Whose Joy is it anyway?

    As most of my readers know, I've spent a lifetime in the fiery furnace of affliction, so finding joy in YHVH GOD has been a struggle for me. He threw me in there to refine me, and I'm burnt in places I never even knew existed. On many occasions, I have confessed to Him that I could not find joy in Him or my salvation, or so I thought, and I felt guilty about that.  One day, whilst confessing that,  He gave me a truth that I never saw coming.  

    I've been just surviving since the bottom kept falling out on me several years back.  Every time I thought I got my feet on the ground, the ground turned out to be a glass bottom and it cracked again.  I've learned to live and tread lightly on this glass bottom and try to live two feet off the ground in the joy of the LORD.  To me, that's studying all the time, living in the Bible, seeking truth, and to be honest, trying to win His favor.  I've wanted something (someone) for over a decade.   GOD has denied me that joy, and for some stupid reason, I somehow equate that desire being filled with the joy of living here on this earth.  

   So, with that being said, I'm constantly at the "check engine" light point, where I'm always trying to find something that I'm doing wrong to see if that's why I've not gotten what I want.  For several years previous, I had many days where I pitched a fit with my Father for not giving me what I want, and I got the same question from Him.  "Do you want him or anyone else without Me?"  The answer is always an emphatic NO!  I'd rather have no one than that without YHVH GOD setting it up.  If He's willed me not to have this thing, then so be it.  I'd so much rather please Him then live deliriously happy in this life with a happily ever after.  And that my friends, is the "JOY OF THE LORD" being my strength.  It may not feel so happy to me, but joy isn't always happy, sometimes it's just peace.  Sometimes, it is just that peace that passes all understanding.  Then, I started to see that joy from a different point of view.  

    I've been wanting to write this blog for a long time, but I've not had the words until today, and I got the Bible lesson today.  The verses comes from Zephaniah 3:17, Habakkuk 3:17-18, and the Nehemiah 8 story.  In the story, it had been 70 plus years since GOD's people had been in captivity in a foreign nation and not able to live in the land He gave them.  Finally, they were able to gather in security in Jerusalem after the walls had been finished and have a sacred convocation, a revival service if that's how you understand it.  The TORAH, GOD's INSTRUCTIONS had been read for the first time since the days of King Josiah, and all the people wept when they heard them.  The actual words of YHVH GOD were finally read and heard by all and it caused such grief to the people because they had not heard His Words ever, for most of them, and they grieved over them and not having lived them out. Ezra addressed the crowd while they wept.  

 10 Then he said to them, “Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

    Ezra, the TORAH teacher, told the people not to grieve because it was a joyous day.  I've always thought he told the people to be joyful, but I'm starting to think that the joy of the LORD actually  belong to and came from YHVH GOD and His joy over His people in the fact that His people have finally heard His Words again.  I'm starting to think that the strength that came into those people that day was GOD's joy, not theirs.  He rejoice that they were grieved.  He rejoiced that they rejoiced.  He rejoiced that they finally understood what was at stake here and what He had to do to get them back to this place.  He, YHVH GOD rejoiced over His people, and that was their strength.  When I seek Him constantly, He rejoices over me.  His joy over me is the supernatural strength from above that keeps me going.  It's not my warm and happy fuzzy feelings, it is His. 

     How many people do you know that have walked away from GOD to achieve the things in this life that they wanted themselves. How many people choose themselves over Him?  I would say a great many, in fact, I'd would venture to say that more people choose man's version of happiness in this lifetime over a lifetime of walking in His ways, so when one finally does choose to walk in "misery" with Him, He rejoices over that.  Sometimes, walking in misery with Him really means feeling His pain and grief over those who choose to walk away.  Sometimes, being in such union with Him is feeling what He feels, especially when those who are His choose their own way over His.  I know I've watched most of the people I've loved in this lifetime choose to walk away and it is grievous. When I grieve with Him, His joy over me is what gives me strength to not walk away but to draw closer and closer with every breath I take.  

     So, when you or I can't find joy in living, but we can find peace in Him, and when we desire to live, breathe, and eat His Words, He rejoices over us and that becomes our strength, His Joy in us.