Me, Myself, and I AM

You know, when you have no one to talk to because no one wants to listen to your babbling, you talk to yourself, alot. You'll be having a nice conversation up there in your head, and the whole time GOD is eavesdropping on the conversation. So, then one of you will bring up a topic or question, then GOD will subtly butt in and put a suggestion/answer there. So, your other self says,

"Hey where did that come from?" And yourself says,

"Not me, that's way too brilliant." Then you hear a slight,

"Duh!" because GOD has a great sense of humor.

So yeah, that's where I get all my info and wisdom and insight which is WAY over my head. Pun not intended, well, maybe intended a little.

If you find yourself isolated through no fault of you own, consider that GOD wants you to have a conversation with yourself so He can interject. That's how it works. Now mind you, anything that GOD can interject, so can the adversary's minions assigned to you to defeat you. So make sure it lines up with the Whole Counsel of GOD as well as the Character of GOD. You may want to hold it in for a while. One thing about GOD, He absolutely confirms something He gives you one or more times, so wait it out. How do you know it's really from GOD and not something you made up or wished? It won't appeal to the flesh, your carnal nature. It will likely be something no one else would want to do, or it may seem somewhat illogical. That's GOD. He is illogical. We all have a little Spock (star trek) living in us, but we must all be Captain Kirk's and go where no man has gone before.

 RIZPAH AND OTHER UNKNOWNS (Part 1)

     As a nobody author, to which I hope to remain until the end of my days here, I think some other Biblical nobodies need some attention paid to them.  Let me give you an example of some Biblical nobodies. Well, first there's Ruth. Wait, you say she's not a nobody?  Well, my friends, she certainly was during her days on this earth.  She was an ordinary Moabite who married an ordinary Israelite man who died an ordinary death. She was married to this ordinary man for ten years and oddly enough, she never had a child and neither did her sister-in-law Orpah.  How is it that neither of them had a child with their husbands those ten years?  That is the Sovereignty of GOD.  He decides who does and who does not and when and where.  I have learned the hard way in this life, we can never fight the Sovereign choice of God and win.  Ruth, then as an ordinary woman made and extraordinary choice which led her to marry another ordinary man. She lived an ordinary life in the town of ordinary Bethlehem, at the time, and she died having no idea that a great grandson of hers would come to be known as the greatest king of Israel for all times and predecessor to the King of Kings.  I am an ordinary woman, a "slave" to my Master, and there's no getting out of His will for my life.  His Sovereign will for my life is likely to die as a nobody, to which I am grateful.  Yet, after I'm gone, if He wants to take my work and make it world famous, well that's up to His Sovereign will, not mine.  While I'm here, I hope that maybe I can inspire other nobodies on to greater works for the good of mankind and the Kingdom of GOD.  Ruth died a nobody, but now she's renowned the world over for 3,000 plus years and will for all eternity. 

     So, who is the nobody in the picture you ask? It doesn't look like anyone you know  or any story you've read?  That is because her story is seemingly so insignificant and  buried away in 2 Samuel 21, yet, she got the attention of a king and was ultimately responsible for a 450 year-old promise being fulfilled.  I spent thirty years in church, studying the Bible, and throughout all those years in women's Bible studies, not once did I learn about dear Rizpah.  It wasn't until GOD isolated me and took me out of the church, silencing all the voices and naysayers in my life that He taught me the truths of the Bible that go ignored by the majority of the Christian church.  Rizpah is surely one truth that needs a lot more publicity.  Maybe we can make her famous together.  I learned all about Rizpah listening to one of my favorite preachers, the Scottish preacher David Legge.  (Little Women: Rizpah).  There are no words strong enough in the English language that I can use to encourage you all to listen to this amazing lesson of  the most ignored woman in the Bible. I cannot do this woman justice in this short post, not like Pastor David Legge did in his amazing sermon.  This sermon/story profoundly affected me ever since I heard her story and contemplated her life. What an absolute inspiration she is and should be to all of us who know all-consuming grief. 

  

   To be brief, which a writer finds almost impossible, Rizpah was a concubine of King Saul who was impregnated by not only the king, but one of his loyal men in his administration.  The poor dear was allegedly raped and gave birth to two sons.  That's just the beginning of her sad life.  On that note, women in those days really had it bad, because they were subject to man's sexual appetite only for the most part.  Once a man took a concubine, love was simply out of the question at that point.  They had no hope for a happy life.  Back to Rizpah, she was the victim of grief unsurpassed by most women.  The time was a famine during King David's reign.  Back then, a famine usually meant GOD's displeasure with His people.  King David sought the advice from GOD's prophet who told him that his predecessor broke a 450 year old treaty with the Gibeonites.  So, the King being the honorable man he was sought out the King of Gibeonites and asked what it was that they wanted in return, and their answer was blood for blood.  They wanted King Saul's sons be put to death, and sadly, that included two of Rizpah's sons.  You can read the story here. Gibeonites avenged to Rizphah's grief.  

   

   To understand what Rizpah did, one would have to understand that the lowest and most shameful thing that could happen to an Israelite at that time was to die and have one's remains rotting in the open air and eaten by the scavengers of the air. It was bad enough that she lost her sons, but she was not going to let them suffer the additional shame.  Honor and shame were utmost in that society, even more than life itself.  Rizpah took a sackcloth, and kept vigil for five months, never leaving her son's corpses to the birds of the air. Imagine the smell of those rotting corpses, yet, she remained devoted to their honor.  Again, I cannot do this story justice, but Pastor David Legge is the one who pointed this story out to me after thirty years of studying the Bible.  She guarded them until King David had heard of her devotion.  It was then that he remember that the bones of King Saul and Jonathan had not been given a proper burial, so he saw to it that their remains along with the other seven sons of Saul were given the proper burial due them.  I cannot stress enough how huge was the act of devotion Rizpah demonstrated, enough so a king would hear of it and be ashamed himself of his own actions.  I'm not going to get into whether David should have given over King Saul's sons or not, what I am trying to emphasize here is the devotion of one unknown Biblical figure who sat watch over her son's corpses for five months, never leaving them. 

    My point here is that there are so many Biblical heroes in the Bible that we never heard about, and so many people who as unknowns did the unthinkable and moved the hearts of the people who could do something to remedy a matter.  I understand Rizpah's devotion to a cause, as I have been "sitting on a sackcloth" for up to twelve years, waiting for the time that GOD moves on someone's heart to act in a life-changing way that will not just bring honor to their name, but build the Kingdom of GOD in the manner to which GOD has ordained for them since before the creation of the world.  That is why Rizpah is such an inspiration to me.  I will remain on my "sackcloth" until I can move the heart of the King of Kings, and hopefully my devotion will spur others on to greater heights of honor and nobility. The Bible is a treasure chest full of such unknown stories and heroes, and I hope that maybe I have inspired you to go in search of such unsung heroes.  In an earlier post, I  wrote about the jewels in the Old Testament, The Bible As a Treasure Chest because frankly, if one doesn't seek out its treasures, then one is only operating one's spiritual life on two cylinders as opposed to the eight we could be operating with, thus getting to know more about our Creator and Savior on a personal level instead of just the stories we've known and maybe misunderstood without their proper context.  

NO LEPERS NEED APPLY

(Addendum: It's another recycled, edited blog post from my first Blog)

     I have this really fabulous on-line pastor. He is retired, but he speaks once in a while, does weddings and funerals. He lives in Texas. He has known me for about a year now.  He knows my entire story, because he has read every single word I have written. He said that my blogs stretched him and his faith, and cause him to think so much deeper theologically.  He is there during every dark night of the soul, when hope deferred has me so low, I can barely get out of bed. He celebrates with me when I have some kind of victory. He prays with me. He is a happily married man, several decades, a father and grandfather, and never ever once spoke or said anything inappropriate to me.

  About six years ago,  I stopped going to church, and I have no intention of ever going back. I'm divorced now, against my will, but I might as well be a leper because no one wants me around anymore. When my husband and brewed of eight showed up we got the huge welcome hugs.  Even if they don't try or do deny it, church people and pastors, in genera, avoid the divorced wife, the rejected abandoned ones.  Not all are like that, but tell me, is some happily married pastor who has been married 25, 40, even 60 years going to tell me how it feels to be divorced against his will, or how he recovered?  Is he going to be able to tell me what it's like to have a houseful children living below the poverty line while homeschooling and popping out five babies in ten years? Maybe he can tell me how it feels when an adult child becomes estranged, or two, or three?  Some can tell me how they got through cancer, but rare is the one who had dual cancers in their homes, well at least it was that way before the VAX!  Yes, I just said that. 

       I fought off cancer, ALONE, six months after I nursed my husband through his.  Smack dab in the middle of radiation hell, which I had to travel to and bear all alone, my husband told me that the treatments were done he was going to file for divorce. The congregation which we attended until then didn't even know I had cancer, because the Sr. pastor hid it from them. He hid it from the elders and even his wife. He knew we were having marital problems and he just plain did not like me. He did the pastor duties when my husband had cancer surgery, but wouldn't lift a finger to even dial the phone to check on me for the three months of hell.  Pastors don't like me and I don't know why. Maybe because I am a Yankee and a bit forthright. Maybe because of my thirst for all things Biblical is too radical, too intimidating, or just too out of the norm for today's average church member, I don't know why. Maybe because I am an abandoned rejected wife. They claim not to treat divorced people different, but they do, they surely do. Maybe it's because I dream big and felt a great calling on my life from an extraordinary encounter with God that lit me up like never before, six years ago. 

     Since then, around the clock, I have studied, written books prayed, and written two blogs. I've cried a Noah's flood's worth of tears, prayed and fasted while trying to raise a Godly family, for the most part all alone. We tell our congregates to shoot for the stars, but when they do, what do we secretly  think, "Who does she think she is, writing seven books and two blogs. God couldn't want or do anything with her, after all, even her own husband doesn't want her."  You see, the people most opposed to someone who wants to do a great work for the Lord, is her brothers and sisters sitting in the next pew.  I don't understand why people are so opposed to someone close to them who aspires to do all that the Lord had called her to do. I am assuming it's because I am not only just a woman, but a rejected one. Surely, God wouldn't use someone so broken and covered with warts as her. After, all, how is that going to make the church look to world with a spokesperson like her. We can't let the world see a "leper" as His vehicle to reach other broken lepers. It's better they have a better model to aspire to becoming.  

     May I present the notion that a "modern-day-leper" is the perfect choice for God to use to reach other disillusioned broken lepers. It's a radical idea, but I do believe Jesus was pretty radical in his approach, which went completely against the religious right. Unfortunately, the slick and well-put-together Christian church slipped right back into that model as a modern day Sanhedrin. Man tends to corrupt all of GOD's work, and just like man corrupted what Moses intended, he also corrupted what Jesus came to do, which was to teach the Torah and be the Passover Lamb. I wouldn't be surprised if GOD does something completely radical and different in His approach to getting out the Gospel in these last days' harvest. I'm not talking flashy, spot-light show, concerts disguised as church worship services. I am talking one broken heart reaching out and loving another broken heart and aiding in the heeling with the weight to their words. Gone are the days of the model family, the "lepers" are in town, and GOD is going to raise them up.  They are hidden, ignored, pushed off to the corners, welcome, but avoided, nonetheless. GOD will use a former drunk to bring in his current drunk friends, the recovering drug addicts to bring in their current friends who are addicts suffering and lost, and believe it or not, gay people who love Jesus to bring in their friends to the the good news of the Gospel.  

     Yes, the polished, refined church may find it repulsive to even suggest such a thing, but I think we have plenty of Biblical examples to prove that GOD can and does use broken people with messed up heads and hearts. Polygamy and forms or "incest" were just as repulsive in the Patriarchal system to GOD, yet, He used them. The greatest example being Tamar, the daughter-in-law of Judah who thought she was a prostitute just making her dollar a day.  She most certainly knew that a son from that line was due her, and if he was not going to give her the third son as a husband, she was going to get a son straight from the original source. Her son is in the line leading to Jesus.  Abram married his half-sister, Sarai and we get Isaac, the son of the promise. Isaac married his first cousin Rebekkah, and from them we get Israel/Jacob.  Jacob had not one but two wives and two concubines. And what of Solomon?  It was the 2nd son of two former adulterers who built GOD's holy Temple, yet with 700 concubines and 300 wives, the Bible says that when he died, he rested with his fathers.  How about that King Manasseh, one of the most evil, barbaric cruel disobedient kings, who sacrificed his children, but was later restored after he truly repented and changed his ways. Even King Ahab got a couple of extra chances when Elijah put the fear of GOD in him.  It didn't stay, but GOD relented for a few years and gave him a few more than he should have had.   

 We rejects have a powerful testimony, we've been broken, battered, bruised, and have grown some pretty tough callouses.  Compassion and Agape love are gifts from GOD, but empathy is earned, and the hurting one  needs one who hurt in the same way, rather than the model family who wants to portray a certain type of cookie-cutter Christianity. There was nothing pretty about a flogged and beaten Jesus hanging on the Cross, taking on the ugly sins of the world, so our debts could be paid in full.   Well, that's my rant for now, maybe someday I will be of some good use, I'll never stop trying to reach out to the broken, despaired, depressed, disillusioned, discouraged, and the dissident from cookie-cutter Christianity.  

    

Anger, Fear and Greatness

When people get mad at us, it's usually for one of two reasons. Usually, the person is guilty as all hell and they can't stand the idea of getting caught in their malice. On the other hand, every once in a while, someone will get really angry at us because they know we are right about them and we just hit a sensitive spot they can't face or won't admit. Sometimes, there is greatness in that person and they hide from that greatness, not because they hate it, but because they are afraid of it. They are afraid of stepping out in that greatness because they are afraid of failing.

The problem with that is that they don't understand that "failure is the flour in humble pie that GOD uses for their stepping stones to success!" Yes, I made that up, or rather maybe it was inspired by God Himself. Maybe I have a lifetime's supply of that flour of failure, and GOD is using it to keep me humble, lest I think too much of myself. After all, that kind of greatness comes from GOD, and we humans tend to forget that! Then there is another reason they get angry and lash out. Sometimes, they don't know there is greatness in them, and they feel unworthy of that person who received their wrath. Sometimes, they are they are afraid of failing that person or worse, failing God. They don't seem to understand the conviction of the person who believes in them. Sometimes, in their past, they were traumatized by other people who weren't honest with them. They likely manipulated them with kind words of affirmation to get from them all they could get and then dumped them. Those words of affirmation weren't sincere, they were selfish and self-serving. We can never fail a person who truly believes in us with that much conviction, a conviction and convincing that comes from GOD. There is another thing that they don't understand. There are evil forces working against them, because the devil also sees that greatness and sends his legions of minions to attempt to defeat that person. The devil can never defeat one who is made great by GOD, and and we surely never fail GOD because He knows every mistake we will make. After all, He wrote those mistakes in our lives because failure is the flour in the humble pie He shoves down our throats while He takes us on the steps of success.

There is only one way to achieve that greatness and that is by GOD's Supernatural Hand and in His Perfect timing. If we try to go out on our own, well then that greatness will be our downfall and not something GOD will use to build the Kingdom and others. The only way to understand GOD's plan for our lives and learn how to walk in that greatness is to dwell in the Secret Place of the Most High. It's there that we will find the Supernatural comfort and strength to keep going for years on end, no matter how big of a fluorescent target we have on our backs that keeps the devil and his minions aiming his arrows at us!