When GOD won't let go, even if you beg Him.

Sometimes, GOD will show you something in a person that only you can see, because GOD showed it to only you. He will give you Scripture after Scripture and Divine Coincidence after Divine Coincidence to prove it to you. You may have to wait upwards of 7 years,  2 month, and 26 days, but the LORD will strengthen you  Even when you beg Him to stop teasing you with hope deferred, (Proverbs 13:12). He won't stop telling you to wait, to hold on, and to believe.  He will give you glimpses of the heart of a man that only He sees, but He will allow you to watch the storms that will come along and submerge that man under the weight of pain and confusion. Most men don't know how to deal with devastating pain, they cannot process it, so they will act out in complete opposite of the Godly character you saw in him. David hid behind his fear for 16 months in the land of the Philistines, working for the enemy, and also deceiving them. 

The verse Psalm 37:4, Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart, is properly translated in the Hebrew as "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He would put/set the desires of you heart. The Hebrew NATAN, for shall give really means put, set. ( Philippians 2:13  Proverbs 21:1, Isaiah 46:10-11)  I have a whole notebook of these types of verses on GOD’s Sovereignty.  Do not believe people who will discourage you with the words, "Man has his own freewill," because in cases where GOD has already planned to do something through a man, that man’s freewill is limited to GOD’s Sovereignty.  Sure, GOD will allow that man to fall below any level he thought he could, but GOD has a purpose in sin, also.  GOD allows sin so we can understand His Amazing Grace.  GOD will use that sin to refine the man and bring him closer to Himself.  Then he will be better than your heart could have ever imagined, and his passion for the LORD will blow your mind. The hell is in the waiting, but you will see the Mighty Hand of GOD in ways that barely a person alive has seen.  I constantly beg GOD to leave me be in my despair, because the overwhelming circumstantial evidence is just that, circumstantial.  It would not hold up in court, nor will it convict a man.  Pun intended.   He won’t let me let it go, and He will prove His ordained plan with another Scripture or another Divine Coincidence. 

I know that only GOD and I understand these signs and Scriptures, but isn’t that just how GOD works, individually communicating in ways that only His beloved understand? My point is that sometimes the miracle GOD wants to prove to you is coming regarding a person’s Godly character which is hiding behind a Jericho's wall of pain. It doesn't matter how many times we give up, if GOD has ordained us to an assignment, even if that is only as an intercessor, He will let us fall to levels of utter despair just so He can show off His Miraculous Hand, again. 

CANCER REALLY IS A GIFT FROM GOD THAT LEADS US TO MERCY

(IN MEMORY OF OUR BELOVED ROBERT. YOU WILL BE GREATLY MISSED. )

    Most people would shutter at that statement about cancer really being a gift from GOD, but having been through it, I have earned the right to say it. I've also witness the miraculous that comes from it. Most people say cancer is a curse of the devil, well, they are wrong, very wrong. I've been telling people it's going to be my Ticket Home, and I look forward to it's return. Most people think I'm crazy, I've been called far worse with more colorful adjectives before that word, but I'm not, they are just ignorant to the Hand of GOD, because they can only think like humans.

    I've been going over in my mind how GOD used cancer to bring a very wonderful, yet messed up man to Mercy. His life was as messy as any human can do to themselves. I saw GOD do it with my mother who had a terrible mean streak and a tongue that could tear a person to pieces. Neither one of them lived a life devoted to Him. Both led very secular lives. 2 Chronicles (2Chronicles33) tells us of the story of Judah's most evil king, and how he filled the streets of Jerusalem with innocent blood, and yet when trouble befell him, he turned to Mercy. I just so happened to be reading this story the exact moment my mother took her last breath, three-plus years ago, and I know that GOD was giving me a clear message. He took my mother to heaven, and He used cancer as the means to do it. Ask the thief on the cross next to Jesus. He also turned to Mercy after he was crucified, not before.

  

 GOD obviously doesn't put a "hook" in everyone's nose to turn them back to Him. He obviously does not save all, so whom does He choose to bring to Mercy and why? That was my question I asked him. The answer I got was, He knows the heart of everyone. He knows who will and who won't. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my new friend, Robert, is in Heaven right now. I'm pretty sure my mother is, but I'm not as sure as I am about Robert. Why? Because GOD sent me to Robert for the last month of his life to show him just how peaceful the transition will be, and to assure him that GOD was orchestrating the whole thing. GOD wanted Robert to know that his greatest fear of dying alone was not going to happen. GOD wanted Robert and his family, (and me for that matter) to witness just how He was putting all the pieces of the puzzle together, one mile and minute at a time.

    The whole path to meeting Robert was miraculous, in that I rarely answer the phone at the food pantry where I volunteer, but I just so happened to answer it that day. He was told to call to ask for a food delivery as he had no way of coming to get food himself. He cried on the phone over his gratitude that someone was coming to bring him food in two days. That was all it took for me to pack him a bag and bring him some that evening. When I first walked into his house, I saw the most pitiful sight I've ever seen, a fragile, thin man, whose body had been ravaged by cancer over the past few months. He told me his story, and he cried over his fear of dying alone, and that was it. I was hooked. There was no tearing me away from this fascinating man. I spent almost every day for the last month of his life taking care of him, but not to the best of my ability, a regret that will be with me for the rest of my life. I did not know he had less than a month to live. I had no clue that on a Sunday night when I left him that he would be gone Monday afternoon. No one expected that, not the doctors, not him, not me, but the One who did was the One who orchestrated every minute of Robert's last days.

       Here is an undisputed fact: None of us is able to save ourselves. GOD's individual plan to bring His chosen to Him is as varied and diverse as each one of us is and He orchestrates the whole thing. Like Robert's brother-in-law said, "This may be one big wake up call for all of us." He has no idea just how true that statement was. I told him that it indeed was, and it surely isn't the way the church would have said GOD does it. They are too busy pounding over everyone's head what sinful people we all are. Jesus never scared anyone into heaven, nor did he threaten anyone with hell. GOD saves us by His Grace, He calls to us with His Grace anyway He chooses to get our attention. He has no limits, and He makes up the rules. He knows who is coming to Heaven, and He knows just how to get them there.

    Robert messed up his life himself by doing all the things we are told not to do. He had an addiction that he helped create, and this talented man could not seem to hold down a steady job, because his creativity couldn't be stifled by the strict environment of the workplace. He himself admitted to me the first day I met him that "he deserved this liver cancer" by the way he lived. Cancer humbled him and brought about life-saving repentance. He also told me that before I came to his house and into his life, he laid there on his couch for weeks crying, giving up, and begging GOD not to let him die alone. That's where I came in.

  

 I know for sure that GOD sent me as sure as I am here typing this at my regular inspired 2 am blog posting, like most of my inspired posts. He sent me to show me a heart so full of love, one that He loved very much, but a life completely messed up by human error. It was also my job to get his family here so they could witness and be there for the most precious thing outside of the birth of a baby, the entrance of their beloved into Eternal Life. My most important assignment was to love him to Heaven with the purest kind of love I could give, and I did love him with all my heart. You see, GOD put that love in my heart, and I am crushed at this loss. This complete stranger that I knew for three days less than a month so touched my heart, that it's broken because I did not have more time with him. I will never forget the wonderful things I learned because of his entry into my life and like I told him and his family, Robert was much more a gift of GOD to me, than I ever could have been for him.

  

 Where Our Feet Have Trod

    As many of my readers know, I've lived like Jeremiah in Job's World.  Anything that can go wrong has gone wrong.  Anyone who could stab me in the back has.  Here I am trying to warn people about the Just GOD of the Bible, the one my covenant, (but ex husband in the eyes of civil law only), calls a "mean-ass-God."  Yes, he really did call the GOD of the Hebrew Scriptures a "mean-ass-God."  He believes in GOD, he'll come right out and say that, but like the majority of the New Testament Church, he doesn't believe in the YHVH of both the New Testament and "Old Testament, the one Jesus spoke about, the One who holds his fate in His Hands.  Like most regular church goers, he has created a god in his own image, one he can live with, one that loves everyone, no matter what they do.  If it weren't for lies they tell themselves and others, the church would be dead. 

    Paul warned us that this would happen, and it did not take long for it to occur.  Satan is just as comfortable in the New Testament Church as he is in the open world.  As long as he can deceive those sitting in the pews with that warm happy feeling that GOD loves them just as they are, they won't want to change.  As long as he can tell them that GOD isn't to be really feared, but to be worshiped, praised and loved, the way He "praises/worships" us, then all is well with however they live. 

    I had dreadful parents.  I determined never to do as they  did to us and make us feel like we didn't matter.  So, I risked my life to have six more children than the doctors recommended, and I treated them all like they mattered.  I bent over backwards trying to serve them and be a good mother, while teaching them about YHVH GOD.  I did this with my husband also.  There was never any question about my love for them, because I showed them and I told them.  Yet, six out of the eight threw all of that away, as well as my husband.  I sit here, all alone, the only one walking with GOD asking Him how this could have happened.  The only answer I get is that the devil hates the truth.  In me are no lies.  I refuse to lie, so, I end up saying things people do not want to hear.  

   People listen to words, they do not watch actions.  Hearing words they like appeal to them.  I took in an elderly man with dementia, because his grown children ripped him off blind and dumped him in squalor, yet, when he was handing out money for anything they needed, they loved their dad.  As soon as the courts came and took his money away from them and him, and assigned him a conservator, they dumped him like a hot potato.  

    Then the truth hit me like a MOAB, (mother of all bombs).  We are the same way with GOD.  Those of us who know the true YHVH GOD constantly try to earn His love and favor, because we know it can be lost.  You can take Scripture and twist it to anything you want it to believe, but history proves the truth of Who YHVH GOD is.  Read the judgments against the people and nations who rose up against His people.  Read what He said about His people who turned to idols and dumped Him by the roadside. Open up the book of Hebrews, in particular, chapter 2 and chapter 6.  

    Those who have created a god in their own image refuse to believe that they will be judged based on how they live, even though, it is explicitly taught in the Bible.  You see, everyone's mirror is distorted.  No one has a correct mirror into their own souls.  If you ask anyone, "Are you a good person" who will answer correctly?  People who are bad think they are good and people who are good think they are bad.  It's like that with everyone.  Bad people don't believe they are bad.  Good people don't believe they are good.  Now, which ones does GOD love? He loves the ones who think they are bad, and those people will forever be trying to earn His love and favor, even though they already have it.  Jesus is clear in Matthew 12:50 as to who are really truly his family. 

  Jesus’ Mother and Brothers Send for Him

46 While He was still talking to the multitudes, behold, His mother and brothers stood outside, seeking to speak with Him. 47 Then one said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak with You.”

48 But He answered and said to the one who told Him, “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” 49 And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.”

    Those who think they are good, or okay, think they don't have to earn GOD's favor, because they are deceived into believing they have it, regardless because of this "man-made doctrine of unconditional love."  It is a very tragic situation.  Here is one thing I posted on Facebook, and I think it's a pretty good scale in order to judge oneself by when looking in the mirror of our souls.  When you look into the mirror of your soul, if you can say yes to the question above, then you are in danger of having a false god, one you created in your own image.   I can tell you the people who will tell the truth, those on their death bed.  GOD recently brought a man into my life who is in end-stage liver cancer, and this man admits that he deserves this, because he earned it by living wrong.  He has  prayed and asked GOD to forgive him and take him to heaven.  He is now a humble man who cries at the drop of a hat and now  is only days away from Eternity in Paradise, just like the the thief on the cross, after he was crucified came to know about himself. 

 Their Truth, My Truth, and GOD's Truth:

 Three Different Trees

     While praying for one of my clients from the food pantry where I volunteer, I thought about his life story that he told me and how he ended up where he is living now, if you could call that living.  It's a very rewarding and frustrating job to deliver food to these people, especially the ones living in such abject and pitiful situations.  One client, in particular, has everything under the sun gone wrong against him, and he is completely innocent in his dire situation, or so he thinks.  I want to help them in other ways, besides just bringing them their monthly food boxes, but I am powerless to help some of them.  There are just too many problem with their living situations for me to tackle.  I decided its best to help where I can and pray for them about the other things.  I thought that I could offer solutions and ideas to help them, but then it occurred to me that I only know their side of the story.  

     While praying about this one in particular, I told GOD that his story just seemed a little off, and then the wisdom of GOD hit me like a ton of bricks.  The Holy Spirit put it in me like this:  Their stories may be an exaggeration, but to them it's their truth.  To them, it really did happen that way, and their plight is really as bad as they have told me, even if it's not the whole truth.  Then, GOD related it to us, all of mankind, and He hit me with another ton of bricks to really flatten the curve of my own story.  I've been blaming quite a few people for my own plight and situation, while they have been blaming me for being in the wrong as far as they are concerned. There are many people who have done me wrong, as I see it, but I will  use two men in particular to best describe the point I am trying to make. 

     To one, nothing I say is truth to him, it's only truth to me in his eyes, and none of it means anything to him, because it would interfere with his current happy lifestyle.  Biblically speaking, the truth I've been speaking to him comes straight from Scripture.  GOD has already shown me that this man has created God in his own image, an image that is acceptable to him, one who accepts his actions as okay, not offensive to YHVH GOD in any way, when clearly what he has done is spoken against in multiple places in the Bible.  He doesn't read those passages. He is not in the least bit interested in reading those portions of the Bible, but he goes to church on a regular basis.  He likes his last seat in the back row, way up in the balcony, where no one will bother him. The soothing message of just how much GOD loves him, regardless of how he lives, makes him feel better about himself, while the Scripture passages I share with him make him uncomfortable enough to ignore them as if they do not exist or as if they are obsolete today. His truth is that today we live under grace and not law, as he's been taught by the New Testament Church. To him, he's not obligated to keep any of the Laws, especially the parts about making vows to YHVH GOD.  According to him, this wonderful pastor and the enjoyable music that is played at this mega church speak quite the contrary to the things I've been telling him are in Scripture.  In essence, he prefers his "truth" to the Truth.  The real truth makes him look bad. It says that because he has turned his back on GOD he may have lost his salvation, and well, that's just unacceptable to him.  

    The other man has many things against me, none of which I really know, because he refuses to speak to me, but his truth is just as viable and real to him as the first man's is to him.  I can't fight this second man's truth with Scripture, because I don't know what his truth is to him. I only know what my truth is to me, and how it relates to me.  The crux of the problem is that we have two different truths.  I only know mine, he only knows his, and I'm going to venture a guess that neither one of our truths are GOD's Truth.  I can only make assumptions about him  based mainly on misinformation that I myself have had to conclude or deduce, and quite frankly, I could be way off base here.  He has a huge advantage over me because he knows all about me, and I know nothing about him, that is his choice. 

     So, the moral of this story is, as humans, we make up our own truths, and to us they are rock solid, whether they are GOD's truth, close to GOD's truth, or even way off of GOD's truth.  We are  judgmental by nature, and we judge other people's truths as lies if we believe they are lies.  We can't convince anyone of their lies being lies because our lies to ourselves are truth to us only.  Does that make sense?  What I am saying is that we all lie to ourselves that our truth is the truth.  How do we find the actual truth? Well, the truth is in the Bible, all of it, but unfortunately, we feed our lies into Scripture and pick and choose what truth means from those Scriptures.  We take our personal doctrines not from Scripture, but we force our doctrines into Scripture with select verses that seem to agree with our doctrine.  If I had to use a picture to describe it, I guess I could use a fruit tree.  The roots are GOD's truth, His actual Words, but the leaves and fruit that grow off the stem and the root are our truth. Hence, to us, the leaves and the fruit are just as much of the tree as the root.  The leaves and fruit are the truth we accept because they are the most visible to our naked eye. 

      My fruit tree may be an apple, another's fruit tree may be a peach tree and another's an orange tree.  They are all trees to us, they are all truths to us, but the actual truth for all our trees is in the roots, which are under the ground and they all look exactly alike, because the roots are GOD's truth.  So, what can we do about all these differing lies we convince ourselves are the rock solid truth.  Nothing, absolutely nothing. 

   We cannot ever convince the other that their fruit or leaves aren't really GOD's truth, only GOD can do that. Our own leaves and fruit are likely not GOD's truth.  Somehow, we have to learn to live with each other's lies, and just keep searching our own trees' roots, and pray that somehow, we can live acceptable lives to GOD, and thank Him with all we have that Jesus's death on the cross is the grace that keeps our trees standing, until it's time for our trees to fall. The best we can do is to keep praying, keep studying, and keep believing that the Living Water of Jesus will extend to the next generation we leave behind when our own trees fall to the ground. (Pun not intended, but if the fruit fits, eat it!)

      THE FRUITS OF MY LABOR: And no one understands this better than an octomom!

     Sometimes, my own stupidity amazes even me.  I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, why even the butter knives laugh at me.  I am so amazed at the patience of the Almighty who continually puts up with the idiotic behavior I sometimes exhibit, okay, I usually exhibit.  I complain constantly about my own personal trauma when I know darn well that He has assigned me a job that is so much bigger than myself and my own petty problems.  I had been sleeping the day away, because I became so self-absorbed in my personal trauma, again. That was until I had this horrible nightmare. I woke up from it, knew it was from GOD, but couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was about, but I knew it was from YHVH GOD.

THE NIGHTMARE:

I was pregnant at this late age, I gave birth, but the hospital took the baby from me, not letting me see it, or know if it was a boy or girl, and told me to go home, and when the baby was ready to come home, they would call. I went home, went about taking care of my eight children, and forgot about the baby for weeks. When I called the hospital, they said there was no record of me giving birth, but they would get back to me. Again, months went by, and I remembered the baby, again. It was then that I realized the hospital had stolen my baby for the black market. I knew no court in the land would side with me, because I had forgotten about my baby for months. I couldn't stop crying and had to have one of the kids dial my phone to get their father over here. I called him to come over so we could go to the hospital together, but then the pipes burst in my upstairs master bathroom.

Strange, huh? Well, just doing the dishes, the Holy Spirit said to me to think about it. What have I been neglecting? My writing, my assignment as a writer for the despaired. My ninth baby is my job as a writer. The books are the baby. I can't see the results of the books, because I won't be here to see the fruit of my labor. It is my fondest desire for the LORD to take me out of this world before He takes the words I have written world-wide. The last thing I want is fame or notoriety in this world where everyone pretends to be someone famous. No one pretends to be a dead person, well, unless you're voting democrat. Sorry, couldn't resist.

I'm so stupid most of the time. I haven't quite figured out the pipes bursting, maybe that's the cancer, which will be my Ticket Home, keeping me from getting to the hospital to retrieve the "fruits of my labor."

ADDENDUM: November 12, 2024, I just figured out what the pipes bursting is. Daggone it, it's not cancer, it's this brain aneurysm in my head that I was diagnosed with a few months ago. Makes sense, huh? GOD taking me out quick with one killer headache. Pun intended.

 

Stone Siblings 

Because Allen Means Stone!

    

    Biological connection does not make a family, love does. That was in very short supply in the family and home in which I grew up in, due to the fact that my parents despised each other.  They never taught us to love each other or anyone else. My mother taught us to hate everyone, my father taught us to love only ourselves. I'm not saying they indoctrinated us with that, I'm saying they lived that out before us.

     I used to be covetous of other families whose siblings were loving and intimately close friends, while mine were only related by blood. Once every ten years or so, they'd be a family reunion of sorts for some special occasion, and I always dreaded going, because I knew what I would be facing. I was always the odd man out, and the older I got the odder I became, to them. The closer I became with YHVH GOD the less I was liked by them.  It's to the point now, where I am not even welcome to a family funeral, and not only am I not welcome, but my children are not welcome, either.   

    I have looked at this picture hundreds of times over the decades, and I never noticed that I am "set apart" from the rest of them.  They are all in relatively close contact with each other, and I am off to the side a bit, I am the odd man out.  That never occurred to me before this moment.  Kodesh/Kadosh are Hebrew words that mean "SET APART."  The English Bible translators translated those words as holy.  Holy to most church people means pure, clean, good, and yet that is nothing like what the Hebrew word means.  The Hebrew words do not always translate properly into English, because Hebrew words have so much more depth to them than the English. Christians have misused and mistranslated the word holy for centuries. It simply means, SET APART. Something could be set apart for a good use or even a bad use. Someone can be set apart to do a work for GOD and some people could be set apart to do an evil thing, all for the purposes of the growth of the Kingdom of GOD or a person's spiritual growth and health.

     Having studied the Bible as a means of survival these past decades,  I have observed a lot of sibling dysfunction. The very first sibling rivalry ended in murder.  Cain, out of his jealousy for Abel's being favored of GOD, killed him, for no other reason than jealousy and hate.  Jacob and Esau were a mess because their parents pitted them against one another by favoring one over the other. Most of the Biblical heroes were not well-liked by their siblings, they were SET APART by GOD for His special purpose.  David is a perfect example, the "runt" of the family, and quite possibly not even from the same mother as the other seven, according to ancient Hebrew tradition.  It has been thought by ancient Rabbis that David could have been the son of an adulterous woman or even a prostitute,  None of that is in the Bible, but it does make sense, seeing how he was definitely the family reject. 1 Samuel 17 tells it all. (28 Eli’av his oldest brother heard when David spoke to the men, and it made Eli’av angry at him. He asked, “Why did you come down here? With whom did you leave those few sheep in the desert? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is! You just came down to watch the fighting.” 29 David said, “What have I done now? I only asked a question.”)  

     Many times, the set apart one is called the trouble maker, is the hated one for no other reason than there is something different in them.  Jacob's son, Joseph, was just that kind of brother.  His brothers  were so full of hate they had no regard for how losing Joseph would devastate their father.  Their stone-hearted hate was more important to them then their father's heart of flesh. They had no remorse when they lied to him, telling him that his precious son was eaten by a wild animal, and bringing back only a bloody tunic. They were never convicted of their guilt, until such a time as near twenty years later when they were in a bind, and it occurred to them that this was their punishment for what they did to Joseph and their father.  Sadly, some family members are never convicted about their ill-treatment of the "set-apart" one. 

     GOD doesn't see the ugly others see, He sees a set-apart one.  Even if that set apart one is living in very ugly and not so pure circumstances.  YHVH GOD knows what He will be doing with His set-apart ones, and we are judged based on what His plans are, not the mistakes we make.   

    Even Jesus had a few renegade brothers who thought Jesus went mad by calling himself the "Son of GOD. (Mark 3: 21 When his family heard about this, they set out to take charge of him; for they said, “He’s out of his mind!”). I love Jesus response, which was basically, he dissed them in public, and they well deserved it. Jesus did not do it with malice, but with truth in love. Jesus said, in a nutshell, biology means nothing, but those who belong to GOD are my true family. 

      So, although, I have been envious of other families and their closeness, in a way, I'm glad that I grew up in the house of "stone," full of hate and rivalry, at least that's all I ever felt from them. When I was twenty-six-years-old, GOD changed my stone heart to flesh, (Ezekiel 37), and as the years passed, He blessed me with eight children of my own, two more than my mother had. Although, it is never pleasant to be rejected, falsely accused and blamed for everything from one's siblings, I was the one of the six who YHVH GOD set-apart.  I was the one called to a special work for Him, while they just revile me more and more each year. The key here is to always see how YHVH GOD sees us, not as man sees us.  

     

    

 Some Hills Just Aren't Worth Dying On.

There are so many people out there who just don't get it. But, it's taken me almost six decades to get it myself. My mother cursed me by saying the usual mother's curse, "I hope you have a child just like you." Well, I had two. Like their mother, they insist on dying on every hill. They have to win an argument or debate. Sadly, I taught them that. I made a lot of mistakes as a mother of 8, and that was one of them. I didn't learn this lesson until recently, so I do not expect them to learn it any easier or earlier.

Being a writer, student of the Word, student of people, and all around social person behind the blue screen of a monitor, I observe a lot of people arguing online. I too used to be one of those who could get into a good knock down drag out fight on Twitter or Facebook, or anywhere someone lit my fire with what I call their folly. It's so foolish to start and even try to continue a fight or debate on social media sites, just as foolish as it is to fight with one's significant other in a text conversation. It goes nowhere fast, and both end up worse off then when the conversation began.

With the world the way it is, now, there is a great divide, one like I've never witnessed. There are what we Patriots call "The Normies" and worse than them are those with "Trump Delusional Syndrome." The normies are the average TV-watching, fake-news believing, let's call them JonesTowners. They have drunk the Kool-aid, and there is no way to get that poison out of their system. They may mean well and be perfectly "normal," passivists, but they aren't helping the cause, they are hurting it by their obedience to fascism.

Those with TDS, on the other hand, are seriously mentally disturbed, but not because of a mental illness, but because of a demonic influence. We've all seen short TikTok videos of them doing simply insane things that would have gotten them locked up a few decades ago. I'm sure we've all experienced the crazed woman screaming her head off when Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, or the obese pro-abortion radicals, walking around near naked, swearing to go on a sex strike to prove the point that their body is their own and giving states back their rights to govern themselves is akin to taking away their right to dispose of their unwanted consequences of gratuitous sex. Although, I doubt many of those women are out every night exploring new territories beneath the sheets. (Just my ugly opinion.)

Both of these kinds of people are in the category of woke liberalism. They are the cancel culture and they support crazed agendas that no one would have believed post WWII or even in the 60's-70's. They are trapped there. For many, there's no escape because it is of YHVH GOD. The Bible is clear that He would send strong delusions to force them to believe the lies, and worse than that act out in strange demonic ways. Have you noticed that these people get so radically angry that every other word that comes out of their mouths is the F word? They seem to have gone completely mad! (Pun intended) In a way, they have. GOD has turned them over to their natural selves, and there is no way to rescue them. (Romans 1)

Arguing with a woke/delusional liberal is absolute foolishness. These people are cursed of GOD. They are condemned. They have Trump Delusional Syndrome. They are programmed to hate Trump. It comes from the pit of hell, because he is an instrument that YHVH GOD is using to take down the evil syndicate.

It is the same with hardline fundamentalist New Testament Christian church people who treat the New Testament as if it replaced the Old Testament, or as we like to call them, the Hebrew Scriptures. They read and follow Paul as if he replaced Jesus. They take Paul's words so out of context that they completely contradict what Yeshua clearly taught in the Gospels. These man-made doctrines are so ingrained in them from generations of seminary-taught pastors who drilled it into them, that getting them to even consider that they have been taught wrong is like knocking down a hornet's nest in the middle of the day surrounded by sea of hornets. You are asking for trouble, and you are going to get stung, there is no way around it. You cannot reason with these people. They have all been so brainwashed and conditioned to think their way, and YHVH GOD has chosen NOT to reveal the truth to them. Don't get me wrong, I am not questioning their salvation in any way shape or form. First of all, I am not YHVH GOD, and salvation is in TRUSTING Yeshua, not in knowing the Scriptures properly, as written in historical and cultural context.

Many of these church people hate Trump. They also have Trump Delusional Syndrome, because Trump isn't a Biblical scholar, or a saint like Joseph or King David (ah hem, clears throat) or such, hence he can't be an instrument of GOD. These people have zero knowledge of Biblical history and the politics throughout the Hebrew Scriptures. They have been taught that King David was such a righteous man that he never got it wrong about YHVH GOD. How wrong they are. David was clueless when it came to the Torah, and 2 Samuel 6 proves that. He knew nothing of the Scriptures, because by the time he came to power, the Torah had been just as corrupted and mostly lost and misunderstood as contemporary Christianity has become today, with its thousands of Protestant denominations and the Vatican. I'll stop there. Times were no different then than they are now.

Many church people think we are living in the worst of times, because they have no true historical knowledge of all the evil that existed before they were born. The Bible is replete with the most horrific evil, but it is white-washed or ignored, because it doesn't sound uplifting. I stopped arguing with these people, because YHVH GOD said it was folly. Instead of "converting or educating" these people, arguing with them sinks us to their level. YVHV GOD has chosen to blind them, and who among us thinks they can go beyond what GOD has already decided and change His order?

We have no more power to change or convict a non-believer of their need for a Savior than we do to change or convince these people of the truth. The only power that can do that is the Holy Spirit. If YHVH GOD so chooses, He will, but getting into a knock down drag out fight on social media just adds fuel to their fire, and instead of helping them, many times we are making them worse.

 How to explain the Spiritual to those who don't have the Spirit. 

       Recently, by miracles of miracles, my atheist 91-year-old father decided to come to visit.  We haven't ever been a really close family, and my relationship with my father has been somewhat strained over the years.  I grew up in a very dysfunctional home, where my mother and father came from two different extremes in thought and behavior.  It was a marriage made in hell, no doubt.  From that marriage, GOD brought forth six children.  For some strange in explicable reason, GOD chose me out of the entire bunch to be His exclusively, in other words, I am the only "born-again" believer in the entire line, going beyond both my mother and my father's lines.  If anyone understood how Abram felt when YHVH GOD called him out of his family and homeland, I do.  

     When it happened to me in 1989, I did not come seeking GOD, I did not have any kind of traumatic event in which I was desperately seeking some kind of life-saving miracle.  I hadn't hit rock bottom and realized there was no place else to go, nor was I converted in a church or pounded over the head by a Bible thumper with the ABC's of salvations. (Admit you are a sinner, Believe you need a Savior, Jesus, and the Confess him as your Lord and Savior.)That is the church's 3-step plan to becoming saved out of our lost state to people have no concept of being lost.  That's man's way of explaining the Gospel, it is not the Biblical and Spiritual way.  He, GOD just came for me.   All of a sudden, there was another world that I was aware of and drawn to, and there was no way to resist the pull. It was from there that I sought out the truth from the only "Bible thumper" I knew at the time. I asked him where it said that one had to be born-again, and although it took him way too long to find it, I read my first Scripture (John 3:3), and I believed it to be true.  From there, with the door open, GOD did the rest of the work to complete the mission of bringing me into a world I never knew existed before.  It was then that I went from lost to saved, even though I had no idea that I was lost in the first place. 

    1 Corinthians explains the difference between the "lost and the saved," far better than any church person can, but how do we explain 1 Corinthians 2 in the spiritual to one how has not the Spirit.   It's like teaching Greek to an English speaking student using only the Greek language with no translation tools.  Or like typing Scripture out in wingding font and expecting them to get it.  There must be some kind of translation tool that opens the world of Greek to an only English speaking person.  It's is the same in the Spiritual.  That tool is the Holy Spirit. 

     If the Holy Spirit doesn't translate from "wingdings font to cursive, and then to regular print (for those under the age of 40) we will never be able to understand the Scriptures.  Sometimes, the Holy Spirit will give someone like me a great metaphor that will explain to the unspiritual what it is like to travel and operate in the spiritual, and that just happened.  I am awake at 2 AM because I just had this vivid dream, and I woke up abruptly.  I know when I've had a dream like that, waking up abruptly out of it, my mind automatically starts to mediate on that dream to try and understand why I had it. When I can't get my mind off the topic or my body back to sleep, I know it is the Holy Spirit saying to me, "Think Kristina."  Sometimes, my dreams have no point, and then there are times like tonight when I can see the point clear as day, clear as looking at a photograph instead of the negative.  I am going to attempt to explain the unconscious mind and where it can go in sleep/dream state, because many of you know that when we dream, it's nearly impossible to explain the circumstances of the dream because it's almost as if it is in a different realm.  Quite frankly, it is.  

      I once heard a sermon that hinted that dreaming was much like entering the Spiritual Realm  where angels dwell.  We cannot see that world, but when our minds are free to go, because our bodies are at complete rest, we dream what scientist call REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep.  It is then that most of us have dreams.  Some of us have quite vivid dreams that we can remember, even if the details are foggy. Then there are some of us never seem to dream at all.  My husband is like that.  He said he never dreams, or remembers dreaming.  That's almost kind of scary, because it would make me question his salvation, but, maybe being saved isn't just about dreaming.  I think that some of us are "gifted" with the ability to go to that "dream place," the Spiritual Realm, while sleeping, and there YHVH GOD communicates with us.  That certainly is how it happened in the Hebrew Scriptures with prophets like Joseph, Daniel, Ezekiel, Zechariah, and the like.  I am one of those person who dreams almost before REM even starts.  I'll start to fall asleep and I'm already dreaming, even though my mind is still conscious of the physical realm.  It's that really deep sleep that I go to a place that I cannot explain in words that can be understood.   It's not every night, but it is most nights, and on a rare occasion like tonight, I'll wake up abruptly from a dream that has deep Spiritual connotations, and I'm forced to contemplate them over ad over, enough so that going back to sleep is out of the question.  

    So, to the best of my ability, I'm going to try and put into words what has no language.  In my dream I was in some kind of medical training.  Imagine being up on top of water, learning how to live underwater, even though one must keep their eyes closed under water because it's pitch dark under there.  In this school, I was learning how to function in the complete darkness under the "sea," and then, it was my turn to go under.  I went under the "water" in complete darkness into this hospital type and my personal trainer was saying to me from above, "Okay, now, you've been trained where the walls are, where the hallways are, where the rooms are, and how to hear the patients, use what you've learned in your head to function.  Use the map we gave you from your mind in the pitch dark."  

    In spiritual terms, walk in faith, knowing you've had the training and now get that hands-on experience with what has been placed in our heads.  Living in faith of YHVH GOD is much like living under that water.  Unless we are explained "boundaries and entrances" are we won't know where to go.  We have to be trained to listen to the "patients" when and where they call and be able to attend to them.  We can only be trained in the Scripture and the patients would the lost world needing us to tend to their sickness of original sin.  

     In my dream, I was learning all alone with my personal trainer, but when I went under, there was a fellow student who was trained elsewhere.  We were both going so slow in the darkness, using the skills we had been taught to get around.  It was just a short time later, an emergency came, and a patient was calling us for assistance.  We both couldn't walk slowly anymore, we had to run through the hallways to attend to this patient, so we both just started running in the pitch dark.  Within just a few minutes, we began to see where we were going, but not in black and white, but in negative form as in the picture above.  He was behind me, and he said, "I can see now," and I said, "Yeah, me too."   We bolted through the hallways and could see the patterns on the walls and the floor tiles, then I woke up. 

     We could see not the details of the "hospital," but the forms of the walls and floors and doorways.  At the same time, we both exclaimed that we could see and we needed to hurry to that patient.      The only way I can think to explain what I dreamed do that in metaphor, so hold on to your hats, we are about to enter the metaphorical world of this metaphor mama. In the world of photography, there is the picture in great detail on white film paper, and then there is the negative from which that picture was developed.  An experienced photographer in his red-light developing room can see more details of his work in the negative, and it is protected from being over exposed in the bright lights of a white fluorescent world.   I don't know if that makes sense, but that "negative" world needs to stay protected in the dark.  In other words, the Spiritual World is alive and active under the "red-light" protective power of GOD.  

     This is definitely not a blog post that one can skim through and understand, but it's going to take some time and imagination to understand.  The Spiritual Realm is under the control of the Almighty, only by the Holy Spirit are we invited to live in it.  Some have the gift, or what I rather call the burden of being able to see "under water" with our eyes closed what other cannot see when they are swimming. It is both a gift and a burden, because it is impossible to explain to the seeing physical world, and even more impossible to explain to those outside the realm of faith who have not the Holy Spirit as their translator. Fellow believers may get it, but they don't know if they believe it. 

     I was trying to explain the spiritual to my atheist father, knowing he did not have the Holy Spirit.  I showed him 1 Corinthians 2 passage and for the first time, as an adult, my father read the Holy Scriptures.  I told him, "Dad, I can't explain GOD and the spiritual things to you, because you live in the black and white world.  You haven't been given the ability to see the things of GOD, and only He can give you that ability, but this is how I am trying to explain spiritual terms in black and white."  

     His question to me was, "well, how then do you know what you are reading in the Bible is true?"  That is the most difficult question we get hit with a lot of times.  I showed him the passage about Moses.  GOD had to reach down and "show up" in the physical world with a burning bush that was not being consumed by the fire, and Moses had to "turn aside" to see.  He was willing to check out what this event was, and when GOD saw that he had turned aside to further investigate, it was then that GOD called to him.  It is like that with us when we try to explain the spiritual terms of salvation to an atheist.  YHVH GOD has to show up with a "miraculous" hand to do something statistically impossible to show that He can do the unbelievable and impossible.  It is when we open our mind, or as I told him, crack the door open to the possibility that GOD exists and is truly reaching out to us that he bursts open wide the door and fills us with the Holy Spirit, the translator.  He agreed to crack the door open, and now it is up to YHVH GOD whether to open wide the understanding of the Spiritual to him.  I explained to him that with those little bits of proof, we are invited to hold our breath and jump into the sea of faith, like jumping into a deep blue and dark ocean.  Unless we hold our breath and jump in, we will never be able to experience underwater, much less be able to see underwater.  That is the faith spoken of in Hebrews 11:6. (6 And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for the one who comes to God must believe that He exists, and that He proves to be One who rewards those who seek Him.)  It is that willingness on our parts to hold our breaths, jump in, trusting there is life under the sea.  That my friends is saving faith.  

     It isn't coming to the end of ourselves, because in the natural flesh, that is impossible. Only the Holy Spirit can show us that we are sinners in need of a Savior, and that happens when we hold our breath and jump out of the boat into the sea of the unknown.  We have to be told, trained and taught that there is life under the sea, then we have to trust the one who told us that they may be speaking the truth.  It is only after we jump off that boat that we ourselves will experience walking "under" the water, and able to see the life under there and thrive and breathe in the the truth of the Spiritual Realm.  Telling someone who doesn't believe in the Spiritual Realm that there is a Mighty GOD and beings that dwell there, then explaining their need for a Savior is the equivalent of typing this entire blog in wingdings font.