Who am I? I really do not know, I wish I did.  

I'm not really an author, so to speak.  I may have written a couple of fiction books, against my will, but I did it, anyway.  I hate fiction. I’ve always hated fiction.  When GOD put that silly notion into my head to write a novel, even though I'm not a novelist, I did have one condition though.  I would do it, ONLY if it had a happy ending.  Too many tragic literary fictional stories out there, and life is depressing enough. I surely won’t write anything that is depressing for anyone else.  I don’t see myself as an author by trade, I don't want any money for them, nor do I want to ever write again.  I only did it, because GOD put a story in my head. 

I totally objected to the idea of writing a novel, because I'm NOT a novelist.  I don't want a publishing contract, even if offered one, I won’t sign on any condition, especially if there is money involved.  I don't even want my books really out there until after I'm gone, as in permanently Retired in that Assisted Living Mansion in Paradise, the one Jesus says that he is preparing for me. (John 14).   So, I’m not an author seeking any kind of notoriety,  I'm not a college graduate, unless you want to count four years of college with only an Associate's Degree to speak of? I'm not a seminary student, I have no theological training, unless you count thirty years as a student of the Word, with these last eight being the most intense training and studying 24/7 a person could do.  I even have the Bible or one of those Netflix Gospels playing while I sleep, so I can absorb as much as I can, even while semi-conscious.    

There are three MIA this day my eldest graduated college at 31.

 I'm a mother who has graduated five children into legal adulthood, so I can’t be sued by anyone for anything they do, now. I have three left that are minors that I have to worry about and graduate to legal adult.  I say legal adult, because in the eyes of the law, they are adults, in the eyes of anyone else, that’s left up to interpretations.  GOD told Moses to count only the males twenty and over as adult enough for any kind of military service. (Numbers).   A Levite could not start serving as a priest until thirty. (Leviticus, Ezekiel)

  I'm a wife, but cast aside by a husband who doesn't want to live the Christian life anymore, after 30 years.  I'm not an ex, I'm not the current, but by law, I'm the one who gets to pull the plug.   I'm not old as some would see it, but I'm not young as others would see it. I'm at that dreadful middle-age.  You know, smack dab in the middle, wishing I was young, but not stupid, yet, wishing I was a golden-oldie,  almost done, packing up and getting ready for retirement in Paradise with Jesus.  I’m a nobody who can probably relate to just about everybody.  I’ve been through it all in this fiery furnace of affliction.  

These past years in the furnace, I’ve studied just about every main character in the Bible, backward and forward in order to find some semblance of hope that the fire will go out someday, and the furnace door will open, and I will be delivered from the fire, while in the fire.   Those are my BBF's, (Bible Best Friends), and they all gave me a  reason to put my feet on the floor in the morning, besides my children, who now only have one parent full-time, and another who is paying his "guilt-offering," so he can run off and be with another.  

So, daily, I ask GOD, who am I?  Why did all this awful stuff happen to me?  I’ve lived Job’s life, only not so immediate, but I’ve suffered gradual losses over the years, the kind that just keep picking away pieces of your heart, until you think there’s nothing left to pick away or give away.  There has to be some kind of “Biblical” reason for it, as Romans 8:28 says. (I really hate that verse, it’s never good news when one hears that verse.) I do not handle loss very well, in fact, I handle it quite badly, because I love too big. 

So, I guess: I'm Abram - called out of Ur or in my case – Massachusetts, away from my family of non-believers.  

I'm Leah - the rejected wife who was a dirty man's trick to a "trickster," who competed w/a beauty queen, then her ghost.   

I'm Jacob - the trickster, trying to manipulate GOD, losing all the time, because I'm slow learner

I'm Joseph - rejected by my siblings as the different one, imprisoned for not doing "it" Egypt's way.

I'm Ruth - married to Mahlon, the weakling with no future, a Moabite woman, wishing there was a Boaz for me.

I'm Hannah- barren with no spiritual descendants to speak of waiting for GOD to give me spiritual children.  Worse even than that;

 I’m Peninnah - her rival, used only as a wife to pop out a bunch of babies, because the “wife” my husband really loved, couldn’t.   

I'm David- hunted by a mad king (the devil) wanting to kill me, yet suffering the consequences of my sins brought on by my rebellious discouragement and sinful desire to get even with GOD for breaking my heart.  Yeah, I’m that petty.  

I'm Josiah - The Law has been found under my watch, but GOD's subjects prefer it their own way, as in the book of Judges.

I'm Jeremiah - the weeping prophet with a fire burning inside me that I can't quench, GOD won't put out, and grieving for what I see as not just a lost sheep, but an entire field of them. 

I'm Daniel - trapped in an upper room with only Jesus as my friend, nose buried in the Word, if not in the carpet, sucking up prayer dust mixed with tears. (With an occasional Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-ego who show up at very opportune times, via Twitter, of course.)

I'm Zerubbabel - an exile, wondering if ever we will ever be able to back to Jerusalem and rebuild or are we lost forever, a people forsaken by GOD, so as it seems. 

I’m Paul, a former legalist, who was set apart (and very much alone) in the wilderness for a certain amount of years to learn to hear only the voice of GOD, and not cave to the voice of the masses.  Paul only took three years, (Galatians). I’m a very slow learner, it’s been eight so far for me.

I’m Peter – an impulsive loud mouth with a bit of a temper, who has trouble swearing I’ll do things, then finding I don’t have the strength or stamina to do them, constantly feeling like a failure. 

What about you?  Who are you?  Can you identify with one of these? Maybe you can identify with all of them, like I can. Are you a seed in the soil like me, covered up, buried in the dirt where it's dark, damp and you feel quite alone and despaired wanting to break out of your shell?  Maybe you have a dream bigger than the prison in which your trapped? David did, Joseph did, Jacob did, Josiah did, Daniel did, Zerubbabel did, Ezra and Nehemiah did, and a host of others.

I see Zerubbabel’s prophecy coming to pass at this particular time in history.  It is a prophecy that has been completely ignored by every Bible scholar, the commentators are sketchy on what it meant and why it’s there in Haggai chapter 2.  That’s a hint, you’ll have to go look it up.  It’s in the end of the chapter. Likewise, they were clueless about Zechariah's eight visions, which I think I see happening at this present time. 

Time will tell, because GOD never gave a prophecy that made sense to any of the prophets until after it was fulfilled.  Remember, future proves the past, so after the event, we can go back into the prophecies and see what we thought was just GOD exaggerating or being poetic, was really Him giving us hints and clues of what is to come.  If anyone tells you they have the keys to the end times, consider them a false prophet, because none of us will truly know or understand GOD's time-line until AFTER it has come to pass and played out in the end for GOD's Glory, the Kingdom's sake and in the name of Jesus. 

To Be or Not to Be (a prophet)

     If there is a person out there who wishes to be a prophet, a bonafide actual prophet of GOD, I'm going to come right out and put this as mildly as I can put it. You must be out of your cotton-pickin' mind! I am a born and bred thoroughbred yankee, as in Boston yankee, NOT New York Yankee (God forbid). We don't know how to sugar-coat anything. Why we are like that I can only conjecture. Twenty-four years here in the heart of the Bible Belt, also, and I've still not developed that genteel way of telling someone that they are out of their cotton-pickin' mind. The colloquialism here is, here is, "Bless her heart,” but nope, not me. Not direct enough.

     Why would anyone willingly choose to be the most hated person in the church? The one kicked out of every church they've ever been in, because they are speaking GOD's Word straight from GOD's Word as GOD is directing them, and rubbing people the wrong way, all the time.  If a self-proclaimed prophet is loved by the masses, and happy as a clam, might I suggest that person isn't the real deal. I'm an Old Testament fanatic, and the prophetic books, all 17 of them, are my 2nd favorite things to read and study, my first favorite books to read are the history books. I do so love reading about those poor souls, chosen by GOD to do a mighty work, but thrown in the fiery furnace of affliction for dozen or so years, so GOD could refine the dross out of them. In all 39 of those books, in all the years I've studied, I have never met a happy prophet in the Bible, and I dare say, anyone would be hard pressed to find one.

    In fact, there weren't too many happy ones in the New Testament, either. Now, many of them had the joy of the LORD, but that is way different from being happy. The main reason why they weren't happy was because they were so sensitive to sin, mostly their own, but watching GOD's people fall into apostasy is a very depressing life to lead. Case in point, Jeremiah, who was called the weeping prophet. Imagine GOD saying to you, "Hey, bud, I'm going send you out to a bunch of stone-hearted, stubborn, idolaters, who want nothing to do with Me, who will hate you, probably stone or kill you, and won't believe a word you say, but, you have to go out there, preach the truth, throwing in a few far-in-the-future happy prophesies, not meant for them but their future descendants, until I tell you that your job is done. They won't believe you, they won't listen, and you won't win any of them over. "

"Yeah, Okay, YHVH, I'm all in! NOT!"

     I am a firm believer in the Gifts of the Spirit, and the gift of prophesy, and all the other miraculous ones, the real ones, not the counterfeit gifts most apostate showman tried to pull off to fleece the flock. The gift of prophecy, however, is not the same as the office of prophet. It's the difference between knowing everything there is to know about all the history of the U.S. Presidencies, and being one of them. So, if GOD called to me and say, "Hey girlie..., " My answer would be:

"I'll consider it, ONLY when pigs fly and there is blizzard in Hell, ON the same day."

      There is way too much room for error in my life for me to be 100% right all the time, a definite requirement of the office holder according to Deuteronomy 13 & 18. That being said, I may not know all the Presidents, in order, by year, their Cabinet, policies or accomplishments, but I can study everything there is to know about their office and administrations.  We can do the same in the Hebrew Scriptures, and I've done my share of years of studying them.  I have a feel for how some of them felt. For every one authentic prophet in the Hebrew Scriptures, there were hundreds of fake ones. The fake ones were loved by the people and the apostate kings of the divided kingdoms. The real ones were persecuted, beaten up, and some were stoned to death, and one was allegedly sawed in half while upside down on a wooden X. You can research which ones were which.

     Poor Jeremiah,  I think he had the worst fate. Besides being hated by everyone, he didn’t get the relief of an early death. That poor man had to watch all of his devastating prophecies come to pass to the nation he loved. The fake ones told the people what they wanted to hear, the real ones told the truth. (See Kings 22 for a good example)  Another reason it's not good to be a prophet is  you become a prime target for Satan's minions of with a life-size fluorescent target on your back. The hateful minions will attack you, the sly ones will trick you with false thoughts and false visions. 

       If one doesn't know how GOD speaks, because one doesn't know the prophetic books inside, outside, upside-down, one is subjective to planted thoughts and demonic trickery. Paul is clear about our battle. It's not with flesh and blood but principalities and authorities of this dark world. Hebrews is clear, there is nothing God wants to tell us that doesn't come straight out of the Whole Counsel of GOD, both Testaments. 

   Prophets in the Old Testament were sent to give direct messages to people, mostly a kingdom or nations as a whole, but in these latter days, everything we need is in GOD's word. We do not need anyone coming up to us with a message from GOD. If someone comes up to you and says, "I have a message for you from GOD,”" You're response should be., "No thank you, He can tell me Himself."

     Nine times out of ten, they are trying to fleece you, or shame you, or condemn you. A fake prophet will not allow anyone to correct them. The self-proclaiming ones put themselves so high up on their own pedestal, it's hard to believe they don't get nose bleeds, daily. They claim to be humble, but true humility is in their willingness to learn from others. Most of them know the words in the Word, but not the principal and cultural meaning behind the ancient words. They quote mainly from the New Testament, and they will quote the old familiar passages, usually out of context. They will tell you not to touch the LORD's anointed. That is your red flag to run, and run as fast and as far way as you can.   

    There's a favorite I learned these past few years, and that is "Future proves past." There is so much truth to that. Even the disciples did not understand half of what Jesus said, or the prophecies he quoted, until after the event came to pass. Then, the event fit into the puzzle of prophecy. I am willing to bet, that there are events coming to us that no one has foreseen.  YHVH GOD never lets mankind predict His next move, even is the arrogance of man thinks he knows.  After an event happens, we will find it in Scripture and be like slapping ourselves upside the head, wondering how we didn't see that coming! Another sure fire way to tell a real prophet from a false one is the profit's bottom line! If that has to be explained, you have more problems than just not being able to discern prophets from profits.

TOP TEN REASONS

THERE WILL BE NO DIVORCE

 

 Disclaimer: This is GOD's command for me and in NO way meant to judge or shame anyone who has gotten a divorce.  

It is not a matter of a love between a man and a woman, because that is long gone, never to return.  I don't love or live with my husband.  Everyone asks me why would I want to stay married to a man who doesn't want me, who doesn't love me, and who I don't love, or want to be trapped married to and risk being miserably “alone”  for the rest of my life?  My answer, I do not want to do this, but there is a higher purpose in making the difficult choices. 

 More than two years ago, he began a  new relationship, with another woman, so Biblically speaking, I’m entitled to a divorce.  So, if I'm Scripturally entitled to a divorce, why don't I? Simply put: I am unconventional woman.  I don't break a promise. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I said all those promises not just to my husband, but more importantly, I said those vows to GOD.     

I truly believe that  I was appointed to do this by GOD, to take this stand, because He knew that I have a strong enough will to stand against the tide, and stick to my guns.  He knew that if attacked for my stance, it would only strengthen my resolve to see this through.  GOD hasn't given up on me, so, I'm just going to have to see this through, even if it sucks the big one, and believe me, it does.   I have more  "dark nights of the soul" in this than most people could bear in a lifetime.  I've cried four ocean's worth of tears, and I have feared being alone and miserable for the rest of my life. I have shaken my fist at GOD, taken tantrums like a regular toddler, because I am mad at him for giving me what seems like a death sentence for my heart.  So, why do I do it? Well, here are the Top Ten reasons there will be NO divorce: 

 1. Although, we married 34 years ago as non-Christians, five years later, after both becoming Christian, we re-did our vows in a covenant marriage ceremony in our church in front of our church family.  It was there that we made it a covenant marriage. A covenant is a solemn vow, one that cannot be broken.  Covenant marriages are when a husband and wife vow to each other, but more importantly, to GOD that they would not divorce. The Bible is very specific about making and keeping vows to God. God makes covenants with us, and He is not allowed to break His word.  Therefore, if GOD will not break His covenant with me to be part of the "bride of Christ," then I will not break my covenant with Him to remain a "wife" to my earthly husband.  We as a church have forgotten what the word covenant means.  Too many of us do not take that word serious, any more. 

 2.  Not only did we vow not to divorce each other to each other and to GOD, but eight times, at eight child dedications, we vowed to raise our children in a Christian home in the admonition of the LORD. To me, it looks bad to my children if I go back on my word to GOD. I must prove to my children that my word is good. A covenant means something, and throwing promises around and breaking them, is the same thing as lying.      

3. I want to teach my children that sometimes to do the Biblical thing is the hardest, most self-sacrificing choice one could make. Hundreds of martyrs have made much harder decisions, like choosing to be burned at the stake for the cause of Christ, and others much worse deaths and torture for him.  I truly believe that God told me, specifically, NOT to file for divorce, and not to sign if he files. It has been the most ridiculously difficult thing to do, but I love GOD more than myself, and I want my children to see a love so deep, that it is willing to give up anything to be true to it, even if it hurts, and believe me, this is killing me from the inside out.

4. I am not sure if God wants to use this event or decision for something bigger than myself. Divorce is a Goliath cancer in the church and my Stone is Jesus Christ. I told my husband that he was free to file, but I wouldn’t sign the papers. It’s a no fault divorce state, here in Kentucky, but I told him that Jesus Christ is my Lawyer and not only is His retainer the big fat goose egg, I wouldn’t recommend him going up against Jesus with any human lawyer or judge.  Jesus never loses.  Maybe Jesus was waiting for someone to have enough faith to believe that one small sacrifice could institute an enormous change, not by my might, or by my strength of will, but by His Spirit. (Zechariah 4:6)

5. Maybe He will use this heartache and sacrifice as his miraculous healing of the Goliath of cancer in the church, or better yet, as part of the last days' revival and soul harvest. It's a huge leap of faith, I know this, as well as a  major risk, but how many times in the Bible does it say to trust in the LORD fully. This is really stepping off that cliff and believing Jesus is there to catch me. It's not easy. It's like jumping out of an airplane and only going on the parachute's manual that it will open.  

6. Being a human and a woman scorned, I figured that I put in 30 yrs into this marriage, and I was the best wife I could be. I wasn't a great wife, as I did not have a good example to follow coming from a home where my parents hated each others guts, but I gave it all I had. I have earned a wife's rights, and I am NOT about to give those rights up. I am too stubborn to let him get away with throwing me away like and old newspaper.

7. As a parent, I do not reward my children for bad behavior, because it only encourages more bad behavior.  He left me during my cancer treatments, because he said he didn't want to be married to anyone, nor would he ever get involved with another woman. Four agonizing years later, while I rotted away, trapped not able to move forward, or be loved by another man, now he wants to move on, as he has gotten involved with another woman. ummm, sorry, but no, not gonna happen. He left me here, devastated, and there is NO way, he is going to ride off in the sunset with another woman after the way he treated me the last two decades of our marriage. Some may find it vengeful, but, again, I see it as not rewarding bad behavior.  GOD does not give us what we want when we turn our back on him, so I am following GOD's example. (Psalm 66:18)

 8. God will not honor or recognize what a human judge says, anyway.  God is not limited by civil law. We may be "divorced" in terms of civil law, but because it's a covenant marriage, in GOD's eyes, he won't recognize the civil divorce. It may be legal here, but it's not legal in heaven. God does not answer to man, but rather man answers to GOD.

 9. With that in mind, if I did let him have an unrecognized civil divorce, not recognized by GOD, then I would be aiding and abetting another man and woman in an adulterous relationship in GOD's eyes.  If they choose to carry on, that is between them and GOD.  I answer to GOD for what I do, they answer to GOD for what they do. 

10. Last, but not least, because of this agony of the last six years, I have been in an intense study of GOD's heroes in the Bible, male and female. I noticed that He set apart certain individuals to do what most people would not do; stand out from the crowd on principle.  He promised them rewards and honor if they did the right thing. What they had to do was intensely difficult, Joseph, waiting in a dungeon for no specific time period, not knowing if he'd get out, or David, hiding in a cave from a mad king bent on killing him. Twice, David could have taken matters into his own hands, and taken out King Saul, it would have been his right to, yet he did not, he let GOD decide when he would take the throne. Rizpah, Elizabeth, Hannah, Ruth, Naomi, Abraham, Sarah, Mary, and many more all suffered these horrible waiting periods of doing the extraordinary to see the Supernatural. They were set apart, honored by GOD, trusted by GOD to wait out the painful periods and persecution. I aim to do the same.     

 If I succeed in honoring GOD and my word and suffer through the pain of it, therein lies a reward for me, not just in heaven, but in this life, also. (Psalm 27:13, Joel 2:25,  Zechariah 9:12, Ephesians 3:20)  GOD promised me more than I could ever ask or imagine. I've never had more than I could ever ask or imagine, and I want to know want the looks and feels like.

ADDENDUM:  He got his divorce after seven years of hell separated.  Now, there will be a price to pay, and he will pay dearly for it.  I've written about it in my most recent blog post. https://jeremiahinjobsworld.blogspot.com/2021/07/in-hallway-of-hell-and-how-mormons.html

 

But Jesus wasn't political or was he?

Donald Trump isn't a Christian, or is he?

     I take risks, I take a lot of risks. Living in the safe zone is boring, but taking risks hurts, especially when I lose. I wish I could say that all the risks I've taken were successful. I wish I could say that some of the risks I took were successful, and I really wish I could say one to a few of the risks I took were successful, but from my perspective, I'm a total failure. That's my perspective, but with GOD, that's never His.

     Like Moses I can't speak to save my life, so I write. I write, edit, write, edit, write, edit, until I can make some sense out of it for my readers. With that being said, I've spent so much time in the Old Testament just to find some semblance of hope, that I have found some clues, prophesies, and hints that maybe, end-days prophecies by contemporary Bible scholars have gotten it wrong.

     Go with me for a minute here. If you recall, the disciples were completely clueless as to their Jewish Messiah, Yeshua's (Jesus) mission. They did not even know he was their Messiah until late in his ministry, and they did not understand his Divinity until after his life, death and resurrection. Even then, they didn't have the full story until the Holy Spirit enlightened them on Pentecost. These wonderful dedicated men were not Biblical scholars and Sha'ul (Paul his Greek name) the Apostle had to put some of the final pieces together for them.

  

      Saul, knew the prophecies for the future, yet, even he didn't see a spiritual Savior of mankind coming then. That was the mystery that was revealed. Saul didn't recognize the Messiah until Jesus appeared to him on the Damascus road. It took a Supernatural event, and enlightenment from GOD to convict him. Even after he was converted, Paul had to spend years all alone being taught by the Holy Spirit in the desert (See Galatians). I think Paul learned more and more as he wrote the letters of his Epistles. I know that because it is while I write, it's as if GOD is speaking to me through my finger-tips. Sometimes, the words flow through my finger tips before my brain has time to process them.

     Even as the scholar he was, even he did not know that two thousand years would pass before the second coming. He was convinced Yeshua would return in his time. I will go as far as to say that he had no idea that his letters would later be considered Scripture on equal basis with the Prophets of the Tenakh, as it was called then. Imagine writing something which would become the equivalent of the Torah! That's unthinkable, yet, at that present time, not knowing what the future would bring, Paul just wrote some simple love letters to the people he loved the most, his brethren.

     It was a very turbulent time back then to be a follower of "The Way" as it was called. I do believe that we are in such a time as this. We need to re-think what we've been taught about the last days by men who lived a few decades to a few centuries ago. I hear multiple pastors and Bible teachers say that things are getting worse and worse, and these are the beginning birth pains spoken of by Jesus. Well, as someone who has been through 240 weeks of pregnancy cumulatively, and 75 hours of labor from start to finish, I get that whole birth pains thing.

    Through my own life in the fiery furnace of affliction for most of my life, and having literally lived in the Bible, I have noticed is that history always repeats itself. So if it happened in the natural during those days before Yeshua came, then it happens again in our time in the Spiritual, but on a massive grander scale.

     YHVH GOD never ever lets man predict His next move. He is always tripping man up, because man can be so arrogant at times. Just like the disciples and the religious scholars of the days when Jesus walked the earth. Back then they were absolutely convinced based on the prophecies in Scripture, what they call the writings and the Prophets, or the Tanakh, they were expecting a political savior. Yet, GOD had a spiritual victory in mind. I do think that GOD has something up His sleeve based on Old Testament prophecies (Haggai 2- Zechariah 1-9) that are "skipped over" by Biblical scholars, and have been for five hundred years. I believe He is going to do something no one else has suspected. Isn't that just like GOD? I think GOD did have a political savior in mind for His people, but it wasn't for then, but for right before the Second coming. I do believe now is the time. 

     When GOD plays out His plan, and does something man never saw coming, it's then when we find it in Scripture and we think, "Oh, that’s what He meant!" Isaiah 41 says, "I have aroused one from the north, and he has come; From the rising of the sun he will call on My name; And he will come upon rulers as upon mortar, Even as the potter treads clay." A perfect example of future proves past is the Zechariah prophesy about "Your king comes riding in on a donkey, the colt of a donkey." I'm sure that the Bible scholars of that day had NO vision of their Messiah actually riding into Jerusalem on a donkey, and when he did, they still didn't get it, until after the Holy Spirit enlightened them and reminded them of the Zechariah 9 prophesy. Personally, I believe this Scripture refers to President Donald J. Trump, he surely fits the description, now doesn't he, after all, he has just about stomped out the entire deep state cabal, single-handedly, with the help of the Almighty, of course.

     This political savior will save mankind and GOD's people for a respite, a short one before the wrath of GOD is spoken of in the Prophets, known as the Days of Jacob's trouble. I also believe that in the eye of this political storm, GOD has designed it as a world-wide last days' revival on a massive scale like we have never seen before since the beginning of time. How will it happen? The only way a true revival can happen as spoken by the prophet Zechariah, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit, Says the LORD of hosts."   This revival will not be in Gentile New Testament Church as they predict, but outside of it in the Messianic Hebrew roots movement, and the majority of the church as we know it will miss it.  

     Our political messiah, (which means anointed one) is about to unleash some serious justice on the global elitists who tried to bring in their own New World Order, before its time. Yes, there will be a New World Order as spoken of in Scripture, but it will be far worse than what we have seen in the past, because it's coming back but it will be far far worse than any trial and tribulation we have experienced so far.

The Men Who Rejected Me 

These past six years have been simply dreadful, however, the lessons I've learned have been invaluable.  I didn't understand the purpose in the gut-wrenching "rejection" of two men I had loved deeply in my lifetime, until GOD showed me the most intimate portrait of His love for us.  

The first man was the one I joined in marriage, the one who walked out after twenty-eight years of my faithfulness and love for him.  He is the one who told me during my cancer treatments that he was going to file for divorce when the treatments were over, but that he would stay and help out around the house until then.  Yeah, I know, nice guy huh? We had eight children together, and it wasn't until after GOD took him away did I realize that his love for me or GOD was never really true and  it faded over the years.  He he gave up on our marriage,  on our eight children and worst of all, he gave up on GOD.  He lost all hope for the future and never truly had  any vision of doing anything in the Kingdom for GOD.  The Bible says, for lack of vision, my people perish, and he had no vision.  (Those verses are in Proverbs and Hosea.)    

The second man GOD brought to me a year after my husband left.  GOD showed me in this man was a beautiful heart that lie underneath a lot of pain.  I fell deeply in love with his soul, and I loved beyond my own ability to stop it.  It was a pure kind of  love that GOD put in my heart, one I could not make go away.  The only thing I ever wanted back from him was love, yet, he gave nothing but indifference back to me.  I tried to help him in any way he needed help, especially if I was in the position to help him, and by the generous Hand of GOD, I was at the time.  He knew how deeply I loved him, and how faithful I was to him, regardless of his opinion of me.  It was obvious by his words and actions, it was his intention to hurt me.  Yet, for these past four heart-wrenching years, I still love the man inside, even though I've asked the LORD to take away this love in my heart for him.  GOD has denied me that deliverance or freedom, so I'm trapped in this prison of rejection by both men. GOD has shown me that this is how we treat Him. We are indifferent to His love and providential Hand in our lives.  Yet, with all we do to ignore and try to block Him out of our lives, He loves us with an abiding and endless love. 

Two Chrismas's ago, I sought the carpenter out and gave him a gift which he wasn't expecting, because he had blocked me from his phone and his life.  It took great effort, because he had blocked all means of communication, and he had moved.  I couldn't understand why I would even want to do that because he was so mean to me.  This was not normal love, nor was it an obsessive kind of love, but one that I did not understand.  It was an unselfish kind of love, because the last thing I wanted in my life was another man who didn't love me. Twenty-eight years of that was enough.  I knew I had to do it, though, even though, he didn't deserve it, and the little spit-fire that I am, I would have NEVER been so generous with someone like him before this Agape love invaded my heart.  I knew it was of GOD. It was a gift of grace, the same kind given to me, one that I didn't deserve  thirty years ago, when GOD reached down from heaven and touched my rebellious heart.  This man gladly accepted the gift, slammed the door in my face and  remained aloof toward me, wanting nothing at all to do with me.  

     GOD showed me as Jehovah-Jireh, the provider, He wants to show us His grace by giving us gifts we don't deserve or expect.  Yet, we find new creative ways to block GOD's reach into our lives.   

 This man is always on my mind, everyday, for these past four years, even though I've tried to be rid of him in my heart to no avail.  I couldn't understand why, until GOD showed me that we are in His thoughts daily.  I long to forgive this man of all his hurtful behavior, but he hasn't come to the point where he sees his treatment toward me as hurtful and harmful, nor has he asked for forgiveness.  Jesus commands us to forgive, but if you read all the context around his parables and commands, there is always a sinner seeking forgiveness.  It's the same way with GOD. He longs to forgive us, but until we reach the point where we know that we need that forgiveness, it is impossible for Him to extend it.  One can't give a gift to someone that the recipient doesn't want the gift.  

    GOD longs to forgive us, yet, has to wait until we can see inside ourselves and our indifference and uncaring behavior toward Him, as well as understanding truly our unworthiness of His grace and love. He wants our hearts to love His way more than we could ever know.  He is jealous for it.  I know the pain of that wait, and sadly, I know it all too well.  I flood my pillow with tears, every night.  This is one of my battles with GOD.  He knows the outcome, I do not, thus, we are at a stalemate.  He put this love my heart, and this hope that his heart would be completely surrendered to GOD, yet, I see no trace.  GOD is waiting for him as much as I am.  He won't give me the opportunity to extend love and grace unto this man, because GOD knows that at present, this man is so very undeserving of my love and grace.  

 I understand GOD's love for us, now, so much better.   It is the same kind of love I have for the men who rejected me.  It is a love I can't control and it's against my own will to want to love either of them. It is ingrained in me and I cannot make it go away, anymore than GOD can make His love for us go away.  This is GOD's spirit of love and grace toward us. It's a love beyond all human capacity to understand it. This love GOD calls Agape love, and let me tell you, it hurts, and it hurts a lot when it's not returned.  

TIME TO GET IN THE KNQW

       

     I know that you are probably going to think that I've lost my marbles, all of them, not just the sum of them that I had lost over these past few years, but bear with me, because I've actually found a few! I know to some, this is going to sound like fiction, but know this, I hate fiction, even if I've written a few fictional books. (It wasn't by my choice, but by GOD's calling. More on that later, much later.) 

     When it comes to my blogs, they are completely NON-FICTION, TRUTH, as best as I know it. I do NOT lie, ever, because I hate liars. There is no simpler way to put that.  

     So, if you haven't lived in a cave, you may have heard of this Qanon, or Q conspiracy thing on the news. To be sure, this is NOT a political post, because I try to avoid politics at ALL costs, however, there are times when that is not possible. This is about good verses evil. GOD is not republican or democrat, GOD is GOD. However, even Jesus when questioned about taxes by the Pharisees, addressed the issue, brilliantly, of course. And the brave last Old Testament prophet John-the-Baptist was beheaded for approaching a political leader and calling him on something so wrong. 

   Plenty of Old Testament prophets were called to confront the kings of the divided nation of Israel, both the northern and the southern kingdoms. GOD called Jeremiah, a prophet to the nations. He and Isaiah both had to confront and advise kings. These were all laymen, not military advisors, or brilliant scholars.  You don't have to worry about this lay-woman, I have no intention of advising anyone above my level of intelligence.

     So, this non-prophet research junkie has done some serious investigating into Qanon. Here's the shortened version, because if you try to keep up, like I've tried to keep up, you may find yourself lost in cyberspace or the rabbit hole in Alice and Wonderland and very dizzy. Qanon has been labeled a conspiracy theory as alleged by the main stream media, however, one cannot call something a conspiracy when the other party has rock-solid, and I mean digital-copies of proof of EVERYTHING that the "enemy" of the state has done. 

     There has been an underground (straight from hell) movement by the devil to employ certain individual to become enemies of the  the world by creating a shadow government forming into a global one world government. A shadow government is one that is illegal and exists to destroy the legal one.  

     Ecclesiastes tells us that nothing there is nothing new under the sun. So, if it happened in the natural in the Old Testament, then in the present/latter days, it will happen in a spiritual sense, but on a much larger scale. This is why I find credibility to the Q-movement. It is in the Old Testament in what is call a portrait of future events.      

   

       . 

    When the seventy years of exile were up for Judah, GOD sent the Persians in to take down the evil ruler of Babylon.  That ruler was the pagan King Cyrus.  God used a pagan general, King Cyrus, to conquered the evil Belshazzar (King of Babylon at that time) by re-directing the Euphrates River and essentially sneaking in under the city walls through the channels that brought water into the city. In similar fashion, an underground group of highly intelligent individuals the "white hats" are re-routing and tracking cyber-traffic of the black  hats or bad actors, and collecting evidence so that they can essentially walk in and take down those corrupt individuals. 

     

    These people have have taken control of our banking system, i.e. the Federal Reserve System, which is unconstitutional, by the way, and our military by trying to make it weak. They create false flags, disaster events that take away the attention of their intentions. They have turned our news media  into a propaganda machine, and have begun this indoctrination early by invading our education system,just like Hitler did in the 1930's, by indoctrinating children. This is called social engineering, and they have used it brilliantly to play us against each other. 

    

     I have a theory based on an unfulfilled prophecy of the Old Testament in Haggai 2, that we are living in a Biblically historical time. It's not what most Bible teachers teach, it's not about the Rapture, or Jesus coming any day now, but about something called Zerubbabel's prophecy.  I do believe that Qanon is GOD's way of opening up a roadway to complete the mission that Luther began, the Reformation, but this time, correctly. Only time will tell if I am right, because as Q says, "The future proves the past."  

     #WWG1WGA  

     

     

Life is GOD's Play 

and we are His actors.

    First let me start off with, GOD is GOOD all the time, and life is hard. Second, GOD is good, life is hard, and sometimes, is just doesn't feel like GOD is good all the time. As a mother of eight, I learned this very early in life, and this is what I teach my children. With all that I've have been through in my life in the fiery furnace of affliction, and with all that I have studied about the GOD of the Bible, I see life looking down at it from above. I know that makes no sense, so let me try to explain with a metaphor. I think in metaphor, it’s my primary language.

     I see life as a grand play, and GOD is the Master Playwright, the Producer, the Director, the Choreographer, and the Composer. GOD's Production is a love story, a tragedy, a musical and a comedy all in one long-enduring Script. We are His players, reading from a script pre-written by GOD. No, we are not puppets, but because GOD is all knowing, and because GOD knows the next thing out of our mouths. (Psalm 139), He has allowed for that in what He has planned. I call this Play, “Life, Creation to Redemption: A Love Story” GOD calls some of us to have starring roles in His Play, such as King David, Abraham, Moses, Noah, Esther, Ruth, Nehemiah, Peter, Paul, and the like. In every era there are starring roles, and not just from Biblical times, such as Martin Luther, Jonathan Edwards, Charles Spurgeon, and of course our contemporary, Billy Graham. Every player isn't just good ones, either.  There are antagonists in GOD's Play.

     Then there are supporting cast, Katherine Martin, Ruth Graham, Abraham Lincoln, and all the world leaders. There are some larger supporting roles than others, but obviously, there are more supporting roles than starring roles. In the same respects, there are extra’s in every play, and there are more of those than supporting roles. Everyone on stage is a part of the Kingdom of GOD, or saved. The group that is the largest is the audience. They are the non-believers, the skeptics. They are only viewers of the play, they are watching us players. Some will be convinced to leave the audience and join the play, but that is pre-written by GOD, also. Some will become extras, some will become supporting cast, and some will become the stars.

     As the Playwright, Director, Producer and Choreographer, GOD writes into His Play when we enter the scene and when we exit it. All of it is pre-written. We die when we are written to die, and we cannot be taken out of GOD’s Script until that day. To some extent, we get to decide what part we want to play in GOD’s Play called Life. We can choose based on our faith in who GOD is and His ability to carry out His plan. Again, all our roles are based on the degree of our faith in GOD. God has pre-written our roles, based on His Foreknowledge.

     Just as a casting director chooses his cast based on what he knows about a particular actor and their abilities, strengths, weaknesses and faith in his craft, God chooses us based on His foreknowledge of what we will accomplish by His Power and Provision. Now, this is my favorite part, because the Playwright lives outside of time, the Play is already written and etched in stone. Nothing will change what He has written. Think about watching a movie multiple times. You know what’s coming, you know the ending, and nothing is going to change that movie script, no matter how many times you watch it, because it is already written, produced, played, and filmed. It’s that way in the Heavens. We can’t change GOD’s play and there is no scene He hasn’t already seen.

     GOD is in the Spiritual and His Story was written in the Secret Place in the Spiritual, while His Play is lived out in natural time.  Some people are given a sneak preview of future scenes, or a vision/glance at what their role in GOD's play will end up being or accomplishing.  Natural time has to catch up with the pre-written script that is past tense in the Spiritual Realms, which has no time, because it's eternal. 

     Let me explain: It is a known fact that the closer one is to a gravitational pull, the slower time moves and the further away it is from gravity, the faster time moves.  For example, in 1976 to measure this theory of Einstien’s, the Smithsonian Astrophysical Observatory sent a rocket carrying a clock 6,000 miles away from the ground where gravity is weaker. When it had returned, the time was different in the rocket than time here on earth, by about one second for every 70 years. So, if GOD is outside of the universe, because He created it, then it stands to reason this play we are in, called Life, is already done and over with in the Spiritual.

     I find this extremely comforting, because what this means is that whatever it is that GOD has already called me to, I can’t fail, because it’s pre-written and in the Spiritual, already accomplished by His Power and design. I hope that you find as much comfort in your planned success as I have in this little truth and metaphor. GOD is the beginning and the end, and your role in His Play is written and accomplished, now walk in that faith and trust that the Playwright will get it done.