Cain's Candy
I don't know
about you, but I'm definitely a junk food junkie. Give me Jolly Rancher
Gummies over a salad, and I'm going for the Gummies. Given a chocolate
bar with almonds over fish, and I'm all about that protein in the almonds
smothered in chocolate than the nastiness of that fish smell in my breath and
in my home. Candy is great when the days are long, the nights are
lonely, and the tears keep falling, however, even though it may brighten my
mood slightly, that sweetness and "pleasurable" feeling I get from
the candy is about as nutritious to my emotional health as the empty calories
are to my body.
I started working at a food pantry a couple of years ago. I don't
get paid cash, but my refrigerator has never been more full. Everyday, I
come home with more produce and bakery products than I've seen in a
lifetime. Before, when I had a real job, paying me cash, I could never
afford the fruits and produce I can now provide for my children that has
over-filled my fridge. Being a single mother, who needs to stay home so
that I can homeschool my children, and whose estranged husband
abandoned his role as husband and father, it is by the Grace of GOD, my husband
is still providing for his children, at least for now. It's his blood
money so that he doesn't have to raise his children and some how feel like he's
contributing, in other words, his guilt offering.
He forks all his pay
over to us, but he wants nothing to do with being a husband, father, protector
or Christian anymore. One thing I've learned through this hell I'm living
as a rejected wife is that an authentic man of GOD never walks away from his
true responsibility as protector and spiritual leader. The husband/father
role is as the priest of the family, it's his job to care for the flock, and
the wife/bride, represents the church. A man who walks away from his own
church is like a Cain in the Bible. He certainly is no devoted
Abel. I married Cain and not Abel, but what did I know, when I married
him? I knew there was a Bible in existence, but I did not
even know that there were two parts to it. I was a good catholic, I went to mass every week, CCD classes, and I got confirmed. After that, my mother said I didn't have to go anymore, so I didn't. That is the typical catholic in New England, we believe in drive-thru mass. Stop at the box, pick up your wafer, and away you go, until next week.
That my friend is a Cain, and not an Abel. In chapter 4 of Genesis, which is the book of firsts, not a complete record of every child Adam and Eve birthed, we are introduced to just two of their sons, likely their firsts. In this account, many of us are somewhat confused about why GOD accepted Abel's offering but rejected Cain's. I have heard so many speculative reasons why GOD accepted one and not the other, but the one Flavius Josephus offered in his historical writings, The Antiquities of the Jews, seems to be the best. There is no better way to describe what he said, other than quoting it exactly, so pay attention, this is some really good stuff:
That my friend is a Cain, and not an Abel. In chapter 4 of Genesis, which is the book of firsts, not a complete record of every child Adam and Eve birthed, we are introduced to just two of their sons, likely their firsts. In this account, many of us are somewhat confused about why GOD accepted Abel's offering but rejected Cain's. I have heard so many speculative reasons why GOD accepted one and not the other, but the one Flavius Josephus offered in his historical writings, The Antiquities of the Jews, seems to be the best. There is no better way to describe what he said, other than quoting it exactly, so pay attention, this is some really good stuff:
"Now the two
brethren were pleased with different courses of life: for Abel, the younger,
was a lover of righteousness; and believing that GOD was present at all his
actions, he excelled in virtue; and his employment was that of a
shepherd. But Cain was not only very wicked in other respects, but was
wholly intent upon getting, and he first contrived to plough the ground.
He slew his brother on the occasion following---They had resolved to sacrifice
to GOD. Now Cain brought the fruits of the earth, and of his husbandry; but
Abel brought milk, and the first-fruits of his flocks: but GOD was more
delighted with the latter oblation, when he honored what grew naturally of its
own accord, than He was with what was the invention of a covetous man, and
gotten by forcing the ground; whence it was that Cain was very angry that Abel
was preferred by GOD before him; and he slew his brother, and hid his dead
body, thinking to escape discovery."
Basically what Josephus is
saying is that Cain's offering was given out of force and greed of wanting to
get back from GOD. Cain's work involved toiling the earth with greed,
planting and harvesting without limit, in other words, enough was never enough
for Cain. Whereas, Abel's giving was out of his heart, from the life GOD
gave in his flocks. Abel was patient enough to wait for life to be
brought forth, naturally, rather than to force it by his own means. Abel
also gave a blood offering to cover his sins, which gave his sacrifice much
more weight and depth of his heart toward GOD and his relationship with
the LORD. Cain could have given his offering with a sacrifice of blood,
and it would have been just as acceptable in GOD's sight, however, Cain's offering
was carnal, in flesh, and of the flesh. It was by the work of his own
hands. It was what he thought best, not what GOD required or wanted of
him. GOD had no part in Cain's sacrifice. Let me speculate as to
what was in Cain's heart.
I'm going to assume if Cain
were in today's church, he'd be the guy sitting up in the back balcony of the
mega-church, where no one could bother him. When the time of the offering came,
he dropped his minimal amount, the least he could "legally give," out
of compulsion, not out of thanksgiving, because he's been taught, if he drops a
check in the basket, GOD will provide for his needs. His life, however,
is his own, and GOD has no business getting into his business. He has
free will, and he's taking FULL advantage of that gift. He expects GOD to
give, and as long as GOD keeps giving, he'll keep making his appearance in that
balcony seat, and dropping that check in the basket, but once the supply that
he feels was adequate, becomes not to his heart's desires, and GOD starts letting things fall apart, well, that's
the end of his giving. If being a "Christian" is going to start
hurting, financially, emotionally, or spiritually and interfere with his
happiness, well then being devoted is not worth the pain.
I've had my share of hurts,
since I was six years old, that's the first time the bottom fell out for
me. I've known the bottom to fall out so many times, that I don't even
remember there being a bottom. The candy became sparse for a few years
during the last half of our marriage. I was getting about as much candy
and sugar as I was getting love from my husband. Both of us were
suffering in our flesh. Neither of us was satisfied with our
life here. Everything that could go wrong or break, did go wrong and
broke. If GOD wants to use a real Christian, he's going to crucify
that flesh, and if that means burning it off, prepare to be burned beyond
recognition. What comes forth out of that is liquid gold. It still
burning while it's hot, but it's being purified in the heat.
A few
years back, I bought a new laptop, because my estranged husband, who until
recently, never said no to anything I wanted to buy, (his guilt offering), gave
me the money to buy one. I never even opened the box when I got
home. The thought occurred to me that to type a blog or work for GOD with the money he
let me have would be the same as Cain's offering, in my eyes. It was
blood money, but not the right kind. It wasn't a sacrifice that matter to
GOD. My husband broke ten vows to the LORD. He has given up on
everything we ever had in our hearts as a goal for our family. He doesn't
want GOD to tell him what to do. He even told me once that GOD wants him
to be happy and live on his own, and that GOD told him that. It wasn't GOD
speaking, I can guarantee you that, but to my Cain, even just the thought of
it, because he thought it, makes it truth. I, like Jesus, am devastated at
his attitude and way of life, now, and the last thing I want from him is any of
his dirty money. He's divorcing me over money now, after six years of
estrangement, because he has a lot of it suddenly, and he doesn't want me
to get my "fair share," as his wife of 34 years.
That money is dirty in mine
and GOD's eyes, because my husband not only served me divorce papers so I
couldn't get my hands on it, he served me those divorce papers at the food
pantry in the church basement across the street from where he works. He knew I
would be there then. He had the deputy serve me papers right in front of
my co-workers. How disgraceful is that? He basically told GOD,
"I don't want the wife you gave me, I don't want the children you put
under my care, I just want the money my aunt left me and my girlfriend, and to
be left alone. I want to make like my wife never existed. PERIOD."
To tell you the truth, what he is really doing is telling GOD, "I don't want anything to do with You, if it's going to cost me my freedom, my happiness, or require me to care about anyone else's feelings and emotional health but my own. " He can have his "Cain's candy," I'm not even going to go to divorce court to fight him for it. I'm entitled for sure, and no human judge would deny me, however, I'd much rather have the life and provision GOD is offering me, and I'll offer it all back up to Him, even if that means living in poverty, again, and not able to buy my Black Forrest Gummy Bears at whatever whim I have. I'd rather eat the food pantry rejects and puts into the pile going to the local pig farm from the swine slop, than whatever it is my husband could buy me with his Cain's offering.
To tell you the truth, what he is really doing is telling GOD, "I don't want anything to do with You, if it's going to cost me my freedom, my happiness, or require me to care about anyone else's feelings and emotional health but my own. " He can have his "Cain's candy," I'm not even going to go to divorce court to fight him for it. I'm entitled for sure, and no human judge would deny me, however, I'd much rather have the life and provision GOD is offering me, and I'll offer it all back up to Him, even if that means living in poverty, again, and not able to buy my Black Forrest Gummy Bears at whatever whim I have. I'd rather eat the food pantry rejects and puts into the pile going to the local pig farm from the swine slop, than whatever it is my husband could buy me with his Cain's offering.
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