Take it to the proper place, Facebook!

      Everyone says never to air our dirty laundry publicly on Facebook or social media, but I think GOD disagrees.  Usually what man thinks, GOD is thinking the exact opposite, but with a twist of Omniscient Wisdom mixed in to it.  Some of us need to process our thoughts and pains and we think out loud. I used to be a journaler until arthritis made holding a pen so very unpleasant.  Age does that, it makes our thoughts clearer and our penmanship more difficult to decipher to even ourselves.  Do we have examples of journalers in the Bible?  I dare say yes, at least 150 times if not more. The book of Psalms is the writer publicizing his agonizing and invigorating thoughts for the readers to digest into their own lives. The Psalmist is processing his pain and the confusion into eloquent words until by the end of the Psalm, for the most part, he has acquired valuable wisdom from Above. Unfortunately, with much of that wisdom came even grievous sorrows, ah yet, to pull out his pen and start all over. 

      The book of Ecclesiastes is the work of the wealthiest and wisest king of Israel, in which he is griping about how meaningless life is.  All the way through it, Solomon is trying to process the intense Wisdom from Above, because he was given more than a flawed human would be able to bear and carry.  Let me tell you, it's true, the more you know, the more you wish you didn't know. By the time he gets to the twelfth chapter, he is able to put all his complaining and moaning together and come out with timeless wisdom that for 3,000 years we have benefited.  David and Solomon are gone, happily in Paradise, but they are still bearing fruit down here.  

     That my goal in life.  I want to bear fruit when I'm up in heaven, not while I'm down here. I know myself pretty well, and GOD knows me better.  I would not do very well with success. Failure, on the other hand, I excel at, and I am able to take it all in stride as I am quite used to it.  Failure is  safe, especially in obscurity.  It's in the failure that we learn the most about us, other people, life, and our Savior and GOD.  People give me a hard time about all the stuff I put up on my Facebook page, but what they don't realize, those are the little 2 am sessions are lessons of wisdom I get usually when insomnia from menopause takes control of my sleep schedule. It seems I sleep like a cow grazes, a nap here, a nap there, sometimes even standing up.  Those early Facebook posts are how I process the pain and lessons of the past twelve years.  Thank goodness for the delete buttons that I can just move those thoughts from Facebook to a blog post and delete the rough draft on my social media.  I always ask GOD the big questions during those, what I call, toddler temper tantrums, because to Him, I am that.   So, while I was having my little fit,  one of those deep questions.  "WHY ME?"  Not very original, but usually the question is "WHEN will this end?" to which there never is an answer.  So, I decided to go with a different approach today.   There are so many players involved in the causes of my broken heart and tears, and none of them are crying over it.  I happen to have a very deep and sensitive heart that holds on to things like GOD does, and I can never let it go, like memories, people I've loved, the things that hurt Him the most hurt me just as much.  GOD is the Author of our story so if someone has crushed us by doing us bad, it was GOD who took that bad thing to use it for good.  You could say He brought those waves into our storm, playing "devil's advocate,"  if you'll pardon the expression.  

     We all know the story of Job, and how GOD wagered a bet with the devil, knowing full well that He would win that bet, but the devil challenged GOD anyway, because he is evil and wants to do nothing but harm to YHWH's beloveds.  The Most High gave him free reign up to a certain point to wreak havoc in Job's life.  If you notice, he used weather, armies, and people partying to do all this damage to Job.  Then, when given another shot at it, GOD let him use sickness, and the devil messed him up good.  He was unrecognizable by his friends when they finally did come to his "aid."  The book says that they sat quietly with Job, not saying anything, which some people say was merciful.  I have a different perspective.  I'm going to guess they were processing all the bad that happened to Job and plotted in their minds just how they were going to explain this to him, putting all the blame on him, because, by golly, for it to be random, meant it could happen to them, so they had to place the blame somewhere.  They placed on a person, while Job the entire time placed blame on God, where it should have been placed.  

  

     This is not the lesson you would hear in a Sunday sermon, I can guarantee that.  So, when I asked GOD, the why me question, why am I the only one crying when there are multiple actors in this tragic literary story of my life, and like always, the answer came before I could finish the long e vowel sound in me.  He said, "Because, Kristina, you know how and where to process all this pain. They don't. "   GOD doesn't speak audibly to us, but He will put the answer in our head in a manner of thought, usually before we finish asking the question.  If the answer is bathed in Wisdom, something you wouldn't have thought of yourself, or the perfect answer, then, it's likely from GOD.   So, then I asked GOD, "Okay, I'm taking my griping and complaining to the right source, You want me to come to You, I get that, but I have to teach it to other bruised reeds, so You are going to have to show me and example in the Bible." And of course, before I finished the L sound in Bible, immediately John-the-Baptist pops into my head.  

     The poor dude was thrown in prison for doing what?  He was preparing the way for the Messiah, he was teaching about repentance, and he had the nerve to approach Herodias and Herod with what they were doing wrong. Well, that was gutsy, but it got him thrown in a dungeon for a set amount of time of which we are not informed.  After a while, hunger and fatigue started to get to him, and before you know it, he is starting to doubt the Lamb of GOD who takes away the sins of the world, when he was the one who gave him that title.  He saw the Holy Spirit come down on him, that was his cousin, the one that he experienced while still in his mother's womb who caused him to leap for joy. Now, he's starting to doubt?  Tell me, did he start griping to his disciple or guards or other prisoners with his doubt?  No, he went straight to the source and asked the Son of GOD himself, by way of messenger.  Did Jesus reprimand him for doubting?  Of course not, he gave him the answer that he needed to hear to comfort him while literally "dying" in prison.  

         So, I got my tears and frustration out on the Playwright to the story of my life. I sat there and griped and complained about how the waves were leaving me water-logged with no shore in sight, and here comes Yeshua, walking on water with the lesson I needed to calm the seas, and stop the tears.  It was wisdom from above that most people would not hear from a shame-inducing, holier-than-thou pew warmers who would never have gotten themselves in that kind of mess, hence they assume siliently to themselves that it was the bruised reed's fault.  As Job and Naomi right proclaimed, it wasn't always the broken person's fault, but it was in GOD's plan for their lives.  So, when am in suffering from another case of insomnia, because my arthritis has gotten so bad, instead of writing the question and answer session I've had with GOD  in my journal, I post it on Facebook.  Before I know it, I've posted a multi-paragraph post, and I realize that it's another blog post, so I copy and paste.  That my friends was how GOD's servants did it in the Bible in the wisdom books such as Psalms, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes, and that is why GOD gave us the book of Job.  I think that the friends of Job are a type of church people who need to blame the sufferer, lest such an unfortuante turn of events happens to them. 

   

  If Two Sparrows are Worth One Penny, What is a Hawk Worth? 

Another recycled and revised blog post)

      I never knew how much GOD hated divorce until it happened to me.  I never saw it coming, either.  I was married for 28 years when my husband first brought up the word divorce, while I was going through cancer treatments.  Yeah, I just have to throw that one in there in every post, just to rub it in a bit more.   We had been having a terrible time in our marriage for a few years before he brought it up, but I figured GOD would come in with the fix.   Our life became so difficult with job loss, dual cancers, adult child estrangements, financial oblivion, that something had to give.  I didn't know it would be my marriage.    In this fiery furnace of affliction, as we were being scorched by the flames, we went in two different directions.  I looked Up to GOD for help, he looked away.  I drew closer to GOD, he drew further away.  He disgruntledly blamed GOD for this misery, and I knew GOD had a good purpose in it.  That was the beginning of the end.  We both survived cancer in the same year, but our marriage did not.  That was around the time when the Holy Spirit whispered in my spirit that GOD was taking my husband out of the home, because he failed as a spiritual leader, as a father and as a husband.  Of course, I did not believe Him, but a year and a half later, my husband moved out.   He officially moved out January 2016, and even then, I refused to believe a divorce would happen. It took him five more years before he did file, and serve me, unexpectedly.  He got a big windfall in the form of an inheritance, and he chose to spend it on a divorce lawyer.  I would not file, because we both made our vows to GOD ten times, two wedding ceremonies and eight baby dedications.  If there was going to be a divorce, it would be on him, not me.  In fact, I wouldn't even look at the divorce papers, as soon as they came I tucked them neatly under his windshield wipers with a not-so-nice note.  I refused to get a lawyer, he said I didn't need one, yeah, right, but I knew my Lawyer was the One who wrote the Law. I ended up getting everything, he got to keep his little windfall.  Big deal.  

     We get along, for the most part, because as a full-time mother to our bottom two children, I won't bite the hand that feeds me.  One year on my birthday,  I lowered myself to ask him to take me to dinner, because for the last nine years, no one has taken me out for my birthday.  He said he'd give me an answer on my birthday, hoping that I would not ask again. His passive aggressiveness in an art form after all these years of avoiding things he is uncomfortable dealing with. When I disappointed him and asked again on that day when he came over to drop off one of the children, he told me that he was uncomfortable doing that.  In other words, he did not want to be seen with me in a restaurant, because he was almost boasting about having an "ex-wife." He joined the world in an acceptable almost favorable practice that is unacceptable to GOD.  Needless to say, I did not handle it well, and  I cussed him out, kicked him out of my house, yelling at him that it isn't always about him, sometimes it is about someone else.  He has no clue how to make someone happy, nor does he ever want to, because he is incapable of feeling what anyone feels. Only his feelings matter. 

   While cursing him, wishing him dead, I took my usual temper tantrum, shaking my fist at GOD, yelling at Him, and swearing that was the last straw, I swore there was nothing GOD could do to ever get me back as a totally devoted servant writer for Him.  My usual practice was blaming GOD for things other people did to me. I  was never going to open my Bible, write another encouraging Tweet or Facebook post, and least of all, another blog post.  I even deleted everything.  Thank GOD for the recycle bin, eh?  I don't know when it happened, but shortly thereafter, unbeknownst to me, GOD dropped a dead hawk in my front yard.  I live in the city.  I've never seen a hawk up close, let alone a dead one.  You would think you would find one out in the country, but not a mile from downtown.  There it was, dead as a doorknob with no explanation.   I knew that this had to be something from GOD. How often does a hawk fall from the sky and die on one's front lawn on their birthday, right after their "former" husband just failed another test from GOD?   Needless to say, I had to open up my Bible to find where a hawk is mentioned in the Bible, and there it was.  It's an abominable bird, an unclean bird that we are to never touch.  Wow!  Now that was pretty powerful.  What my former husband did is an abomination to GOD, making him a spiritually  unclean man, because he bailed on his vows to GOD, without cause. Jesus told us marital infidelity is the only legitimate cause for divorce, and well, he could not put adultery on his divorce papers. He had to go with a no-fault civil divorce.  No-fault, the irony of those words.  It is a way to go against GOD with man's civil laws, thereby convincing himself that is okay and acceptable.   He has no fear of what that means in terms of GOD's punishment.  There is a sin unto death that one can commit when their heart grows so cold against the LORD, that He has no more use for them down here, and they are doing more damage than good.  No one knows when that will happen, except GOD.

     I'm not going to deny it,  I expected widowhood to come then, and then again  in 2017, 2018, 2019, and I finally considered myself to have been wrong about that notion in 2020.  Our days are numbered, GOD has the number planned out before we are ever born. Scripture is clear that every day was written in His book before one of them began.   (Psalm 139:16)  January 30, 2022 was the day for that poor hawk.  That was the day GOD said to him, "Sorry, unclean animal, but your time is done."   Is there a correlation?  I have no idea, but it's a scary thought for me and my children. The adult children have followed in their earthly father's footsteps and have turned their backs on GOD, also, somne even on me. After all, nothing says, "I hate your mother so much, that I don't even want to be related to her after 37 years." If they don't see him being punished for turning his back on GOD, then they can get away with it also, or can they? This is something we humans cannot understand, because GOD promises to protect and defend us.  I'm convinced even if he was "disciplined" by GOD, neither he nor my adult offspring would see it as such. The human rebellious spirit has indemnible ways of writing off bad things that happen, without attributing it to it being the consequences of sin.   Because my former husband and I had a Covenant Marriage ceremony in 1990, in GOD'S eyes we are still married regardless of what a civil judge says. After all, man answers to God's Laws, not God answering to man's laws. 

   Right now, I consider myself a "married widow," a woman trapped in a dead marriage, based on what Romans 7 says. GOD will never go against His own Character or Word. There won't be another husband for me, because to GOD, I am still married.  It's a dreadfully lonely life, and one I am having a hard time dealing with, and my relationship with GOD is suffering for it. GOD understands when we wrestle with Him, because my life is not proof of GOD living by His own Word.  He promises justice and vindication for His devoted servants, and I've had neither.  He says that it's not good for man to be alone, (and even worse for the weaker sex), yet, He has chosen this life for me.  I'm not feminist, believing myself better or more capable than a man. I would love another husband to guide, lead, and tell me when to shut up! I know that I operate based on my emotional state, that is how many of us are built, as nurturers. What I do know is that if it takes GOD dropping a dead hawk on my lawn on my birthday right after being dissed by my husband, again, to let me know that He is watching and He is taking care of my situation on His time in His Way, but He is going to comfort me and let me know that He is here, every lonely mintute of the day, then, well, I have no right to complain. So, instead of asking for vindication and a new husband, I've settle with asking GOD to help me stop complaining and be content with His ordained will, and until that is accomplished, I'm sure that neither vindication nor a new husband is in the immediate horizon of my life. 

DO SOLAR ECLIPSES PREDICT EARTHQUAKES?

THEY HAVE IN THE PAST.

Tornadoes come with moments to days' warnings. Hurricanes have weeks' worth of warnings of their impending landfall, but what kind of warning do earthquakes have? None that we know of, right? Is it possible that GOD gives us warnings based on history? Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us what has been will be again, and there is nothing new under the sun. That being said, in 1806 there was a total Eclipse draped across America, then again in 1811. Those two eclipses intersected just like the 2017 and 2024 eclipses intersected each other. What is worrisome is where they intersect, the center of the country near the New Madrid Fault Line. The Great Comet lit up the skies near the time of the eclipse in 1811, and very soon we will see The Devil's Comet in our night skies. Could GOD be warning us that the plates under the New Madrid fault Line, which are well overdue, are about to move, hence bringing on an earthquake similar to the tremendous earthquakes of 1811-1812? One of them was so powerful as to reverse the course of the great Mississippi River, causing it to flow upstream for a few hours and completely demolishing a town, causing it to fall into the Mississippi River. 1811-1812 New Madrid Earthquakes Please do some research on this forgotten national tragedy. Can you fathom what an 8.0 earthquake would do to our huge metropolises like Louisville here in Kentucky or Nashville in Tennessee, which is even closer to the fault line?

What is even more troublesome is there is a Scripture that could be describing this time we are living in. (“For thus says the LORD of hosts: 'Once more (it is a little while) I will shake heaven and earth, the sea and dry land; and I will shake all nations, and they shall come to the Desire of All Nations..,  8 'The silver is mine and the gold is mine,' declares the LORD Almighty. 9 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty.”) There is a plan to bankrupt the central bank which hold's the nations of the world in endless debt, enslaving us much like the Hebrews were enslaved in Egypt 3500 years ago. Including in the plan to save America is to bring an end the Federal Reserve, returning us back to our own national bank and gold-backed currency. We are in a serious battle of good vs evil right now, and nothing we see on TV or the Internet can we believe. It is a well-planned covert military operation to take back America from the deep state and world-wide cabal.

It also concerns me that two cities named Nineveh were in the direct path of the darkening of the sun from the moon's eclipsing the sun. We know from history that the ancient city of Nineveh experienced a total eclipse then a massive earthquake before Jonah arrived to pronounce judgment upon that city. and that was why they were so quick to repent and seek GOD's mercy. A city of 120,000 people, including their livestock fasted for days to entreat GOD to not destroy them. One other thing that occurred to me tonight is that my number 5 child and her husband were just transferred a mere 700 miles away from their tower apartment in Louisville. It also had a multi-level parking garage, and can you just imagine what could happen to a 600-unit apartment building and the multi-level parking garage if an 8.0 earthquake struck 200 miles southwest of them? Maybe it's too much to think that GOD was protecting my daughter from impending disaster, but it is something to think about, and I hope you will.

I'm not prophesying or predicting, I'm only taking notice. Scripture speaks of earthquakes, and Haggai 2 speaks of one consistent with gold and silver. We cannot predict, but we can take notice. Future proves past, in other words, world events happen, then we find in Scripture where GOD said He would do that exact event. Too many circumstances seem to point to a devastating earthquake right here under our feet. I've done a lot of research and I'm quite concerned. We won't get any physical warning of such a geological disaster, but maybe GOD gave us a sign in the heavens. History, and Scripture, adding in the current events, an election year, all add up to too much probability. It is definitely something I think we need to pray about and be concerned about.

 Brief Introduction to LOVE'S MUSES  Plus links to how you can read or listen to it for free. 

FOR AUDIO LINKS

A Brief Intro and History of LOVE'S MUSES

Hello, my name is Kristina, and you are listening to an Ai text-to-speech audio version of an epic story called LOVE’S MUSES.  It’s a story with a rich exquisite cast who work together over the span of twenty years to help three men pick themselves up by the bootstraps after a great fall.  I’m not a writer by trade or choice, but around 10-11 years ago, GOD turned a projector on in my head and put and epic tale in there. I was compelled to write it down, and I know from Whom that compulsion came. I spent March 2013 - May 2015 working on it day and night. I self-published them ten years ago, but the handwriting on the wall was quite telling that GOD had not intended for LOVE’S MUSES to make its debut at that time. (Pun not intended, well maybe intended a little.) I decided to shelve the three completed books and when GOD knew that I was ready He would inspire me again to complete books 4 and 5.  Little did I know that there would end up being a 6^th book to be completed at a later time.  It is more or less of an epilogue tying up all the loose ends.

I do believe that it’s time that the LOVE’S MUSES Books need to come out of their hiding place, but I choose to remain behind. I’m not a public person. The older I get the thinner my skin gets, both figuratively and literally. I never want these books to attract attention for any reason other than the message in the pages, it's Wisdom from Above. As long as I’m breathing, these books will never see the inside of a commercial publishing house. What GOD has given me for free, I want to share for free, however, they are finally available in Kindle and print format. I put a link to them in the description section.  GOD bless you, and I pray that for those who have wounded hearts, and I’m sure that covers just about everyone, I hope you find healing in these pages.

You can read the books here for free, chapter by chapter, because it's never been about money for me, but about spreading hope in hopeless circumstances.   

LOVE'S MUSES Running From Love Blog Post posted by chapter)

OR

 They are available for purchase  

LOVE'S MUSES Series

 Or you can read them here for free

 GOD is everything we need. 

But He still is not enough!

I read a tweet, yesterday, by a woman whose profile picture was obviously taken on her wedding day. She had a smile as wide as the sea. Joy, contentment, and happiness were beaming in the countenance of her expression. She tweeted, “If GOD is truly in your heart then you have all you need to be happy.”  No, dear happy bride, this is not true. I understand the sentiment behind this, and there is some truth to it, however, GOD created the human body to need some things in conjunction with Him. He can provide them, but He can’t be them.  GOD provides a man’s hand to sign one’s paycheck.  GOD provides a man to manage a grocery store, a human to run the electric plant, to manage the infrastructure of our cities and towns, etc. GOD provided a man, Jesus, to die for us so that we could have a Life with Him in Heaven.

GOD, however, did  create the human body to need/crave some things innately.  We need water, we need food, to live, and we need sex.  GOD created this innate desire in humans and the animal kingdom for procreation.  He also created our craving for sex to keep a husband and wife as one flesh, to keep intimacy in the marriage, which anyone will tell you is the basis of a successful marriage. He commands that we not deny each other.

Wives and husbands, if you are under the authority of the LORD, you have no right to deny your spouse what GOD created to turn you into one-flesh.  The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  1 Corinthians 7:3. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourself to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  1 Corinthians 7:5  There are seasons in our lives when GOD will take it away, usually to cause us to lean more on him, and to not let us make an idol of sex because it is so pleasurable. (When done right)  There are some that GOD gifts with asexuality; without feeling of sexual desire or the desire to be one-flesh with another.   The Apostle, Paul saw it as a gift to be asexual. He was content to be intimate with GOD alone and that was GOD's doing, also.  

There is something else we need that GOD cannot do Himself and that is, be in a relationship with another human, the species of our own kind.  GOD is GOD, the Holy Spirit is GOD, Jesus is GOD, so GOD has a relationship within Himself, with His own kind.  As GOD is relational, so has He created us in His image, needing relations.  Even King Solomon who had a thousand wives, realized the importance of relational intimacy between two people is vital for life. Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor; If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three (human-Jesus-human) is not quickly broken.

There are times in our lives that GOD ordains for us to be alone, some longer than others, and some for a lifetime. This is such a time for me. This is the time when I do nothing but seek Him for His purpose and will for my life. Like Hannah whose husband gave her a double portion because he loved her more, GOD has given me a double portion of Him, and for that I’m grateful, however, like Hannah, as good as it is, it's still not enough.  I am very unhappy right now.  I totally understand David when he said, “restore unto me the joy of Your salvation.”  I was married for thirty years and GOD took that husband away, not far enough, but away nonetheless.  He has not provided me with another husband, which goes against His Word.  Yes, I need GOD, He has everything I need in His Hand, but He is withholding from me what I need as a human, as a woman and that is love from a spouse.  Happiness is another physical craving ALL humans need to live.  Wrap your brain around that one. We spend our entire lives in search of it, chasing it, or trying to attain it, no matter what it takes. It too is a physical need. Happiness is what the brain uses to produce serotonin and dopamine, the happy neurotransmitters and yes, we need them lest we die of despair, and that is the basis behind the suicide rate.

  So, GOD is not all we need to be happy, GOD is the foundation of all we need to be happy. Only GOD can bring these things to us. He must be the reason for it, encompassed in it, and the GOD over it. GOD will give you all you need, yes, even happiness, but in His due time for His due purpose and with only His power. I used to wonder if happiness was something truly ordained by GOD, because happiness seems to have eluded me all of my life. There is a vast difference between being joyful, which I am most times, and being happy.  Being happy would cause me the desire to remain here in this life, as opposed to wanting to depart to my heavenly home much more, which is what I long for now. There is a work for me to do, and my having never been truly happy has everything to do with it. For most of my life, I thought life was meant to be all about suffering for the cause, bearing our burdens, carrying our cross.  All those are part of living designed by GOD, but as I found out near fifteen years ago, so is happiness.  Here is what I have seen: it is good and fitting for one to eat and drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labor in which he toils under the sun all the days of his life which GOD gives him; for it is his heritage. Ecclesiastes 5:18  Life here is supposed to be enjoyable, not just joyful.  If that is His Word and His Will, then, I'll wait and I will try doing it with less tears and complaining. 

 Me, Myself, and I AM

You know, when you have no one to talk to because no one wants to listen to your babbling, you talk to yourself, alot. You'll be having a nice conversation up there in your head, and the whole time GOD is eavesdropping on the conversation. So, then one of you will bring up a topic or question, then GOD will subtly butt in and put a suggestion/answer there. So, your other self says,

"Hey where did that come from?" And yourself says,

"Not me, that's way too brilliant." Then you hear a slight,

"Duh!" because GOD has a great sense of humor.

So yeah, that's where I get all my info and wisdom and insight which is WAY over my head. Pun not intended, well, maybe intended a little.

If you find yourself isolated through no fault of you own, consider that GOD wants you to have a conversation with yourself so He can interject. That's how it works. Now mind you, anything that GOD can interject, so can the adversary's minions assigned to you to defeat you. So make sure it lines up with the Whole Counsel of GOD as well as the Character of GOD. You may want to hold it in for a while. One thing about GOD, He absolutely confirms something He gives you one or more times, so wait it out. How do you know it's really from GOD and not something you made up or wished? It won't appeal to the flesh, your carnal nature. It will likely be something no one else would want to do, or it may seem somewhat illogical. That's GOD. He is illogical. We all have a little Spock (star trek) living in us, but we must all be Captain Kirk's and go where no man has gone before.

 RIZPAH AND OTHER UNKNOWNS (Part 1)

     As a nobody author, to which I hope to remain until the end of my days here, I think some other Biblical nobodies need some attention paid to them.  Let me give you an example of some Biblical nobodies. Well, first there's Ruth. Wait, you say she's not a nobody?  Well, my friends, she certainly was during her days on this earth.  She was an ordinary Moabite who married an ordinary Israelite man who died an ordinary death. She was married to this ordinary man for ten years and oddly enough, she never had a child and neither did her sister-in-law Orpah.  How is it that neither of them had a child with their husbands those ten years?  That is the Sovereignty of GOD.  He decides who does and who does not and when and where.  I have learned the hard way in this life, we can never fight the Sovereign choice of God and win.  Ruth, then as an ordinary woman made and extraordinary choice which led her to marry another ordinary man. She lived an ordinary life in the town of ordinary Bethlehem, at the time, and she died having no idea that a great grandson of hers would come to be known as the greatest king of Israel for all times and predecessor to the King of Kings.  I am an ordinary woman, a "slave" to my Master, and there's no getting out of His will for my life.  His Sovereign will for my life is likely to die as a nobody, to which I am grateful.  Yet, after I'm gone, if He wants to take my work and make it world famous, well that's up to His Sovereign will, not mine.  While I'm here, I hope that maybe I can inspire other nobodies on to greater works for the good of mankind and the Kingdom of GOD.  Ruth died a nobody, but now she's renowned the world over for 3,000 plus years and will for all eternity. 

     So, who is the nobody in the picture you ask? It doesn't look like anyone you know  or any story you've read?  That is because her story is seemingly so insignificant and  buried away in 2 Samuel 21, yet, she got the attention of a king and was ultimately responsible for a 450 year-old promise being fulfilled.  I spent thirty years in church, studying the Bible, and throughout all those years in women's Bible studies, not once did I learn about dear Rizpah.  It wasn't until GOD isolated me and took me out of the church, silencing all the voices and naysayers in my life that He taught me the truths of the Bible that go ignored by the majority of the Christian church.  Rizpah is surely one truth that needs a lot more publicity.  Maybe we can make her famous together.  I learned all about Rizpah listening to one of my favorite preachers, the Scottish preacher David Legge.  (Little Women: Rizpah).  There are no words strong enough in the English language that I can use to encourage you all to listen to this amazing lesson of  the most ignored woman in the Bible. I cannot do this woman justice in this short post, not like Pastor David Legge did in his amazing sermon.  This sermon/story profoundly affected me ever since I heard her story and contemplated her life. What an absolute inspiration she is and should be to all of us who know all-consuming grief. 

  

   To be brief, which a writer finds almost impossible, Rizpah was a concubine of King Saul who was impregnated by not only the king, but one of his loyal men in his administration.  The poor dear was allegedly raped and gave birth to two sons.  That's just the beginning of her sad life.  On that note, women in those days really had it bad, because they were subject to man's sexual appetite only for the most part.  Once a man took a concubine, love was simply out of the question at that point.  They had no hope for a happy life.  Back to Rizpah, she was the victim of grief unsurpassed by most women.  The time was a famine during King David's reign.  Back then, a famine usually meant GOD's displeasure with His people.  King David sought the advice from GOD's prophet who told him that his predecessor broke a 450 year old treaty with the Gibeonites.  So, the King being the honorable man he was sought out the King of Gibeonites and asked what it was that they wanted in return, and their answer was blood for blood.  They wanted King Saul's sons be put to death, and sadly, that included two of Rizpah's sons.  You can read the story here. Gibeonites avenged to Rizphah's grief.  

   

   To understand what Rizpah did, one would have to understand that the lowest and most shameful thing that could happen to an Israelite at that time was to die and have one's remains rotting in the open air and eaten by the scavengers of the air. It was bad enough that she lost her sons, but she was not going to let them suffer the additional shame.  Honor and shame were utmost in that society, even more than life itself.  Rizpah took a sackcloth, and kept vigil for five months, never leaving her son's corpses to the birds of the air. Imagine the smell of those rotting corpses, yet, she remained devoted to their honor.  Again, I cannot do this story justice, but Pastor David Legge is the one who pointed this story out to me after thirty years of studying the Bible.  She guarded them until King David had heard of her devotion.  It was then that he remember that the bones of King Saul and Jonathan had not been given a proper burial, so he saw to it that their remains along with the other seven sons of Saul were given the proper burial due them.  I cannot stress enough how huge was the act of devotion Rizpah demonstrated, enough so a king would hear of it and be ashamed himself of his own actions.  I'm not going to get into whether David should have given over King Saul's sons or not, what I am trying to emphasize here is the devotion of one unknown Biblical figure who sat watch over her son's corpses for five months, never leaving them. 

    My point here is that there are so many Biblical heroes in the Bible that we never heard about, and so many people who as unknowns did the unthinkable and moved the hearts of the people who could do something to remedy a matter.  I understand Rizpah's devotion to a cause, as I have been "sitting on a sackcloth" for up to twelve years, waiting for the time that GOD moves on someone's heart to act in a life-changing way that will not just bring honor to their name, but build the Kingdom of GOD in the manner to which GOD has ordained for them since before the creation of the world.  That is why Rizpah is such an inspiration to me.  I will remain on my "sackcloth" until I can move the heart of the King of Kings, and hopefully my devotion will spur others on to greater heights of honor and nobility. The Bible is a treasure chest full of such unknown stories and heroes, and I hope that maybe I have inspired you to go in search of such unsung heroes.  In an earlier post, I  wrote about the jewels in the Old Testament, The Bible As a Treasure Chest because frankly, if one doesn't seek out its treasures, then one is only operating one's spiritual life on two cylinders as opposed to the eight we could be operating with, thus getting to know more about our Creator and Savior on a personal level instead of just the stories we've known and maybe misunderstood without their proper context.  

NO LEPERS NEED APPLY

(Addendum: It's another recycled, edited blog post from my first Blog)

     I have this really fabulous on-line pastor. He is retired, but he speaks once in a while, does weddings and funerals. He lives in Texas. He has known me for about a year now.  He knows my entire story, because he has read every single word I have written. He said that my blogs stretched him and his faith, and cause him to think so much deeper theologically.  He is there during every dark night of the soul, when hope deferred has me so low, I can barely get out of bed. He celebrates with me when I have some kind of victory. He prays with me. He is a happily married man, several decades, a father and grandfather, and never ever once spoke or said anything inappropriate to me.

  About six years ago,  I stopped going to church, and I have no intention of ever going back. I'm divorced now, against my will, but I might as well be a leper because no one wants me around anymore. When my husband and brewed of eight showed up we got the huge welcome hugs.  Even if they don't try or do deny it, church people and pastors, in genera, avoid the divorced wife, the rejected abandoned ones.  Not all are like that, but tell me, is some happily married pastor who has been married 25, 40, even 60 years going to tell me how it feels to be divorced against his will, or how he recovered?  Is he going to be able to tell me what it's like to have a houseful children living below the poverty line while homeschooling and popping out five babies in ten years? Maybe he can tell me how it feels when an adult child becomes estranged, or two, or three?  Some can tell me how they got through cancer, but rare is the one who had dual cancers in their homes, well at least it was that way before the VAX!  Yes, I just said that. 

       I fought off cancer, ALONE, six months after I nursed my husband through his.  Smack dab in the middle of radiation hell, which I had to travel to and bear all alone, my husband told me that the treatments were done he was going to file for divorce. The congregation which we attended until then didn't even know I had cancer, because the Sr. pastor hid it from them. He hid it from the elders and even his wife. He knew we were having marital problems and he just plain did not like me. He did the pastor duties when my husband had cancer surgery, but wouldn't lift a finger to even dial the phone to check on me for the three months of hell.  Pastors don't like me and I don't know why. Maybe because I am a Yankee and a bit forthright. Maybe because of my thirst for all things Biblical is too radical, too intimidating, or just too out of the norm for today's average church member, I don't know why. Maybe because I am an abandoned rejected wife. They claim not to treat divorced people different, but they do, they surely do. Maybe it's because I dream big and felt a great calling on my life from an extraordinary encounter with God that lit me up like never before, six years ago. 

     Since then, around the clock, I have studied, written books prayed, and written two blogs. I've cried a Noah's flood's worth of tears, prayed and fasted while trying to raise a Godly family, for the most part all alone. We tell our congregates to shoot for the stars, but when they do, what do we secretly  think, "Who does she think she is, writing seven books and two blogs. God couldn't want or do anything with her, after all, even her own husband doesn't want her."  You see, the people most opposed to someone who wants to do a great work for the Lord, is her brothers and sisters sitting in the next pew.  I don't understand why people are so opposed to someone close to them who aspires to do all that the Lord had called her to do. I am assuming it's because I am not only just a woman, but a rejected one. Surely, God wouldn't use someone so broken and covered with warts as her. After, all, how is that going to make the church look to world with a spokesperson like her. We can't let the world see a "leper" as His vehicle to reach other broken lepers. It's better they have a better model to aspire to becoming.  

     May I present the notion that a "modern-day-leper" is the perfect choice for God to use to reach other disillusioned broken lepers. It's a radical idea, but I do believe Jesus was pretty radical in his approach, which went completely against the religious right. Unfortunately, the slick and well-put-together Christian church slipped right back into that model as a modern day Sanhedrin. Man tends to corrupt all of GOD's work, and just like man corrupted what Moses intended, he also corrupted what Jesus came to do, which was to teach the Torah and be the Passover Lamb. I wouldn't be surprised if GOD does something completely radical and different in His approach to getting out the Gospel in these last days' harvest. I'm not talking flashy, spot-light show, concerts disguised as church worship services. I am talking one broken heart reaching out and loving another broken heart and aiding in the heeling with the weight to their words. Gone are the days of the model family, the "lepers" are in town, and GOD is going to raise them up.  They are hidden, ignored, pushed off to the corners, welcome, but avoided, nonetheless. GOD will use a former drunk to bring in his current drunk friends, the recovering drug addicts to bring in their current friends who are addicts suffering and lost, and believe it or not, gay people who love Jesus to bring in their friends to the the good news of the Gospel.  

     Yes, the polished, refined church may find it repulsive to even suggest such a thing, but I think we have plenty of Biblical examples to prove that GOD can and does use broken people with messed up heads and hearts. Polygamy and forms or "incest" were just as repulsive in the Patriarchal system to GOD, yet, He used them. The greatest example being Tamar, the daughter-in-law of Judah who thought she was a prostitute just making her dollar a day.  She most certainly knew that a son from that line was due her, and if he was not going to give her the third son as a husband, she was going to get a son straight from the original source. Her son is in the line leading to Jesus.  Abram married his half-sister, Sarai and we get Isaac, the son of the promise. Isaac married his first cousin Rebekkah, and from them we get Israel/Jacob.  Jacob had not one but two wives and two concubines. And what of Solomon?  It was the 2nd son of two former adulterers who built GOD's holy Temple, yet with 700 concubines and 300 wives, the Bible says that when he died, he rested with his fathers.  How about that King Manasseh, one of the most evil, barbaric cruel disobedient kings, who sacrificed his children, but was later restored after he truly repented and changed his ways. Even King Ahab got a couple of extra chances when Elijah put the fear of GOD in him.  It didn't stay, but GOD relented for a few years and gave him a few more than he should have had.   

 We rejects have a powerful testimony, we've been broken, battered, bruised, and have grown some pretty tough callouses.  Compassion and Agape love are gifts from GOD, but empathy is earned, and the hurting one  needs one who hurt in the same way, rather than the model family who wants to portray a certain type of cookie-cutter Christianity. There was nothing pretty about a flogged and beaten Jesus hanging on the Cross, taking on the ugly sins of the world, so our debts could be paid in full.   Well, that's my rant for now, maybe someday I will be of some good use, I'll never stop trying to reach out to the broken, despaired, depressed, disillusioned, discouraged, and the dissident from cookie-cutter Christianity.