It’s that Damned Four-Letter F-Word Every Time!

    Every bad decision I have ever made was because of that damned four-letter-F word, and I’m not talking about the obvious. Oh, yeah, I use that word, a lot, way too many times. Like Isaiah, I am a woman of unclean lips. One night, while crying, talking to GOD, like I do all the time, GOD asked me a question. He said, “Kristina, why are you crying?” I knew the answer. It was the same answer that I’ve been giving GOD who has asked me this same question every day for about three years, now. It’s the four-letter F-word, the devil’s most useful tool he uses against us.

F -E- A- R

    I realized that night, for the first time that nearly every bad decision or stupid impulsive deed I ever make has a foundation in FEAR. He then reminded me of the Biblical heroes, who were total screw-ups, almost every bad decision was grounded in FEAR. The first generation of Israelites, who saw the Mighty Hand of GOD deliver them from Pharaoh, were condemned to forty years of wandering in the wilderness, and not allowed to enter the promise land simply because fear spread like a wildfire in the dry wilderness. Ten out of the twelve spies lit a fire of fear into the mass population. All it took was ten people to spread fear like leprosy among the two-million newly delivered wanderers. Fear, like leprosy contaminates the whole body just by going near it. Fear is the spark in a dry valley of kindling wood. All it takes is one spark, and the entire forest goes up in flames.

    When I started to think about my depression and despair battles, GOD showed me that FEAR was the motivating factor. I’m depressed because I think that GOD will never rescue me from this nineteen-year slide down into the valley of Achor. Despair is just fear on steroids. Despair is the fear that life will never get better. Then I started thinking about what other bad decisions we make.

    Nearly every sin we commit is baptized in fear. Why don’t we return to GOD when we have strayed? It is the fear that GOD could not forgive us for how far we’ve fallen, the fear of having to admit that we fell that far, and the shame that will accompany that fear. So, to avoid the FEAR and SHAME we choose to live in DENIAL. Do you see a pattern here? It seems that all the devil’s best weapons are grounded in fear and are used effectively to keep us from becoming the masterpieces GOD intends to create in us. The last thing the devil wants is for us to fulfill the destiny GOD has written for us, so he pulls out his most effective tools, PRIDE, SHAME, and DENIAL which all have a foundation of FEAR.

    If we really stop to think about it, and I mean, really wrap our brains around the reasons we commit most sins, almost every single thing we do that we know is wrong is founded in some hidden fear. I know that every tear I cry is wet with fear. I keep saying to GOD, “But GOD, if I only knew for sure that You were going to do thus and so, I wouldn’t cry.” He reminds me every time of how many times He has assured me that He will do thus and so, and how many times He has proven it to me. Yet, FEAR is alive and well in my heart., My next question was, “So, why do I fear so much, when will it ever stop?” The answer, I got was NEVER. For as long as there is a devil, there will always be fear. This a battle that we will have to fight every day that we breathe. Until we are safe and secure in our Heavenly dwelling, fear will be our constant unwelcomed companion.

    I see myself in David because he is the biggest screw-up with the best heart to whom I can relate. Yes, the brave warrior, David, had a horrible battle with fear. One of the very worst things he did was living as a prodigal for sixteen months with the Philistines, killing innocent men, women, and children for profit, making sure no one survived to rat him out to his Philistine commander, and embezzling off the top, for himself, thus making him a mass murderer and an embezzler. He walked away from the promise, because he feared King Saul would kill him, thus he hid behind enemy lines and participated in their sin against GOD. (1 Samuel 27: Then David said to himself, “Now I will perish one day by the hand of Saul. There is nothing better for me than to safely escape into the land of the Philistines. Then Saul will despair of searching for me anymore in all the territory of Israel, and I will escape from his hand.”)

    Thirty years later, trying to cover up his sin with Bathsheba, lest he be accused as an adulterer. His crimes against Uriah, were fraught with fear. Fear of getting caught as an adulterer was the motivating factor behind his elaborate scheme to try and get Uriah to sleep with his wife, to cover her pregnancy, but when Uriah proved more noble than David, the fear of the shame motivated him to have Uriah killed in the battle field.

    If He called a screw-up like David, "a man after His own heart," or forgave King Manasseh, who flooded the streets of Jerusalem with innocent blood from one end of the city to the other. (2 Chronicles 33), there is no low that is too low, regardless of what you think or believe.     The devil is very sly, he knows very well how to disguise fear. 

    Think about why do we commit sexual sin? For most of us, it is the fear of never being truly loved, (again). Why don’t we love? Well, there’s that fear of getting hurt. Sometimes, he uses lust of the flesh to disguise fear. For me, fear has so crippled me that I have no friends and I want no friends, because everyone I have ever loved has broken my heart. So, I’ve cocooned myself here, up in my room, and my only friend is my desktop, it can’t hurt me. This impending divorce has me hiding under the bed, like a scared cat, for Pete's sake. Pride is another disguise of fear. Pride keeps us from admitting that we are depraved sinners who can't help ourselves with what we do and do not know. What we do not know or what we cannot control fears us. We feel the need to be in total control of our lives, because we fear our life circumstances outside of our control.

    Hate is a great disguise of fear on steroids. Hate is us fearing what or who we do not know or trust. Like Big-Tech censoring us, the people running big tech silence us out of the fear of what we will say. We silence those from who we fear the most. We fear those who will make us feel guilty, so we “ignore” them. We block out of our lives those we know truly do love us. Our pride tells us that person will make us feel less of the person we wish we were. Apologies never happen, because of fear. Most of all, we fear the humbling effect of admitting we may have been wrong. Mistrust, I think that’s an obvious manifestation of fear. I know that I will never trust another man again, or so I say. Why? FEAR of getting my heart broken, again.  Let me assure you that you have not exceeded God's reach of His Amazing Grace of forgiveness.  If God's Grace can cover those two, we have nothing to fear by coming clean with God, allowing Him the room in our hearts to feel His love and Grace.

    The next time you do something you know is the wrong, ask yourself, “Is fear the founding factor for doing this?” In most cases, I believe that you will find fear disguised in either shame, pride, or denial. I have been putting off writing this blog post, and GOD asked me why. My answer was, “What’s the use? No one will see it.” Here, fear is disguised as procrastination. I knew GOD wanted me to write this, but my anger with GOD over my fear that He would never deliver me from this sadness kept me from obeying Him. It’s that damned four-letter F-word every time.

    While looking up some Scriptures, I went to my favorite on-line Bible, Biblegateway and this is what I saw! Now, how about that for GOD's signs and confirmations! Today's verse of the day!