of a help for her.  Sadly, my children will never truly understand it either, unless it happens to them, which I pray it does not.   

To make matters even worse, he is divorced me on the 36th anniversary of the day he asked me to marry him.  GOD is Sovereign over every detail of our lives, and the irony of the first hearing being on the day my husband asked me to marry him is proof that what he did is an abomination to GOD and to his family.  For as tragic as this has been, I have to give the man the credit he is due.  His father abandoned him, moved out of state and never paid his mother a penny.  My Covenant husband vowed never to do that and promised to fully financially support me and his children so that I could remain home as a full-time mother, and he kept that promise and quite generously until recently.  When he moved in with his girlfriend, everything changed. I guess it goes to show that writing a check to GOD or our spouse for child support  is easier than obeying Him and remaining faithful to our vows.  What did Samuel tell King Saul?  

    I start a new job in three weeks, after not working for over ten years.  I'm nervous and excited about it at the same time, but I know from Whence that opportunity came, and I think I know why, so I am at that perfect peace.  I don't often ask my readers to pray for me, but this time, I think I really need it.  I thought every day would get easier as time went on, but that's not the case with divorce.  You grieve forever, because it's a death of something so precious.  I didn't know that I would never heal from this kind of death of the one-flesh.