The Stepping Stones to Success Require Being Forcibly Stuffed with Humble Pie.
I hate that I am "growing old" alone, but it is GOD's will for me at this point in my life. After seeing this picture of myself pop up on my app that brings the past back to light by way of my photos, I now see that these were apparently happier days. Even though I was going through somewhat of a depressive state, I had no idea just how difficult and heartbreaking life could actually become in later years. I remember this time in my life. I was suffering from infertility. Yes, this octomom suffered from infertility for eighteen months after child number five. Everyone told me, "Be happy with the five you have." It wasn't as if I wasn't happy, it was that I knew in my heart GOD had another one coming, and I could not get regnant.
I had no problem getting pregnant with the first five. I could not understand what was going wrong. I had my first known miscarriage of the four total when I was forty years old, six months after this picture was taken. It was difficult enough getting pregnant. So when I lost it, I went into a deep depression. A friend of mine suggested a book called The Thyroid Solution. It turned out that I had hypothyroidism, and had it for several years. I recommend this book to everyone.
Never ever accept, "The lab test was fine." You need to take a proactive interest in your own body, and always investigate and research until your eyes bleed. Hypothyroidism is an undiagnosed epidemic affecting men and women, because doctors treat lab results, not symptoms. My friend gave me the name of a doctor who treated the patient, not the lab results. He started me on thyroid medication and three weeks later, I was pregnant with number six.
My OB had told me when I was having trouble getting pregnant, to be happy with the five GOD gave me and accept that my baby making days were over. I could not accept anyone's advice, because I knew in my heart there was another one coming. I was forty-one when number six was born, forty-three when number seven was born and one month shy of forty-six when number eight was born. I guess my experienced OB was wrong, because he was operating out of a textbook, while I was operating from my faith in GOD and what the Bible says.
Before each baby was conceived, I knew that another one was coming. GOD has put that child and the burning desire to have another in my heart. I can prove that because after number eight, we named Max, because we reached our Max for the first time in twenty-one years. For years, Psalm 37:4 has been my life's verse. Now, I understand why.
When we delight ourselves in the LORD, the desires of your heart He gave us. (The proper translation from the original Hebrew) The Hebrew word NATAN, means set, put, hence the reason why we desire a said thing is because GOD wants us to desire it and pray our hearts out to get it.
Never ever accept what anyone else tells you if GOD has told you differently. Everyone tells me that my "dream/vision" is my own, that it was my own desire, and that I made up all the signs GOD has given me in my imagination. GOD has again proven that it is His will for my life. This time, it hasn't been only 18 months, but almost ten years.
When I first began this work of writing for the LORD, back then, you could not have convinced me that I would go ten years without seeing any fruit from my labor for the LORD. I'm glad He has hidden any fruit from me, because the flawed human I am, I know that I would have and still would have let success go to my head. I'm thankful that very rarely do I get a letter from a reader telling me just how much my writing has helped them. The last thing I need is praise from humans.
It is a rare thing for any person to be able to properly handle long range and huge success in their field or craft. That kind of "praise and worship" from the public will feed the beastly ego in all of us whether that person is a believer in Jesus or not. Just because one believes and follows His ways, does not mean that they are not easily tripped up by the minions the devil sends in his strategy to defeat us. We are all human, and we all fail and fall. I'm so glad that all my failures and falls were done while I was still a nobody. Back when I first started writing, I wanted a great deal of fruit and success, however, seeing how many times I have failed at my job, I am so happy that I have more failures under my belt than successes.
