LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS:

Is that why we are born?

      A while back, I remember reading about how it's human nature for everyone to seek love and happiness as our main pursuits over our lifetime. Who doesn't want to be in love, be loved, or be happy?  The sad fact of this part of the human nature is that sometimes we will pursue these things at the expense of others.  While we are pursuing love and happiness, at times, our pursuit causes grief and despair for others.  So, is it ever okay to pursue these things at the expense of another or if it causes grief to a fellow human being?  I think maybe that's why our divorce rate is just as high in the church as well as outside of the church.  If we aren't happy with our spouse, or we don't feel our needs met, well, we go looking for someone else to supply that which we need. 

     As a victim of divorce, I too sought refuge with a new and future potential spouse, until GOD denied me that lifetime happiness for nine years.  For years, I struggled with that, wrestling with the Almighty like Jacob, and finally letting Him prevail.  It finally occurred to me that my personal happiness in this life wasn't in the forefront of GOD's mind or desire for me.  That was a heavy pill to swallow.  What I did realize is that the Kingdom of GOD is the utmost importance to Him and building it was just part of my assignment, even if it meant the sacrifice of my best life now, as one popular evangelist titled his book.  Should we really pursue our best life now?  I've learned, no, we should not, especially at the expense of others. Being a single parent was GOD's will for my life whether I wanted to be one or not.  Did GOD will my divorce? I would say no, He did not, however, someone with free will did.  Free will is given to us when we are born. It's after we become children of GOD that we must decide if we are willing to give up that free will totally, partially or not at all.  

     Every time I try to make sense of something in my life that hurt me or tested my resolve to follow GOD's leading, I look for a precedent in the Bible and how GOD dealt with it with His servants. Some of our contemporary struggles can be found in the Scriptures, but some of them can only be solved through the principals taught to us in the Scriptures.  Blended families is just one of those things not mentioned in the Bible, but the principals of how to deal with them can be.  I can't find blended families with shared custody in the Bible. The ONLY reference I can come up with referring to any kind of a step-child scenario is in Genesis when Joseph told his family about his dreams.  When his father  Abraham was offended by the second dream, he referred to Leah as Joseph's mother, when in fact, Rachel was Joseph's true birth mother.  So, there's a step-parent, however, the birth mother or rather other wife was already dead.   The only other reference to divorce and a "step-child," would be in Matthew with Herod and Herodias and her daughter, who seduced her "step-father" with a dance. Herodias was called Philip's wife by John,  even though she married Herod.  Marriage and divorce is the equivalent of polygamy in Bible days.  Our courts may deem our marriages dissolved, but does GOD?  Doesn't the Scriptures say, "What GOD has brought together, let no man put asunder?"  

    Apparently, GOD doesn't have a second husband for me, and until recently, I couldn't understand why, seeing how my husband divorced me and took up with another.  It occurred to me when a friend of mine told me her back story of how when her mother took up with another man after leaving their father, the two daughters didn't exist anymore, or that was how they felt. The truth hit me like a bolt of lightning. Why it didn't occur to me before that shocks me.  I could not be an excellent, superb wife to a second husband and devoted full-time mother and father, in this instance, to the five children who needed me when their father left. Likewise, that other man couldn't be a devoted husband to a third wife while trying to maintain some stability for the three victimized children from his second wife's infidelity.  Not only did she put them through one divorce, but less than ten years later, she put them through another divorce with their step-father.  Those precious children needed a devoted father for stability, and that's what they got, because GOD denied that man any true and lasting love to fill that void in his life.  His children were more important to GOD than that man's need for a woman or wife in his life.  

     Because there are no blended families with shared custody in the Bible, I took that as a clue from GOD regarding what He is doing with me or going to do with me.  My children were His priority, and my first assignment was to be a devoted parent, not another spouse, trying to make another husband happy.  It was at that point that I realized GOD's will was best, as usual, I re-committed to sacrificing my will and pursuit of personal fulfillment and happiness and just accept His will and move on from there, asking Him how I can still be a better example or servant leaving something good behind. I usually accept my assignment and consider GOD's will better for all even if it's not what makes me happy in this life. It's never about me, but it's always going to be about what's best for the Kingdom. I can accept that and still be happy even if it's not what my heart and humanity craves. 

     The Ark on a New Cart

    The comparison I'm going to use here is from the story in 2 Samuel when after King David defeated the Philistines for good. He recaptured the Ark of the Covenant and wanted to bring it back to Jerusalem and restore it in the make-shift Temple, but he had no true clear understanding of the original Torah, so he just hoisted it on a new cart and pulled it back, dancing and celebrating while a pair of young oxen carried it home, until all hell broke lose and one of his buddies died by the angry Hand of GOD. (The Old Ark on a New Cart Full story)   Well, if that story was a metaphor for what's going on in the Christian church, it is going to be near impossible for me to convince people that they've been taught as wrong as David was, and get them to do like he did and consult the Scriptures to find out what's gone wrong, like he did. Yet, I feel compelled to try and rescue as many people as possible out of the corrupt incorporated churchianity. Yeshua/ Jesus, tried to rescue his people out of the corrupt Temple system invented by the Sanhedrin/Pharisees/Sadducees. They corrupted the Torah by giving the Talmud equal value in Divine Inspiration. All the laws they added were a direct violation of the words of Moses whom they held in the highest regard as the greatest prophet ever. They did exactly that by adding on top of the 613 Mosaic Laws and forcing their rules and regulations down everyone's throat, lest they be thrown out of the Temple. The Temple was the center of a Israelite life, just like church is for the "Christian." Their whole lives revolved around it. To be excommunicated from the only Temple was a tragedy worse than death itself. It's not like they could just go out and find another denomination/another church body.

     The Temple was it.  The  Sanhedrin/Pharisees/Sadducees so terribly corrupted Judaism for so many centuries that the Jews in Jesus's day did not  know the difference between the Talmud teaching and the Torah.  This angered Jesus, as you can tell by his dealings with the Pharisees.  He insulted them on every level possible.  Friends, history repeats itself over and over, why? Because we are human and we rather to create our own historical narrative so we can keep on living in denial of the hard truth.  We refused to study every detail of the past, hence, we re-write it. We re-create it in our own image of what we thought it was or what we wanted it to be to justify our own life choices.  The seminaries and clergy have to change the narrative in order to keep the brainwashed sheep in the pews and the pastors in their pockets.  I understand this may offend, but Yeshua didn't mind offending the Pharisees for all the lies they told, and this Joan-the-not-baptist-anymore feels exactly the same way. 

 

        Fast forward two thousand years.  It is the exact same thing with "Christianity" as we know it.  Generational Christians who have been sitting in pews since they were embryo's like their mothers, and their mothers before them, etc..., make the Christian church the center of all their lives.  Christianity, as they learned it, is the difference between eternity in Hell or in Paradise.  There is no difference between the church today and the Sanhedrin then, not one bit of difference.   Christianity was "invented" by corrupt church fathers, one main player was Eusebius who directed Constantine to lie about his alleged vision to win over the Christians.  

     Constantine took it a bit further, and with goal of ridding the planet of the hated  Jews. They were hated  by all the evil emperors and now the early church fathers.  So, what did Constantine do?  He pulled rank on The Almighty.  He outlawed the Torah and the Tanukh.  (The Law and the Prophets)  Can you imagine the gall it must take to outlaw YVHV's commands?  (the correct Hebrew spelling).  Not only did he outlaw the Mosaic Law, he changed the day of worship to the day of his sun god's worship and forced  Christians to adapt.  Sunday, the Lord's Day is not even the correct context.  The Lord's Day in Rome was the one day a year that all citizen's had to swear absolute loyalty and profess the emperor as Lord, or be killed.  That is why it was called the Lord's Day.  It has absolutely nothing to do with Yeshua resurrecting on the eighth day.  Here is a perfect example of the church changing the narrative to fit with their lie keeping the pew filled on Sunday and the staff's paycheck's secure for another week.  

     Over  twelve more centuries of evil murderous corruption in the Roman church bred more lies and "misinformation."  Absolute power corrupted absolutely.  When Luther came along he helped free people from the bondage of the Roman Church, but he continued the narrative.  Luther, as many know, was an angry anti-semite, because he could not convert the Jews to his way of thinking, and eventually his hatred of the "stubborn" Jews become the  inspiration for Hitler in his "Final Solution." The Roman Church also hated the Jews, so much so that they stripped the Apostle Saul/Shaul, of his Hebrew roots, and taught that he converted and changed his name to Paul to prove his turning away from being an Israelite.

     The Roman church created their own version of the Talmud. They called it the Roman Catholic Catechism.  During the Reformation, the "rebellious protestant" church just took the part out of the Roman Catechism that they didn't like, and created the Shorter Westminster Catechism. The only thing they did was delete the Jewish Torah and the priestly services and created a whole new priestly service based on their new rules. Viola, now you have the Vatican!  The Crusades and the Inquisitions evil and cruelty knew no bounds, but does the Roman Church want you to know the extend of the corruption and evil?   

     The Bible became so white washed by the church fathers and commentators over the centuries that it was as if the Torah was on tracing paper. That just aged me. Maybe I should say tissue paper, and they blew their snot all over and disregarded it. All of those lies about not being under Law was the devil's playground. We are still under Law. We are justified by Grace through faith in Yeshua Ha Mashiach. (Jesus the Christ), because to fulfill the whole Law is humanly impossible. That does not void it. Unless you put your faith in Yeshua, the Law will still condemn you. That was what Paul was saying throughout his whole mission. Contrary to popular believe, it is only a 1900 year old rumor that Paul made the Torah obsolete. He never stopped practicing the Law, nor studying the Torah and the Prophets. Today, in church the Law and the Prophets are a nice book of poetry, history, and foundation/basement of New Testament Christianity. Let me ask you, what happens to a house if the foundation isn't maintained, properly cared for, or worse, taken out from under the house?

     I have been isolated for ten years by the Hand of the LORD.  It's been lonely, but He had to teach me the truth without interference from what I call "the deep state church." We, the True Remnant are the  two houses of Israel that GOD is reuniting after 3,000 years. We are hated as much as the Pharisees hated Yeshua.  GOD did not choose a pew baby to go in and try and rescue the other pew babies, He has chosen an outsider, a Yankee in the Bible Belt.  This makes my calling all that much more confusing to me.  I hate what Christianity became, but it's the equivalent of Gideon taking on the Midianites with 300 men with lamps and pitchers. I can't reach generational Protestants and Roman Catholic, even though I used to be one of each of those. I spent 26 years in the Roman Catholic traditions and 26 years in the Protestant traditions.  I know how each of them think, but I also know the true historicity of the Hebrew people and Christianity, I suppose that's the confusion Moses must have had when raised as an Egyptian for 40 years had to turn his back on it, leave the Hebrews who also rejected him and spend 40 more years in the wilderness alone trying to figure out who he was, until that day when GOD called him from the Burning Bush. 

     Not all will believe that for their entire lives they have been lied to by the church for 1900 years, just like not all will believe that they have been lied to by their government, teachers, and college professors since the early 1900's.  Do you see the correlation here?  It's the narrative that is the lie.  It wasn't until I left the church and really started living in the Bible that I learned it and nothing like the way the church had taught it to me for almost three decades.  I could go into great detail about the Law/Torah and the Prophets/Tanukh, but that is not my intend.  SHOCK and AWE is what I'm hoping for here, then when the Holy Spirit speaks to the hearts of those whom GOD has chosen to know the truth, and they  get back up from that great big fall, I'll be there with all my best friends, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Amos, Ezra, Nehemiah, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah, and of course Malachi.  It will be my pleasure to introduce you to them.   America in the the Bible, folks, we are Joseph's seed, what the prophets call the house of Ephraim.  YHVH, as promised is bringing His two "quarreling children" back together, and uniting the thirteen tribes.  Yes, there were thirteen, just like there was thirteen chosen Disciples.  I'll let you chew on that one for a while. 

     NO-Fault Divorce, Legal in Civil Law, Illegal in GOD's LAW

    Both my husband and I grew up in MISERABLY, horribly abusive homes from fathers who declared war on our mothers.  Both our mothers were profoundly affected by our father's actions.  Both fathers abandoned us.  When we married, we were not Christians.  Five years later, we had another ceremony and entered into a covenant marriage.  I signed those papers, and because I signed those papers, swearing to GOD that I would NEVER sign divorce papers, I must keep my word to GOD.  

     My husband and I had eight children together, each baby was dedicated in church where we vowed to raise them in a loving, nurturing Christian home with both mother and father taking equal part in their upbringing.  Henceforth, that is ten times we both vowed to the LORD not to ever divorce.  Now, I am keeping those ten vows, and whatever happens, happens.  My husband declared war on me, on his children and on GOD by going through with a civil NO-FAULT divorce.  When I first got the papers, I was absolutely devastated.  I did not even open them.  I laid them on the altar, and prayed over them, asking GOD what to do. He said to stay the course.  Then I gave them back to my husband and told him this was his war against GOD.  I did not want to deal with it.  Then, the second time papers came, I reacted the same way, and I did the same.  Again, I got the same answer from GOD, and again, I did not open them.  I knew if I did that I would hate my husband, and I never wanted to hate the father of my children, the man I swore my undying love to twice.   I will forever be devastated by his divorcing GOD, then me.   

     I will not  participate in this war on the family we both vowed to protect.  It was when I came down with cancer, six months after he did that he told me that he would divorce me "after my treatments were over."  He destroyed his family and over Skype on the thirty-six anniversary of the day he asked me to marry him, which is a double offense.  Imagine, divorcing  your wife of  thirty-five years over Skype.  How low can one go?   Really, the offense is far beyond what words can even describe.    I used to love and admire my husband greatly.  I do not love my husband anymore, no wife could.  I don't want to live with him, either.  I am will to do whatever it is that GOD wills, even if that meant remaining only legally wed for the rest of my life.  My husband has admitted that he is not doing GOD's will.  Man may declare this marriage dissolved, but according to GOD's Word in Matthew, Mark, Luke, Romans, and 1 Corinthians, it remains full and intact in the eyes of GOD.  He said, let no man put asunder.  Marriage is over only after death.  GOD let it be known to me that if He allows my husband this divorce, then he indeed was  declaring war on me, on his children, on his family and on Jesus Christ. And yet, that man attends church faithfully, while I stopped attending Christian church seven years ago, and I have no intentions of ever going back.  Sin is rampant in the church, and as in Joshua 7, when one man is corrupt and allowed to get away with it, the whole camp loses.    

   No-fault divorce is a treacherous act, a heinous act, it's the murdering of the one-flesh.   It is similar to the act of abortion, selling baby parts for profit is no different then ripping families apart for profit in a no-fault divorce. He says in His Word that He hates divorce, Malachi 2:16.  It's simply amazing how many married Christians like to remind divorced people how much GOD hates divorce, whether that person is the victim or the perpetrator.  We know how much He hates it, because we hate it just as much. The United States has what is called a NO-FAULT divorce, leaving the victim with no recourse.  The only thing we have is YHVH GOD to defend us, and quite frankly, that's better than man's law.  GOD's justice is slow in coming, but, I've lived long enough to see disease ridden sinners suffer the consequences of a dreadful death.  Some are wise enough to repent on their death beds, and sadly, some are stubborn and defiant until their last breaths. 

 God does not fix what's wrong with 

His people, He starts all over again.

     Jesus did not have a mortgage, and he did not incorporate. He did not have office hours, nor did he assign his Apostles as CEO's, telling them to register with the emperor, and be ready to have all their financial records ready to be audited annually. Jesus never asked for money, he healed for FREE. He never pressured his followers to give toward the mortgage fund or a building project so he could expand his ministry. He did not hire a marketing firm to teach his disciples how to be good stewards. He did not initiate a fund raising campaign to increase the size of the campus, so the corporation could expand, and create more programs, branches, and differing kinds of ministries. Jesus did not rely on programs. Jesus did not seek converts, he taught disciples. He certainly did not have super-conferences with guest speakers and a ticket price upwards of near 100 talents. He even kept the mysteries of the Kingdom of Heaven a secret from those he knew were in it for only how it filled their bellies. In Matthew and Luke he said,

"To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been granted. For whoever has, to him more will shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him. Therefore, I speak to them in parables; because while seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand."

     He then went on to quote the prophet Isaiah, because Jesus knew intimately what was written in the Old Testament. He not only knew it, he understood it because he inspired it. I once heard an associate pastor at the church I attended say, "The Old Testament is so hard to understand, it's a difficult read and so harsh. Besides, that’s the Law, we are under grace now, so none of it really applies." When I picked my jaw back up off the floor, I gathered my flock, went home and never went back, to any church. His answer was not out of the ordinary, it's what I hear all the time. He is a New Testament Christian, or what I call a carport as opposed to a garage with a brick siding, a foundation and a solid roof, one that does not blow off with a strong wind.

     I’m not any kind of expert in the Hebrew Scriptures, but I’ve studied it exclusively now for 12 years, inside, outside and upside down. (A little Dr. Seuss humor there) You know what my friend, in my humble opinion, I actually find MORE grace and mercy in the Old Testament than the New. The Law and the animal sacrifices did NOT save the Israelite's, nor did it cleanse them of sin, it was the grace behind the obedience of the practice of the Law. The sacrifice was supposed to be a reminder of the curse and damage that sin does, and how much GOD hates sin. It was a reminder of Whom they served and Who saved them, as opposed to other pagan religions.

      New Testament Christians say, "We are the church, the bride of Christ, GOD will never abandon us" just like the Jews said, "This is the temple of the LORD, this is the Temple of the LORD, and they thought GOD would never leave it. SURPISE, He did.  If someone tells you that he/she is a New Testament Christian, well, then you know that you are talking only to a carport with no walls, no foundation, and an aluminum roof that can easily be blown away. Do not bother to argue with them, because they have their minds made up, and everyone else is wrong. Their pastor told them to be that way, to stand their ground under their carports. We can try to educate them, but most have unteachable hearts from anyone but their CEO/pastor. They are loyal to their corporations, that's for sure. After all, they have invested much of their funds into this capital venture.

     The more we understand the history of GOD's people, the more we can see GOD repeating Himself, over and over, again. The book of Ecclesiastes, lately, has become one of my favorites, because basically it says, “Don’t expect GOD to do anything He has never done before, because there is nothing new under the sun that GOD hasn’t already done.” Yes, you will have to get your Bible out and find that passage, also. The purpose in doing that may just help you find some wisdom GOD wants you to have before and after those verses. GOD's people throughout all generations kept becoming too corrupt to reform or repair. Over and over again GOD pulled out a remnant and started all over again.

    As the metaphor Mama that I am, if you need a picture, I have a good one for you. The church today is like flour. There is all-purpose, there is self-rising, and then there is this “whole-wheat,” that’s really not whole or in it’s original form. No, my friends, the Remnant is the whole grain, straight from the ground, exactly how GOD made it, in it’s original form. It’s not bleached, it’s not ground into fine powder that just becomes dust, rather in it's natural state, it has all the nutrients needed to feed the flock.

     Where does wheat grow? Does it grow in a building, on a huge cement campus, in programs, does money grow it? It grows where the gospel was meant to go, in the fields, outside where the Wind can take it where the Wind intends for it to go. The pure Gospel is the protein in the whole grain, it’s the muscle that makes the Remnant strong. It’s not supposed to be holed up in four walls and a ceiling, keeping it contained. Jesus said "Go and make disciples," not "gather and convert people." Beloveds, GOD made sure that the Temple was completely destroyed in AD 70, because the Temple was now the Holy Spirit living in us, and the Temple is meant to have arms, legs, and wheels, and it is supposed to be moving at all times.

   

     Satan entered the church in the very first century to begin the corruption. Paul and Peter and Jude all mention false teachers and prophets. The doctrine of Balaam is alive and well and has been since the days in the wilderness. Corrupt within, because an outside attack is not effective enough. Christianity today is an offshoot of the corrupt religion invented by Constantine. He created his own brand of Christianity, one with the political advantage he needed. He was just another false convert, using the work of Yeshua for self-advancement. He wiped clean any signs or practices of Judaism that GOD Himself ordered and commanded and outlawed all the appointed feasts and the seventh day Sabbath. Imagine an emperor so bold as to take what GOD instituted and outlaw it in the name of Christ. Constantine incorporated pagan practices, slapping a Christian name on them, and the corrupt papacy only added to this man-made delineation of the Word of GOD.

  

 I'm sorry to say, but evangelism has been the downfall of the church. Satan always takes a little bit of truth and slides in his brand of lies to convince man that he is doing the right thing Today, the church's recipe for salvation is NOT Biblically sound. Just saying a prayer saves no one. The only one who can initiate salvation is GOD Himself. He decides who becomes His true children. He enters our hearts before we "pray Him into it," then our outward appearance and actions reflects that change.

John 1:

13 who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

John 6:

“Do not murmur among yourselves. 44 No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day. 45 It is written in the prophets, ‘And they shall all be taught by God.’ Therefore everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to Me.

Matthew 16:

16 Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” 17 Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.

 

 Oh, Not So Holy Night!

I do NOT enjoy bursting the bubble of Christians, but once I learn a truth, I’m obligated to share it.  You are free to disagree with me if you like, but  research and search the Scriptures to either prove me right or wrong in your own minds, hearts, and conscience.   I don’t answer to GOD for what anyone else does in their relations and worship of  YHVH GOD, I only answer to Him for myself and my actions.  I have to do what I’m led to do, based on the truth YHVH reveals to me through Scripture, revelation (Rhema’s), and what I can discover based solely on historical facts.  Believe me, this was NOT an easy decision for me to make. 

It was one man about 1700 years ago that decided in order to coaxed the pagans into this new state religion called Christianity, it was best to adopt their pagan practices, "baptize it into Christ," the Pope Julius I said. That gentile pope found nothing wrong with slapping a Christian name on a pagan practice, because those gentile clergy hated everything about the Hebrew Scriptures. Many of them wanted to dispose of the Hebrew Scriptures entirely, but if not for the Grace of GOD, we would never have even had them in our Bible today.  In those days, when the Bible was inaccessible by the common man,  because the corrupt Roman Church had made it illegal for common man to have access to that which GOD wanted read by every man, the people were deceived into believing that these clergy were vicars for Christ and infallible when it comes to revelation from GOD.    The roots of Christmas actually comes from pagan celebrations to the fertility gods of the pagan, and once, I learned of just how offensive the whole Yuletide season was to GOD, I just could not enjoy doing it anymore. We still give them gifts, because to take that away just seemed too cruel, however, I do not call them Christmas gifts, I call them, "end of the year," gifts. I answer to GOD for what I know, as do you. 

GOD had prescribed certain religious observations to Him in the Torah in the book of Leviticus.  Many of them we cannot observe to the letter of the law, because there is no centralized Temple any longer.  Some Jewish holidays such as Purim and Hanukkah are not commanded of GOD, but are man's  celebrations of GOD's deliverance of His people.  Hanukkah was was referred to as the Festival of Lights, and the gift giving aspect of it came out of the Jews wanting a gift-giving excuse as the Gentiles had. Back before Christmas was established, it was a Jewish tradition based on the celebration of the Maccabees defeat of Antiochus IV of Epiphanes.  Even Jesus honored that Festival of Lights in John 10:22, as he went up to the Temple in the winter to acknowledge the deliverance of GOD’s people from a tyrannical murderous ruler.  I am not saying that all man's traditions are bad, but what I am saying is that copy-cat worship is not something GOD is okay with, as stated in many places in the Hebrew Scriptures, in particular Deuteronomy 12.   

Every time I mentioned this conviction to someone, I get the same argument that I used to give, that we are honoring the birth of Jesus, even though we know for a fact it did not happen on December 25th.  GOD’s definition of idolatry is any time His people  adapt the religious practices of the false gods of the pagan nations into their worship of Him. Now, someone who is truly adept at the New Testament will bring up Romans 14, when Paul declared one man’s unholy day an another man’s acceptable holy day. At least, I would have, and did, until I read the Scripture more closely and studied the Hebrew Scriptures as they were meant to be studied and understood.  I am surely not going to poo-poo your celebration of Christmas, but in good conscience, I can no longer observe it in the intent of which it was given, knowing what I know about GOD now.  What you choose to do with your knowledge is between you and GOD, and what you choose to ignore as possibly offensive to GOD is again, between you and Him alone. 

This realization of the offense of Christmas to GOD hasn’t been easy for me to accept either, because I love those traditional Christmas songs from “Last Christmas,” to “Oh Holy Night.” My children and I used to belt out our favorites with my speakers jacked up to full volume as we danced around the room, having the time of our lives, doing what we do every Christmas.  It was a difficult decision, and I miss the fun of it.  Sometimes, we have to sacrifice the traditions of men to prove our loyalty to YHVH GOD, like Jesus said in the Bible.  With GOD, it is always a heart thing, and never a performance thing, so celebrating a pagan’s traditional worship to their pagan gods is essentially the same thing eating foods sacrificed to idols.  Paul said that if they knew the food was sacrificed to an idol or a false god, it was strictly forbidden, then in essence  us knowing that celebrating Christmas is essentially the same sin. When I learned the absolute truth about this and saw it in black and white in the Torah, which means instructions, not LAW, by the way,  I just could never see Christmas the same way ever again. It went from a sacred event in my mind to a very unholy season, and for the rest of my life, I just cannot perceive it as a joyous event if the LORD says in Scripture that it is an abomination to Him. 

 What I thought for five decades was worship, now I know was an offense.  We are responsible for what we know at the time and what the LORD teaches us, when we are taught it, not before. Revelation from GOD is progressive, so we are only guilty of sinning when we are shown what we do is a sin.  There are unintentional sins in which we will not be held guilty of, and then there are the outright rebellious sins we know to be wrong, in which we will stand and give an account. 

I just can’t do it anymore, knowing what I know, now,  because my conscience before GOD won’t let me.  I would rather offend man, even though it’s NOT what I like to do, than to risk  offending GOD.  I teach my children the truth, now, and some day, GOD will convict them of His Revelations when they are ready to obey Him fully.  As I advise all parents of adult children, they are not your children when they are adults, they are GOD’s, and you have to give them back. They now become just your offspring and any advice or counsel you want to give them must be sought out by them, not offered freely or oppressively, because you are not their mommy anymore. You do not answer to GOD for what they do as adults. You are only obligated to the LORD for teaching them what you do know while they are still under your stewardship. When the LORD teaches us new things, it’s because we have come to him to seek new things to be taught. He never oppresses a man into morality, it is always a choice on our part out of the love in our hearts for Him. For that is your bodily act of worship, and the only kind of sacrifice he wants from us.

For you information only, I always revisit this wonderful teacher this time of year, and every year, I'm more convicted that celebrating Christmas is offensive to GOD.  David Pawson The History of Christmas  Part 2 is here David Pawson The History of Christmas Part 2

Isn't GOD Pro-Choice?

      For as much as you are not going to agree with me on this,  as a devoted lover of Jesus, student of the Whole Counsel of GOD, and faithful servant of the Most High, in the Abortions debate, I am most assuredly pro-choice because YHVH GOD is pro-choice.  I know that does not fit the church mold, but, I don't fit the church mold, I never did.  I'm the cookie cutter that everyone throws out, because the dough sticks to it, and it makes baking difficult. My daughter had an abortion debate with a Christian student at school, and I was so proud of her.  She was able to think critically and not just re-state the talking points her friend had learned and had drilled in to her since days of sitting in a pew as a fetus. She's heard me say these things over and over, but sadly, she did not have the Scripture references she needed.  She does now!   GOD is most assuredly pro-choice, he wants us to choose Him, that's why He gave us a free will, a free will subjected to His Sovereign choice, that is. 

 Point number 1: GOD put the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil INSIDE the Garden of Eden and gave Adam the choice, hence GOD is pro-choice. He wants us to choose the right path. Deuteronomy 28 supports this. GOD wanted his people to choose to obey, and he gave the consequences of obedience versus disobedience. This is the undeniable Scriptural reference point.  

     Point number 2. This is my opinion, although I can "prove" it with Scripture, that's where interpretation comes in and makes the water muddy.  You'll have to pray on this one.  Every human created with a brain has a soul. As a woman who has had four miscarriages, I'm well aware that the brain is formed around week five after conception. I had early miscarriages, there never was a heartbeat.  What I lost was had no brain, because they were too early, yet there was "tissue" there. So, life does indeed begin as conception, but it doesn't always survive. You may call that a weak argument, but thousands of processes have to occur for for a live birth to happen.  That's why miscarriages are so prevalent. I birthed 8 children, but I had 4 miscarriages, so that is a 50% ratio. That's pretty high. Any abortion done before the brain forms may or may not have been a viable life anyway. (Weak argument, I know, but only GOD knows.) GOD's tests the heart, not the actions.  Also, Scripture says the breath of life is given to humans by Sovereign act of GOD in many places. The word breath in the Hebrew is Ruach, which also means spirit. Is it possible that without the Ruach, there is no life? We are told with out the Holy Spirit, we are dead in Christ.    

    Point number 3 is definitely my opinion.  I didn't get this from revelation or from any Scriptures, except buy by studying the history of people from the Bible.  Who are having abortions? Is it loving Christian women? I dare say not. GOD told his servants to completely annihilate the Canaanites because of their evil practices. Yes, GOD included women, children and pregnant women.  Have you ever asked why?   If those types of women had those babies, would they be loved completely? Maybe, maybe not. Would they grow up to become Christians? Maybe, maybe not. The likelihood is about 10% of them. Hence, nine out of ten of those babies born to secular mothers would likely perish. I can safely use that figure because I grew up in a secular family and out of six children, I was the only one called and born-again. I am not just talking my nuclear family but grandparents on both sides, plus aunts, uncles and cousins. I am the only lover of Jesus, and have been for 35 years.  Lastly, no woman should become a mother who wants to kill her baby.  My mother wanted all six of us, and she really messed up her job. Imagine a woman not convicted by GOD to give birth. Is allowing abortion in some way GOD's way of depopulating those who would never become His? 

     This leads to point number 4. Why did GOD have His servants annihilate entire nations, including women, children and babies? 1 Samuel 15:3. Did GOD wipe out women, children, infants, and pregnant women at Sodom and Gomorrah, and at Jericho? Yes, He did. Why? Because those children would have grown up to become just like their child-sacrificing, pagan parents, because their parents did, and so on and so forth.  I think it was GOD's way of saving those children, lest they grow up like their pagan parents and become as depraved as they were. Doesn't Scripture tell us that we are depraved without GOD? So, when GOD wiped the children and infants out, He saved their souls. 

     

     LAST and most important point, the anti-abortion movement has become a Jericho's wall, a hill to die on, and sadly those dying are those outside of the church, because this hill and wall is nothing more than combative Christianity. It is keeping the Gospel locked up inside the walls of a church.  The church is building its own Jericho's wall on this stance.  Some anti-abortion people are the most obnoxious self-righteous people in the church.  As one who was saved at twenty-six and was very much a progressive feminist who was very much pro-choice/abortion then, I can tell you, Satan has filters on their hearts and souls to only see this as combative and hateful Christianity. I went from pro-abortion to anti-birth control and then to pro-choice, because I choose GOD's ways.  Only GOD can change a heart that much. The Holy Spirit must come into a heart for it to be able to defeat the filter the enemy has put there to block the Gospel.  

     With all this said, the sale of fetus parts is abhorring and an abomination, and those who do this will be called to account. Yet, my arguments are more about the souls of these babies and where they end up, because isn't that what matters more? Where do they end up? We don't know.  This life is fraught with pain, (Job 14) and those babies are being spared all that hurt.  REMEMBER beloveds, It's not about being born, it's about where we end up when we die. Ecclesiastes 4:2. Even Solomon said, blessed are those who are never born. I was born into a horrible family and suffered emotional pain that is indescribable and still am.  With the life I've lived, the decades in the fiery furnace of affliction, like Job, there were far too many days that I cursed the day I was born, but it was GOD's will for me to be born, so, I'm going to take that pain and try to use it for good, not for arguments with unbelievers about whether abortion is murder or not.  

 Good Doubt  -  Bad Doubt  

Is there a difference? 

     As children of the Most High GOD, we are told to not doubt, and made to feel guilty if we do. Is there such a thing as good doubt? The answer is absolutely, yes there is. I asked GOD, "Why do I doubt all the time? How can you really use me, love me, trust me, want me if I doubt the direction you are giving me? The answer I got was  

     "Child, you know that doubt is good at times, when it sends you into the Word to prove what you hear." 

     I knew that answer was from the Holy Spirit, because it came to me before I even finished asking, and it was wisdom far beyond my limited brain could have thought on my own.  The English language is so boring whereas, Greek and Hebrew have several different kinds of words for our one English word. There is a doubt that really means, "research this," and there is a doubt that mean, "ya, right!" So, doubting is good, if it means seeking more information. There is a chip on one's shoulder doubt, and then there's please GOD help my unbelief doubt. 

     The best example we can see would be John-the-Baptist. He was the greatest born of women, Jesus said. Yet, while he was in a dungeon, chained to a wall, he sent his cousin a message, the one he "knew" since he was in the womb. During his despair, he sent his disciples to ask Jesus if he was the One to come, or should we look for another. We are thinking, Really, John, it's your cousin, you lept in your mother's womb when my mother was in your presence. You baptized him and saw the Holy Spirit descending him. For Pete’s sake, how can you question all this now?

     Jesus didn't say that, though. He just sent back a confirming answer, not yes or no, but consider the evidence: " Jesus answered and said to them, “Go and report to John what you hear and see: 5 those who are blind receive sight and those who limp walk, those with leprosy are cleansed and those who are deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have the gospel preached to them. 6 And blessed is any person who does not take offense at Me.”"

     John had doubts, because of his dreadful hopeless situation, not because he was cynical, needing to prove Jesus wrong, like the Pharisees. Their doubt was different in tone and inference, theirs was from pride, from a chip on their shoulders that was permanent.  The kind John had comes from a broken contrite heart. Hopelessness and faithlessness are two different things. Hope is a feeling, while faith is fact. We can lose hope without losing our faith. Hope is an emotion and emotions have no intellect, whereas facts are truth, and facts don’t have feelings.

     When hopelessness and fear set with me and I doubt that I'm truly hearing from GOD, I compare it to what I have learned in Scripture. I research and I research until my eyes bleed and my fingers are fused to the keyboard. Life in the fiery furnace of affliction can be exhausting and scorching.  I've spent a lot of years in the Bible, and I'm mean nose to page, so I have a pretty good working knowledge of it, and I know how to get around the Whole Counsel of GOD.  I know where to go to feed my faith with facts. Eventually, after I overdose with Scriptures that I know are facts, there is a slight whisper of hope that accompanies that faith, until the fatigue sets in. Never believe what you feel when you are tired. That’s the enemies favorite time to attack.

     When we fall in love with someone, what do we do? We study everything about that person, their mannerisms, what makes them tick, how they think, and their history. We fall all over ourselves trying to make them deliriously happy.  Yet when it comes to loving YHVH with all our hearts, souls and mind, we go to church and are spoon-fed a few verses in 43-minute sermon, and we are done for the week. We cannot really determine if we are hearing from GOD if we do that, even if we never miss a sermon. Think back, how many sermons you have heard, how many can you remember all the content? Not very many, huh? Just a few highlights of a good one, right?

     I was married to a cynic. He has always been a cynic. His attitude toward anything I told him that I thought GOD was going to do, his response was always the same. "Well, I guess we'll see if it happens." His cynicism is a vicious cycle of doubt and disbelief, to complete unfruitfulness in the Kingdom.  It was a cancer in his spiritual life that was terminal.  When his spiritual life died, he walked away from GOD, permanently. His cynicism kept GOD from showing Himself because of chip on his shoulder. If a cynic walks away, in all likelihood, they won't come back. There is a difference between a cynic and a prodigal. The cynic walks away out of disbelief, whereas the prodigal walks away out of hurt and not knowing how to process the emotions, or the event that sent them over the edge.

     We are told not to question GOD, but I can't find that in the Bible.  Lots of men questioned GOD.  The only stupid questions are the ones not asked.  How else can GOD speak to us if we don't ask Him questions and if we don't compare our circumstances with Scripture.  You know an answer or direction you feel led is really from GOD if it matches with Scripture, is bathed in Wisdom, and fits in GOD's character. It is probably something you never would have thought up yourself, because it’s way beyond your any human wisdom you have achieved.   I have always said, if you look for GOD everywhere, that is exactly where you will find Him. In other words, the more we pursue the One we love, the more we will hear from Him, learn from Him, see His Hand at work, and know Him intimately. When seeking truth, let Scripture interpret Scripture. One Scripture taken out of context is not proof enough, there must a few more Scriptures in line with the historicity of GOD's dealings with His people. Therefore, one must study the Bible from cover to cover and the historical context. I tell people, if it makes no sense to humans, it's probably from the Almighty. As mere humans, we can never really know the mind of GOD or, understand the ways of GOD.

 Who am I? I really do not know

 I wish I did.  

I'm not really an author, so to speak, not recognized by man.  I may have written ten books and a fictional series, against my will, but I did it, anyway.  I hate fiction. I’ve always hated fiction. (It is turning out less fictional every year, whooda thunk it?) When GOD put that silly notion into my head to write a novel,  I did have one condition though.  I would do it, ONLY if it had a happy ending.  Too many tragic literary fictional stories out there, and life is depressing enough. I don't want any money for them, nor will I ever write anything like them, again.  I only did it, because GOD turned on a movie projector in my head and I typed everything I saw and heard in great detail. A lot of people who read it say they feel like they are watching a movie in print.  Yeah, that's how it was for me.

 

I don't want a publishing contract, even if offered one, I won’t sign on any condition. GOD entrusted LOVE'S MUSES and its character with me, I won't turn them over to anyone else because they are that precious. I don't even want my books really out there until after I'm gone, as in permanently Retired in that Assisted Living Mansion in Paradise, the one Jesus says that he is preparing for me. (John 14). That way GOD gets all the Glory for the work, and Katie Lynn Moore becomes world famous in my stead, and she's limited to the words on a page. 

 I'm a mother who has graduated seven children into legal adulthood, so I can’t be sued by anyone for anything they do, now. I have one left who is still a minor. Man, am I going to miss that.  I say legal adult, because in the eyes of the law, they are adults, in the eyes of anyone else, that’s left up to interpretations.  GOD told Moses to count only the males twenty and over as adult enough for any kind of military service. (Numbers).   A Levite could not start serving as a priest until thirty. (Leviticus, Ezekiel) 

  I'm an ex-wife by man's law, but a Covenant Wife according to GOD's Law, yet, I've been cast aside by a man who doesn't want to live the Christian life anymore, after 30 years. Well, the Bible's version of it, anyway.   I'm not old as some would see it, but I'm not young as others would see it. I'm at that dreadful middle-age.  You know, smack dab in the middle, wishing I was young, but knowing young and stupid is not an expression, it's a reality.  I hated my fifties, fought all the way through it, now that I have the wisdom of the "aged," I boast about my age, now.  I was thrown in and lived in the fiery furnace of affliction for most of my life, so I have a lot of weight to my words.   

These past years in the furnace, I’ve studied just about every main character in the Bible, backward, forward, inside, outside and upside down in order to find some semblance of hope that the fire will go out someday, and the furnace door will open.   They are my BBF's, (Bible Best Friends), and they all gave me a  reason to rise up and put my feet on the floor in the morning, besides my children and my assignment from GOD.  More on him in other posts.

So, daily, I ask GOD, who am I?  Why did all this awful stuff happen to me?  I’ve lived Job’s life, only not so immediate, but I’ve suffered gradual losses over the years, the kind that just keep picking away pieces of your heart, until you think there’s nothing left to pick away or give away.   I do not handle loss very well, in fact, I handle it quite badly, because I love too big. 

So, I guess: I'm Abram - called out of Ur or in my case – Massachusetts, away from my family of non-believers.  

I'm Leah - the rejected wife who was a dirty man's trick to a "trickster," who competed w/a beauty queen, then her ghost.   

I'm Jacob - the trickster, trying to manipulate GOD, losing all the time, because I'm slow learner.

I'm Joseph - rejected by my siblings as the different one, imprisoned for not doing "it" Egypt's way.

I'm Ruth - "widowed" of Mahlon, the weakling with no future, a Moabite woman, wishing there was a Boaz for me.

I'm Hannah- barren with no spiritual descendants to speak of waiting for GOD to give me spiritual children.  Worse even than that;

 I’m Peninnah - her rival, used only as a wife to pop out a bunch of babies, whose husband loved someone more.    

I'm David- hunted by a mad king (the devil) wanting to kill me, yet suffering the consequences of my sins because I'm human, and I did cave.   

I'm Josiah - The TORAH has been found in the church, but just as disregarded as it was in Jesus's day, because the church decided to make up their own rules.  

I'm Jeremiah - the weeping prophet with a fire burning inside me that I can't quench, GOD won't put out, and grieving for what I see as not just a lost sheep, but an entire field of them. 

I'm Daniel - trapped in an upper room with only Jesus as my friend, nose buried in the Word, if not in the carpet, sucking up prayer dust mixed with tears. 

I'm Zerubbabel - an exile, wondering if ever we will ever be able to back to Jerusalem and rebuild or are we lost forever, a people forsaken by GOD, so as it seems. 

I’m Paul, a former legalist, who was set apart (and very much alone) in the wilderness for a certain amount of years to learn to hear only the voice of GOD, and not cave to the voice of the masses.  

I’m Peter – an impulsive loud mouth with a bit of a temper, who has trouble swearing I’ll do things, then finding I don’t have the strength or stamina to do them, constantly feeling like a failure. 

What about you?  Who are you?  Can you identify with one of these? Maybe you can identify with all of them, like I can. Are you a seed in the soil like me, covered up, buried in the dirt where it's dark, damp and you feel quite alone and despaired wanting to break out of your shell?  Maybe you have a dream bigger than the prison in which your trapped? David did, Joseph did, Jacob did, Josiah did, Daniel did, Zerubbabel did, Ezra and Nehemiah did, and a host of others.  What I want to be is a lighthouse for those drowning in their seas of despair.  The fiery furnace of affliction has fired the bricks GOD has formed to build a very tall lighthouse out on an isolated jetty.  I don't have a working light yet, GOD has to install that too, then He has to supply the Power to light it up.  So, who am I?  Nobody, and that's all I ever want to be, is a nobody pointing people to a Somebody who can help them. 

 

Cancer,  Death , 
and Good Humble Pie 

~Among Others~

   Twelve years ago, I remember GOD calling me to begin a writing career. Of course, I thought that was the most ludicrous notion that I had ever heard. After all, I don't think I received higher than a D in any of my college writing classes. So, I said to GOD, "But GOD, I'm not a writer, I'm not a novelist, I haven't a clue how to do that." I distinctly heard in my spirit, before those frightful words of rebuttal left my lips,

   "Kristina, you are who I make you to be." Oh, yeah, that did it. I had no argument with that.

     You see, we can argue with GOD all we want, but we will never win. Here's the beauty, He doesn't mind how much we do it, until we learn that we aren't going win, and we can trust Him with that which we know we can’t handle. Eventually, we realize that He has been trying to teach our slow brains that we can’t handle it, but He can. 

    Another day, I remember being on one of my five-mile autumn walks, and  I saw in my head in the future, a very successful author who had my face. The terror that ran over me on my walk nearly face planted me right there and oddly enough, right in front of the local library. GOD has a funny sense of humor. That fear gripped my heart because I know just how much of a screw-up I have been and still am. Again, I had a rebuttal for GOD, and before the words,    "Oh, no, GOD, what will I do if I am successful. I'm sure to ruin it. That kind of success like that ruins everyone. What if I get too full of myself? What is to stop me from making it all about me?

    Again, the answer was swift and only took two nouns and a conjunction, "Cancer and death." 

   “Oh, yeah, that'll do it." The Bible is clear, storms come from GOD’s permissive and sometimes planned will. The crook in your lot that totally messed you up came from GOD. He may have used other people to put the bend in the road that caused you to crash and burn. He did it because you were probably going the wrong way at warp speed and didn't see the train wreck coming right at you.

   Two years later, I was knee deep in radiation hell, having all pride I had built up in my first book, finished, with “rave” reviews burned out of me. (I sometimes wonder if there was more wrong with those who reviewed my book than me in the intelligence department.)   So, one book down, another started and an amazing one at that. You see, GOD let me screw up the first one, make every mistake a new writer could make in order to prepare me for the EPIC!  (LOVE'S MUSES). God gave me a story that was sure to be an epic, as sure as I am sitting here typing this, or rather revising it here six years later than I wrote the original. Right after I finished the rough draft, I spent the next six months in radiation hell getting the snot burned out of me, literally. 

   Sadly, though, GOD had more sense-of-self I needed to be rid of, because having bounced back beating cancer and surviving radiation hell, I still had a garden needing to be weeded after a longest winter of my life. So, he ruffled up the garden paradise of my home and family life. With a stroke, dual cancers, a few days past the pain of radiation hell, I was basking in victory. With no real warning, none that I paid attention to, because I never thought divorce could happen to me, my husband informed me during the last few weeks of my cancer treatments that he was filing for divorce when my treatments were over after twenty-nine years of marriage. 

    A year after that, another major heart crushing rejection came along to seriously send me under the bed hiding behind my cat afraid to even come out of my room, lest something worse happen. Rejection is one of GOD's greatest tools, not only to protect us from those who are not good for us, but to protect us from ourselves and that ugly human disease called, P-R-I-D-E. It is so sneaky. Even in all that, it still snuck up on me. You'd think I would have had my fill of humble pie with my family shattered, dual cancers, divorce pending, and a crushed and broken heart should have humbled me, but nope. He had one more lesson. Vindication!

   You see, the Bible promises us that He will vindicate us from those who do us harm, even if sometimes He was the one who sent them to do just that. Boy, I surely needed some vindication, or rather thought that I deserved vindication. Do you see it? Pride entered even through my brokenness. I was so broken by those who GOD sent in my life to hurt me, on purpose, to keep me humble, but now as the "victim," I felt I deserved some Heaven sent vindication, and some serious justice to feel satisfied. There is a difference between seeking justice for a person’s well-being, and seeking vindication for our bruised egos. When we plead for justice, it must be with an attitude of needing deliverance from something that is oppressing us, with the Father-forgive-them-for-they-know-not-what-they-do attitude and heart behind it. When we seek the self-satisfying kind of justice and vindication, that is usually nothing but pure anger and bitterness coated in pride.

    Now, I am cancer survivor who is well aware that just like the winter, cancer always comes back, especially the rare kind I was gifted with, even if it takes decades. Yes, cancer was a gift, and anyone who drew closer to GOD during theirs understands that. It is, however, a permanent, unwelcomed guest that never really leaves, but lies dormant in my cells, ready to leap at a moment’s notice, and all just to keep forcing that humble pie down my throat, but then again so isn't a brain aneurysm, when cancer's return doesn't scare you or humble you enough.  Sometimes, GOD has to pull out the big guns to keep us humble.

     

  So, here I am twelve years later, still working on my eighth of ten books, (eight meaning new beginning in Hebrew numerology) Google-able, yet, still a nobody. Yes, you can google me.  As a mother of eight in a small town, my house isn't all glass, but still too much of it is. I can't walk down main street without one of my children's friends letting them know that they saw me tripping over my own two left feet on that sidewalk, again. Failure in obscurity is fine with me. After fifteen years in the fiery furnace of affliction, with the heat turned up to broil, I've learned that failure is the flour in humble pie and the stepping stones to success, and it is way easier to deal with, and much more preferred than success. I know how to do failure very well, but I've never done success. Believe me when I say this, I'm scared to death of it! PUN intended. I'd almost rather fail my entire life, and let my work succeed after I am gone. That way GOD gets all the credit, all the glory and I'm just a stone in the ground. After all, Allen means stone!

It would be nice to have "one moment in time when I'm more than I thought I could be, when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me!"  Enjoy one of the many songs that have kept me going these twelve years of writing, crying, fighting with GOD, and everyone else who were naysayers the devil sent to me.  

ONE MOMENT IN TIME