Heaven's Walk of Fame

Just like there are celebrities in the world, music stars and all that, well in heaven there is also a group that are celebrities. Like all the heroes of the Bible, they are on Heaven's Walk of Fame. Well, I'm on it, also. I know this for sure, because GOD sees in us who He will make us, and that's who we already are in Heaven, regardless of who we are here.

Let's take Gideon for an example. 11 The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. 12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” The ANGEL of the LORD came down, sat w/the weakest runt in the weakest family in the weakest tribe and called him "Mighty Warrior." I love Gideon's response.

13 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied,

His reaction was like total unbelief. He had no idea that he was going to be in the Biblical Walk of Fame, but GOD did, because GOD chose him and wrote his story ahead of time. THAT's how GOD sees us.

He sees us like He saw Gideon, not how Gideon saw himself.

15 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

When GOD chose me to write LOVE'S MUSES, I said to Him, regarding myself, "Pardon me Lord, but do you know who I am? I am a total screw up." Yet, my name is on the Red Carpet of Fame in Heaven. I'm not delusional, I'm finally accepting the truth. The thing about being on that Red Carpet in Heaven, we don't get to walk on it until the work is done, and we are already gone from this earth and are in Heaven. Most of the time, people think we are crazy and they dismiss us or are mean to us.

One thing about us famous future heavenly dwellers is that while we are here on earth, in order to keep us humble, GOD will prevent our work from bearing much fruit, and no one recognizes us while we are still down here. Just as I wrote in an earlier blog post: CANCER, DEATH, AND GOOD HUMBLE PIE, AMONG OTHERS, there will always be a thorn in the flesh for anyone chosen to be walk on Heaven's Walk of Fame. A thorn in the flesh can be anything from a physical limitation to an emotional handicap. I can assure you, GOD will keep you humble by whatever means He needs.

GOD has graciously sent me two other of His heavenly superstars already on the Walk of Fame. That is both a gift and a burden, because it's my job to show them this truth about them. Who are you in the Kingdom of Heaven? Are you are a superstar in the making, or are you just happy to be among those chosen to be heaven bound. You are chosen, you realize that, I hope. You did NOT find GOD, He came for you.

The BEST Dream I have Ever Had.

    I once had this awesome dream. I had asked God one day what it was like those last day between death waiting for New Life. It was shortly after my mother died, and I don't remember if that it was that night or shortly thereafter, but I had a dream. I was laying in a bed. My family was all around me. I was "dreaming" and in this blank space, or so I thought I was dreaming. I was attached to a bed by my sleeve. I heard myself breathing loudly. That breathing was tethering me to that bed. I heard a man whisper in my left ear. "You can go now, Kristina."

    Then, a man started walking to me in this empty space where I was anchored to the bed. We didn't speak, but our spirits spoke to each other. I asked him, "Is it time to go now?" He nodded his head. I knew that total peace awaited me, and I was excited to go. Then, I looked up at the bed because I did not know how to detach myself. I asked him "What do I do?"

    He said, "You just stop breathing, because you aren't going to need that where we are going."

    I said, "Okay, but how do I do that?"

    He said, "Any way you want."

    I understood and I looked up at the people around my bed. I thought about it. I took one long deep breath. Everyone sat up and looked at me, and I saw them, and felt so sorry for them, because they didn't know it was my last breath, that there would not be another one coming. So, I let the air out really slow. They all stared at me me waiting to see if there was another one coming. I was sad for them, because I knew the crying would begin then. I looked at the man in front of me, and he turned and started walking away, so I gave them one last glance, and then I followed after him.

    Immediately, I woke up from that dream. It was so real, and I thought, We won't be breathing in heaven. We won't need our lungs. It was then that I knew God sent me that dream. Ever since then, I have wanted to go. I can't though, I have to finish my work here.

    As a cancer survivor from a very rare cancer, I know cancer lies dormant in my body, waiting to make its reappearance. My days are winding down, and I quite look forward to the end, because, the only scars in heaven are the ones holding me right now as I keep breathing here with the scars on my face; and on my heart.

I hope you enjoy this song, as it is so true. We don't have enough time with the ones we love, and we only know that after they are gone.

The Only Scars in Heaven

By Casting Crowns

 The Gospel in Prison and Dog Poop in the Fudge Brownies. 

     Countries need to have borders, they may even need a wall, example, the wall around Jerusalem to keep out invading armies, however, the church of Jesus Christ was never meant to have walls and a ceiling imprisoning the Gospel, with visitation every Sunday. May I remind you all that in AD 70, the temple was destroyed. GOD did that, GOD wanted his church to expand beyond one building, beyond one people, beyond one nation. So, what do we do? We build temples again. We build them and plaster them all over the world. Christians' motto is "You need to go to church." Jesus never said, "Go to temple," he said, be the temple. If you ask anyone why do you go to church, you'll get one of two answers. They'll say either, "The Bible says never give up meeting together, (which is the correct answer), or they'll say, "To get fed spiritually." You know what? That's like saying, I go to the grocery store to eat and I eat it there, only.  The Hebrews passage is translated by most church people as, "Go to church, sit as a spectator for 90 minutes, sing a few praise songs, (that's called the worship part of the service), and then be spoon-fed by the CEO of the corporation that operates under the tax-exempt status called evangelism. Believe what he says and do not disrespect your church elder by questioning him, especially if it has to do with the Old Testament.    As you can see, I'm not a fan of incorporated churches. I wrote about that in other blog posts.  

     Never give up meeting together means just that. There are many ways to meet these days and this plandemic devised to divide and conquer us has proven that to us.  We have Zoom, digital meetings, meetings and Bible Studies on any social media, and we actually can develop some very fulfilling and uplifting friendships there with authentic people.  I myself have a few that have helped me keep going over the years.  If you ask me, this plandemic and the persecution of the church was the best thing that could have happened to the church.  The church had gotten way to lazy, way too ignorant, and turned itself into sheeple instead of sheep.  (A term we patriots use as "stupid people" who believe everything they hear on TV or in mainstream media news.)

     There is a serious problem in Christianity today, and I believe that GOD is going to do something about it. The people want to be spoon-fed the Bible once a week or so. We have a church filled with the Biblically illiterate. The church has been dumbed down. God is not going to fix the church, because the church cannot be fixed. Basically, the church doesn't want to be fixed, either. GOD never tried to fix his people who had given themselves over to idols or mixed the world in with their religion. What GOD did was pull out a remnant and start over. Case in point, Noah, then Abram, then Moses, then Samuel who led Saul, until Saul turned back to the world's way of doing things. Then GOD entrusted his people under the care of David. Now that was a messed up king, but whose heart was fully devoted to the LORD. After David, Solomon led the people astray and the kingdom was divided. As time went on, His people delineated as they usually do.

     GOD pulled out a remnant again with Zerubbabel and started all over again. Then Jesus and his disciples, and then Martin Luther. Four hundred years ago, He pulled out another remnant and shipped them off to the New World. Well, it's time for a new remnant, and I do believe GOD is going to do it again. Luther began the Reformation, but it needs to be a work completed, and now is the time. Luther still had too much of the world mixed in with faith in GOD. How is GOD going to do it? Well, I have a pretty good idea, but I'll leave that up to GOD to show His remnant. I will tell you this one thing, His remnant will have a new kind of faith, a faith that is pure as gold refined.  I have this strange kind of faith that most people do not understand. I believe in GOD's ABSOLUTE Sovereignty over every human being. Yes, we have free will, but our free will does not "trump" GOD's sovereignty over His world and His plan for it. (The earth is the LORD's and everything on it and all who dwell in it. Psalm 24:1) GOD wants a pure faith, not one that mixes the world in it. He wants complete trust in Him in all we do in all our decisions, and to not mix the world's philosophies or practices in with our life with Him.

     A perfect example of mixing the world in with the purity of the Gospel is the hit sensation, "The Chosen."  It is a series written and produced by the son of Jerry Jenkins of the "Left Behind" series of books, a huge hit with the contemporary church in the 90's.  I myself was taken in by those books, also.  I'm not here to take them apart, but I wish I had used better discernment, but I was still a baby, being bottle-fed the Gospel back then.  A decade or two of life in the fiery furnace of affliction has given me a college education in discernment and serious Bible Study.  

   For example, I watched the new "Chosen" series all the way up to the second season.  When I had enough fudge brownies, I realized that maybe it wasn't all pure chocolate in this dessert-type in dramatic form.  The part that lost me, and when I decided to never watch it again was in I think, episode 3 of season 2, where Jesus is "rehearsing" his Sermon on the Mount speech, walking around, anxiously pacing throughout the night before he was to give it.  It was as if he was a nervous pastor on the evening before his "test" sermon, in front of a church building full of people deciding his fate.  It showed him walking around at night practicing and trying to decide what to say. I'm sorry, but Jesus didn't rehearse, nor did he have to take an entire evening before trying to decide what to include and what to edit out of his sermon the next day. 

     The Spirit spoke through Jesus off cuff because GOD doesn't "rehearse." This book made Jesus way too human and way too less Divine. He almost has some faults in the series. It's a fictional account of the disciples life walking with Yeshua, because that is what they called him, but it takes poetic license to a whole new level of offense. That's my humble opinion. The thing that really got me to stand up and take notice was its popularity among the mainstream media and Hollywood types.  People, if the Atlantic Journal loves something, you know it's time to maybe take a second look with exegetical eyes on a particular Bible series.  Like most, I was captured by my curiosity and the drama between Mary and Yeshua when he delivered her of her demons and quoted her long past deceased father, dropping her to her knees. Who doesn't love a good tear-jerker, I know, right? So, I continued to watch. It was entertaining at first, but isn't that how the devil gets us with the counterfeit? Just enough chocolate fudge to make the brownies with dog poop baked in them to look edible?

     In other words, people, the church today, for the most part, mixes dirt in with the brownie mix, (the devil adds the dog poop), bakes it and then tells us to eat it. God wants to give us fudge covered brownies, nothing but pure chocolate, the sweetened mixed in with the unsweetened kind, because people, life is hard and some times it ain't that sweet.   The Bible is dramatic enough, the Gospel is powerful enough with enough healing in it by the power of the GOD, that we don't need to take 1st century innocent and ignorant fisherman, and make them 21st century comedic actors.

 Stuck in the Hallway of HELL and How Mormons Taught How to Sit it Out!

     Writing these blog posts have become more and more difficult the longer I've been walking with GOD.  You'd think it would be easier, right?  Well, when you've lived in the Hallway of Hell for five, seven, nine, or even twelve years, writing becomes very difficult because the Hallway is so dark, you can't read either.  You can't see anything but streams of light poking out from under the doors on the right.  

       GOD gave me a picture of this Hallway of Hell that I've been in, because I operate in pictures, metaphors.  It's my native tongue.  So, I've been in this hallway, it's dark, and I've been camped here, against my will for a long stinking time.  The longer I'm in here the more I'm banging on the doors to the right, or kicking the walls, pounding them with my fists, desperate to get out until I lose all hope of ever leaving.  In this dark hallway there are three doors to my left, slightly behind me, and three doors to my right, slightly before me.  The doors have titles on them.  On the left are the doors that say, OCTOMOM, WIFE, and CHURCH.  These doors are bolted shut, like a bank vault.  There is no way to open these doors.  There's no combination lock, and there are no door handles, and nothing but darkness from under the doorway. 

       The doors on my right also have titles, WIFE, JUBILEE DREAM, PARADISE.  They all have light beaming through from under the door, a really bright light, enough to light up the hallway for me to see ever so slightly in this darkened Hallway of Hell that GOD dropped me in some time ago.  The doors on the left didn't all slam shut all at the same time, they closed rather slowly, and the last door to close happened last week. Let me tell you, I don't know when I've ever been more angry with GOD, then when that last door closed.  I mean, I really hated Him because of the way He closed it.  Under WIFE, was the words, Divorce Decree.  

       Yeah, I probably could have handled widowhood better than the devastation of a demeaning divorce. I did not cooperate with the divorce.  I even told the judge, with all due respect, that GOD's decrees are higher than his decrees, and the man may think he's putting our marriage asunder in this no-fault divorce, but to GOD with a Covenant Marriage, it held no weight with Him. GOD's  Gavel carried more weight than this divorce court's gavel.  I even compared his divorce lawyer with and abortionist.  That did not go over very well with her, but ask me if I care if her feelings were hurt.  Isn't that what no-fault divorce is?  Isn't it killing the one-flesh without the victim's permission or cooperation?  

 

        The other door, OCTOMOM, means of course that we had eight babies.  Eight babies means eight baby dedications, eight times we vowed to stay married and raise our children in a loving Christian home, raising them in church. If I had known how hard it was going to be when the birdies left the nest, I may not have laid so many eggs. Six down, two more devastating depression months to go. (It takes that long for me to stop crying.)

      Then, comes the CHURCH door.  I bet you're saying, "Wait, the last door GOD would close and lock would be the church door.  I mean, the divorce and children growing up is normal, it happens, but GOD would never boot you from His church."   That church door closing is Him calling me out of the church. 

   So, seeing how GOD put me in the darkened hallway and closed the other doors, He is obligated to get me out of this hallway that I've been trapped in for twelve, nine, seven, and five years.  I started to fear that the furthest door away, the one that said PARADISE, was the only door that was going to open, and it was years away.  I just can't last years here in this darkened hallway.  The oxygen level is just too low.  Too much carbon dioxide being breathed out in my temper tantrums, and not enough life-giving, praise worthy Holy Spirit oxygen.  

     As I wrote in my previous blog, that damned four-letter-word, F-E-A-R was the foundation behind every tear, every fit, every time I banged on one of those doors, left or right to get them to open until my hands are raw with exposed skin. All I have been able to do is lay on the ground and suck in any light that is coming through from under those doors on the right.  They are my only hope of getting out of this horrible hallway.  

      

 The only door I know for sure that will open is PARADISE, the door that says WIFE, and JUBILEE DREAM, I just don't know what's behind them. I don't know if they are going to open.  I know that behind JUBILEE DREAM has something to do with my writing and leaving the church for a new thing GOD is doing. (Isaiah 43:19).  

   Well, some ex-Mormon testimonies gave me just a little more oxygen to keep me going. One in particular said that  he was searching for GOD, serving in the Mormon Temple, trying to work his way up to exaltation, the celestial reward. He never realized the the True GOD was with  him that whole time, while he served in the Temple, waiting in silence for the right time to speak to his heart.     He said that GOD had allowed him to go that far up into Mormonism, because what he did there would be good preparation for the work GOD would have him do when he left.  GOD was with him, not blessing his work in that false religion, but walking with him nonetheless.   Then it hit me.  GOD is in this Hallway of Hell with me, also, He hasn't left for even a nano-second.  Maybe I can't see which door will open, but whichever door He opens, I'll be happy with.  It's just this damn dark hallway.  Of course, it wouldn't be one of my blogs if I didn't end it with a song, right? So, I'll wait for Him. 

    I'm not sure if I still believe in fairy tale-endings, I'd like to, but whatever He chooses I know will be best for me.  He knows what I need most.

Wait on Him

   

 

Chapter  23

JOB’S PRINCESS

 An excerpt from the key chapter of LOVE'S MUSES: Running From Love, the first book in the series and  the theme of Katie Lynn Moore's life and her purpose here on earth.   

     When I wrote these books, eight years ago, it was because there was a movie that played in my head, and I typed what I heard and saw.  I had no idea that GOD was trying to get a message to me, by holding up a mirror in each of these books.  Katie Lynn Moore is a fictional person who in theory is most definitely a non-fictional entity, the spokesperson for all those who know what a stomped on, crushed, and hemorrhaging heart feels like.

To my fellow bruised reeds, I ask,  are you a Job's Princess or Prince too?

She put her hands on the table, tapping her fingers together. He studied her face and the tension that was forming, again. 

“Umm, Prince Charming you gotta stop being so wonderful, I can’t take it anymore. If you don’t stop, I’ll never be able to go back to Scotty and help him.” He grinned and nodded. 

“That’s the idea, " he mumbled, not wanting her to hear, but having whispered too loud.  She pushed him away from her, put her hands on her hips and gave him the eye of disapproval. “I’m just kidding. I know you won’t be happy until you know he will be okay.  Hey, Princess Cindy?”  

“What?” 

“Who is that Prince Charming, anyway?” He asked looking for her definition of the irresistible man who could win her heart for good. .  She sat back and folded her arms across her middle and squeezed tight with her hands. A snicker of mistrust and sarcasm seemed to take over and mask what love was doing to her hardened heart.  He noted a bit of hardening returning. 

“That’s easy.” Nick raised his head and looked in her eyes. “He’s the guy that comes into Cinderella’s life. He takes her away from her hum-drum life, as the unwanted family member, abused, neglected, and lonely. He does it with such style and charm. He says all the right things. He knows exactly what Cinderella needs to hear, and PC actually means it, at the time. Then another fair maiden comes along. She’s younger and prettier than Cinderella. Cindy’s gained a couple of pounds, and that shiver that she used to stir in him is no longer there. The new kid in town has lots in common with the Prince and most definitely not a commoner like Cindy. Nope, this one is fellow royalty. They travel in the same circles. They have common friends. She, like the prince, needs to be worshiped and adored, whereas Cindy was just a mere boring servant that the Prince found attractive at the time, because the pressure of being the King’s kid got to him. At that time when he met poor Cindy, he longed for the simplicity of Cindy’s life and wanted to experiment with it. It was fine for that time, but he missed the excitement of the royal balls, and he got restless. The new princess was new territory to conquer and a new challenge. The chase was on, and his manhood was intact.”   

She told that story in such a matter of fact manner. She was convinced that all men were like that, and in particular, Nick as the celebrity who would eventually dump her. He dropped his shoulders, lowered his head and shook it. There was a combination sadness and anger that called to her to take that back. 

“Wow, you really don’t think much of me, do you?”  

“What, that was my attempt at humor. It wasn’t funny?” 

“No, not at all.” The look of annoyance on Nick’s face was of hurt from a deep personal attack, after all he had done to be sweet to her. He faced forward watching his hands as he vigorously rubbed them. She looked at his hands and his sad face. She scooted over to his side of the table and got close to him. She pulled at his hands to hold them and he resisted. She then put her palm on the opposite cheek and turned his face toward her. He kept his eyes down. She insulted him, and she needed to clarify herself. She rose up on her knees, brought her lips to his cheek and tenderly and lovingly kissed it.

“Look at me, Nicolas Paul.” Nick’s eyes remained low. She then started tenderly caressing his face, and in a lowered, more sensual intonation, she repeated herself. “Nicolas Paul Thomas, look at me, please.” He brought his eyes up to hers. She passed a long an encouraging smile. “First of all, don’t take it personal, because ninety-nine percent of the men in my life fit that bill, you can’t help it. It’s your species.”

“Teach, do you think that way of all men, not just me, or other celebrity men?”

“All men, because that’s all I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” He put his enormous hand on her right cheek and caressed it like she did his. 

“Sweetness, that is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.” Katie gasped with the touch of his hand on her face. He smiled at the obvious shiver.

“Tell me about it. It ain’t no picnic on this side of the fence, either.” She put her left hand on top of his hand still on her cheek. She lowered her body back down and a little bit away from Nick. 

“What about Matthew?” He asked.  She smiled a warm smile and sighed for the love and respect she had for him.

“Ah, my precious Matthew, my adopted brother. He is the virgin on the college campus. He is the rosebush in the field of weeds and the first man and only one so far with whom I see true virtue. Are you like that, Nicolas Paul? Are you a rose bush in a field of weeds? I’m thirty-four years old, and I’ve known only one.” 

“I am, Teach.” 

“Okay good, then, why don’t you take it down a few notches and not come on so strong, trying to impress me? I see a real treasure of a man in there, but when you’re over complimenting that’s you playing me.” Nick shook his head. 

“I’ve not been playing you, at all. I’ve meant every word I’ve said.” She blushed a bit and lowered her head. “I’ve meant every single word, straight from here.” He took her hand, and placed it palm down on his heart, and covered her hand with his. Can’t you feel my heart beating like it’s going to come out of my chest any minute now? You do that to me. I’m more nervous around you than any woman I’ve ever been with. You scare me, probably as much as I scare you.”

Katie leaned into him, putting her ear against his chest to listen to his heart and let it speak to her. He covered her with his arms, for a minute or so. She pulled away and got back up on her knees. 

“My humungous hunk of hope, I see a wonderful man in there. A grandfather’s treasure. You have such high hopes and dreams. You are young and living large. Everything is a fairy tale to you, nothing has come along and knocked you on your ass. You act as though nothing will, maybe for you that is so, but it’s not like that for all people. This isn’t a storybook. It’s real life, with real people. I really think that there’s a real man in there who is humble, kind and sweet, but there’s also a stage performer in there, and he thinks he’s in a play all day and night long. Not every body’s life is a fairy tale. Some of us don’t have that kind of life, nor will we ever. You need to come down to earth. Stop being such a charmer, and get real. Life isn’t fair to all, some just get screwed all the time and not the good kind.”  

He put his hand under her chin, he then grabbed her shoulders holding her firmly in front of him and gave it right back to her from his perspective.

“Well, beautiful teacher, have you forgotten how I grew up? Have you forgotten what I saw my father do to my mother? You are not the only victim of bad things. You need to stop being such a fatalistic victim and dare to dream. Not every good thing has something bad following it. Not every dream will end in a nightmare. How is it you can give encouragement and hope to others, yet you have none for yourself? How is it that you can dole out so much love to others, but you can’t receive any? How is it that you can make any person with you, feel wonderful and fantastic inside as well as desired, or like royalty, but when you look in the mirror of your own soul, you only see a plain, peasant servant girl, covered in ash with no chance or hope of ever having a fairy tale life?. How come you can reach in and find the beauty in others, but you can’t find any in yourself, nor believe anyone who tells you such?” 

Katie left his seat and sat down on her side. She folded her hands together, looked Nick straight in the eye and told him the truth of her life as far as she saw it. 

“Simply put, it’s the story of my life. I’m bad luck, or bad Karma, or a jinx. You know the Midas touch, well I have Murphy’s touch. All things bad and tragic just keep happening to me. Tonight is great, but it won’t last. We are too different. I don’t know if I could live in a glass bubble like you do.  I can’t live with eyes on me all the time. I’m not center stage. I don’t’ think I could cope with people always watching me, or taking pictures. You aren’t going to want a shy princess forever. Maybe it’s cute and different now, but you’ll tire of it. You’ll want someone so much more exciting eventually, not a boring kindergarten teacher, but one of your own kind. Someone will come along and love the idea of walking along the red carpet with you and want to grace your arm there, whereas, I could never do that. You’ll see. She’ll be so much better for you, and then you’ll have to break this teacher’s heart. You won’t have any choice, because you’ll fall in love with the new princess, the one with a prettier royal robe.” 

“My sweet teacher, don’t you think that you could ever trust me?” 

“It’s not you, I can’t trust.  It is God, I don’t trust. God must have it in for me. He must not think I deserve anything good, permanently. That’s what I don’t understand. I’ve strived to be good, to beat my family at their own game, yet I keep getting the shit kicked out of me.”

Discouragement and mistrust of God now replaced any mistrust of Nick. He reached out to grab her hands, and she pulled them away from him, sitting back and crossing her arms across her chest as if to protect her heart.  

“God can be trusted, especially by us on the boat.” 

“I’d love to get on your Christian Cruise Line to Paradise, but as soon as I stepped on the gangway, the daggone ship would sink, just because I was on it.  God is not going to let me keep you. You are too good to be true.”  He rose from his side and went over to hers. She scooted back against the wall. 

“Do you want to know why I think you’ve suffered so?” She nodded. “Come back in my arms. Let me comfort you with what I believe is the truth.” She shook her head, and he pulled on her arms. “Just like you made me buy you that second Long Island Ice Tea, I have conditions too,” he said with a warm loving smile.   “You come into my arms, and I’ll explain what I know.” She bowed her head and gave him that warm blushing inviting smile. A second tug, lowered her resistance and the third time was the charm. She popped away from the wall and fell passionately into his arms, whimpering. “There, now isn’t that better?” 

“Cover me,” she said with a whimper, then she moaned, loving him holding her. Nick folded himself around her. He sucked in a deep breath and then sighed out his love all over the back of her neck.

“Oh, you feel so good here. I love hearing you say that to me and having you in my arms. It is as if you’ve always been here, and you’ve been missing out of my life, but I didn’t know it was you who was missing.” He breathed love into her ears with his words of comfort. She nodded, agreeing with him. 

           “Okay, now explain away, and this better be good,” she said as she turned her head to look up at him. 

“It is, sweetness, it is. First of all, I refuse to believe that your life is destined to sadness, mourning and hopelessness. That’s not the all-loving God I know.” 

“Well, I don’t know Him, I don’t get Him, and most times, I’m not sure if I want to. He has it in for me.” 

“Sweetness, I don’t believe one word of that. God doesn’t have it in for you.” 

“Well, that’s fine for you, but it doesn’t matter what you believe. You’ve not suffered like I have and at the hand of God. You had your Gramps and Gran to make up for your Dad. He gave you them. Matthew says God is involved in every aspect of our lives, like a well written play, and we are the actors. He says that God knows the beginning from the end, that God sees our future.”  

“Yes, I do believe in God’s sovereignty. I don’t believe in coincidences. Like my Gran calls them, they are God-instances. Your being here, my being here this day. This was all planned by God.” Katie bounced up out of his arms. She turned toward him with skepticism. 

“Okay, let’s go with that theory. Some of the best plays, the classics end in sadness or tragedy. Maybe that’s just the play God has planned for me. Like I said, all good literature seems to end in tragedy, and that’s the story of my life, too. Do you think God planned for us to meet tonight?” 

“Yes, I do.” 

“Okay, then why did he have us meet tonight, when we can’t be together? I’m not free, yet. His timing is almost as bad as mine, for Pete’s sake. Why couldn’t we have met years earlier, or later, after Scotty is better?” 

“Come back over  here,” he pleaded. She shook her head. Nick let out a sad sigh. He reached for her and she got up on her knees in defense, pushing herself further against the wall. He began to speak. She put her finger up to his lips. 

“Stop, let me finish. Now, if God has planned my life like you and Matthew said, and he knows everything, then, he planned for me to meet Matthew, two years after meeting his twin, whom I had fallen in love with. He knew I was going to fall in love with the bad twin. He knew about Kimmie and Pete Simpson coming along. He knew about Michael and the drugs and the heroin. He knew about Laurie, getting involved with Brandon.  He knew my baby would die in my womb, and it would send Michael over the edge, shattering my world.  Even before that, He put me in the family from hell, and he watched me cry as a little girl, unloved, being blamed for every bad thing that happened in that family. Now, you tell me, what kind of loving God would plan all of that?” 

Nick completely understood her point of view and felt such compassion on her. He needed to find a way to reach her heart to trust God. 

“Teach, I understand why you think all of that, based on God’s sovereignty, like Matthew has told you. But God didn’t plan all those things, He allowed them.” 

“What’s the difference?” 

“There’s a big difference. He allows it, sometimes for reasons unknown, but most times, evil turns into good, depending on the person.” 

“Oh, so He randomly picks people that He lets have the shit kicked out of them, so that those with the fairy tale life can be grateful about all the good they get and not complain if everything is not exactly the way they want it.  Yes, I see that makes sense now, for people like you, but it sure isn’t fair to us poor saps who get, if you’ll pardon the expression, the shit end of the stick.” Nick shook his head. 

“No, it’s not like that.  I think I can explain something that may make sense.” 

“Explain away, then.”  She sat back with her arms crossed and angry and in disbelief.

“Come back in these arms.” 

“No, keep your fairy tale life on your own side of the table, now go on over there, she said in her weeping voice.” 

“No way.” Nick used his strength over hers to let his love conquer her anger and hurt. He picked her up by her waist, turned her around and smothered her with his arms and his love. He breathed into her neck his love and version of the truth. “Princess, God does not rejoice in evil and suffering, but there is one who does, and he’s hell bent on destroying everything that God loves. God loves you so much, and the devil hates you. He wants to destroy you. Free will is a gift from God. That way we can freely love Him and choose to do good. Humans are not innately good, though, there is an evil that lives inside us and many people give in to the strong pull of that selfish evil. They end up hurting those they think that they love, when they really love themselves more than the ones they profess to love. Then there are the ones who don’t love at all, and evil is their companion. Michael was an ass as far as I’m concerned.  God gave you to him as a gift, and he threw you away. He got what he deserved. Your family was just plain evil, simple as that. Now, Michael and Matthew grew up in a loving Christian home, right, and they lost their brother when they were children, didn’t they?” Katie nodded. 

“The family heralder?” She asked, turning and looking up at him.

“No, Matthew told me.” She turned back around and faced the wall. 

“Ah, well, yes, Markus got in with the wrong kids in school, and he died in a motorcycle accident when he snuck out one night.” 

“Oh, so his choice was a bad choice then, right?” 

“Yes, and it was something that always pained Michael, haunted by it.” 

“Oh, and Matthew is not pained by it?” 

“Of course he is.” 

“Well, then why did Matthew turn out to be the rose bush and Michael the weed? It was because Michael made the choice to live a selfish life, doing drugs and groupies. Matthew chose the better. Just like their father said, Michael was weak and selfish, apparently. He loved himself more than you. So, Markus’s actions started a chain reaction, which effected Michael and Matthew, but Michael’s bad choices continued the chain reaction. From what I understand, Laurie retreated and was always angry, blaming you for everything, after her father died.”  

“The family heralder, right?” She turned her head to ask, and he nodded.  

“Yes, I learned that from her. So Michael’s actions devastated you and Laurie. She made bad choices, also. She didn’t have to turn angry and mean at her father’s tragic death. Like I said, we battle good and evil every day. The only good that is in us, is put there by God. He puts his laws and love in our hearts, and it is our choice whether or not to do the more difficult things, like obeying His laws. It is our choice whether to sacrifice our own wants for someone else’s benefit, like you said about your deputy. God didn’t necessarily choose this time for us, because it was the wrong time, and He’s just out to get you. We could be together, but you are choosing to help your deputy instead, because of your love for him. You are putting him firsts, over your wants. Although, I don’t like that choice, for me. In the long run, it’s better for Scotty and for you, because I know that you’ll be happier later, if you know he’s okay. That’s sacrificial love, princess, and again, just one of the hundreds of reasons that I admire you.  Now, regardless of the bad things that have happened to you, instead of being bitter, which many people would be, you’ve taken in God’s laws and his love in your heart, and you share it generously. You feel for other people, instead of just soothing your own wounded soul. Michael grew up in a loving Christian home, you grew up rejected. Who turned out good? You did, because you chose the right path, you chose sacrificial love. Was your Michael a devoted believer?” 

“Well, he believed, but he wasn’t as obsessed about it as Matthew is. He did take Laurie to church, some of the time, but mostly she went with her grandparents. Every once in a while, he’d get on this kick and he’d take Laurie himself for a spell.”

“Why?”

“Because, he wanted Laurie to know that Jesus loved her.”

“Why didn’t he take you?” She shrugged her shoulders.

“I don’t know. I guess, he just respected my beliefs and didn’t want to shove it down my throat.”

“Oh, so he wanted Laurie to know that Jesus loved her, but he didn’t care if you knew that Jesus loved you.”  Katie shrugged her shoulders, again, this time in concession.

“Well, I mean, he believed it, because it was all he knew, and there were times when he was into it, and he took Laurie with him, but there were other times when, well, he didn’t want to be known as a Bible thumper. Mostly though, that was when he was in the band.”

“Like a chameleon, then.” Katie pulled away and turned her head to look up at Nick. “He was embarrassed?” Nick asked. She tilted her head back and forth.

“Well, maybe I guess. He never really talked about it with me.”

“Now, what about Matthew?”

“Oh, well, he’s been pushing me since I first met him. He shoves it down my throat all the time.”

“Why do you suppose?”

“Because it’s important to him.”

“So, Matthew wants you to know that Jesus loves you, but your own husband didn’t think it was necessary?” She turned back around.

“I guess yeah, I never thought about it that way, but yeah, it seems like that now.”

“The more you speak of Michael, the less I like that man. Apparently, Michael was more concerned with what people thought of him and not what God thought of him. I guess he didn’t have the right love’s muses, now did he?” Nick said with angry sarcasm. Katie shook her head. “He didn’t share the faith. It was okay for him to know about it and keep his fire insurance, but he didn’t care if others knew, right?” Katie nodded. “So when tragedy hit, instead of being a man of God and leaning on Him and helping you, he selfishly chose to mask his pain by getting high.” Katie popped out of his arms, she put herself against the wall, in her final offensive attack against his theory. 

“Okay, okay, I get that. Markus chose wrong, Laurie chose wrong, and Michael chose wrong, even Scotty chose wrong, and now he’s suffering for it. So, let me ask you this, even if I’ve chosen wrong and had to suffer for it, what evil did my Baby Markus choose that he didn’t even get to take his first breath?” She sat up, stiffened her back and slammed her fist down on the table. With both hands clenched in a fist, she posed the question, again. “Huh, answer me that. What did my baby do so wrong that God never let him see the light of day, nor feel his mother’s love, huh? Because I had a lot of love to give him. I was going to do it right, and God robbed me of that?  Now, you tell me why, why, why?” She repeatedly asked in her crying voice. She dropped her head and her body shook from the sobbing. She realized that she had begun to let her anger draw too much attention over toward them, and she cowered down, sobbing silently.

Her fists banging on the table, caught Toni’s attention and she leaned an ear in toward their booth and heard of Katie’s anguish. Nick looked up and made eye contact with Toni, who had tears in her eyes. While Katie’s head was down, she made motion with her hands for Nick to move over and take her in his arms. She then quietly brought over a wad of napkins and ducked out of sight, while Katie wept, with her face buried in her hands. Nick looked up and nodded in appreciation. Toni mouthed the words, ‘Hold her,’ but Nick shrugged his shoulders and mouthed back,

‘She won’t let me.’ Toni tilted her head toward Katie, anyway, and Nick gave her a quick nod. He agreed and pushed his way over, pulling her into his arms, whether or not she wanted to be there. He shielded her weeping behind his large frame, and Katie eventually melded into his love, protection and comfort, while she wept into his chest.

He spoke in his low, soft and comforting tone into her neck.

“Sweetness, I can’t answer all those kinds of questions. No one can. There are so many things that man cannot understand of God, because as my Gramps always told me, God’s ways are not our ways, and his thoughts are not our thoughts. They are so much higher than ours, and there’s times when we just don’t understand. Then there are times when the answers come later. Maybe God, because He was all knowing, knew that your baby Markus was going to make bad choices, so to keep his soul with Him, He took him as an innocent baby. Princess, there’s just times when we just don’t know, but it doesn’t change the truth of God’s love for us. I wish I had an answer for you that would make sense.” Katie rose up out of his arms, and Nick handed her the napkins. She wiped her face and blew her nose.

“Well, what you said, could make some sense, I guess. I could think of it that way, huh, instead of being robbed, then?”

“That’s right, and know that you’ll be with your Baby Markus, again, when nothing will be able to separate you for all eternity.” Katie nodded in consolation. “Listen, I have a story I’d like to tell you. Will you listen to it? Maybe it will make sense to you, because, beautiful teacher with the even more beautiful heart, it’s the only thing that I can think that makes any kind of sense why you’ve suffered so. Can I tell you it?” She nodded. “Good, come back here, though.” He opened his arms, and she fell into them, burying herself into his chest as he covered her with his love.

“Okay, so now speak, and this better be good, PC,” she said with skepticism.

“Well, sweetness, the only reason why I can think that you’ve suffered all this sadness, is that God trusted you with it.” Katie picked up her head and looked up into his soft loving eyes. “My Princess Cindy, you are God’s Job’s Princess.”

“Huh? Who the heck is Job, and why does he have a princess?”  Nick pulled her face back into his chest and let his heart speak to her.

“My funny princess, I hate all the evil done to you. God does too. He cries when you cry. He counts every tear that drops from your heart. He hurts when you hurt, but let me tell you this one thing I know for sure. God loves you big and I mean really big. He believes in you. He trusts you.” 

“How do you know that?”

“Because, God picked you to be one of his special Job’s Princesses. Listen, and I’ll explain.  This artist is going to tell the teacher a story.” He coughed out a little loving laugh.

“Is it a true story?”

“It most certainly is. There was this man. He was a good man. He did everything right. He was generous, kind, and God was proud of him, because he was good-hearted and followed God out of the love in his heart. Then one day the devil came before God, and God said to the devil, ‘Look at my servant, Job, he is blameless and good.” 

“So, God was bragging on his servant?” 

“Yes, God was so happy with his servant that He was bragging on him. Then the devil said to God, ‘Of course he’s good, you give him everything he wants. Take away is possessions and his wealth, and he’ll curse you.’ Do you know this story?”

“Some, but not much. This is in the Bible right?” 

“Yes, it is. Everything in the Bible is true. It is God’s love letter to us, says my Gramps.” Katie popped her head up, twisted it and looked up to Nick. 

“Matthew says that all the time.” 

“It’s true. So, God told the devil, that ‘This man loves Me so much that even if I let you take away all his earthly goods, he still won’t curse Me. I know and trust this man, that much.’ God gave the devil permission to spread disease among all his livestock, plus other armies took the rest. He lost it all. Then the devil took all his children, all of them died. Ten adult children gone. Job mourned and wailed, and cursed the day he was born. He did not curse God. His wife came out and tried to make him curse God, but Job did not. He cursed his mother for giving him life, but not God, who had allowed the devil to do that to try to destroy Job. He never understood why this had happened and felt cursed by God for being human and sinful. When Job did not curse God, He bragged on Job all the more. Then the devil asked God permission to strike Job with disease, predicting that he would curse God. Do you know what God did?”

“What?”

“God said, ‘No he won’t curse me. He loves me. He will always love me. So, go ahead do what you want, but spare his life. I trust in my Job.” 

“Something about boils I think.”

“Yes, my sweet princess. So he let the devil wreak havoc, again, with physical suffering, and Job did not curse God. Then a bunch of his idiot friends came and told Job that he had sinned so bad that he made God angry and that he was being punished by God. Job knew he was a good-hearted man. He knew he did all he could to be good, as good as a flawed human can be. No one can be perfect, but Job had a pure heart; one like yours.”

“And Job did not curse God?”

“Nope, he complained a lot, and he had a right to.  GOD understood all his pain.  His friends just kept making him feel even worse, eventually, God reprimanded the alleged friends, but Job still loved God, because he knew what God could do. Everyone around Job could not understand why such a good man would have such bad happen to him. He did not deserve it. Job knew that God could turn everything around in an instant. God then spoke to Job and told him who He was. Job knew God even better. God trusted Job in all of that to do the right thing.”

“Did God brag on him some more?” 

“Not only was God proud of Job, He blessed him by giving him double of all that he lost for staying true.” 

“Double everything?” She asked.

“Yes, double, and now Job is in the Bible for billions to read, for encouragement. Do you want to know what I think happened in Heaven when God planned your life?”

“What?” 

“I think that in the Heavenly realms, the devil may have come up to God and said, ‘I want to strike Katherine Lynn and give her nothing but heartache, and she will hate you. She won’t follow you, or trust you, or want to do anything for you.’  God must have said, ‘I know my Katherine Lynn, and she’ll not curse me. She will love people, so pure. I will put my love in her. She’ll endure all of it. She will come out even more loving. People will look at her in awe, wondering how she could be so good and kind and caring. Then I will reward her. I will give her a man who will love her the way she should be loved. I will bless her with people who will love her double and triple. The whole world will love my Katherine. So He picked Valentine's day to bring you into the world, because your life theme would be that special Agape love, Matthew keeps saying.  GOD said to the devil, she’ll be the Valentine that the whole world loves.” She picked up her head and smiled and received back that same loving smile from Nick, who was so proud to have her in his arms. She buried her face back in to his chest.

“So you think God sent me Matthew’s family, because my family did not love me, and he’s loved me crazy, the same with Scotty?” 

“Yes, I believe that. He sent me to you, also. Your deputy has sworn to take care of you for the rest of his life, right?”

“Yes, and he means it.” 

“I believe he does, but he won’t get that opportunity, because God sent me to you. I’m going to take your deputy’s job away from him. I’m going to make you deliriously happy. I am going to give you that fairy tale life. I am coming back into your life. I don’t know when, or how, but I know I am.” Katie popped up out of Nick’s arms. She turned to face him.

“Nicolas Paul, so do you think that God is proud of me?” Nick took her face into his hands. He grasped her hands and lovingly kissed them. 

“I’d bet my entire music career that God is so proud of you, that you make Him cry every day with tears of immeasurable joy.” Katie laughed and turned and nestled back into his arms, covered in his love. 

“Matthew says that, tears of immeasurable joy. Huh, funny you use some of the same words he does.”

“That’s because they have the same source.”

“God?” She asked, facing him. He gave her his warm loving grin and nodded.

“Yes, absolutely. God puts wise words in our mouth, just at the right time.”

“Just like he has for you, right now, about why my baby died. Maybe it’s true. Maybe God just kept my baby from making bad choices?”

“Maybe God wanted to spare your baby from the heartaches of this life, which would have pushed him over the edge, I mean look who his father was.” Katie popped out of his arms. He shrugged his shoulders and felt a little guilty for saying that. “Sorry, maybe that was uncalled for.” Katie coughed out a sad chuckle.

“Like father like son, then?” she asked. “I guess that could make sense. So, you think baby Markus is up there with Michael and Laurie?” Nick shrugged his shoulders. I don’t know about your Michael or Laurie, but I can assure you, that your baby is with God.

“Matthew says, that the Bible says believe on the Lord Jesus, and you shall be saved. He said that, even though he wasn’t devoted, he knew his status as a sinner and that he believed on Jesus, so he believes that Michael is up there with Laurie and Baby Markus and his brother and his Pops.”

“Well, I surely hope so.”

“Matthew says that Michael is getting our mansion ready up there, cuz Jesus says something about a mansion in heaven for us.” Nick laughed.

“Matthew surely has taught you a lot, hasn’t he?

“Yeah, I don’t know where all that stuff is in the Bible, but Matthew hasn’t been wrong yet, so if Matthew says it’s in there, it must be.” Nick nodded.

“It is, and maybe your Michael is up there getting a mansion ready, but down here, my sweet Princess Cindy, I’m going to build you a castle, and I know just the place I’m going to build it.” He smiled, thinking about the Forgiveness Field, his and his Gramps’ favorite place in all the world.

“Okay, I’ll take it. A castle down here and a mansion up there. Wait, what am I going to do when we are all up there? Oh, now that could be a problem.” Nick laughed and took her back in his arms.

“Nah, because in the Bible, it says that we’ll all be one big happy family, an maybe by then, I’ll like your Michael, but right now, I don’t, nor your Scotty.” She popped her head out from where it rested snugly in his chest. “Sorry, I’m still human.” They both laughed, and their bodies shook together. “Princess, I know one reason we can’t be together now.”

“And what’s that?”

“Because, I’m not worthy of you, yet. Unfortunately, you’ve shown me that I’ve been kinda like your Michael, a fence rider, and I’m going to change that, for you.”

“Don’t do it for me, Nicolas Paul. Do it for you, for God.” He nodded and agreed.

“Sweet teacher, you are such a wonderful inspiration. You love people and you bless them. They are your muse to continue doing all the good you do. You reminded me of my promise to God. You gave me the proper muses for my craft, again. You taught me so much, and I’m not a six-year old. Sweetness, you can teach more than just six year-olds. You little metaphor mama, with your great stories, immeasurable love and vivid details. Teacher, teach in the pages of a book. Let the whole world see what amazing love that lives in that heart. Don’t limit God’s love to just those lucky six year-olds.”

“I have always wanted to write. I just had nothing to say.” 

“Princess, you have lots to say. Spread that Agape love through the pages of a book. My shy princess, you can hide behind the pages of a book. Other people who are suffering need to hear your story, so that they can know that they can triumph with God’s help.”

“You know, Nicolas Paul, that makes sense, then none of the bad stuff will be wasted, or in vain.  Maybe I can help others when they are suffering.”  She spun out of his arm with that amazing revelation and new purpose for her life. Her face beamed with gratitude and possibilities for her future. She nodded and Nick saw the wheels spinning in her head as if she had just planned her future as an inspirational writer, helping all kinds of people. “Wow! That’s so cool, I mean, I can really help people, can’t I?”

Nick nodded with such pride knowing her life just became extremely valuable in the Kingdom, and this wonderful lady of love was right there in his arms, He was going to make sure that he was worthy to be her man when the time came.

“Princess, with all that you have been through, you’ve triumphed because you love so deep. Most people would become bitter, it’s made you better. You will be a shining example of God’s love and grace.” 

“But, I’m not good like Matthew, as a matter of fact, looking at Matthew is like looking at failure waiting to happen. I don’t know if you know this, Nicolas Paul, but I’m a screw-up. I always mess things up and get into trouble.”  Nick thought about her and the Long Island Ice Tea’s and her refusing to heed to Matthew’s warning. He laughed.

“Maybe the world needs a screw-up to look up to, and you my short little olive-toned Italian with the continental-sized heart, fit the bill. You see, you may think you are a screw-up, but I feel like I can’t measure up to you.” 

“That’s not true, Nicolas Paul. You’re wonderful.”

“Ah, but I’ve done so many things wrong in my life. I forgot my promise to God. I worked my craft as a self-serving artist, remember? God doesn’t count our screw-ups, he measures our hearts of love. God wants your heart, not your perfection, because, princess, he knows you ain’t perfect, nor will you ever be. Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and you will make Him so happy, that’s all He wants. That is what Jesus said was the greatest commandment.” 

“So, all I have to do is love God, and He’ll show me what to do, like with Pete Simpson?”

“Yes, when we love God, he points us to Jesus and what Jesus has done for us. Then when we accept his gift of Grace, we get God’s Holy Spirit, to teach and guide us. It’s a package deal.” 

“Kinda like me and my deputy? When you get me, you are getting my deputy too? He’s family, I told you.” 

“Teach, I don’t want your deputy, but if that is the only way I can have you, and he’s your family, then I guess he’ll have to be my family too. Now, if that deputy has to tag along with you, we are going to have to set some ground rules. He cannot have a room in the castle, he’ll have to live a few castles down the road, and you’ll have to keep him at arm’s length. I don’t want him taking me out with his strong arm of the law, accusing me of violating you, when he wishes it could be him do that— Oh, shit, that sounded bad too.” Katie broke down and couldn’t stop laughing at his faux pas. “Do you see what I mean about you making me tongue-tied and nervous?” 

“Yep, however, I don’t think it’s me you’re nervous about, but my deputy when he finds out about you. Knowing those girls, it will be soon, and it won’t go over well, at all.” 

“Well, just like he’s going to need time to adjust to the idea of me, I’ll probably need the same amount of time to adjust to the idea of him, being a Klingon, in our royal family.” 

“Okay, so, I guess if you can accept my deputy as your future family, via me, I should probably jump on board God’s family on that Christian Cruise Line to Paradise, via Jesus, huh?” 

“Sounds like a good plan to me, princess. Welcome aboard, we’re glad to have you.” 

“PC, how come you were able to put it all together for me, yet in all these years, Matthew never told me any of that Job’s Princess stuff.”  

“I don’t know. Sometimes, we just have to be in the right place in the right time, both physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Sometimes, just a different perspective on things makes them clearer. All I know is that God loves you, He trusts you, and He has a work for you to do. Maybe it’s in the pages of a book, maybe it’s inspiring me and others in our craft. You are going to do great things. Write that book and inspire the world, because princess, you are the most inspiring and exciting woman I’ve known, since I first started looking at girls when I was twelve.” 

“So, who was the girl when you were twelve?” 

“I can’t say,” he said.

“Why?”

“You’ll run away, for sure.” 

“Oh no, don’t tell me. Your teacher?” He nodded his head with his adorable embarrassed smile. “Oh brother!”