GOD'S  Sovereignty

 vs  

Man's Sovereignty 

 Ecclesiastes 1:15

What is crooked cannot be straightened, and what is lacking cannot be counted.

Ecclesiastes 7:13

Consider the work of God, For who is able to straighten what He has bent?

The old argument of free will over GOD's selection has been something I have studied for the past ten years. I bet every prophet in the OT begged to be relieved of their duty. Jonah did, Jeremiah did, Amos did, but GOD wouldn't let them go their own way. I have begged to be let go of this path GOD has me on, and the answer has been no.

In a way there is a freedom in not having free will. I can't mess up GOD's plan with my own stubborn insistence of having things my way. If GOD has given a man the ability to choose free will over GOD's will, then that free will has become an idol, and that man never really belonged to GOD. If we choose to make good choices with our free will, then that free will of choosing the right thing can breed a pride in our heart that only GOD can see. On the other hand, the fact that I can neither choose my free will over GOD's plan or even choose to walk GOD's path, (because many times I've tried to leave). He has always pulled me back on this path against my own will. That is humbling, because He chose my path, I did not. I have not been given the free will to leave it. I didn't choose to follow GOD, He imposed Himself on me, because He has a plan that I do not know. He has a work for me to do that I cannot see. He sees the ending, I cannot see. He sees the person He will mold me into that I cannot see.

I have rested in the assurance that what GOD called me to, He WILL finish and there is no way a man's free will to say no could jeopardize that. It has been too hard of a walk, flooded with tears. If the Adonai I have worshiped, leaned on, and trusted, could leave the results into the hands of a man, there would be no use in perseverance. I have to trust that His plan and path is better than one I would have chosen. I have to trust that I will be deliriously happy in the end, because GOD had His way and I did not have mine.

David did not have a choice, Joseph did not have a choice. Saul did not have a choice on the road to Damascus. He was called, and there was no way of getting out of it. He didn't plan to go to Macedonia, but GOD put a man in his dream to beg Paul to come. GOD gave Joseph dreams of where to take Mary and Yeshua.

I have studied that OT, inside, outside, and upside down, and I see people who were called to a task, sometimes against their own will, and GOD kept them on that path. He has done that to me. He robbed me of my original dreams, and put new ones in my heart and "forced" me to want them. Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Those words "shall give" in Hebrew mean "set/put."

I have pleaded to get off this road because it was fraught with Noah's Flood's worth of tears. I wouldn't be here doing this if I could have had my own way. I couldn't resist His Grace in 1989 when I became born again. My testimony will prove that. Every child I had, GOD put that desire into my heart, until Max. After that, I did not want anymore. I even found myself pregnant at 48 years old, and I was mad. I didn't want another baby. When I found out that I miscarried, I was relieved, because I knew Max was last, because we named him Max because we reached our Max, and eight is enough! (pun intended).

Proverbs 19:21

Many plans are in a person’s heart, But the advice of the Lord will stand.

KJ21

Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.

Psalm 33:10

The Lord nullifies the plan of nations; He frustrates the plans of peoples.

I tried to quit so many times, because I stopped believing He was going to do something, because the evidence proved that, but He dragged me back in kicking and screaming. He has to be Sovereign even over a man's decisions or He wouldn't be the Almighty, Creator of the Universe. He has to have that right to be GOD. He has allowed us a certain amount of free will, but it is subject to His Sovereign plan. I have leaned on these verses to keep me going, knowing that GOD will put all the puzzle pieces where they belong when they belong there.

 Psalm 24 

The earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness, The world and those who dwell therein.

The Lord Considers the Heart

Proverbs 21:

The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord,  like the rivers of water;

He turns it wherever He wishes.

Here is how He taught me. GOD puts us on His Cruise Ship to Paradise and plans all the port stops along the way. We are free to move around the ship any place we want to go, even if that is a bad place. We will suffer the consequences, but we cannot jump ship. There are plenty of times man has thought GOD was leading him a certain way, and the end result was failure. It was the man who got it wrong, not GOD. Man's number one sin is pride, and it comes in all shapes and sizes, as well as resides in man's free will, to an extent.

Psalm 37:23 

The steps of a man are established by the LORD, and He delights in his way.

Job 42:2

 “I know that Thou canst do all things, And that no purpose of Thine can be thwarted.

Job 12:14

“To God belong wisdom and power;  counsel and understanding are his. What he tears down cannot be rebuilt;   those he imprisons cannot be released.

   Some Epics Are Hidden Away in Someone's Garage or Attic

   I found a blog post from a New York editor that said to step away from our manuscript for a while to get a fresh second look at it. I find that amusing, because GOD gave me an epic story, and I wrote it between 2013-2014. I then spent half of 2015 revising and editing. I shelved it when dual cancers became unwelcomed guests in our family, followed by divorce and a family shattered into shreds all over this country. There were other trauma's, and I just couldn't get back to it.

I know that GOD will use it mightily, however, I do not want it commercially published. I believe in what GOD gives us for free ought to be shared freely. I also do not want it to get out while I'm still breathing here, because success ruins almost everyone, and I would very easily fit into that category. Another reason is that when an epic is published and goes "viral," it then becomes about the author and not the work. I want LOVE'S MUSES to be what GOD intended it to be. I don't want myself to be here when He does it; that way, it will go wherever He planned on going by its own merit. This epic story could help people trying to recover from the traumas of their lives that set them back a few paces, and help them recover to an even better person they were before the trauma.

The story was written in 2013 and is about a country artist who inspired a kindergarten teacher to write a book about her life. She never intended it to go anywhere, because she was extremely shy, and it went viral right after a world crisis. Now, how is that for crazy. That is why I said GOD gave it to me, because I wrote about a world crisis SEVEN years before one began, and one this world has never experienced. It has humor, drama, intrigue, and love of fellow man, everything an epic should have. I take no credit for, it because there is no way I am talented enough to do such a thing. Here is my favorite quote from the series of five books:

"When you are proving to God that you want to be a success in His eyes only, then the brilliance of God will take your craft to new heights of genius you never even knew existed. You will be amazed at what He creates through you working your craft." #KatieLynnMoore.

Having had a professional tell me that it is indeed a wonderful story, verified what I already knew. It would give me peace knowing that I could have a good influence on some people, and help them in their despair, depression, and disillusionment in life, as that is how I've lived the past thirteen years.

 

Trapped Between the Past and  Hope Deferred for the Future. 

 She has created a prison for herself in her own mind, and the only key to open the prison doors, and on to freedom, is time, and yet it is this same time which is also her prison from which she cannot escape.   She lives in the natural looking back of what was, and in the Spiritual of what is to come.  The present doesn't seem to have any life of its own.  

The 80’s was the best decade, then the 90’s came and a slight slope downward had begun.  Life wasn’t just fun anymore; it was more work than fun.  It was doable, though, that was until May of 2006 when life took a deep dive downward.  She thought it was a temporary turn for the worse.  Everyone knows that good and bad times come and go, and neither is permanent.   She did not know that her partner had been dealt a fatal blow with that event of 2006.  She knew he was hit, but she never thought of it as terminal.  She tried to carry hope for both, because she knew Who was in ultimate control and He was a Benefactor, not an adversary.  She knew she had an adversary, and he was sly and brilliant, but she underestimated the damage he could do to her present and her future.  Her hopes were still high, and her trust was stable and sure. 

Hope kept getting more difficult to maintain with each hit from the adversary,  but again, she trusted in the GOD that she knew at that time.  Sadly, she was learning about Elohim from distorted sources.  Unexpectedly, the spring of 2012, was the genesis to the exodus of a life that had appeared to have no happy ending.  In an unlikely place, the true YHWH introduced himself to her in a most real, live, and burning bush way.  He gave her an assignment and promised her that she would succeed.  She had seen and come to know a completely different GOD of the universe from that day forward.  With that hope in her mind and her heart, she worked with vigor and vitality, all while the fires in the fiery furnace of affliction kept burning hotter and hotter. She knew this was God, refining the gold in her, and He gave her a road map as to the kind of woman He would build her to be.   

She was so full of life and hope, that she failed to notice that her partner did not have that same desire and hope, as a matter of fact, his hope for the future had a terminal disease which was about to enter both of their lives in the same year.   She saw this disease as just more weight to her words to help others in the future, while it was the anchor that was sinking her partner’s ship. 

She assumed she had enough hope in her to carry both of them into a wonderful future.  She was gravely mistaken.  Again, she had no idea at the power and ability of her adversary to fatally wound her partner, where even her optimism could not resuscitate life back into him.  He was losing the will to live and hope, and in 2014, it had gone completely and permanently.

As things continued to get worse, life continued its downward slope, with each year spiraling south with greater velocity. At every years’ beginning, she still knew and trusted in the Jehovah Jireh, because He was the great provider.  She believed that one day all the different kinds and colors of threads GOD had carefully weaved into her life would eventually fall into place,  creating a masterpiece tapestry of purpose.  She wanted the weight to her words bring Glory to GOD, hope to the despaired, clarity to the confused, and directions to Paradise for the lost. 

The problem that began to take even her strength and resolution down was the hope deferred of her heart living in spiritual, and mixed signals she was getting from her mind and body living in the ugly details and damning fact of reality.   The great divide was growing an ever-widening chasm that she could not transcend.  Every day she mourns the past when she was a magnificent dreamer, and all had appeared to be going well.  All during the day, Jehovah Rapha, the  GOD who heals teaches her more about Himself, reminding her of His power and ability to change everything in her life in a flash.  Every night ends the same way, though, another day had passed, and He did not do for her what He kept forcing into her heart to hope for against her own will.

 She is, however, grateful for the short periods of coolness under the shadow of His wings as moments of  respite from the fiery flames of the furnace of affliction. Sadly, the ugly truth is He hasn’t turned down the heat from the furnace, and the burns from the flames are  beginning to severely damage not only her, but the faith and trust she had always put in her Elohim, the creator of the universe and the Playwright of her life.  Her dream is still alive, only it's on life support, but we all know the GOD who resurrects that which cannot live on it's own and calls that with is not as if it were.  (Romans 4:17b )

And Go Round and Round and Round in the Circle Game 

Ecclesiastes 7:

10 Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?”

For it is not wise to ask such questions.

11 Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing

and benefits those who see the sun.

12 Wisdom is a shelter

as money is a shelter,

but the advantage of knowledge is this:

Wisdom preserves those who have it..

       My two youngest just got on the middle-high school bus. They love being back in school, and considering my situation, it's best. I'm not gonna lie, I positively HATE how my life turned out. It isn't even remotely close to what I had dreamed and hoped. I had no idea that those would be my best days. We were young and didn't know it. We were happy and didn't know it. We were poor as dirt and did know it, and it was hard popping out 5 babies in 10 years while homeschooling.  To go back to those days, is to lose ALL the wisdom gained through the years and tears that followed. I used to sing this song when I was a teenager, having NO idea the bitter sweetness of its truth.    Get your tissue box as you click on the link and listen. 

The Circle Game

      I'd go back to those days in a heart beat, if I could live them over differently. That's not how life works, though. My life turned out so awful from my perspective, but I thought it was awful then, too.  Of course, that's what I think now, but when it's over for good, I'll say,  "Those were my treasured days when My Maker was my Husband. And, oh, what a sweet and wonderful, magnificent husband He has been." These may be the closest I ever get to GOD, I don't know, but He is in my every thought, now, and He wasn't then.  

Isaiah 54: “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.

Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.

You will forget the shame of your youth

and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

5 For your Maker is your husband—

the Lord Almighty is his name—

the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;

he is called the God of all the earth.

6 The Lord will call you back

as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—

a wife who married young,

only to be rejected,” says your God.

7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,

but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

8 In a surge of anger

I hid my face from you for a moment,

but with everlasting kindness

I will have compassion on you,”

says the Lord your Redeemer.

 

Sometimes Insomnia is From That Dreaded Menopause, Other Times, It's Class Time with GOD.

     First, GOD opens my spiritual eyes to a truth inside His Word but outside the church box. Second, He gives me the faith to believe it is from Him directly, because He proves that it fits historically, and how it reflex His character and tradition from the OT stories and heroes.  Hence, enter the "GOLIATH" What did Goliath do? He challenged the army of the LORD. He used his great height, might, fortitude and military training to intimidate the soldiers. 

     Here is the key, he let his "history" testify to his odds at winning in battle against any Israelite Soldier. There was another who did that and drowned Judah with fear, including the King. Who was that? What did he do? He used his historical military triumphs to invoke fear and take Judah's eyes off what the LORD had been constantly teaching them outside the "church" box for even then. Who was it? Sennacherib. 

     What did the King of Judah do? He laid prostate before the LORD and showed the threats to the LORD at the Temple. Because King  Hezekiah took his fear to the proper place, GOD answered Sennacherib and let him know just Who granted him his past victories. He also prophesied about Sennacherib future and demise at the hand of his own sons.  That's what GOD calls putting a hook in the nose of the arrogant who refuse to give credit Where credit is due. The answer came directly from GOD through the prophet Isaiah, one of GOD"s greatest.

     

     Likewise, GOD isolated David from his brothers who lived out their father's traditions. GOD watched over David while he was the rejected brother. All of that isolation taught David to hear only the voice of YHWH instead of paying more attention to tradition and history. Why was he rejected? Many Rabbinic teachings suggest that David wasn't a full bred of Jesse and his wife, and that was why he wasn't invited to the original dinner with the Seer Samuel. They teach he may have been the son of a harlot, concubine, or even adulterous affair of Jesse's wife. He was thought of as a second-hand son. He was number EIGHT. What does the number eight mean? New beginnings.

     Here's the point. GOD will choose a person. He will watch over that rejected person and open his/her eyes to teachings that surpass tradition and aren't limited to the church box. Then GOD will give that person a Supernatural faith like He gave to David to believe that GOD will do it. While that man/woman of faith is waiting for GOD to do what He showed his unspoken hero just what He can and said He will do with him/her, history, tradition, and naysayers scream into the ears of the woman or man of Supernatural faith, and that hero starts listening more to the naysayers.  He/she then will start to focus on his/her previous history and how nothing that great ever happened to or for or from them before like that, and he/she loses his or her faith that he or she was chosen for anything.

     Does this describe you? Likely, not, because most of you all are happily and soundly sleeping, while we ADHD'ers are up in the middle of the night, not able to sleep, because GOD has another lesson from His Seminary for us.  Too many people will settle for mediocre because it's comfortable, or they don't want to look like a freak  Like Terah, Abram's father, they are okay with "settling in Haran," halfway to the destination.  After that, GOD passes the torch on to another, who He knows will complete the journey.  The rest of the way is the most arduous part of the journey.  It's the road less traveled.  

     The Valley of Achor is what is between us and the promise land, and there's not a more depressing place than the Valley of Achor.  That's when GOD has to step in and give us a push.  There are very few of us fearful/doubting "Biblical" heroes out there. Time and tradition and the naysayers of the world chase us off path on to a  battlefield, and we put on Saul's Armor, until we realize, Saul's armor doesn't fit us.

When You Think You Are The Most Useless, That's When GOD Can Make You the MOST Useful.  

       I just got home from taking my number 7 to her specialist (doctor). (No I didn't drive like this, her father drove us!)   Holding my head up hurts so bad.  We take for granted just how strong our neck muscles and skeletal system is until it doesn't work right, anymore.  It's amazing just how heavy the human skull is.   Narcotics give us a false sense of well-being, and we don't let our bodies convalesce naturally. Having to have used them so many times in my life,  I hate them.  Withdrawal is HELL on earth, let me tell you.  I would so much rather be in pain.   I have learned that physical pain is GOD's way of saying, "Go lay down so you can convalesce."  I'd MUCH rather be able to put together a sentence and remember what I said or wrote.  BUT, I hate hate hate hate not being useful right now.

     Emotional pain is just like physical pain. It's GOD saying, "Go and 'rest' and convalesce in My Word, because your healing is in there. It may take longer than you like, but I have a plan and I AM going to do it My way on My timetable, so that's it. You can't change it, that's the way it is, accept it, and convalesce while I work out My plan!"

   

Thank the LORD for small miracles and Praise Him Greatly for the HUGE ones,

     This blog is going to be a short one, because I cannot sit up very long, but I think on this day, I just have to write it. I've spent the last seven years cutting to pieces my ex-husband. Well,  GOD finally got to me to show me that I have one of the best ex-husbands a woman could have.

     

     Here is a brief history:  February 17, 1985 he asked me to marry him. November 9, 1985 he married me. February 17, 2021 he dragged me into divorce court. Today, of course is the first wedding anniversary that we are not legally wed.  I cried today, I cry every year on this day for the last seven years when he told me he was divorcing me a week before our 29th annivsary.

     This year has been a really rough one for me, as far as my old bones.  I have an old neck, thanks to degenerative disk disease and maximum dosages of radiation on both sides of my neck seven years ago.  I needed a new neck, and I've been pretty incapacitated since the end of July.  

   My ex-husband came to my rescue late at night and brought me to another ER om another hospital in this area and insisted that I get a second opinion.  Long story short, my wonderful Dr. O from Jessamine Medical Clinic made several calls for me and found me a surgeon who would give me a "new neck." 

    

    I found out that on the day of the surgery, my ex-husband called my son several times asking about me and the surgery. He kept calling for updates for the next two days.  I don't remember much of those days, but I know I spoke with him several times. October 23, He showed up early in the morning to wait for my discharge so he could bring me home. He waited all day with me.  He wanted to be the one who brought me home from the hospital. My three youngest who were left in charge of my care, told me that Dad practically carried me up the stairs at 9 pm.  I don't remember any of that.  

 He gave them strict instructions and there were were militant about every detail he gave them. For ex-husbands, he's not so bad. He brought me to the ER when I had a bad allergic reaction to something they gave me. When they asked his relation to me, he said, "I'm her husband."  Each trip to the ER this year, he said that without flinching.  It touched my heart. 

     He didn't want to say ex, because he's not a bad guy, he's a good one who cares about me.  I'm not going to complain. I will cry, but won't complain.  I hate that he's wanted out of the marriage, but this man still comes through when the rubber needs to hit the road, and he's at my house in a jiffy, getting me to whatever hospital or doctor's office I need to go. GOD kept  just enough love in that man's heart, that this weekend, I realized just what a blessing that man has been to me for 36 years, well, 37 if you count today, because it was 37 years ago today that we had our first date! 

Isn't  GOD  Pro-Choice?

      For as much as you are not going to agree with me on this,  as a devoted lover of Yeshua, student of the Whole Counsel of GOD, and faithful servant of the Most High, in the Abortions debate, I am most assuredly pro-choice because YHVH is pro-choice. Point number 1: GOD put the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil INSIDE the Garden of Eden and gave Adam the choice, hence GOD is pro-choice. He wants us to choose the right path. Deuteronomy 28 supports this. GOD wanted his people to choose to obey, and he gave the consequences of obedience versus disobedience. 

     2. Every human created with a brain has a soul. As a woman who has had four miscarriages, I'm well aware that the brain is formed around week five after conception. What I lost was had no brain, because they were too early, yet there was "tissue" there. So, life does begin as conception, but it doesn't always survive. You may call that a weak argument, but thousands of processes have to occur for this to happen. That's why miscarriages are so prevalent. I birthed 8 children, but I had 4 miscarriages, so that is a 50% ratio. That's pretty high. Any abortion done before the brain forms may or may not have been a viable life anyway. (Weak argument, I know, but only GOD knows.) GOD's tests the heart, not the actions. 

    3. Who are having abortions? Is it loving Christian women? I dare say not. GOD told his servants to completely annihilate the Canaanites because of their evil practices. If those types of women had those babies, would they be loved completely? Maybe, maybe not. Would they grow up to become Christians? Maybe, maybe not. The likelihood is about 10% of them. Hence, nine out of ten of those babies born to secular mothers would likely end up in hell with their mothers. I can safely use that figure because I grew up in a secular family and out of six children, I was the only one called and born-again. I am not just talking my nuclear family but grandparents on both sides, plus aunts, uncles and cousins. I am the only lover of Jesus, and have been for 33 years. 

     This leads to point number 4. Why did GOD have His servants annihilate entire nations, including women, children and babies? 1 Samuel 15:3. Did GOD wipe out women, children, infants, and pregnant women at Sodom and Gomorrah, and at Jericho? Yes, He did. Why? Because those children would have grown up to become just like their child-sacrificing, pagan parents, because their parents did, and so on and so forth. So, when GOD wiped the children and infants out, He saved their souls. Are you following me here? Where do these babies go who are aborted who have souls? They go straight to the Father's arms, 100% of them. So, maybe GOD allows abortion in order to save souls. (Romans 8:28) 

     GOD sometimes allows sin to occur if in the end it brings about a good outcome, example, David and Bathsheba - Solomon and the Temple. He doesn't approve of it, but by His Sovereign will, He allows it. Consider the numbers. If say five people plus the mother are involved in a typical abortion, (Nurses, doctors, receptionist, office manager..,) it's likely that five out of those six people will likely end up in hell, whereas the 100% of the babies end up in the Father's arms. 

     LAST and most important point, the anti-abortion movement has become a Jericho's wall, a hill to die on, and sadly those dying are those outside of the church, because this hill and wall is nothing more than combative Christianity. It is keeping unbelievers out of the church, and church people behind their self-built anti-abortion-Jericho's wall.  Yes we are fighting for life, but that's not how the lost see it. As one who was saved at twenty-six and was very much a progressive feminist who was very much pro-choice/abortion then, I can tell you, Satan has filters on their hearts and souls to only see this as combative and hateful Christianity. I went from pro-abortion to anti-birth control.  Only GOD can change a heart that much. The Holy Spirit must come into a heart for it to be able to defeat the filter the enemy has put there to block the Gospel. How many women come to the LORD out of guilt for what they had done? There is the Holy Spirit at work. Again, GOD allowed sin to save a soul. 

     With all this said, the sale of fetus parts is abhorring and an abomination, and those who do this will be called to account. Yet, my arguments are more about the souls of these babies and where they end up, because isn't that what matters more? This life is fraught with pain, (Job 14) and those babies are being spared all that hurt.  It's not about being born, it's about where we end up when we die. Ecclesiastes 4:2. Even Solomon said, blessed are those who are never born. I was born into a horrible family and suffered emotional pain that is indescribable and still am and I am 58 years old. Even my husband bailed on our marriage after 36 years and ten times vowing to remain faithful to GOD, me, and his children. 

     You may think my arguments are weak, however, I don't think like normal people. I think in a different plane. Isaiah 55:8-9. I try to see things from GOD's point of view, and we all know that GOD's point of view is usually opposite of sinful man's point of view.

 YES, YOU CAN LOSE YOUR SALVATION IF YOU NEVER HAD IT TO BEGIN WITH

Once saved always saved is a very dangerous doctrine that is sending multitudes to hell. The pastors are responsible for this, and GOD will hold them to account. It's not because it isn't true, but it's because many people use it as an excuse to live however they want and worship a god they have made up in their head. They think they are worshiping the true GOD, but, they usually aren't if they are living they way they want, not in obedience to the True GOD. Works do NOT save us, but obedience to GOD proves that we are truly His.

Let's examine the word "saved." Notice that it is the past tense of the word. How can we be saved if we are still here on earth. We aren't actually saved until our life is over, and we are securely in Heaven with our Savior. What we are doing down here is as Paul said is, "Working out our salvation with fear and trembling." The fear of GOD is the beginning of wisdom. Those who are "once saved always saved," do not truly fear GOD, because that doctrine has given them a license to live in sin. They say they are not living in sin, but many are deceived. They say, "we are under grace not law," hence they make grace and free will their idol to live however they want.

My (ex) husband says, "We are all sinners." That seems to give him the excuse to abandon all his vows he made to GOD and his family and me ten times? (Eight baby dedications and two wedding ceremonies, one being a Covenant Marriage Ceremony) He is convinced that he's saved, and that GOD is okay with him getting his no-fault divorce. I did not sign any of those papers, and let me tell you, my friend, GOD does not answer to a civil judge. I have tried so hard to tell him that living outside of GOD's will does not make one "saved," as the church teaches. If we choose to live outside of GOD's will, it's because the Holy Spirit is not in us to convict us of truth. If the Holy Spirit is not in us to convict us of the Truth, then we aren't really "saved," now are we?

These carnal-minded people will even go up against the will of GOD, claiming that man has free will, and all sins are forgiven, past, present, future. There is enough truth in that to be deceiving, because that's how the devil works. He puts truth mixed in with his lies to deceive many. They've been taught once saved, always saved, and they use that false assurance as permission from the god they made up in their heads by their faulty reasoning as an excuse for their carnal lifestyles. Jesus says he will vomit these lukewarm, deceived church goers out of his mouth. The Greek word for "spit you out" really means VOMIT. How being called vomit doesn't bother some, behooves me.

 

          My ex-husband used to say all the time that when he did read the Bible, he "got nothing out of it."   That should have been a red flag for me that maybe he was never truly saved.  He lived in partial obedience for much of our married life, but as time moved on, and our tribulations increased, he would complain and say, "I don't see GOD doing anything for me right now."  My comeback was always, "What are you doing for Him."  By that time, GOD was on the back burner, and his hobbies and toys, which changed regularly always took priority, over his marriage, over his children, over the emotional health of his family.

  

     His idea of being the spiritual leader of the family was driving the family vehicle to church every week, and sitting in the pew listening, but not really learning.  There was a reason GOD kept allowing the tribulation of our lives to continue and increase.  I kept telling him that GOD was trying to get his attention to get down on his knees and repent of putting GOD last.  That only served to push him even further away from GOD and me. He had no interest in saving our marriage, and when dual cancers came along, he got out the shovel and buried it. 

Malachi 2:13And this is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and sighing, because He no longer gives attention to the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your marriage companion and your wife by covenant

 

Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love GOD with all our hearts, our souls, and our mind. I don't know about you but when I love someone like that, I'm going to do anything to please them, even if it means living completely contrary to what my carnal flesh desires. I don't claim to know the things of GOD and who will end up where, however, right now it appears as if my ex-husband may not be truly saved, and that grieves me to no end. I know GOD's Grace is huge, but I don't believe it is cheap.

When I cornered him on the divorce, which he held over my head for six years, I asked him, "Is GOD telling you to divorce me. Just give me a yes or no answer." He said no. He admitted to going up against the will of GOD when he divorced every vow he made to GOD and me and his children. At present, he isn't living anything that resembles a devoted life to Jesus and the greatest commandment. I've always believed that you can a person's priority and passion by what's on their Facebook page, and my ex-husband's is replete with his hobby of the month.

We were married legally for 36 years. We attended church from 1989-2014 religiously, pun not intended. We were very involved the in "programs." We homeschooled our children. We had two wedding ceremonies, the first time before we were born-again, and then one in church on our fifth wedding anniversary and made our marriage a covenant marriage. We had eight children, so that's two wedding ceremonies and eight baby dedications which totals ten times my ex-husband vowed to GOD to stay married to the wife of his youth, as the Bible calls me. How does someone just break ten vows to GOD and not feel terribly guilty? I cannot even break one, but that shows where each of our hearts are, and I'm afraid, his heart was never truly belonging to Jesus, ever.

He had gotten his Bachelor's degree in 2010, by going to night Christian college. He didn't pay a dime for it, all was in scholarship and grants. He worked his butt off, working full-time and going to school. When he lost his job, he was able to devote more time to his studies, and the very month unemployment ran out, GOD provided some work with a temp agency. They kept putting him in positions he was unqualified for, and again, he lost those job. In all this, all he did was complain, complain, complain, but never turned this over to the LORD, nor his heart. About the time he finished college, the LORD provided a permanent job, which he still has, but, the pay was less than 1/3 take home he had before. We were thrown in severe financial crisis. Everything started breaking around the house, and we couldn't afford to fix them. Again, he complained that GOD wasn't helping him at all.

The more I tried to encourage him to check his walk with GOD, the further it pushed him away from both of us. It was in 2014 when dual cancers hit both of us that I watched him fade away, and completely give up on GOD. It was as if GOD betrayed him, and that was it for him.

He calls himself a Christian, because he says he believes in Jesus and that Jesus died for his sins. The church tells him that's all that is required, and he believes that he can just go about living a worldly carnal life, going up against GOD's will, destroying his family, and because he believes Jesus died for his sins, that he's okay with GOD. Demons believe in Jesus, and they know he dies for our sins. That makes my ex-husband no different.

Matthew 7:21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; leave Me, you who practice lawlessness.’

 James 2:14 What use is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone says he has faith, but he has no works? Can that faith save him? 17 In the same way, faith also, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.

Matthew 24: 10 And at that time many will fall away, and they will betray one another and hate one another. 11 And many false prophets will rise up and mislead many people. 12 And because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will become cold. 13 But the one who endures to the end is the one who will be saved.

 

I do not know if he is saved, and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it. I told him, I've showed him in Scripture, I've sent videos, and he wants NOTHING to do with it, because he says "he's okay," but he's not.

This has burdened me for seven years. I have gone over and over, trying to find Scriptures to prove that he is truly saved, and I cannot find ones that agree with the whole of Scripture, Old Testament and New. Many times in the Hebrew Scriptures, as I like to call them, GOD sent His prophets to warn them that they had committed spiritual adultery by living their own way and forgetting the GOD who delivered them from Egypt. He even said through the prophets that he would divorce them. And, eventually both kingdoms fell due because they would not turn back and love GOD with all their hearts, all their souls, and all their mind. The Bible says, Jesus is the same, yesterday, today, and always. Henceforth, those who wander away and do not turn back, have proven that they have lost the (false) salvation they thought they had.

I hate what he's done and who he has become, but I don't want him to go to hell. Only GOD can convict people that they have drifted away too far, and only GOD can bring someone back to Him (like the prodigal), however, Hebrews 6 warns us, you can drift too far and it's impossible to bring you back. (At that point GOD hardens their hearts, because He knows that their heart hate Him.)

Hebrews 6:4 For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, 5 and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, 6 and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame. 7 For ground that drinks the rain which often falls on it and produces vegetation useful to those for whose sake it is also tilled, receives a blessing from God; 8 but if it yields thorns and thistles, it is worthless and close to being cursed, and it ends up being burned.

 

SO, YES YOU CAN LOSE YOUR SALVATION BECAUSE YOU MAY NEVER HAD IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!