Kentucky or Bust.

      I love my walks at night with my dog. She is afraid of people, so, we go out every night fairly late. The winter used to not stop us, but as of late, I just can't seem to tolerate the cold like I used to. I think it's more of a laziness, or a little of winter depression. Whenever I do go out, I listen to my music, talk to GOD, and stare up at the sky, knowing that He is listening to me. I'll ask questions, sometimes He answers right away, sometimes it's days later. Sometimes, GOD will bring up a subject, and we will discuss it while I'm walking. The majority of the conversations revolve around my bewilderment concerning a desire that I have in my heart which makes absolutely no sense.  It's a desire that has plagued me for six years. The more time that goes by the less sense it makes. 

      Tonight, GOD brought up our move here to Kentucky. Now, that had to come from the recesses of His mind, because that was twenty-seven years ago, but He refreshed my memory of all the details. Suddenly, in my mind, I was back in Massachusetts, and memories flooded my heart.  In 1991, my husband and another couple who were our good friends kicked around the idea of our two families leaving Massachusetts. My best friend's parents were here in Kentucky, and we  were contemplating packing up and leaving.

    The plan was that they would come first, then we would follow in about six months or so, after they got settled. That pipe dream fell through, when they had decided to stay.   An opportunity to buy a house was presented to us, with some fancy footwork in financing, which was totally illegal, but we were baby Christians, and we jumped at the chance to be homeowners.  What did we know about ethics and honesty. We found a lot down near the Cape, and the builder built us a brand new hip roof ranch. It was a "HIP" roof, all right.  Ugly as sin, but it had to meet the specs of the neighborhood association's requirements for a home. 

     It was our first house, so we were pretty excited, and petrified at the same time. Immediately, after signing the papers, and I think it may have been within a day or two, my best friend and her husband decided to pack up and move in with her parents in Kentucky. Of course, I was devastated. The mortgage had a three year minimum, so we could not sell the house within three years. We were trapped. We spent the next two years completely house broke, and what we thought was miserable.  I look back on those days now, and realize just how happy we were.  Isn't that always the way, though?   We could not afford anything, and then the housing market went belly up. Now, selling was out of the question, because we couldn't get what we paid, and maybe not even what we owed.

    As 1993 rolled around, the desire to move to Kentucky became so much stronger. People would ask, where is Kentucky and why would you want to go there? To a New Englander, the world drops off at Connecticut! I did not even know where it was, but I wanted to go. I wanted to move there so badly.  We talked about it all the time, but the desire was strongest in me. I could not tell you why I wanted to move here, not even gather a guess. It was just a very strong longing. In December 1993, my friend invited me out for a visit, and that was it. I fell completely in love with Kentucky. Who falls in love with Kentucky in the winter? That made no sense.

     The summer of 1994, we drove out as a family and stayed a week. That was all it took to convince my husband that from now on, it would be Kentucky or bust for us. From December 1993 to December 1994, I cried every single  day with want of coming here. Again, people would ask why, and I could not tell anyone why. I just wanted to come so bad that it hurt. My husband was a board-draftsman, meaning pencil and paper. No one at that time was drafting that way. Auto-cad had been in for a long time.  He knew he needed to learn if he wanted to find a job in Lexington, Kentucky.

     He took a five week course in September- October, and we managed to scrape up enough money for him to drive out here in November to look for a job. He had only five days to find a job. Of course, it was on the last day that he was hired by a small land-surveying company as an auto-cad draftsman. Now, the problem was selling the house. The market was very bad, so we assumed that he would have to come out here first, and I would have to stay behind with the children, until the house sold.  We had no idea how long that would take, because we had listed it in the early fall, and not one bite.  No one even came to look at it. 

     Again, I cried everyday at the thought of the agony of trying to sell the house, work, and take care of my two young children. One was six, the other was two. I was constantly questioned by family and friends if I had lost my marbles to even attempt to leave MA as poor as we were. We assumed that we would have to take a loss on the house, if not having it foreclosed on, which was a distinct possibility. We would have come out here with no credit, and no money. The contract with that realtor was up in early December.  We signed with a new realtor right after he was hired at his new job in Lexington.  Wouldn't you know it, but we listed the house with the new realtor, and in ten days it was sold in a dead market. Isn't that how GOD works?

     My husband was only going to have to come out for two weeks to work here, and then he would fly home.  We would pack a 24-foot U-haul, because that was the biggest truck we could afford, and we packed that house in so tight in that truck. We  towed his pick-up truck, jam packed with whatever we could fit in it.   The only profit we made on the house was enough to pay for the rental truck, first month's rent, security deposit, and the gas to fill the truck, that's it. We even had to pack food, because we had so little money left. 

     The drive here in December was hell on wheels, as we hit a blizzard in New York and Pennsylvania. The truck would not exceed 50-mph, on flat ground and 35-mph up hill.  Much of the way was white out conditions, so it was a long scary haul. A few wrong turns, an empty gas tank, gliding down the steep hills in Maryland, hoping for a gas station at the end of the hill, and twenty-four hours later, we crossed the state line into Kentucky.  

  

   So, what was my point in all of this. It's the same point I was making in another blog post, when we delight ourselves in the LORD, and want to follow His will for our lives, He is going to put some pretty strange desires in our hearts, because, He has a plan, and we do not know it. Most of the time, GOD's plans for us are nothing like we ever imagined.  As I have said many times before, my life's verse describes my life perfectly.  The Hebrew word for "shall give" in Psalm 37:4 is nathan (נָתַן)  which means, set/put. I could not tell anyone why I so desperately wanted to come to Kentucky, because I did not understand why myself.  That desire, though, was strong enough to make me cry with want every single day.

   Through every obstacle, GOD made a way over them. It was His will for us to come here twenty-seven years ago.  We were broke with two children in MA, and stayed that way here while six more babies joined our small family. The LORD knew that there was no way we could have afforded a third child, let alone six more, living in Taxachussetts.  He planned each one of our children's lives long before both of us were even born.  When we first met in college, my husband told people that the reason why he wanted to date me was because I did not want any children at all, ever.   I think they call that bait and switch, but it wasn't me who baited and switched, it was the LORD. 

   So, if you have a desire in your heart that makes absolutely no sense, and you are delighting in the LORD with all of your heart, soul and mind, rest assured that desire He put in your heat to work out His will in your life. It will only make sense after the puzzle pieces come together, and that could take decades.  There may be mountains to climb and valleys to dwell in before it all comes together, but like Scripture says, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  (Proverbs 3:5-6)  He is holding on to you the whole time you question, cry, and try to decipher why this strange desire which makes no sense, frustrates the daylights out of you, and can even cause you tears every day since the first moment you felt that strange pang. 

 If Two Sparrows are Worth One Penny, What is a Hawk Worth? 

       I went to this divorce care group last night.  It was the first time I stepped foot in a church in over four years.  Yes, I know I swore that I never would, but isn't that how GOD works?  Our never ever's  end up becoming just another mouthful of humble pie.  Without all that humble pie, we are of no use to the LORD at all.   I decided that I needed to come out from under the rock in which I've been living for these past ten or so years, and actually brush up on my social skills with actual people, not people on the end of my fingertips tapping on my keyboard.  

     The whole time I was there, I was looking around at the "devastated" faces of these poor people who have experienced one of the things GOD says He hates.  I never knew how much He hated it until it happened to me.  I never saw it coming, either.  I was married for 28 years when my husband first brought up the word divorce, while I was going through cancer treatments.  Yeah, I just have to throw that one in there in every post, just to rub it in a bit more.   

     We had been having a terrible time in our marriage for a few years before he brought it up, but I figured GOD would come in with the fix.   Our life became so difficult with job loss, dual cancers, adult child estrangements, financial oblivion, that something had to give.  I didn't know it would be my marriage.  Things kept breaking and we had no money to fix them.  I wrote all about this in my first book, I'm Not Bipolar, I'm Just a Fruitcake With a Dream: Surviving the Emotional Roller Coaster of a Dream Gone Bad.   You can look for it on-line, but don't expect to find it.  I took it down, for a number of reasons.  I do know that there are pirated copies out there, and I just figure if GOD wants someone to read it, that's how He will do it.  I'm not interested in any financial gain over this. 

     In this fiery furnace of affliction, as we were being scorched by the flames, we went in two different directions.  I looked up, he looked away.  I drew closer to GOD, he drew further away.  He disgruntledly blamed GOD for this misery, and I knew GOD had a good purpose in it.  That was the beginning of the end.  We both survived cancer in the same year, but our marriage did not.  That was around the time when the Holy Spirit whispered in my spirit that GOD was taking my husband out of the home, because he failed as a spiritual leader, as a father and as a husband.  Of course, I did not believe Him, but a year and a half later, he moved out.  We had separate bedrooms for a couple of years before that.  I kept trying to get him to come back to our room, but he would have none of that.  He violated 1 Corinthians 7:2-3, thus, GOD did something even worse to him because of that.  

      He officially moved out January 2016, and even then, I refused to believe a divorce would happen. It took him five more years before he did file, and serve me, unexpectedly.  That did not go over well.  He got a big windfall from an inheritance, and he chose to spend it on a divorce lawyer.  I would not file, because we both made our vows to GOD ten times, two wedding ceremonies and eight baby dedications.  If there was going to be a divorce, it would be on him, not me.  In fact, I wouldn't even look at the divorce papers, as soon as they came I tucked them neatly under his windshield wipers with a not-so-nice note.  I refused to get a lawyer, he said I didn't need one, yeah, right, but I knew my Lawyer was the One who wrote the Law. I ended up getting everything, he got to keep his little windfall.  Big deal.  When it's all said and done, he is the loser both in character and in eternal rewards. 

     We get along, for the most part, because as a full-time mother to our bottom five children, I was not going to bite the hand that fed me, unless it slaps me across my heart, then I kick it but good.  He had done it a number of times over the years, mostly when he was with his other woman.  My birthday was the other day, and again, I lowered myself to ask him to take me to dinner, because for the last nine years, no one has.  He said he'd give me an answer on my birthday.  He came over and told me that "he was uncomfortable...,"  at that point I stopped him cold dead in his tracks, knowing what was coming next.  I cussed him out, kicked him out of my house, yelling at him that it isn't always about him, sometimes it is about someone else.  He has no clue how to make someone happy, nor does he ever want to, because he is incapable of feeling what anyone feels. Only his feelings matter. 

   While cursing him, wishing him dead, my usual temper tantrum, shaking my fist at GOD, yelling at Him, and swearing that was the last straw, I swore there was nothing GOD could do to ever get me back as a totally devoted servant writer for Him.  That was it. I  was never going to open my Bible, write another encouraging Tweet or Facebook post, and least of all, another blog post.  I even deleted everything.  Thank GOD for the recycle bin, eh? 

    I don't know when it happened, but shortly thereafter, after I called him names I should not say, yelling out the window, unbeknownst to me, GOD dropped a dead hawk in my front yard.  I live in the city.  I've never seen a hawk up close, let alone a dead one.  You would think you would find one out in the country, but not a mile from downtown.  There it was, dead as a doorknob with no explanation.   I knew that this had to be something from GOD. How often does a hawk fall from the sky and die on one's front lawn on their birthday, right after their "former" husband just failed another test from GOD?  

      Needless to say, I had to open up my Bible to find where a hawk is mentioned in the Bible, and there it was.  It's an abominable bird, an unclean bird that we are to never touch.  Wow!  Now that was pretty powerful.  What my former husband did is an abomination to GOD, making him spiritually an unclean man, because he bailed on his vows to GOD. He has no fear of what that means in terms of GOD's punishment.  There is a sin unto death that one can commit when their heart grows so cold against the LORD, that He has no more use for them down here, and they are doing more damage than good.  No one knows when that will happen, except GOD. 

     I expected widowhood to come then, and then again  in 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and I finally considered myself to have been wrong about that notion in 2020.  Our days are numbered, GOD has the number planned out before we are ever born. Scripture is clear that every day was written in His book before one of them began.   (Psalm 139:16)  January 30, 2022 was the day for that poor hawk.  That was the day GOD said to him, "Sorry, unclean animal, but your time is done."  Then He dropped it in my front yard right after my former husband did something mean to me, again. Is there a correlation?  I have no idea, but it's a scary thought for me and my children. The adult children have followed in their earthly father's footsteps and have turned there back on GOD and on me.  After all, nothing says, "I hate your mother so much, that I don't even want to be related to her after 37 years."  My former husband, against my better advice is triple vaxxed and living on borrowed time. God is keeping him here for reasons unknown to me. Because my former husband and I had a Covenant Marriage ceremony in 1990, in GOD'S eyes we are still married regardless of what a civil judge says. After all, man answers to God's Laws, not God answering to man's laws. Right now, I consider myself a "married widow, a woman trapped in a dead marriage. There won't be another husband for me, because to GOD, I am still married. 

I Hear Voices, I Hear Voices!

      I was just talking to GOD about something so dear on my heart. I thought I heard in my spirit Him reminding me of something that happened 37 years ago when I first began dating my husband, whom I did not know would end up being my husband, then.   I wondered if that was GOD reminding me of what I thought was such an insignificant moment. 

     It was the last day I ever spent with my college boyfriend of three years. At the time we had broken up, but the attachment was still there, and he was trying to get me back. I simply adored his family, even more than I loved my own.  They accepted me and loved me back more than I had ever been loved.  I had just assumed we would be together for the rest of our lives.  I was hell-bent on marrying into this family and spending my life with him.  I was not used to being without him in my life, because we were together upwards of twelve hours a day, everyday.  I don't remember a day I spent without him all those years.  Not being with him felt like not being with my left arm. (I'm left-handed)  He was the best thing that had ever happened to me up to that age.  

    I remembered that morose feeling of dread I had inside all that day. It told me, this is no more, it needs to stop. I was so crushed and heart-broken.  I couldn't bear to tell him because he loved me so much and I loved him.  I did not want to hurt him, but I knew something else was coming. I wasn't even a Christian then. I knew it would be the last time we would ever be together.  I never stopped loving him, but I knew, I had to move on.  It was a difficult break up that took amost six months. 

     After the memory suddenly flooded my mind, I asked GOD if that very old memory, which I have not remembered since that day, if it was Him who sent it to prove the answer to His answer to me.   Then He reminded me of the three "voices" we hear in our heads and what He taught me a while ago of how to tell the difference.  Sometimes, the hardest voice to obey or understand is the one that comes from YHWH GOD.

The three voices in our head:

    The devil's minions' voices as they are allowed to plant thoughts in there.  They are negative, pessimistic, pertain to the lust of the flesh, bathed in confusion, discouraging. They are full of doubt. We can be delivered from these if we pray to Jesus. He defeats them.

      The carnal nature is not as pessimistic, but includes our personal desires, things that appeal to our hearts or things we "wish." These also appeal to our flesh, but maybe in a more wholesome way at times.  They may even be of goodwill, but not GOD's will.  We can talk ourselves out of the carnal nature voices with Scriptures GOD has taught us. 

     The Holy Spirit, it matches GOD's character and agrees with Scripture.  It makes no sense in human reasoning. It comes back over and over again, and we cannot make it go away no matter how hard we try. Sometimes it is an unpleasant thought of something we have to do, and sometimes it's full of hope and belief for the impossible, knowing GOD can do it. 

 

 

The Stepping Stones to Success Require Being Forcibly Stuffed with Humble Pie. 

     I hate that I am "growing old" alone, but it is GOD's will for me at this point in my life.  After seeing this picture of myself pop up on my app that brings the past back to light by way of my photos, I now see that these were apparently happier days.  Even though I was going through somewhat of a depressive state, I had no idea just how difficult and heartbreaking life could actually become in later years.   I remember this time in my life. I was suffering from infertility. Yes, this octomom suffered from infertility for eighteen months after child number five. Everyone told me, "Be happy with the five you have." It wasn't as if I wasn't happy, it was that I knew in my heart GOD had another one coming, and I could not get regnant. 

     I had no problem getting pregnant with the first five. I could not understand what was going wrong. I had  my first known miscarriage of the four total when I was forty years old, six months after this picture was taken.  It was difficult enough getting pregnant. So when I lost it, I went into a deep depression. A friend of mine suggested a book called The Thyroid Solution. It turned out that I had hypothyroidism, and had it for several years.  I recommend this book to everyone. 

     Never ever accept, "The lab test was fine." You need to take a proactive interest in your own body, and always investigate and research until your eyes bleed. Hypothyroidism is an undiagnosed epidemic affecting men and women,  because doctors treat lab results, not symptoms. My friend gave me the name of a doctor who treated the patient, not the lab results. He started me on thyroid medication and three weeks later, I was pregnant with number six.

     My OB had told me when I was having trouble getting pregnant, to be happy with the five GOD gave me and accept that my baby making days were over. I could not accept anyone's advice, because I knew in my heart there was another one coming.  I was forty-one when number six was born, forty-three when number seven was born and one month shy of forty-six when number eight was born.  I guess my experienced OB was wrong, because he was operating out of a textbook, while I was operating from my faith in GOD and what the Bible says.  

     Before each baby was conceived, I knew that another one was coming.  GOD has put that child and the burning desire to have another in my heart.  I can prove that because after number eight, we named Max, because we reached our Max for the first time in twenty-one years. For years, Psalm 37:4 has been my life's verse.  Now, I understand why.  

    When we delight ourselves in the LORD, the desires of your heart He gave us.  (The proper translation from the original Hebrew) The Hebrew word NATAN, means set, put, hence the reason why we desire a said thing is because GOD wants us to desire it and pray our hearts out to get it. 

     Never ever accept what anyone else tells you if GOD has told you differently. Everyone tells me that my "dream/vision" is my own, that it was my own desire, and that I made up all the signs GOD has given me in my imagination.   GOD has again proven that it is His will for my life. This time, it hasn't been only 18 months, but almost ten years. 

    When I first began this work of writing for the LORD, back then, you could not have convinced me that I would go ten years without seeing any fruit from my labor for the LORD.  I'm glad He has hidden any fruit from me, because the flawed human I am, I know that I would have and still would have let success go to my head. I'm thankful that very rarely do I get a letter from a reader telling me just how much my writing has helped them. The last thing I need is praise from humans.

     It is a rare thing for any person to be able to properly handle long range and huge success in their field or craft.  That kind of "praise and worship" from the public will feed the beastly ego in all of us whether that person is a believer in Jesus or not.  Just because one believes and follows His ways, does not mean that they are not easily tripped up by the minions the devil sends in his strategy to defeat us. We are all human, and we all fail and fall.  I'm so glad that all my failures and falls were done while I was still a nobody.  Back when I first started writing, I wanted a great deal of fruit and success, however, seeing how many times I have failed at my job, I am so happy that I have more failures under my belt than successes.

Looking for GOD in all the Wrong Places!

     These are the OT prophecies the western church ignores, because they are so caught up in the rapture lie. Can anyone really believe that millions of martyrs suffered unspeakable atrocities and died for the faith, and yet the Laodicean church thinks GOD will spare them the suffering that is coming, called Jacob's Trouble?  What did Yeshua call the Laodicean church?  He equated it with vomit.  That is the western Christian church today, the wealthy incorporated church. 

 

Malachi 2:7

     “For the lips of a priest should keep knowledge, And people should seek the law from his mouth; For he is the messenger of the Lord of hosts. 8 But you have departed from the way; You have caused many to stumble at the law. You have corrupted the covenant of Levi,” Says the Lord of hosts. 9 “Therefore I also have made you contemptible and base Before all the people, Because you have not kept My ways  But have shown partiality in the law.”  

 
     11 For Judah has profaned The Lord’s holy institution which He loves: He has married the daughter of a foreign god. 12 May the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob The man who does this, being awake and aware,  Yet who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts! 13 And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands.

 

   YHWH  is not revealing His truth to the western (contemporary) church anymore.  The western contemporary church has chosen the idol of free will and grace not Law.  The narrative the church teaches is that the Law is obsolete and we are under Grace to live as we believe best.  The average contemporary western Christian is so obsessed with the Rapture doctrine, that they have forsaken the true teaching of Yeshua who taught what Moses taught.  I would venture to bet that there are very few who even understand the origins of this false doctrine of the Rapture.  Most western Christians don't care to research for themselves, because if their pastor said it, then it must be true.  After all, he got a seminary degree, so he must be correct in his theology, right?  Has it ever occurred to the average Christian that the seminaries could be wrong?  

    The rapture lie began in 1830 with a lawyer who was brand new to the faith. He was a corrupt lawyer who became a recent convert and in his arrogance, he wrote his own version of the Bible called the Scofield Study Bible. Look it up. The church got it's doctrine of the rapture from the commentary notes of a corrupted new convert, who didn't know the Whole Counsel of the Law.  The devil knew that the church would cling on to this because it appeals to the flesh of avoiding suffering.

    How do I know this to be true beyond a shadow of a doubt? Because I've "Lived Like Jeremiah in Job's World."  

Jeremiah 1: “Therefore prepare yourself and arise, And speak to them all that I command you. Do not be dismayed before their faces, Lest I dismay you before them. 18 For behold, I have made you this day A fortified city and an iron pillar, And bronze walls against the whole land— Against the kings of Judah, Against its princes, Against its priests, And against the people of the land. 19 They will fight against you, But they shall not prevail against you. For I am with you,” says the Lord, “to deliver you.”
 

    How do I know this to the message to the Gentile Christian church today? It is because for 55 years, I thought I was the granddaughter of an Italian Immigrant Roman Catholic. As it turned out, I found out in 2018 that I was  the granddaughter of a JEWISH Italian Immigrant from the tribe of Judah.   It all started to make perfect sense why GOD pulled me out of the corrupt system called the incorporated church.  It has become the whore of Babylon.  

  There is a great awakening happening in the world today by the Spirit of GOD.  This great awakening is taking His True Remnant back to the Torah, not for salvation but for working out our salvation in fear and trembling.  I never thought I would say this, but there is actually more freedom in the 613 Mosaic Laws than in the thousands of new church rules established by men over the years. 

     One church teaches one that a woman can't teach or wear slacks, another teaches that Paul's Epistles are GOD new commandments.  One teaches that drinking any alcohol is a sin, yet no where can that be found in the Torah.  Far be it from me to disqualify Paul as an Apostle assigned by GOD to the Gentiles, because he was.  The only One who can create a Commandment is GOD Himself through the Torah and Yeshua who only repeated His Father's commandments.  

Leviticus 19:18You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

     The problem with the western church  is with the gentiles reading Paul's letter incorrectly. A great teacher named David Pawson said it like this: "Imagine you are in a public place and someone next to you is on their cell phone and all you can hear is one end of the conversation.  You can only assume what the other person is saying, and yet you could be completely off base chasing rabbit trails.  Paul's letter were like that.  They were answers to questions and issues facing those particular churches.  Not all those issues and questions apply to every believer.  I can assure you that Paul never intended his letter to become equal with the Scripture from which he quoted. 

“They shall be Mine,” says the Lord of hosts, “On the day that I make them My jewels.  And I will spare them

As a man spares his own son who serves him.”   Then you shall again discern

Between the righteous and the wicked,

Between one who serves God

And one who does not serve Him.

Malachi 3:17-18

Psalm 32:8

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.

     November 2008 when my eldest child got engaged to the devil incarnate who we thought was Prince Charming, I had no idea that the next nine months would be the worst nine months of my life.  In August 2009, I heard in my spirit, GOD directly telling me that my daughter would not be back in my house or life for seven years. Of course I doubted I heard correctly; I absolutely refused to believe that the worst case scenario would happen. I thought, there was no way I could survive seven years being completely cut off from my first born.

     For the next seven years, I continued to doubt what I heard was correct. Each passing month proved it to be true, however. Graduations, stroke, dual cancers, none of those brought her home. The closer I got to the seven year mark, the more that feeling in my gut convicted me that what I heard was right.  When I found out she was divorcing the devil incarnate seven years to the month from when she got engaged to him, then I really started to believe that my gut feeling was the Holy Spirit saying, "What did I tell you?"

      August of 2016 I had all eight of my children sitting down at a wonderful family dinner for the first time since Thanksgiving 2008. When I started to get all weepy, like I always do, I went out to my deck swing where I have the best talks with GOD, and where He told me that she would not be home for seven years, it hit me like  ton of bricks. It was SEVEN years to the month exactly from when I perceived He told me and when it truly happened.

     I have had other instances, like my husband's cancer and my own that GOD gave me a heads up on years before it happened. His cancer took 18 years to manifest as the exact same cancer He told me it would be. Mine took 2 but I had no idea what kind it would be. When it turned out to be an extremely rare one, even MORE rare in women, and even more rare in women my age, then I knew I had heard from GOD two years prior.

    I've learned to really rely on that gut instinct, that voice in the back of my head, which I now know to be the Holy Spirit. What GOD puts in my head that He intends to do, He in fact does it, regardless of how many years past before He does it.

GOD'S  Sovereignty

 vs  

Man's Sovereignty 

 Ecclesiastes 1:15

What is crooked cannot be straightened, and what is lacking cannot be counted.

Ecclesiastes 7:13

Consider the work of God, For who is able to straighten what He has bent?

The old argument of free will over GOD's selection has been something I have studied for the past ten years. I bet every prophet in the OT begged to be relieved of their duty. Jonah did, Jeremiah did, Amos did, but GOD wouldn't let them go their own way. I have begged to be let go of this path GOD has me on, and the answer has been no.

In a way there is a freedom in not having free will. I can't mess up GOD's plan with my own stubborn insistence of having things my way. If GOD has given a man the ability to choose free will over GOD's will, then that free will has become an idol, and that man never really belonged to GOD. If we choose to make good choices with our free will, then that free will of choosing the right thing can breed a pride in our heart that only GOD can see. On the other hand, the fact that I can neither choose my free will over GOD's plan or even choose to walk GOD's path, (because many times I've tried to leave). He has always pulled me back on this path against my own will. That is humbling, because He chose my path, I did not. I have not been given the free will to leave it. I didn't choose to follow GOD, He imposed Himself on me, because He has a plan that I do not know. He has a work for me to do that I cannot see. He sees the ending, I cannot see. He sees the person He will mold me into that I cannot see.

I have rested in the assurance that what GOD called me to, He WILL finish and there is no way a man's free will to say no could jeopardize that. It has been too hard of a walk, flooded with tears. If the Adonai I have worshiped, leaned on, and trusted, could leave the results into the hands of a man, there would be no use in perseverance. I have to trust that His plan and path is better than one I would have chosen. I have to trust that I will be deliriously happy in the end, because GOD had His way and I did not have mine.

David did not have a choice, Joseph did not have a choice. Saul did not have a choice on the road to Damascus. He was called, and there was no way of getting out of it. He didn't plan to go to Macedonia, but GOD put a man in his dream to beg Paul to come. GOD gave Joseph dreams of where to take Mary and Yeshua.

I have studied that OT, inside, outside, and upside down, and I see people who were called to a task, sometimes against their own will, and GOD kept them on that path. He has done that to me. He robbed me of my original dreams, and put new ones in my heart and "forced" me to want them. Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Those words "shall give" in Hebrew mean "set/put."

I have pleaded to get off this road because it was fraught with Noah's Flood's worth of tears. I wouldn't be here doing this if I could have had my own way. I couldn't resist His Grace in 1989 when I became born again. My testimony will prove that. Every child I had, GOD put that desire into my heart, until Max. After that, I did not want anymore. I even found myself pregnant at 48 years old, and I was mad. I didn't want another baby. When I found out that I miscarried, I was relieved, because I knew Max was last, because we named him Max because we reached our Max, and eight is enough! (pun intended).

Proverbs 19:21

Many plans are in a person’s heart, But the advice of the Lord will stand.

KJ21

Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.

Psalm 33:10

The Lord nullifies the plan of nations; He frustrates the plans of peoples.

I tried to quit so many times, because I stopped believing He was going to do something, because the evidence proved that, but He dragged me back in kicking and screaming. He has to be Sovereign even over a man's decisions or He wouldn't be the Almighty, Creator of the Universe. He has to have that right to be GOD. He has allowed us a certain amount of free will, but it is subject to His Sovereign plan. I have leaned on these verses to keep me going, knowing that GOD will put all the puzzle pieces where they belong when they belong there.

 Psalm 24 

The earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness, The world and those who dwell therein.

The Lord Considers the Heart

Proverbs 21:

The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord,  like the rivers of water;

He turns it wherever He wishes.

Here is how He taught me. GOD puts us on His Cruise Ship to Paradise and plans all the port stops along the way. We are free to move around the ship any place we want to go, even if that is a bad place. We will suffer the consequences, but we cannot jump ship. There are plenty of times man has thought GOD was leading him a certain way, and the end result was failure. It was the man who got it wrong, not GOD. Man's number one sin is pride, and it comes in all shapes and sizes, as well as resides in man's free will, to an extent.

Psalm 37:23 

The steps of a man are established by the LORD, and He delights in his way.

Job 42:2

 “I know that Thou canst do all things, And that no purpose of Thine can be thwarted.

Job 12:14

“To God belong wisdom and power;  counsel and understanding are his. What he tears down cannot be rebuilt;   those he imprisons cannot be released.

   Some Epics Are Hidden Away in Someone's Garage or Attic

   I found a blog post from a New York editor that said to step away from our manuscript for a while to get a fresh second look at it. I find that amusing, because GOD gave me an epic story, and I wrote it between 2013-2014. I then spent half of 2015 revising and editing. I shelved it when dual cancers became unwelcomed guests in our family, followed by divorce and a family shattered into shreds all over this country. There were other trauma's, and I just couldn't get back to it.

I know that GOD will use it mightily, however, I do not want it commercially published. I believe in what GOD gives us for free ought to be shared freely. I also do not want it to get out while I'm still breathing here, because success ruins almost everyone, and I would very easily fit into that category. Another reason is that when an epic is published and goes "viral," it then becomes about the author and not the work. I want LOVE'S MUSES to be what GOD intended it to be. I don't want myself to be here when He does it; that way, it will go wherever He planned on going by its own merit. This epic story could help people trying to recover from the traumas of their lives that set them back a few paces, and help them recover to an even better person they were before the trauma.

The story was written in 2013 and is about a country artist who inspired a kindergarten teacher to write a book about her life. She never intended it to go anywhere, because she was extremely shy, and it went viral right after a world crisis. Now, how is that for crazy. That is why I said GOD gave it to me, because I wrote about a world crisis SEVEN years before one began, and one this world has never experienced. It has humor, drama, intrigue, and love of fellow man, everything an epic should have. I take no credit for, it because there is no way I am talented enough to do such a thing. Here is my favorite quote from the series of five books:

"When you are proving to God that you want to be a success in His eyes only, then the brilliance of God will take your craft to new heights of genius you never even knew existed. You will be amazed at what He creates through you working your craft." #KatieLynnMoore.

Having had a professional tell me that it is indeed a wonderful story, verified what I already knew. It would give me peace knowing that I could have a good influence on some people, and help them in their despair, depression, and disillusionment in life, as that is how I've lived the past thirteen years.

Sometimes Insomnia is From That Dreaded Menopause, Other Times, It's Class Time with GOD.

     First, GOD opens my spiritual eyes to a truth inside His Word but outside the church box. Second, He gives me the faith to believe it is from Him directly, because He proves that it fits historically, and how it reflex His character and tradition from the OT stories and heroes.  Hence, enter the "GOLIATH" What did Goliath do? He challenged the army of the LORD. He used his great height, might, fortitude and military training to intimidate the soldiers. 

     Here is the key, he let his "history" testify to his odds at winning in battle against any Israelite Soldier. There was another who did that and drowned Judah with fear, including the King. Who was that? What did he do? He used his historical military triumphs to invoke fear and take Judah's eyes off what the LORD had been constantly teaching them outside the "church" box for even then. Who was it? Sennacherib. 

     What did the King of Judah do? He laid prostate before the LORD and showed the threats to the LORD at the Temple. Because King  Hezekiah took his fear to the proper place, GOD answered Sennacherib and let him know just Who granted him his past victories. He also prophesied about Sennacherib future and demise at the hand of his own sons.  That's what GOD calls putting a hook in the nose of the arrogant who refuse to give credit Where credit is due. The answer came directly from GOD through the prophet Isaiah, one of GOD"s greatest.

     

     Likewise, GOD isolated David from his brothers who lived out their father's traditions. GOD watched over David while he was the rejected brother. All of that isolation taught David to hear only the voice of YHWH instead of paying more attention to tradition and history. Why was he rejected? Many Rabbinic teachings suggest that David wasn't a full bred of Jesse and his wife, and that was why he wasn't invited to the original dinner with the Seer Samuel. They teach he may have been the son of a harlot, concubine, or even adulterous affair of Jesse's wife. He was thought of as a second-hand son. He was number EIGHT. What does the number eight mean? New beginnings.

     Here's the point. GOD will choose a person. He will watch over that rejected person and open his/her eyes to teachings that surpass tradition and aren't limited to the church box. Then GOD will give that person a Supernatural faith like He gave to David to believe that GOD will do it. While that man/woman of faith is waiting for GOD to do what He showed his unspoken hero just what He can and said He will do with him/her, history, tradition, and naysayers scream into the ears of the woman or man of Supernatural faith, and that hero starts listening more to the naysayers.  He/she then will start to focus on his/her previous history and how nothing that great ever happened to or for or from them before like that, and he/she loses his or her faith that he or she was chosen for anything.

     Does this describe you? Likely, not, because most of you all are happily and soundly sleeping, while we ADHD'ers are up in the middle of the night, not able to sleep, because GOD has another lesson from His Seminary for us.  Too many people will settle for mediocre because it's comfortable, or they don't want to look like a freak  Like Terah, Abram's father, they are okay with "settling in Haran," halfway to the destination.  After that, GOD passes the torch on to another, who He knows will complete the journey.  The rest of the way is the most arduous part of the journey.  It's the road less traveled.  

     The Valley of Achor is what is between us and the promise land, and there's not a more depressing place than the Valley of Achor.  That's when GOD has to step in and give us a push.  There are very few of us fearful/doubting "Biblical" heroes out there. Time and tradition and the naysayers of the world chase us off path on to a  battlefield, and we put on Saul's Armor, until we realize, Saul's armor doesn't fit us.

  Heaven's Walk of Fame

Just like there are celebrities in the world, music stars and all that, well in heaven there is also a group that are celebrities. Like all the heroes of the Bible, they are on Heaven's Walk of Fame. Well, I'm on it, also. I know this for sure, because GOD sees in us who He will make us, and that's who we already are in Heaven, regardless of who we are here.

Let's take Gideon for an example. 11 The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. 12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” The ANGEL of the LORD came down, sat w/the weakest runt in the weakest family in the weakest tribe and called him "Mighty Warrior." I love Gideon's response.

13 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied,

His reaction was like total unbelief. He had no idea that he was going to be in the Biblical Walk of Fame, but GOD did, because GOD chose him and wrote his story ahead of time. THAT's how GOD sees us.

He sees us like He saw Gideon, not how Gideon saw himself.

15 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

When GOD chose me to write LOVE'S MUSES, I said to Him, regarding myself, "Pardon me Lord, but do you know who I am? I am a total screw up." Yet, my name is on the Red Carpet of Fame in Heaven. I'm not delusional, I'm finally accepting the truth. The thing about being on that Red Carpet in Heaven, we don't get to walk on it until the work is done, and we are already gone from this earth and are in Heaven. Most of the time, people think we are crazy and they dismiss us or are mean to us.

One thing about us famous future heavenly dwellers is that while we are here on earth, in order to keep us humble, GOD will prevent our work from bearing much fruit, and no one recognizes us while we are still down here. Just as I wrote in an earlier blog post: CANCER, DEATH, AND GOOD HUMBLE PIE, AMONG OTHERS, there will always be a thorn in the flesh for anyone chosen to be walk on Heaven's Walk of Fame. A thorn in the flesh can be anything from a physical limitation to an emotional handicap. I can assure you, GOD will keep you humble by whatever means He needs.

GOD has graciously given me a vision for two other of His heavenly superstars already on the Walk of Fame up there but nobodies down here, like me. That is both a gift and a burden, because it's my job to show them this truth about themselves. Who are you in the Kingdom of Heaven? Are you are a superstar in the making, or are you just happy to be among those chosen to be heaven bound. You are chosen, you realize that, I hope. You did NOT find GOD, He came for you.