I Hear Voices, I Hear Voices!

VOICES By Chris Young

   Okay, so I stole this title  from one who was once my favorite artist, well at least for 8 months of my life, hence inspiring LOVE'S MUSES! Yet, my point is we do hear voices, three of them.  I was just talking to GOD about something so dear on my heart. I thought I heard in my spirit Him reminding me of something that happened 41 years ago when I first began dating my husband, whom I did not know would end up being my husband, then. I wondered if that was GOD reminding me of what I thought was such an insignificant moment.  It was the last day I ever spent with my college boyfriend of three years. At the time we had broken up, but the attachment was still there, and he was trying to get me back. I simply adored his family, even more than I loved my own. They accepted me and loved me back more than I had ever been loved. I had just assumed we would be together for the rest of our lives. I was hell-bent on marrying into this family and spending my life with him. I was not used to being without him in my life, because we were together upwards of twelve hours a day, everyday. I don't remember a day I spent without him all those years. Not being with him felt like not being with my left arm. (I'm left-handed) He was the best thing that had ever happened to me up to that age.

    GOD reminded me of that  morose feeling of dread I had inside all that day. It was as if He told me, "This is no more, it needs to stop."  I get pretty attached to people and I am terrible at cutting people out of my life, especially if I ever loved them, let alone how much I loved this man. He was my first true love.  I was so crushed and heart-broken. I couldn't bear to tell him because he loved me so much and I loved him just as much. I did not want to hurt him, but I knew something else was coming. I wasn't even a believer  then. I knew it would be the last time we would ever be together. I never stopped loving him, but I knew, I had to move on. It was a difficult break up that took well over six months, and to this day I think of him fondly in my heart some four decades later.

   After the memory suddenly flooded my mind, I asked GOD if that very old memory, which I have not remembered since that day, if it was Him who sent it to prove the answer to His answer to me. Then He reminded me of the three "voices" we hear in our heads and what He taught me a while ago of how to tell the difference. Sometimes, the hardest voice to obey or understand is the one that comes from YHWH GOD.

 These are the three voices we hear: 

   First and foremost, if we belong to GOD, we hear the devil's minions' voices as they are allowed to plant thoughts in there. They are negative, pessimistic, pertain to the lust of the flesh, bathed in confusion, discouraging. They are full of doubt. They will tell us what we want to hear, because although his minions cannot read our minds, they have studied our behavior and know our past better than we do. Only by seeking YHVH GOD with our whole hearts can we be free from these minion thoughts. 

  Then there's the carnal nature which is not as pessimistic, but includes our personal desires, things that appeal to our hearts or things we "wish." These also appeal to our flesh, but maybe in a more wholesome way at times. They may even be of goodwill, but not GOD's will. We can talk ourselves out of the carnal nature voices with Scriptures GOD has taught us.

   Finally, there is The Holy Spirit's voice.  It matches GOD's character and agrees with Scripture. It makes no sense in human reasoning. It comes back over and over again, and we cannot make it go away no matter how hard we try. Sometimes, it is an unpleasant thought of something we have to do and we don't want to do it.  We know we will face opposition, but there's a peace that surrounds it that is inexplicable in human terms.  Sometimes, it's full of hope and belief for the impossible, knowing GOD can do it.  It calms us and gives us that perfect sense of we are doing the right thing even if it's the last thing we want to do. 

   So, ask yourself those three question:  Does it appeal to my flesh? Does it line up with the Character of GOD? Does it line up with Scripture.  Then pray on it some more. YHVH will confirm it in ways you never would have expected or even ask of Him. 

  When GOD won't let go, even if you beg Him.

     Sometimes, GOD will show you something in a person that only you can see, because GOD showed it to only you. He will give you Scripture after Scripture and Divine Coincidence after Divine Coincidence to prove it to you. You may have to wait upwards of 9 years, 7 month, and 29 days, but the LORD will strengthen you, even when you beg Him to stop teasing you with hope deferred, (Proverbs 13:12).

    He won't stop telling you to wait, to hold on, and to believe. He will give you glimpses of the heart of a man that only He sees, but He will allow you to watch the storms that will come along and submerge that man under the weight of pain and confusion. Most men don't know how to deal with devastating pain or fear. They cannot process it, so they will act out in completely opposite ways of the Godly character you saw in him. David hid behind his fear for 16 months in the land of the Philistines, working for the enemy, and also deceiving them. (1 Samuel 27) Sometimes, GOD will let you give up thousands of times, then slap another event that screams of synchronicity on you when you aren't looking for one anymore.  

   The verse Psalm 37:4, Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart, is properly translated in the Hebrew as "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He would put/set the desires of you heart. The Hebrew NATAN, for shall give really means put, set. (Philippians 2:13 Proverbs 21:1, Isaiah 46:10-11) I have a whole notebook of these types of verses on GOD’s Sovereignty. Do not believe people who will discourage you with the words, "Man has his own freewill," because in cases where GOD has already planned to do something through a man, that man’s freewill is limited to GOD’s Sovereignty. Sure, GOD will allow that man to fall below any level he thought he could, but GOD has a purpose in sin, also. GOD allows sin so we can understand His Amazing Grace. GOD will use that sin to refine the man and bring him closer to Himself. The hell is in the waiting, but you will see the Mighty Hand of GOD in ways that barely a person alive has seen. I constantly beg GOD to leave me be in my despair, because the overwhelming circumstantial evidence is just that, circumstantial. It would not hold up in court, nor will it convict a man, pun intended.

    I know that only YHVH GOD and I understand these signs and Scriptures, but isn't that just how He works, individually, communicating in ways that only His beloved will understand? That's how faith works. Sometimes the miracle GOD wants to prove to us is coming regardless a person's Godly or ungodly behavior. Sometimes,  that heart like David is hiding behind a Jericho wall-sized pain. It doesn't matter how many times we ourselves give up, if GOD has ordained it, nothing will stop it. GOD will let us fall into states of utter despair just to show us His comforting power and His faithfulness to us when no other human will be faithful.  Even if we get something completely wrong, our faithfulness to GOD will never go unnoticed or unrewarded if we just keep sticking it out to live in His perfect will, whether or not it's a happy place or a fiery furnace of affliction, still burning the dross out of us.

No one is promised tomorrow,

so make sure you logout!

(Addendum: I wrote this  originally August 16, 2019, right before my mother's funeral in my previous Blog: The Woman at the Well)

  

 Almost six years ago, I buried my mother with my five siblings who definitely were not pleased about me being numbered among them.  It was an unexpected death, not sudden, but surely unexpected. Cancer came in and humbled my mom, because sometimes, that is how GOD has to do it. People say that GOD never sends cancer, well, I happen to disagree. The Bible is clear that GOD sends calamity.     Maybe it is not done by His hand specifically, but He is ultimately Sovereign, and nothing comes by us or to us without His prior knowledge and permission.  We read in the first chapter of Job that GOD was bragging on his faithful servant, Job, when the devil approached GOD and accused him of being faithful only because he had everything served to him on a silver platter, to quote a contemporary colloquialism. GOD let Satan stricken Job, taking everything away from him, children, livestock, servants, and all his earthly goods. When Job did not curse GOD, the devil had something else up his sleeve, PAIN! It's one thing to lose all our earthly goods, it's a whole new ball game when physical pain and discomfort torture us, wearing us out. Again, Satan had to seek permission from GOD, and it was granted, however the devil was to spare Job's life. (Hence, the devil has power to take life, according to this Scripture. Remember that little point!) The devil has to seek permission for everything he does, so the devil gets the blame, but GOD gets the glory in it, if we let Him. (Romans 8:28) 

     Now, Job may not have cursed GOD, but boy oh boy, he surely did complain, and who wouldn't? This is where GOD becomes an even bigger GOD, who can handle all our complaints, and He actually prefers that we do come to Him, and Him alone. Job was not suicidal, but he cursed the day he was born. Things went from bad to worse when Job's "friends" instead of grieving with him, accused him of deserving of this punishment from GOD. There was no mention of the devil in those days, so all things came from GOD's hand, the good, the bad, and the ugly. The mere thought that something so dreadful just happening upon a righteous man, for no reason other than to resolve a bet between GOD and the evil one was simply unheard of, unthinkable, and quite frankly, disturbing beyond human comprehension. My mother's cancer came out of nowhere, unexpected, unannounced, and unheard of, as cancer was not in our family history. I never expected my mother to die of cancer, because as she said, kidney disease was in our family, hence all her relatives died of kidney disease.  I guess we all thought we were safe. Cancer runs in families, right? If no one in your family or line of ancestors had cancer, well, then you were going to dodge that bullet, or so we like to think. My mother died of Kidney cancer, but not before I was the first in my family to have cancer.  

    I was the first in my family to contract it, a very very rare form, parotid cancer. Only one in every 500,000 women, my age contract this kind of cancer.  This I knew was from GOD, because I sort of got a heads-up on it. I believed that the Holy Spirit warned me two years ahead of time that cancer was coming to humble me and keep me humble. Again, I wrote about this ordeal in an earlier blog. Cancer, Death, and Humble Pie, Among Others . 

   My cancer was stage one, so easily defeated with a little radiation HELL! It was slightly under six months of hell for me, but it did the trick. It drew me closer to GOD, and burned the dross right out of me. It taught me more of Who He is and His grace being sufficient in my weakness. It had the intended purposed affect on me, and now, I'm a "ticking" time-bomb with all the radiation I did receive, thus perpetually feeding me humble pie for the rest of my days here on this planet. 

    My mom's cancer was quite a bit different. It had an appetite for her body that was ravenous, and it fed on her like a famished lion. In less than twelve weeks, my mom was gone.  This cancer was brutal, tumors grew like wildfire and burned like it also. My mom suffered terribly for about eight weeks. It was a suffering one would never want to watch their parent endure. I learned that it is just as hard to watch one's parent suffer as it is one's child. As would any child, I rushed home from one thousand miles away to be with my mother in her worst hour of suffering, and to be with her and my siblings as she exited this world and entered the next. I don't like to use the word dying, I'd much rather call it graduation or demotion. In my mother's case, I truly think it was a graduation, as I did not know her spiritual status. I did, however, receive what I thought was revelation from GOD that He had her up there in heaven, and all was well, now. The minute after she died, John 3:16 popped up as the first tweet in my Twitter feed. There was one other thing that I believed was from GOD, and that was what I was reading the second she took her last breath. I just so happened to be in 2 Chronicles 33, reading about King Manasseh. 

     Now, that was a bad king, so bad that he caused the final judgment from the Lord, to come upon Judah, the southern kingdom in 586 B.C. Both the northern kingdom and the southern kingdom had turned their back on GOD and worshiped other gods, and that was the least of their sins, from a human perspective. There were far more evil things they did that you can find out with a little investigative work on your own, but be prepared to have your stomach turned upside down. King Manasseh, though, he took the cake, and the frosting, and the candles, when it comes to evil. It is said of him that he lined the streets of Jerusalem with the blood from one end to the other. It is even reported that he had the prophet Isaiah hung on a wooden X and sawed in half from the bottom up. Now, that's a scene I can't even fathom to visualize, nor would I want to. You really can't get much more evil than that.  

    Both 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles speak of just how evil was the son of the good king, Hezekiah, but only 2 Chronicles tells of Manasseh's repentance. When God wants to humble a person, He knows just what it will take, and a hook in Manasseh's nose and bronze fetters on his feet did the trick. In his affliction, King Manasseh called out to the LORD. Now, we humans would have said, "tough cookies, bud, you deserve this." Aren't we glad that we are not GOD and GOD is not us, that we don't think like GOD and GOD doesn't think like us? (Isaiah 55:8-9).  One small act of humbling himself before the LORD, a sincere act of repentance (a change of heart), and GOD restored the evil king, who was immediately transposed into a good king. He proved his repentance was genuine as he went about restoring Jerusalem, the Temple, removing the wooden idols, and demanding that the people worship only GOD. It's an amazing story of just how big and wide is the Grace of GOD with one simple, sincere act of humiliation before him.  

      As I mentioned, I was reading these verses just as my mom took her last breath, and that is no coincidence. I truly believe that GOD wanted me to know that all the sharp words my mom used were thrown in the deepest part of the ocean, gone forever, and not held against her. Let me tell you, she had a tongue sharper than than any finely tuned razor blade. She could chop a person to pieces with it with no effort at all on her part, and in no time flat. She wasn't just a Italian Yankee firecracker, she was a nuclear explosion when her fuse was lit. 

   The day after she she died, I happened to stumble upon some of her emails she wrote to my siblings about me and my children. After reading about twenty of them, I had seen more than my eyes should have seen. There is NO question in my mind why my siblings hated me so much.  Mom was the fuel that fed that fire of fury She had said the most dreadfully horrible things about me and my children that no decent relative should say about another, let alone a mother about her own child and grandchildren. I had no idea that who I thought was my supportive mother was not only not so supportive, but she had hoped to see me fail. According to these emails, she hated me and even went as far as to take my ex-husband's side when he abandoned me.  Maybe she even got some pleasure from it. I will never understand this, but here is where that BIG huge Grace of GOD comes into play.  

    My mom's heart was like every human heart, deceptively evil, hard to even fathom (Jeremiah 17:9), and GOD, knowing that her time was coming soon, instead of letting her evil heart drag her into destruction, he gave her an opportunity to be so afflicted that her only option and hope would be to call out to GOD, as did King Manasseh. The Bible says in several places, "Whoever calls on the name of the LORD will be saved," and I heard many times during that brief time of severe suffering, her calling on the name of Jesus for relief and mercy.  

    I could hold a grudge against my mother, but what purpose would that serve? My tongue is just as sharp as hers, and I've ripped a few people apart in my day, even in recent days, when my fuse was lit. It's a terrible sin, but it's the human condition. We let our emotions dictate our words and actions when under a great deal of stress or distress. I am no angel and in need of just as much mercy from GOD as was my mom. My mother did and said some terrible things to me and about me in the course of her 87 years, but not once did I turn my back on her, even though many times, she did turn her back on me.  My mom didn't get a chance to apologize to me, but GOD let me see just how He works in forcing an apology, even a silent one out of one's heart on their deathbed. I, on the other hand have plenty of opportunities to apologize, still, and I plan to make that a common habit, hoping for a little understanding a great deal of mercy from those I've offended. I could hate that woman for the damage she had done to me all my growing up years, and there is still plenty of damage left over, but she is not that woman anymore. She is a new creation, a whole person, loving, happy and pleasant in Glory. 

   I never saw my mother pleasant and happy, yet in all the dreams I've had since she's passed, she's been happy, pleasant and very supportive of me.  I can't wait to meet the woman she is now, and I will have the chance, sooner rather than later. Sin is sin, whether we fall into it, or commit it with malice-a-forethought, and we are in need of forgiveness from GOD for every sin, past, present and future.  Here is where GOD looks at the righteousness of Jesus and his work on the cross, and not the decades worth of sin that we either fall into, or plot in vain. 

   Grace is not a license to sin, but in the end, if we do take that license to sin, in the end, GOD knows our true hearts, even if we hide it from the world.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I see this suffering as a gift from GOD. He will use it to bring us closer to Him either in this life or the next.   I would like to believe that He took pity on me and my mom and taught us BOTH a very valuable lesson in how GOD not only humbles us in our sin, but by doing that, He wipes away 87 years of evil behavior in one instant, and that proves to us just how BIG and WIDE is His grace and mercy.

  If Two Sparrows are Worth One Penny, What is a Dead Hawk Worth? 

(Another recycled and revised blog post)

      While I was married for three decades, I heard of the verse where it says, He hates divorce.  I believed it, however, I never knew how much He hated divorce until it happened to me.  I never saw it coming, either.  I was married for 28 years when my husband first brought up the word divorce, which was while I was going through cancer treatments.  Yeah, I just have to throw that one in there  just to rub it in a bit more.   We had been having a terrible time in our marriage for a decade before he brought it up, but I figured GOD would come in with the fix.   Our life became so difficult with job loss, dual cancers, adult child estrangements, financial oblivion, that something had to give.  I didn't know it would be my marriage.  I truly never saw the word divorce coming, because I never thought the man I became one-flesh with would ever go that far away from GOD.  I was wrong, tragically wrong, and it threw me for a loop, one from which I've still not recovered.  It may seem like from my posts I  want him back as my husband, but that's not the case.  I want him to return to YHVH GOD, because when he divorced me, he divorced the GOD of the Bible, even if he denies it to his dying breath.  People make up their own truths, and because he still goes to church, working in a ministry, while living with another woman, his truth is truth only to him.  

     During the last five years of living together, in the fiery furnace of affliction, as we were being scorched by the flames, we went in two different directions.  I looked Up to GOD for help, he looked away.  I drew closer to GOD, he drew further away.  He disgruntledly blamed GOD for our misery, and I knew GOD had a good purpose in it.  That was the beginning of the end.  We both survived cancer in the same year, but our marriage did not.  That was around the time when the Holy Spirit whispered in my spirit that GOD was taking my husband out of the home, because he failed as a spiritual leader, as a father and as a husband.  Of course, I did not believe this came from YHVH GOD Himself, but a year and a half later, my husband moved out.   Even then,  I refused to believe a divorce would happen. It took him five more years before he did file, and serve me, unexpectedly at the place where I volunteered at our local food pantry.  

    When he moved out, I told him that I would neither file nor sign any papers because  because we both made our vows to GOD ten times, two wedding ceremonies, on being a Covenant Marriage ceremony, and eight baby dedications.  If there was going to be a divorce, it would be on him, not me.  The same year he got a big windfall in the form of an inheritance, he chose to spend it on a divorce lawyer.  In fact, when the papers came, I refuse to open them up, and I took a tizzy fit, which I wrote about in an earlier blog post.  As soon as they came I tucked them neatly under his windshield wipers with a not-so-nice note.  I refused to get a lawyer, he said I didn't need one, yeah, right, but I knew my Lawyer was the One who wrote the Law. I ended up getting everything. He got to keep his little windfall.  Big deal, he kept his money but became unclean with YHVH GOD.  

     We got along, for the most part, because as a full-time mother to our bottom four children of the eight, I wasn't going to bite the hand that feeds me.  One year, on my birthday,  I lowered myself to ask him to take me to dinner, because for the last nine years, no one has taken me out for my birthday.  He said he'd give me an answer on my birthday, hoping that I would not ask again. His passive aggressiveness in an art form.  If passive aggressiveness had a name, it would be his.   When I disappointed him and asked again he told me that he was uncomfortable doing that.  In other words, he did not want to be seen with me in a restaurant, because he was almost boasting about having an "ex-wife." He had also taken up with another and was bragging her credentials on his social media.  Needless to say, I did not handle it well.  I took my usual tantrum and cussed him out.  

   While cursing him, wishing him dead, I took my usual temper tantrum, shaking my fist at GOD, yelling at Him, also, swearing that was the last straw. I swore there was nothing GOD could do to ever get me back as a totally devoted servant writer for Him.  My usual practice was blaming GOD for things other people did to me. I  was never going to open my Bible, write another encouraging Tweet or Facebook post, and least of all, another blog post.  I even deleted everything.  Thank GOD for the recycle bin, eh?   I don't know when it happened, but shortly thereafter, unbeknownst to me, GOD dropped a dead hawk in my front yard.  I live in the city.  I've never seen a hawk up close, let alone a dead one.  You would think you would find one out in the country, but not a mile from downtown.  There it was, dead as a doorknob with no explanation.   I knew that this had to be something from GOD. How often does a hawk fall from the sky and die on one's front lawn on their birthday, right after their "former" husband just failed another test from GOD?   

    Needless to say, I had to open up my Bible to find where a hawk is mentioned in the Bible, and there it was.  It's an abominable bird, an unclean bird that we are to never touch.  Wow!  Now that was pretty powerful. GOD did not want me to celebrate my birthday with an "unclean animal."  He did not want me to even touch him, let alone dine with him.  

    What GOD was telling me was that what my husband did was an abomination, making him a spiritually  unclean man because he bailed on his vows to GOD, without cause. Man's NO-FAULT civil divorce is a way to go against GOD with man's civil laws, thereby convincing himself that is okay and acceptable. When he divorced me, he divorced himself from the ten times he made vows to YHVH GOD to never divorce.  My covenant husband has no fear of GOD's punishment, nor would he recognize it when it came, and believe me, it has.   There is a sin unto death that one can commit when their heart grows so cold against the LORD, that He has no more use for them down here, and they are doing more damage than good.  No one knows when that will happen, except GOD.

   I'm not going to deny it,  I expected widowhood to come the very first time he even considered divorce, let alone did it.  Surely, this man has no purpose I thought.  I had those thoughts from 2014-through this current day.  I expect at some point, he's going to go too far in angering YHVH GOD, especially on the day when he said to me, "Your GOD is the mean-ass GOD of the Old Testament."'   When he said that, I stepped back, fully expecting lightning to strike, but it didn't, and here we are several years later, he's almost 100K poorer, but still going strong in his life of sin.   Our days are numbered, GOD has the number planned out before we are ever born. Scripture is clear that every day was written in His book before one of them began.   (Psalm 139:16)  January 30, 2022 was the day for that poor hawk.  That was the day GOD said to him, "Sorry, unclean animal, but your time is done."   Is there a correlation?  GOD was showing me every unclean animal has their day, and I don't suspect unclean animals will be in Heaven, neither will unclean humans.  

   The majority of our adult children have followed in their earthly father's footsteps and have turned their backs on GOD, also, some even on me. After all, nothing says, "I hate your mother so much, that I don't even want to be related to her after 37 years." If they don't see him being punished for turning his back on GOD, then they can get away with it also, or can they? The human rebellious spirit has indominable ways of writing off bad things that happen, without attributing it to it being the consequences of sin.   Because my former husband and I had a Covenant Marriage ceremony in 1990, in GOD'S eyes we are still married regardless of what a civil judge says. After all, man answers to God's Laws, not God answering to man's laws. 

   Right now, I consider myself a "married widow," married to an unclean man.  I am a woman trapped in a dead marriage, imprisoned by my own virtue because I refuse to go against Scripture or my own promises to GOD to never divorce and remarry, and YHVH GOD has kept all men away from me to help me keep those vows.  I can't say for a fact that I'm strong enough to keep them on my own, but my heart wants to stay in step with His will, even if my flesh is weak.  GOD will never go against His own Character or Word. There won't be another husband for me while my Covenant husband is still breathing, because to GOD, I am still married.  It's a dreadfully lonely life, and one I am having a hard time dealing with, and my relationship with GOD is suffering for it. 

    GOD understands when we wrestle with Him.  He promises justice and vindication for His devoted servants, yet, I've seen neither.  He also says that it's not good for man to be alone, (and even worse for the weaker sex), yet, He has chosen this life for me. So, we battle it out, He always wins. People do not understand why I cannot just accept a divorce and move on, like normal people.  I'm not normal.  I'm different, and I cannot accept people turning their backs on YHVH GOD and be okay with it. I'll grieve them forever, like He does.  I know that I operate based on my emotional state, that is how many of us are built, that's what makes us good nurturers. Hence, my emotions sometimes take over and I lose all hope for a better future.  There's nothing I would like more than another husband to guide, lead, and tell me when to shut up, but that is not GOD's will for my life right now.

    What I do know is that if it takes GOD dropping a dead hawk on my lawn on my birthday right after being dissed by my husband, again, to let me know that He is watching and He is taking care of my situation on His time in His Way, and that He is going to comfort me and let me know that He is here, every lonely minute of the day, well then,  I have no right to complain. So, instead of asking for vindication and a new husband, I've settle with asking GOD to help me stop complaining and be content with His ordained will. After all, it's better to be alone than with an unclean animal or human.  My covenant husband absolute despises when I write about the his divorcing me and GOD, but not more than GOD hates what divorce does to wives and children and a good standing with Him. 

Is it Chance or Divine Coincidences?

      The year is 2014, I was writing what I call the one epic of my life, LOVE'S MUSES. I hate fiction, so doing this was absolutely out of my comfort zone, but GOD put this "movie" in my head and for almost two years, I wrote what I heard and saw on the silver screen on my brain. It occurred to me years later that in late 2013, I wrote a metaphoric comedic chapter for making love as "Sharing a Coca Cola Classic" in the first book, then six months later, Coca Cola came out with their ad campaign Share a Coke with a Friend. The chapter is called "Coke Stealers Are Worse Than Pepsi Shared. (Chapter 24 ) This is for 18 and older readers! These books were first published late 2013-early 2015 before I shelved them for a decade. When I first wrote them, I thought they were going to be hits right off. How foolish I was. I had no idea that I had to spend at least ten more years in the fiery furnace of affliction before GOD could burn the dross out of me. The first way He did that was through parotid cancer and radiation hell burning the desire for fame and fortune right out of me.

The first of dozens of crazy divine signs from GOD came in the summer of 2014, I was diagnosed with Parotid Cancer. At the exact same time, my son was leaving for boot camp, and would be gone for six months. I was so depressed. We dropped him off, then decided to visit the new Dollar Store that just opened just up the street. My dearly loved husband, at that time, called me over, and said, "Kristina, c'mere, you gotta see this." In the Coca Cola cooler were two bottles right next to each other on the the TOP shelf. They were the Katie and Nick bottles. I was writing LOVE'S MUSES at that time, and the two main characters are Katie Lynn Moore and Nick Thomas. Of course, I bawled, because I knew that was GOD letting me know that everything would be okay.

A week later, while on a walk, crying, again, I thought, "What's the chance I'd see a Katie and Nick next to each other." So, not expecting anything, I decided to stroll in the same store and just take a peek. There on the 2nd shelf was Kyle and Jennifer in Coke Zero bottles, front and center and side by side. Kyle and Jennifer are the evil step-brother and step-sister to Nick Thomas, wreaking all kinds of havoc in his life. Again, I bawled my eyes out. I knew GOD was giving me signs to get me to hope and believe.

A week later, I had dropped my kiddo's off at VBS, and decided to go to Walmart to get a Coke. I had planned to find some quiet corner and just read the Bible and talk to GOD. Lo and behold at Walmart, right there in the front on the top shelf of the mini-cooler, was Matt and Rebecca! Matt and Rebecca are Katie's brother-in-law and sister-in-law who play a HUGE role in LOVE'S MUSES. (The story actually has seven main players.) Again, I bawled, I couldn't believe it.

A couple of weeks later, my daughter-in-law was in the hospital in labor with my first grandchild. She invited me to come and be with her during the labor and delivery. Who wouldn't jump at that? I went down to the cafeteria to get some food, and there they were, Matt and Michael right next each other on the top shelf, again. Matthew and Michael are identical twins. Michael was Katie's first husband and great love, who died of a heroin overdose on her birthday, February 14th in the bed of a groupie.

A couple of weeks later, I was out walking and went to the Dollar General and on the sidewalk was end of the season sidewalk sale items. Right on top of one of the aluminum racks was Brooke, all by herself. My husband was with me, so he can testify. Brooke is Nick's chief groupie and an antagonist, or rather a thorn in Nick's flesh, if you get what I mean. She was all by herself, because of course, she ends up all alone, the jilted groupie.

Friends, some people believe in luck, chance, or coincidences, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no such thing. If GOD is the creator of the Universe Sovereign over everything and Jesus holds it all into place, then He is just as concerned about your daily life, every micro-second of it, as He is the plankton at the bottom of the ocean. He counts the hairs on your head, and he watches it fall to the ground. He knows where it laid, and where the wind would eventually take it, unless the vacuum got it! I know this is hard to conceive, but He was there from the second of conception in your mama's womb, (pun intended) and He will be with you every second of your life until He brings you Home to Him for all eternity.

“Do you know the time when the wild mountain goats bear young?

Or can you mark when the deer gives birth?

2 

Can you number the months that they fulfill?

Or do you know the time when they bear young?

Job 39:2

There is another reason why I don't believe in chance and that is because over the past ten years, ever since He called this weak-faithed nobody to start writing, because He had a work to do, I have literally lived through and seen THOUSANDS of these Divine Coincidences. I have THOUSANDS of screen shots and photos on my computer of all the Divine Coincidence or Signs that GOD has done to keep this doubting nobody with very weak faith.

I never have done anything that significant, and while I'm here on this earth, besides pop out eight babies, and I would like to remain a nobody. When I'm gone, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that GOD will use LOVE'S MUSES in mighty ways. How do I know this? Since I stopped writing the story, a dozen or so of elements in the series have come to pass. Things like a typhoon in the Philippines that basically wiped out the entire island. (November 2013). There are elements that have come to pass in my own life, as well as complete strangers' lives who were the models for the characters GOD gave me. The biggest event however was a global crisis. Back when I wrote it, I wrote that a global crisis has devastated every country in the world, draining the life out of all the world's people. causing economic disaster. While I was writing it, I was asking GOD what could this be? He didn't answer until SEVEN years later when a biological weapon was unleased on the world, causing millions of deaths, devastating every country's economy, and draining the life out of most of the world's citizen's who can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Well, if you have not lived in a cave and you survived the Plandemic, you'll understand what I'm am talking about. I wrote about a fictional global crisis SEVEN years before we had one. No, I did not predict one, it was completely fictional as was the typhoon in the Philippines.

They are free to listen to on Rumble or can be purchased on Amazon. My view is what GOD gave me for free should be free for those who want to investigate them. I have yet to finish the sixth book which is basically an epilogue. Book 5 is not up on Rumble yet, but I plan to add it some day.

LOVE'S MUSES Book 1 Running From Love

LOVE'S MUSES Book 2 Recognizing His Rival

LOVE'S MUSES Book 3 Rectifying His Life and His Love

LOVE'S MUSES Book 4 Reckoning with His Fate Restoring the Faith

( Kristina L Allen Amazon Page )

 Don’t feed the elephant in the pond.

    There’s an expression about an elephant in the room and most people understand its meaning. The elephant is that thing that is constantly on everyone’s mind, but no one wants to mention it. Well, I had an elephant in the pond. There’s an elephant in the room of my life and I can’t seem to get around it. It keeps rushing me. Jesus is bigger than the elephant, and He will use whatever means He needs to use to send me a message above and around the elephant. The elephant is still there, but I can hear the the Holy Spirit's voice of reassurance when I stop looking at the elephant, but just listen for GOD’s voice.

      Nightmares, I’m plagued with them. If I go to sleep and silence befalls the room, guaranteed, I will have a nightmare. It happens all the time. This is why I put my sermon playlist on when I’m going to sleep, if Jesus is being preached or Christian music is playing, I am under GOD’s protection and the enemy cannot torment me in my sleep. Sometimes, however, the nightmares are from GOD. Well, I had an elephant in a pond. I had one the other day and I woke up with my heart racing. You know those dreams when you’re screaming but no sound is coming out, but you are screaming with every bit of emotional energy you have. I dreamt that I went somewhere with my ex and a few of my other children, but I left one of my children home, she’s twelve. I didn’t mean to be gone all day, but it turned out that way. I felt guilty and when we pulled up in the street (of our old home, by the way) a bad feeling came over me. Melanie’s friend was standing on the sidewalk with a look of terror on her face. She was shaking and terrified. I asked her, “Where’s Melanie!"  Her voice kept breaking as she tried to tell me what happened. I kept yelling at her, “Where’s Melanie!”

Then in tears she said. 

     “She went in the water she was just exploring. She went in the water.” She looked up into my eyes and I knew what was coming next. “She didn’t come up.”   I froze, I thought, Oh GOD! This can’t be happening to.  I started running toward the pond with a trail of people behind me, screaming for help, telling someone to call 911.  I reached this tiny pond, no bigger than my front yard. I knew it was deep, and I couldn’t decide whether or not to jump in and search for her. I was so afraid of finding her dead body. I was terrified. If I jumped in and saw her dead then there’d be no hope, it would be over. As I debated, I saw some sand rising to the top as if it were bubbles. I thought, “Maybe she’s alive, deep down there and digging her way out…," I froze and I screamed, but I couldn’t decide what to do. I kept seeing the dirt rising, and that gave me hope. I continued to scream in anguish, then I awoke.

    It took me a couple of minutes to get my bearings. Of course, I immediately turned on a sermon and started listening. A day later, that dream came back to me. My dreams usually do not unless there’s a message from GOD in it. This one came back and I heard, “Pay attention, Kristina, think.” I saw the dirt rise to the water’s surface. Then I thought, “maybe she was digging under the pond to get to the other side where there was no water. She must have gotten resourceful and found a pocket of air under the bottom of the pond and she’s digging. “ Then I heard. “As long as there’s dirt coming up to the surface there’s hope.” The pieces of the dream kept coming back to me and I understood the correlations.

   The murky pond represented my heart drowning in sea of despair, but the pond was so small. In other words, smaller in reality than I am making it. I was on my old street of the house we lived in eighteen years ago. Melanie wasn’t even born then. I knew right away what GOD was trying to show me. “That’s your old life."     Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19

    I asked GOD, “Of all eight children, why Melanie,” I took a stab in the dark. I looked up and said to GOD, “She’s the only one, right?” That matter is too personal for a public blog. To put it simple, she’s the only one who touched the elephant. I truly believe that GOD did indeed send that nightmare. God will use any means He has to either get our attention either to convict us, to strengthen us, or to encourage us and tell us, again for the 16,733 time, “Don’t worry, child. You can keep hoping, there’s hope.”

“And it shall come to pass afterward that I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. And also on My menservants and on My maid servants, I will pour My Spirit in those days. Joel 2:28-29   I guess it’s time to face facts, I’m the “old” category, but there’s hope. In all of this, there has been one promise that GOD gave me at the very beginning of this arduous journey and that was in Joel.  “I will repay the years the locusts have eaten.”  Let me tell you, I have some pretty fat locusts in my yard, house, and everywhere I look. So, as long as the dirt is rising to the top of the dark murky pond of despair, there’s hope! even when I've lost hope, I know that even when my hope dies there is hope that my hope can resurrect like Jesus did. 

 I WENT FOR A PERMANENT AND CAME OUT

 PERMANENTLY CHANGED

    Whilst we try to force our beliefs on others, we must consider the fact that those outside of GOD's calling can't hear us. It's like they are deaf and cannot read lips. We can preach all we want, but they have spiritual blindfolds, they cannot see it, even if the brightest of our own lights shine on it. I know this because I was spiritually blindfolded from the ages 0-26 years old. My “spiritual blindfold” was ripped from my eyes way back in 1989. I understand making it all the way to adulthood as a non-believer, if one can call the twenties adulthood. I more think of it as extended adolescence in our current culture. I was just minding my own business, carrying on with life as a wife and mother, when this “wind” of the Spirit knocked me sideways and brought to me what I never saw coming.  I will share my testimony as briefly as I can, without cutting too much out of the miracle. 

   Way back in 1989, I had a friend who got involved with this “Christian cult.” Her parents came to me, because her behavior had changed so drastically. I was her best friend, so they thought I could be the most influential. She got caught up in a Christian cult that encouraged separation from everyone. In my conversations with her she kept throwing Bible verses at me. I knew nothing about the Bible. I had been “witnessed” to by some holy rollers, as we called them in Massachusetts. I even became dear friends once with a bona-fide, loving Christian who shared the love of Christ with me, not the wrath of GOD. I couldn’t fight fire with nothing, so I had to get some fire of my own. I had NO idea what was coming next!

    It was July 1989 and I had an appointment to get my hair permed on July 14th.  Yes, that dates me. My stylist was a former pot-head who was now a Born-again believer. I was very excited all week about this appointment, and I had no idea why. I planned on questioning him and picking his brain about this cult. It was well-known cult in the Boston area at the time. I had no idea that my excitement was GOD getting my heart ready for some Holy Spirit fire that would fill my heart, light me up, and so completely change my life. But He knew, didn't He? He knew this was the week I was coming into His Kingdom as a permanent future resident.  PUN INTENDED!

    After a very long and deep conversation, because I had very long thick dark brown hair, I asked him to show me where it said in the Bible that one has to be “born-again.” It took him forever to find it.  He finally did, in John 3:3. Jesus himself said, you must be born-again to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Well, that was it for me. There it was right there in red and white, spoken by Jesus himself, and I believed what I read. He talked about getting saved for my child’s sake, and that put a whole new twist on it. That was the very first verse I memorized!  

   Later on that evening, I had decided that I was going to get saved for my daughter’s sake. I had no idea, that I already had been, the moment I read those beautiful words in red and white and believed them to be truth.  I also had no idea that it was GOD's intent for me to get saved on 7/14 the year I was 26 which are the numbers in His name YHVH.  They call that synchronicity.  I call it Divine Coincidences, planned before I was even conceived. 

   My stylists had invited me to church on that next Sunday, but that weekend, we were planning on going to our friend’s house to party and smoke pot, like we always did. We always spent the night because we were responsible party animals.  So, we packed up the porta-crib and off we went. GOD had a different plan, though. He wanted me in church that weekend, so He saw to it that I was going to go. He overruled my free will and made me sicker than I've ever been. Nothing could get rid of the pain in my stomach, no matter how many remedies I tried. I tried for hours to be relieved of this gripping pain in my stomach.  The whole time I kept hearing the only Bible verse in my head that I had ever heard, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...," and that was all I knew of that verse. Truly, I had never opened a Bible in my life. 

   This is further proof that we need to add GOD's Word into our heads to hear it over and over again in our spirit. If the Word isn't downloaded, we cannot call it to mind.  Hence, every question we ask of GOD, the answer will be in a verse we've downloaded into our RAM!  Back to the story:  It wasn't until we got on the highway, seconds later that I felt perfectly fine. My husband asked if I wanted to turn around and go back, and assuming this was GOD's way of getting my attention, I decided not to play with fire anymore, the fire of GOD. I ended up going to church that weekend, my friend was there, and I was invited to a Sunday night Bible study.  I thought it best not to refuse. I did not even own a Bible, so I borrowed a Living Translation Bible, (before they revised it to the New Living Translation).  I went to that Bible study and for the first time I learned what the "fear of GOD," really meant.  Not only had I learned the meaning of it, I had experienced it for myself that weekend.  That was the first of many miracles I've seen of GOD's Hand these thirty-six years.  

   That week I opened up that Bible, poured through the entire New Testament and some of the Hebrew Scriptures and absorbed every word like a sponge.  I got down on my knees, told GOD that I wanted all that was in that book and the rest is as they say history.  I had no idea that I was born-again, because all of that jargon was Greek to me.  Looking back, I know that GOD had intended for me to become who I am today and write these very words 35 years, 11 months, and 28 days later!  

   In three days it's my 36th birthday in the Kingdom. 

Happy Kingdom BIRTHDAY

 to me! 

 When in doubt live without is NOT how the called and chosen can live!

   Whether you are an atheist or agnostic, or you’ve been a prodigal for so long that you question even the very existence of GOD, now, this is as good as any time to consider the obvious. It is the human condition to question everything and try to distinguish the real from the imagined. GOD made us in His own image, which means he wants us to think things through. Maybe you are looking for something to get you through this sea of despair that is trying to drown you. I want to assure you that I have been in all of those places, so I speak of what I know experientially, if that is even a word. I remember doubting GOD’s existence, actually not believing at all. I remember thinking that Born-again Christians were holy-rollers, nuts, weirdos, and not wanting anything to do with them. I also broke up with GOD after twenty-one years of walking with Him as a devout student of the Word. There are many reasons why we break up with GOD, and I’ll discuss those later. I also can relate to treading water so long in the sea of despair that you just want to stop paddling and use your last breath to suck into your lungs a gulp of that salt-water of death. Drowning can be the easiest or the worst way to go, depending on one’s frame of mind.

   I have lived through and survived the fiery furnace of affliction for so many decades, that commonsense says, this has to be of GOD, because He must have a perfectly good reason for it. I have found that if it doesn’t make human sense, it usually makes GOD sense. I’m used to persecution. I’ve been hurt in every way possible, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I’m good at it. I have yelled at GOD, researched GOD, sought GOD, and doubted Him. Each time, though, I’ve asked Him to show Himself real to me, and the faithful GOD that He is, it wasn’t long down the road that He would knock my socks off with something so coincidental to my particular problem that it would be mathematically impossible to explain away. I’ve seen hundreds, maybe thousands of acts of GOD that are simply inexplicable. Sometimes it’s an event, sometimes it’s a Scripture, sometimes it’s a person, and sometimes it’s an aptly placed Tweet on my Twitter feed.

   Coincidences aren’t chance, because there is no such thing as chance. If there was, then they’d be no such thing as GOD, and I would have wasted thirty years of my life and been completely delusion thousands of time. I tell people the best way to judge one's sanity is this: A sane person with David-like faith questions whether or not he's delusional, and a delusional person is convinced he's sane. So, if you are feeling guilty and beating yourself up for doubting GOD, or skeptical and want to find some way to denounce everything in this world, don’t worry about it. GOD understands. He knows our thoughts before we think them, and He has the answer planned a head of time. If there is anyone who understands what it’s like to be human, it’s GOD, because he was. He came down here and suffered hell on earth in the physical limitations of the human body. The Bible says, He remembers that we are but dust. (Psalm 103, now go look for it.)

    He understands time as we experience it, even though He lives beyond time, because when He came to earth as a man, he had to wait thirty years to call his first disciple, and three more to complete the work. There is a simple answer that is so obvious that it seems to easy, just ask. Yep, GOD always answers the sincere heart, the one who really is seeking Him. That’s a guarantee. He proves Himself to the sincere hearted, to the broken and contrite, those are His favorite kind. One thing I will tell you is this, He is not an on-demand GOD. You can't just get the remove and click Him on to answer your wandering mind and heart. He works on his own time schedule, His own way, but to the contrite, He always answers, in His time, in His way. Another warning is this, if you have a chip on your shoulder and you are just trying to prove to GOD that He doesn't exist, well, then, He will let you do that, too. Does that make sense? If not, think about it for a couple of minutes, eventually my circular reasoning will make a lot of sense.