Thursday, March 21, 2024

 LOVE'S MUSES: 

Running From Love

 (Book 1)


   The following is an excerpt from the first book in the LOVE'S MUSES series. This is what I call the hook chapter as many have told me they could not put the book down after this chapter.  If you are anything like me and your prefer to hear these books, you can listen to them read to you by Ai, here: LOVE'S MUSES Running From Love Book 1 Chapter 2 The Best Meet and Greet of His Life.

The books can be purchased or listened to for free on Rumble

LOVE'S MUSES Series

LOVE'S MUSES Running From Love on Rumble

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book contains adult language and adult themes and is not intended for younger audiences

 

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Copyright © May 23, 2023

Copyright © March 25, 2014

© Jubilee Publishing

Fully revised

Second edition

©Kristina L. Allen

Original Copyright © October 16 2013

Original title: LOVE’S MUSES Recognizing His Rival

 

These books are copyrighted and may not be reproduced for any purpose.

All rights reserved.

 

 

 

Chapter 2

THE BEST MEET AND GREET OF HIS LIFE

 

The fall of 2010, was the genesis of Nick Thomas’s name becoming a household word when he finally reached gold with his first number one “Takin’ a Spin with You.”  That coveted spot won him a contract with Capitol Records and lost him his girlfriend of three years. When Brittany Hillendale walked out of his life, Nick’s only main squeeze became his quest to reach the top of the charts.  A happy, goal-oriented, and focused Nick toured the country, making his obligatory radio station appearances, promoting his new releases, which usually made the top twenty. He had an intoxicating presence about him. His luminous personality was what lit up every female within a twenty-mile radius. His large perfectly round spectacular gray-green eyes invited people into his heart. When anyone spoke to him, he treated that person as if he was fascinated by every word that person was saying. Nick Thomas wasn’t book-cover perfect, but his thick wavy chocolate brown hair encompassed his square, strong-looking face perfectly, and the way he carried himself with a self-confidence, was what made him drop-dead gorgeous to many. This brawny superstar artist who had that woodsman look about him, had just enough cowboy mixed in to make the girls swoon. His sweetness and dimples drew hands to his face. His neighborly boy-next-door personality acted as a magnetic beam, reaching out to any woman with whom he was in any sort of semi-intimate contact.  His poetic verbiage could drop any woman with his first line. The creativity he used with his gifts and talents for songwriting lay attribute to his eloquence with the English language, gaining him much recognition and admiration for his craft.  Every young single female with whom he spoke would be giddy with anticipation. They usually dreamed of being that one whose presence lit a fire in his soul, making her irresistible to him and the object of his desire. Every young female artist in the industry wanted to collaborate with him, in hopes of becoming one-half of a future powerhouse conglomerate couple bound for legendary status. The hard work of staying true to his craft and building a name for himself was paying off handsomely. 

Nick Thomas’s name was on the rise at a consistent rate with the help of one of his least favorite, yet most effective ploys, incorporating devoted, and even some obsessed fans by giving them a little more Nick Thomas, via special VIP passes and special parties as incentives. It kept them fueled in their own little “Nick Thomas” promotional campaigns on all their social media pages. One particular obsessed, nearly delusional groupie, Brooke McIntosh was a key player in getting his first release on the airways. Her dedication and hard work nearly single handedly gave Nick his first number one hit, thus giving her top groupie status and almost a star-like quality admired by Nick’s other slightly less delusional groupies.  The lofty five foot, eleven inch, long, platinum-blond-by-nature beauty had discovered and immediately fell head over heels in love with the rising artist five years prior when “Takin’ a Spin with You” hit the top twenty on the country music charts. Brooke was instrumental in promoting his first big single through all her social media contacts, spreading a viral radio station request to promote Nick’s song, which paid off when it hit number one on her birthday, sealing Nick Thomas forever in her heart. Walking around on the sober arm of Nick Thomas was her dream. She wanted to be his main squeeze, and she believed that she could be the future Mrs. Nicolas Paul Thomas. Unbeknownst to her, another had come in right under her stuffy nose, one Valentine’s night, two years ago, when she was sick in bed and stole even the tiniest hope of her ever being able to sign that coveted name as Mrs. Nick Thomas on her checkbook. 

The press kept building him up as country music’s best catch. Nick did not just play hard-to-get; he was hard-to-get. His reputation as a clean-cut, perfect catch, waiting for his Miss Right exceeded his true character, but it kept his image frequently displayed on magazine covers. This Mr. Right, most eligible bachelor, and Prince Charming was most certainly not looking for any moody female that could cause him to lose his focus and concentration. His Gramps indoctrinated him with the belief that his one true jolt-giver would come to him, catching him completely off guard, thus he did not need to look for her. He was waiting for God to bring the perfect woman to him, just as God did for his own grandfather in his Gramps’s Emma Grace.   True to form, God’s Cupid’s arrow came in the form of the thirty-four-year-old shy kindergarten teacher in the pink hat, via a fifteen-year-old somewhat obsessed teen fan, Julianna Marie Moore. At the last minute, Julianna put her meet and greet sticker on her Auntie K, when she chickened out of her long-awaited meeting with her idol.  Wishing her niece was where she was supposed to be, waiting in that line instead of herself, Katie put on her guarded aloof personality, with the intent of proving to Nick Thomas that being with him was no big deal. Twenty-seven-year-old Nicolas Paul Thomas was waiting for his next fan in line with his hands clasped and rubbing them together. Who he thought was going to be just another in the long line of worshipers, would end up becoming the one he worshiped. She was the least of his fans, and he was about to become her biggest one. Her eyes were smiling at him and warmly inviting.  The pink in her shirt and her hat made her rosy cheeks glow as she peeked around the backdrop, having no clue what to expect, and he chuckled at her apparent shyness. He returned the smile and warm glow on his face, and he let his dimples do the work they always did around the ladies.

“Hi, I’m Nick Thomas,” he said to this adorable woman with a heart-shaped face tucked under the visor of her favorite pink baseball cap. 

“Yeah, I get that, and that is why I’m here waiting in this ridiculously long line, being fumigated in a sea of fifty different perfumes.” He chuckled at her response to him and then began to study her face. She put her hand out to shake his. “I’m Ka—,” was all he remembered, as her natural beauty immediately struck him, making him lose all sense of time and space. She had on a worn, faded pink UK hat, with dangling silver earrings that matched her birthstone heart-shaped silver necklace. Her blue UK jacket brought out her beautiful light royal-blue eyes. She was not a starry-eyed kid or overdone twenty something looking like she had taken a shower in some makeup and a bath in their perfume. He put one hand in hers and the other on his chest, as a reflective move, as if guarding his heart from an aurora that was unfamiliar to him. A warm feeling overtook his whole body, unlike any other time when he had met one of his fans. He was so lost in the glow of her beautiful baby blues, that he did not hear anything she said. She pulled her hand away from his grasp, and he put one hand in his pocket while he took in her essence. She held out the CD to him, and he came halfway out of his daze and took the CD from her hand.

“You want me to sign this CD?” He asked with a half-smile, trying to figure out why this face seemed so familiar to him, as if he had known her all of his life, yet, he knew she was brand new to him.

“Yes, I thought this would make it easier.” He did not know what she meant by make it easier, as he had completely missed that part of the conversation. He took the CD from her hand, opened the case and almost forgot what to sign, as his mind was lost in her gaze.

“Sure, thanks for the compliment. An artist loves to know that his or her craft makes someone else happy, or feel better,” he said with his scripted line but added a little panache to it for her. “Now, you’ve brightened my night,” he said as he poured on the Nick Thomas charm, which usually dropped many a lady. Katie’s snorted a disbelieving laugh, while he signed the CD. His head jerked when she did that, and his mind came back to the present time, unsure whether she believed him. After he finished signing the inside liner, he flashed his pearly whites at her, assuming that would do the trick to make her swoon him, as much as he was uncontrollably and mysteriously swooning her.

“Wow! You’re easy to please,” she said with a slight shivering chuckle. 

“With a lovely lady like you, it wouldn’t take much.” He coughed a short confident chortle, handing back the CD and kept his dimples in play, working her with his eyes. He put both hands into his pockets, leaning on them and toward her aurora. He had this burning desire in him to have some sort of bodily contact with her, but knew that it would be too forward, this early in their meeting. 

“Well, then, okay in that case, I’m going to break the rules, if that’s okay?” She asked shyly with her eyebrows going north. He nodded, willing to agree to just about anything to keep her there, so he could figure out what it was about her that was so intriguing. 

“Sure, what can I do for you? Just name it, anything,” he said, as he took one hand out of his pocket and rubbed his expanded chest. 

“Anything?” she asked, tilting her head and raising her eyebrows with a mischievous smile and the pitch of her voice going much higher. 

“Up to half my kingdom, my fair lady,” he said playfully flirting with his head tilted. Katie gave him flirting eyes with a slight chuckle. She put her hand on his large bicep, and flirted back as playfully as he was doing, and then she leaned her body toward him.

“Only half?” she asked, feigning disappointment. Immediately, his body quaked, and he drew in a huge breath. He stepped back, as if he tripped, or a wave of her intoxicating aurora had just blown him back. The fragrance of her essence which was now permanently ingrained in his memory, lit him up in a place that never lit up that quickly before, but would later remain in that status most of the evening. All of his muscles became tense, and his pupils became dilated as he tried to regain his balance. His eyes blinked furiously, giving her the impression that he was shocked at her forwardness.  She stepped slightly back, embarrassed by his movement away from her. When he finally got his bearings, it took him only a second to recognize the feeling. He assumed that this must have been that first hormone-driven, love-addicting jolt that his Gramps had labeled all those years. It was the jolt-giver’s touch— the intoxicating touch from the woman with whom a man felt when he met his one and only for the very first time. His Gramps told him to expect it when he least expected it, and this was his unexpected moment. His eyes continued to blink rapidly as he tried to focus. He was so busy trying to gather himself that he was completely oblivious to the discomfiture he had just caused her when he backed away from her. Mortified that this man had just jumped back away from her when she touched him, she took a couple of more steps back and took in deep breaths of paranoia. Her shyness factor had now just gone into overdrive, and she wanted out of there, immediately.  She turned toward the man who was sitting on a table a few feet away, leaning forward on his hands, cracking up at his best friend, knowing exactly what was going on in his friend’s mind and body, having been there nineteen years earlier, but remembered it fresh as if it were yesterday.  This only increased her self-consciousness, and she assumed they were both poking fun at her, as a novice in a meet and greet line, and not knowing what kind of behavior was and was not acceptable.

Shawn Everett’s place in that meet and greet was as a last-minute substitution, as Joey, Nick’s road manager, had a family emergency that drew him away earlier that day. He cleared his throat to get Nick’s attention. When Nick looked over at his best friend, Shawn pointed his head and eyes toward a sheepish Katie, whose eyes were watering as if she was going to cry from embarrassment. Nick quickly caught up with himself and realized what he had just done to this beautiful woman, making her feel simply dreadful. The tension in the air was thick with humiliation on both their parts. His for falling back, and hers for causing him to step away from her presence. He needed to find a way out of this uncomfortable moment. She dropped her head when he looked down at her, still escaping eye contact with him. His tightened lips parted while he took in another quick breath. He stepped in closer and put his hand back on his chest to apologize. He placed his other giant hand on her shoulder forgoing any rules of etiquette, finally fulfilling his desire to have physical contact with her, as she had already touched him.  They both took in shallow breaths— his from infatuation, hers from humiliation. He spoke in his smooth, sensual, baritone voice, trying to calm her fears.

“Hey there, I’m sorry, umm, you kinda caught me off guard there, when you touched me. You know, you got a helluva touch there.”   She continued to avoid direct eye contact with him by rolling her eyes to and about, and she pulled back out from under his hand on her shoulder and away from his advances. He noticed her backing up, and he stepped in closer, again, to welcome her presence into his personal space. Tapping her fingers to her lips, Katie spoke in a broken tone while searching for the right words.

“Well, I’m sorry.  I umm, sometimes forget where I am, or who I am with and can tend to be a little bit too forward. Please, excuse me. Thank you for signing this,” she said while holding up the CD. “It was very nice to meet you. Take care of yourself, okay?”   She turned to walk away when in a slight panic; he took a couple of steps toward her, not wanting her to leave. He reached out to grab her arm, receiving his second jolt of the evening in just those couple of minutes. He tugged on her arm, turning her back to him and moved in closer. He put his hand back on her shoulder, while the other one kept a tight hold of her arm, as if preventing her from dodging him.

“No, really, please don’t leave. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I mean, for some reason, your touch just seemed to catch me off guard. I’m sorry.” He hesitated. “You know, there’s an essence about you,” he said trying to comfort her. He moved his head back and forth slowly, as if studying her face. He felt as if he was begging her to stay, and he was not above doing that right at that point. He had to have more time with her to find out as much as he could about this woman who just lit up his world and every nerve in his body. He had to find a way to get her backstage after the show, so he stalled. “I imagine you must hear that a lot. I mean, your eyes, your aurora. I’ll bet that you must make people smile whenever they are around you.” He smiled and breathed out a chuckle, not able to take back the smile that took over his facial muscles, nor could he turn down his dimples, even if he wanted to take it back a bit. 

“Oh yes, and then they back away from me when I touch them. It happens all the time. I should be used to it by now,” she said with disbelieving sarcasm, throwing her palms out facing upward. Nick snorted a good long laugh, until he noticed that he wasn’t making her feel any better. Shawn was enjoying watching his cocky celebrity friend with his first real case of stage fright, as he nervously twitched and reached for words that his tongue could not find. 

“Umm, ma’am, please, forgive me. I really am sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. Now, you were going to ask a favor, please tell me what it was. I’ll even give you the entire kingdom.”  He put his left hand back on his chest, while he slid his other hand off her shoulder down to her upper arm, rubbing it, thinking his touch would impress her. She took her eyes down to where his hand was rubbing her arm, and he quickly removed it. He nervously put both hands in his pockets and leaned on them. “See there, now it’s me being too forward.  I’m sorry. Now, what is it I can do to make you happy?” 

“Umm, well, first, you can stop calling me ma’am, and if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, a special young lady dared me to come out of here with my visor signed, and I never back down from a dare.” She giggled, and he chuckled, letting the air out of his chest. 

“Is that all you were going to ask?” His smile increased, feeling a bit more at ease, and he shook his head like it was no big deal. When his chest dropped, relaxing a bit, she followed suit and the tension in her shoulders lowered, as he made her feel that much more relaxed. Her timidity transformed into her nervousness and her quick wit and humor to break the ice some more. 

“Well, it was either that, or to request that you father my next child, but the last thing I could handle right now is becoming a single mother, again, and I doubt you’d want to marry me.”  She giggled with sarcasm at the absurdity of the idea. He laughed and appreciated her attempt to break the ice. It was just enough for him to gather his wits and turn back on his Prince Charming act, which usually dropped most women in his presence, until he met his match in this elder unimpressed woman.

“Well, marrying someone like you would probably be the smartest thing I could ever do. I mean to look in those eyes everyday would be a treat I would most certainly not deserve, but I’m not sure I’m ready to be a father, right now, either” he chortled. She laughed and shook her head at his attempt to exaggerate a compliment to her. “So, do you want to take your hat off, and I’ll sign it?”   Katie laughed again at his request, and he looked puzzled, oblivious to what was so funny. 

“What, and let you or anybody else see my hat hair? Oh my gosh, are you out of your friggin’ mind? Geez, man, you already backed away from me once!”  Nick held his stomach as he broke down in a long, unexpected belly laugh, caught off guard by her quick wit. Shawn, also caught off guard by her sense of humor, shook his head, cracking up at her comeback. Katie and Nick both looked over at Shawn who was having the best time watching the both of them. 

“Well, far be it from me, but with your face and eyes, I don’t think too many people would be looking at your hair. I know I wouldn’t. You must get told a lot that you have the most beautiful eyes,” he said in a swooning tone, causing Katie to snort a short disbelieving laugh with her knitted eyebrows. 

“Okay, I’m game. I’ll play. As a matter of fact, I do, dozens of times a day and even in the pitch black of the night.” She looked over at Shawn shaking her head and rolling her eyes, as he laughed. Nick broke up again, finding it hard to keep his response to her under control.  She was beautiful and funny, two great combinations.  She turned back to Nick, put her hand to her mouth and dropped her head, but raised her eyes to chuckle shyly. 

“Well, my fair lady, that doesn’t surprise me one bit.  They are magnificent. I’ve never seen any like yours.”

“Oh boy, you’re good. Is there a class ya’ll have to take to learn how to sweep the women off their feet who are in your meet and greet lines? I’ll bet you got an A+ in that subject.” She patted his bicep, again, then jerked her hand back, immediately, remembering what happened the last time she touched him. She assumed he did not want his fans to touch him. This time when he received the jolt, he made sure not to step back. He even leaned a bit more toward her, demonstrating how much she was welcomed in his presence, along with her touch. He rubbed his index finger down the side of her face at her hairline to her chin, lifting her face while he spoke.

“Actually, I just know how to pick’em, the lovely ladies, that is, and you are the loveliest I’ve seen, by far, my fair lady.” He said with his usual confident celebrity mode, expecting to impress her. 

“Woe, a little bit over the top, but with some style.”  She shook her head in disbelief, looked over at Shawn and pointed toward Nick with her head tilted. “Is he like this with every female in his meet and greet lines?”

“Nope, I’ve never seen him blowing it like this before.” 

“Blowing it?” She asked.  Her smile immediately left her face, and she went on the defensive from this point on, assuming he was pulling the same horse and pony show that her Michael did, when he was playing his groupies. Shawn continued to shake his head and hint to his younger friend that he was pouring it on way too much, and he needed to take it down a few notches. Nick lost in her beauty, completely missed Shawn’s advice.  The memories of watching her Michael played like an old home movie in her head. He also put his hands all over the groupies when he was intent on doing some rocking between the sheets. She put her hand on Nick’s chest, pushed him back away from her, sending another mind-bending jolt and reset the pace between them.   “Hey look, Prince Charming, if you have some absurd twisted notion of trying out an older woman beneath the sheets, you can stop right there. I’m not into one-night stands with artists. Been there, done that. I married the bum, so save it for one of the Barbie’s behind me.”  Nick sucked in a quick deep breath, shocked at the insinuation, finally caught on to the message that he was coming on way too strong, and he put his hand on hers, stepping closer toward her in another attempt to ease the tension that had resurfaced in the air around them. 

“I’m so sorry if I gave you that impression. Honestly, I’m not like that. Really, that has not been my intention. Please believe me.”  She patted his chest and pulled her hand out from under his. 

“Good, so, let’s get this hat signed, and I’ll get out of your way,” she said, showing her distaste for his pick-up lines. He started to panic. He was obviously offending her, and she was about to bolt from his life. He had to find a way to ask her backstage, but she was already doubting his intentions. Asking her backstage now would only make her more suspicious. 

“Why don’t you lower your head, and I’ll sign your hat.” Katie put her head down, while Nick tried to keep his shaking hand steady. Shawn knew exactly how Nick was feeling, fighting that natural biological response of a man at the sight of a beautiful woman, having been completely struck dead center by cupid’s arrow. Nick prayed she wasn’t looking that way, nor would notice what was happening to him below the belt, beyond his control. “There,” he said when he finished. Tongue-tied and lost in another gaze, in the beauty of her eyes, he was acting like a man completely smitten. He started studying her entire face as if to take it all in permanently, memorizing the face of his first jolt-giver.  There was an awkward silence, as she picked up on that gaze, but found it too incredulous to indulge in such a thought. 

“Yoo-hoo, where did you go? Are you okay? Are these meet and greets that boring for you that you retreat off into the last electronic game you played with your buddy, realizing where you screwed up to get your guy shot up?”   He just stood there, not hearing a word she said as Katie looked over at Shawn who was cracking up at his friend’s usual technique bombing bountifully. She shrugged her shoulders at Shawn with her palms open wide. Shawn shook with laughter. 

“Hey buddy, dude, Nick,” Shawn said jerking Nick out of his daze. 

“I’m sorry. I got lost in those beautiful eyes, again. Really, they are captivating, and I keep losing my train of thought because of them.” Katie giggled a high-pitched snicker. 

 “Oh my God, are you for real?” She looked over at Shawn with a doubting look. Shawn nodded yes, while still snickering at his friend with his chuckling. 

“Yes, I am as real as the blue in your eyes,” Nick said with a serious face, swooning and staring into those irresistible eyes that kept calling to him with the twinkle in them.   

“Geez, your come backs are as good as your lines.”   Forgetting that they had just met moments earlier, Nick stepped a half of a step closer to her and put his giant hand on her shoulder. His thumb and index finger crept up her neck. He started caressing her neck with his thumb, coming on to her as if they were already a couple.

“So, what do you do?” He asked, swooning. At this point, his come on was really starting to annoy her and she was going to drop him as best as she could. She decided to fight a little fire with her own brand of fire. She stepped in closer, and with a seductive look in her eye, she walked her fingers up his chest, sending him to jolt-giver’s heaven. She turned her head just slightly and poured on the sarcasm, showing her aggravation. 

“Okay, Mr. Smooth Talking Tower of Temptation. I’ve already told you that I’m not a groping groupie, nor am I a worshiping one. Now, besides the beautiful easy young Barbie’s behind me in line, if you can’t win over any of them, then you can always go to the east side of the city, you’re bound to find some of what you are looking for on one of those street corners.”  Shawn’s eyes opened wide as well as his mouth, and he busted out laughing, amused at how this woman was knocking his cocky, most-wanted bachelor friend on his butt, throwing him into complete confusion. Nick immediately removed his hand and backed up at that accusation. He put his hands in his pockets, knowing now that he was beginning to aggravate her. Embarrassed by what she thought, he tried to recover.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I meant, what do you do for a living?”   Katie threw her right hand up to her mouth, lowered her head and grabbed the top of her hat with embarrassment. Shaking her head back and forth, and lowering her visor, she apologized with all sincerity. 

“Shoot, there I go running off my mouth, again. It’s my past, come back to haunt me. My Michael used to work his groupies, and it drove me crazy. That was so stupid. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”  Nick, noting that she felt terribly, stepped in closer. He put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. He spoke soft and tenderly to her.

“There’s nothing to forgive. I’m an idiot fumbling with my words.” 

“Well, you tremendous, towering inferno, I guess I’m the one being presumptuous, so sorry. I’m a teachah,” she said in her Yankee accent. 

“Wow! Cool! What grade?”

“Kindergahten,” she said as a true Yankee stretching out the vowel sound without the noted “R,” in typical Yankee form.  

“Wow! That’s even better. You look like a teacher.”  Katie squished her eyebrows together in a puzzled look. 

“Looking like a teacher, is that good or bad?” 

“Oh, it’s good.  You look like a woman that kids would love to be around.”

“Okay, we’re back to that. I’ll play, again,” she said putting on her playful side, again. She grabbed his hand and started swinging it as if flirting.  “Well, you look like a hunky country singer that groupies like to hang all over, offering up anything your little heart or other little part desires.”  Nick broke down embarrassed but found it extremely funny. He put his other hand on his shaking middle from the laughter and lifted her hand.

“Score one for the teacher, that was funny, but you’ve been funny the whole time, when I haven’t ticked you off, being an idiot.” 

“You’re not an idiot. I think you’re charming. It’s just that your charm isn’t going to work on me, for whatever that little part of yours desires.”  Shawn continued to crack up at her funny sense of humor. She let go of his hand. Nick, disappointed that she let go, cleared his throat. 

“So, Teach, I’ll bet you have lots of kids come back to see you.”  She smiled at his nickname for her, finding it cute, while she hoped that he could not remember her name.

“Well, I have my fair share of returns.” 

“I’ll bet you’re being modest. If you were my kindergarten teacher, I’d come back twice a year, nope, maybe three, or four, times a year, even to this day as a grown man. Ah hell, standing here makes me wish I could go back to kindergarten so I could sit at a desk and stare up at you for six hours a day.” Katie tilted her head and lifted her eyebrows. Shawn cleared his throat to indicate too strong. “I mean and listen to your funny and your accent,” he said, recovering.

“Wow, I wonder what you would have said if I told you I was a nurse. Ah— don’t go there,” she said with a facetious smile, raising and lowering her eyebrows. Nick broke up, again. 

“So, tell me, your accent, I love it. What is it New York?”  Katie’s face became serious, and she stuck her chin out as if offended. 

“New Yawhk?” She dropped her Kentucky drawl and reverted to her native tongue. Let’s put it this way, you magnificent monstrous minstrel, it would be a cold day— no a blizzuhd’s day in hell for me to ever weeah’ a Yankee’s hat.  I’m from Bawston.  Ther’ah’s a big difference, besides the seven seven ‘owahs’s’ drive ya know?  We don’t like being ‘comparehed’ to New Yawkahs, ya see? Learn the difference. I’ll let it slide this time, but don’t let it happen again.” 

“Well, I’m so sorry; I won’t make that mistake again.” Nick tightened his lips, causing Katie’s face to soften in compassion. She reached up and rubbed his arm, then put her hand on his sullen face, rubbing his shadow beard. 

“I’m so sorry, I did it again. I was just playin’ with ya.’ Please forgive me. We are like that, you know. We Yankee-northerners are a bit crass, sometimes, no matter how long we’ve been gone. I’m really sorry. I made your beautiful smile go away.” He breathed a sigh of relief and dropped the tension in his shoulders, flashing her his great big, dimpled smile showing off his pearly whites. 

“That’s okay, Teach, I’m not offended. I wasn’t following you for a minute, but I’m a big boy. I can handle a little needling from a Yankee-northerner, not a Yankee fan, though, Red Sox, I got it. I won’t forget.”  She gave a short giggle, knowing for sure now that he could not remember her first name, which was just fine with her because of her mistrust of his intentions. Realizing that she had stayed in that meet and greet far longer than any of the other fans before her, she backed up to get ready to depart.

“Seriously, I gotta go, they’re going to start a riot out there. I can hear the native groupies getting restless. So, short stuff, the comedy routine has ended. It was nice meetin’ ya. Thanks for all the, umm, compliments,” she said as if she did not believe in his sincerity.   She put her hand out to shake his, and he enveloped her tiny hand in his, putting his other hand on top, grasping and stalling, to get the nerve to ask her backstage after the concert. He pulled in his lower lip and was just about to bite the bullet and ask when she pulled her hand from his and started to walk away. She turned back, looking up and smiled at him.  “Oh, and some of these groupies are cute, but take some advice from an old lady, experienced in this. Yah nevah know what you’re getting into, with a groupie, I mean. It’s bett’ah just to stay outside, even if it’s really cold.” Katie raised her eyebrows and adjusted her hat with her left hand. His smile immediately left his face as he noted the stop sign on her left ring finger. That ring was screaming, taunting him, “taken too late.  Nick’s sudden change in the expression on his face took Katie to a whole new level of confusion. She had gone too far, and it was time to exit stage left lickety-split.  For a brief couple of seconds, Nick looked over at Shawn and pointed to his ring finger, shrugging his shoulders. When he turned back, she had disappeared, vanished into thin air. He panicked and pointed with his head for Shawn to go after her. As the next person in line joined Nick’s presence, he did his best to focus on what that girl was saying to him, but his mind and heart had left that room to chase down his long-awaited jolt-giver. As the young fan spoke, a muffled voice was all he heard. He picked up his head to see Shawn enter back into the room. Shawn shrugged his shoulders, raised his eyebrows and opened wide his palms, indicating that he couldn’t find her.  The letdown of her disappearance dropped Nick worse than any line she gave him to stop his Prince Charming act. He looked like a kid who had just lost his best friend. For the rest of the meet and greet, he hardly heard a word anyone else said. Nick’s sunken heart kept him from thinking about anything else but his jolt-giver and that heart-stopping ring on her left hand.

Later, disappointment flooded his heart as if the Hoover Dam of despair had burst in his head, when he could not see any trace of her in the audience before the show when the lights were still up. After the concert, from backstage, Nick searched the audience as they began to file out of the arena. While Shawn and Nick walked back to the bus, Nick brought up the subject of his jolt-giver. “Bro, it may be cold outside, but I’m telling you, it was hot as all hell in that meeting room tonight. So hot, I could still feel it on stage, especially knowing she was out there somewhere.”  

“Yep buddy; she gave you that jolt thing your mom and Gramps talk about, huh? Shit, you put on one helluva show, tonight, trying to impress her, huh?” 

“I guess it was a bit obvious.” 

“Dude, when she accused you twice of trying to pick her up for a quickie, I would have thought you got the message you were coming on too strong.   She kept knocking you on your ass, yet you kept getting up right back at it. You were practically all over her. She obviously wasn’t falling for the cocky country artist routine you usually can melt women and groupies with.”   Nick stopped short and put his hand on his slightly shorter best friend.

“Shawn, the ring, she’s engaged.” 

“You don’t know that. The ring could be on to keep the creeps away. Some women do that,” Shawn said to encourage his friend as he began to walk again to the bus. Nick stood there, still dumbfounded, and let the idea of her possibly being available float around in his head with joyful anticipation. He jogged a few steps to catch up with his friend.   

“Hey, that’s right, she said that the last thing she needed was to become a single mother, again. So, you suppose she has at least one child? I mean what do you suppose she meant by a single mother, again?”

“I don’t know, but there’s a story there. Bro., even without the ring and the betrayal from the ex-husband, you’ve got a lot of ground to cover and make up for.” As Nick opened the door to the bus and they stepped up into it. He looked behind him at his best friend of three years. 

“She hated me, I’m sure of that.” 

“She didn’t hate you. Remember, every time she knocked you down, she picked you back up, again. Something tells me that she’s real special, and you’re going to have to be that much more special to win her over.” 

“I’m not that special, Shawn.”  Nick said plopping himself down on the couch in the front lounge stretching his legs out in front of him.  

“Nicolas Paul is, and I’d bet she’d love him,” Shawn said, reaching into the mini fridge, pulling out two beers. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  Shawn handed Nick a beer, and he opened it, guzzling a good portion of it to drown his discouragement. 

“I think that she’d love the humble Nicolas Paul, but I think she’d hate Nick Thomas the country music star. Don’t worry, pal, if she is your true jolt-giver, you’ll get another shot at it. You know what your Gramps said about that. It’s like he says, it’s only a tiny sip to get you ready for that full love cocktail in which you’ll become fully inebriated in God’s perfect time.”

“What? Do you record my Gramps?” He asked. Shawn moved on to the back of the bus and knocked on the back suite door. 

“Jeff, you ready to go get something to eat?” he asked Nick’s driver. 

“Be out in a minute,” a sleepy muffle voice called from behind the door.  Shawn returned to the front lounge. “Bro, I remember when he said at yours and your Gran’s birthday party that the first time he saw your Gran, he got that jolt thing, but it took years before he finally got her to the altar. I mean if this is the one for you, she’ll be back.”  Nick nodded, recalling the many times his grandfather retold that story of his meeting his one true love.

“Man, in all my days since I first discovered girls, no one, has done to me, what she has. I have never experienced anything like that. She turned me into a bumbling idiot.”  Nick rose and shuffled over to the cabinet to grab a towel. 

“Yep, she sure did knock you down a few pegs. I hope she comes back soon, because, dude, you need knocking down and a lot of it.” 

“Are you saying I’m full of myself?” 

“Over, pal, over full. You gotta learn to keep that in check, no matter how many groupies worship you.”

“She certainly wasn’t worshiping me, that’s for sure. I wonder why she was even in my line.” 

“Didn’t you hear? She was there to get a CD signed for a co-worker whose mother was dying. Where were you?” 

“I didn’t hear that. I kinda got lost in her eyes the minute I saw them. So, the CD was for a co-worker’s mother who was dying? Wow, how cool is that?  I’ll bet she’s something else. Generous to a fault. Hey, she didn’t like me, but she must like my music if she bought it for someone who was dying.”

“Yep, you got that going for you. She’ll be good for you, and for us, cuz man, sometimes, you get pretty hard to live with when you get too much of that idol worship,” Shawn said.

“So, are you saying I’m a jerk?” 

“That’s exactly what he’s saying,” Jeff said emerging from the bathroom. “You gonna come to the Circle City with us and grab a bite?” He asked. 

“Nah,, I’m gonna shower, then work on my album, til I have to go back out on stage for the encore. I’m lost here. I got nothing. I’ve lost my magic for sure.” 

“Bro, you just met your jolt-giver, that ought to open some channels of creativity.”  Shawn said as he patted Nick on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I suppose,” he said throwing the towel over his shoulder. “Maybe I could come up with something now. Man, she really was magic, huh?”

“What did she look like?” Jeff asked.

“Oh man, she was so cute, and tiny, and she had the most beautiful eyes, ”Nick said swooning. “She was so funny, wasn’t she? Oh, shit, Shawn, did you get her name?” 

“Nope, I wasn’t paying attention then.” 

“Great, I’ve got a jolt-giver, and I don’t even know her name, only that she’s a teacher. How cool is that, anyway, a kindergarten teacher at that.”

“Yes, and a hilarious one at that,” Shawn added. 

“Yeah, she was so funny. I could sit with her forever and never get sick of hearing that accent or her funny. I hope I see her again.” Nick rose from the sofa, took off his shirt and tossed it in a pile of dirty clothes. “She was incredible. I hope it’s soon. I could look into those eyes every day for the rest of my life, I’m sure of that.” A sudden panic rose in the forefront of his mind. “Wait a minute, I didn’t get a picture with her. She bolted before you could take a picture. Oh, man, what if I never see her again? Shawn, do you suppose that she didn’t like me so much that she didn’t even want a picture with me?”  Paranoia became the ruling emotion in that bus from the lead vocalist.

“That teacher had the jolt-giver’s touch for you, Nick.  She’ll be back. Wait it out. Be glad there’s one out there for you. You kept saying you feared that they’d never be one for you, because no woman ever gave you that jolt thing. You now have experienced it, so just chill and wait for her. Next time, don’t come on so strong and maybe you can get a picture of her.” Shawn said with a snide chuckle as he grabbed his wallet and his keys. “You sure you don’t want to come?” 

“Nah, I’m going to take advantage of the quiet time here. Where’s Jer’ and Mike?” 

“I think they’re going to meet us there. Tommy’s probably off drinking somewhere. Bro, you gotta get rid of him.” 

“He’s a good drummer. He’s got a lot of talent,” Nick said. 

“Talent ain’t good for shit, if the guy’s a shit, and he is. I think he’s giving the whack job inside information, and that’s why she’s always around. You didn’t see her tonight, did you?” Shawn asked. 

“Nope, she wasn’t in the line, but she was on the list,” Nick said. “I wasn’t looking forward to seeing her, especially tonight after my magic walked in there and into my life.” 

“Don’t you know, stupid? She’s sick. She had the flu.” Jeff said. 

“How do you know that?” Nick asked while removing his pants. 

“Any idiot can read a Facebook page,” he retorted. 

“Oh, and you follow her?” Nick asked. 

“Dude, I’m the driver. I keep my eyes open. I look for any opportunity to run her over,” he said cackling. Shawn and Nick cracked up at that comment, which was typical of Jeff and his dry sense of humor. 

“If only that were legal,” Nick said. “Well, thank God for the flu and a pass on her tonight. She’s such a pain in the ass.”  Shawn looked back right before he descended the steps.

“She works her ass off for you, so you should be thankful for that.  Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it. The last thing that delusional whack job needs, is any more encouragement.” 

“I know. I avoid her as much as I can, without making it too obvious.” 

“Well, I’ll grab you a sandwich before I leave the pub,” Shawn said as he and Jeff descended the steps. 

“Thanks bro, for everything,” he said as he disappeared into the shower.  



Wednesday, March 20, 2024

 GOD WILL MAKE A WAY WHEN THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY

Please listen to this song while you read this post. 

GOD WILL MAKE A WAY 

(Clinging to Hope by Charles Swindoll)

While working on my shower stall trying to undo the sloppy I work I did a couple of years ago, I was listening to this sermon by the great encourager Dr. Chuck Swindoll. The choir pastor got up and was giving a testimony about a bout of depression he went through and how all he wanted to do was sleep because he wasn't depressed or sad or crying when he was sleeping. Boy oh boy, can I relate. Then he brought up this song that his daughters played for him and the memories flooded back to me while sitting in my shower stall, pun intended! I clung to that song, listening to it everyday and made it my theme song for the year 1994, the year I cried my heart out every day in the shower because I wanted to move to a place that a year earlier I could not even place on a map.

I was working on getting all the adhesive up so I could re-caulk it, and GOD reminded me of how thirty years ago, this year, I would cry in my shower to him so my children could not hear me everyday because I wanted to move to Kentucky. When people asked me why I wanted to move here so much I could not give them an answer. I just wanted it enough to cry over it every day for a year. I had absolutely no idea how we were going to get here. We were two years in our newly built house in MA with two very young children and house broke. I couldn't see a pathway here until two months before we left. I saw GOD's hand in each miraculous step, and it proved to me that He was all over it and in it. Back then, as a baby Christian, I didn't understand the true Hebrew translation of Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the LORD and the desires of your heart He set/put."

Now, too many miracles to count later, six children added, ten books written, and eight years of tears in a shower stall in a home that I almost own outright, GOD is reminding me that what is in my heart now, which makes no sense, is also from Him just like it was thirty years ago. It wasn't a pipe dream, then, it was a dream GOD put in my heart to just move to Kentucky even though I had no idea why. Back then I had no inkling that I was to come here and have six more children and write ten books. That unspoken desire in my heart now is no more a pipe dream than the dream GOD gave me that one agonizingly tearful year. Today makes the twelfth anniversary of what I call my burning bush experience with GOD at the most unlikely of places. Isn't that how He does it? This is the day, which happens to be the first day of spring, GOD brought to life in my heart what I call my Jubilee Dream, thus today is my own personal holiday I call my Jubilee Day. So, if you can't understand why you want something that makes no logical sense, remember, GOD is illogical to the human mind. If He put it there, then

GOD WILL MAKE A WAY WHEN THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY.

Sunday, March 17, 2024

Mercy Me, 

When Cancer Brings Us Forgiveness 

Addendum: I wrote this  August 16, 2019, right before my mother's funeral in my previous Blog: The Woman at the Well.  I've since recycled and revised it for the second time after finally watching the movie, "I Can Only Imagine," the story of Bart Millard's song which chronicles his tenuous relationship with his abusive father.

     Almost five years ago, I buried my mother with my five siblings and yet, I was the only one not crying. It was an unexpected death, not sudden, but surely unexpected. Cancer came in and humbled my mom, because sometimes, that is how GOD has to do it. People say that GOD never sends cancer, well, I happen to disagree. The Bible is clear that GOD sends calamity.
I form light, I create darkness; I make well-being, I create woe; I, Adonai, do all these things.
(Isaiah 45:7 The Complete Jewish Bible.)
   Maybe it is not done by His hand specifically, but He is ultimately Sovereign, and nothing comes by us or to us without His prior knowledge and permission We read in the first chapter of Job that GOD was bragging on his faithful servant, Job, when the devil approached GOD and accused him of being faithful only because he had everything served to him on a silver platter, to quote a contemporary colloquialism. GOD let Satan stricken Job taking everything away from him, children, livestock, servants, and all his earthly goods. When Job did not curse GOD, the devil had something else up his sleeve, PAIN! It's one thing to lose all our earthly goods, it's a whole new ball game when physical pain and discomfort torture us, wearing us out. Again, Satan had to seek permission from GOD, and it was granted, however the devil was to spare Job's life. (Hence, the devil has power to take life, according to this Scripture. Remember that little point!) The devil has to seek permission for everything he does, so the devil gets the blame, but GOD gets the glory in it, if we let Him. (Romans 8:28) The devil hit Job with everything he had, and yet, the Bible says that Job did not curse GOD. He may not have cursed GOD, but he surely did complained and blame GOD. He also sinned with his own self-justification, as I wrote in my book  The Wrath of Job: In His Own Words
    My mother's cancer came like that, out of nowhere, unexpected, unannounced, and unheard of, as cancer was not in our family history.  Cancer runs in families, right? If no one in your family or line of ancestors had cancer, well, then you were going to dodge that bullet, or so we used to like to think.  How wrong we are, especially these post-jab days.  I was the first in my family to contract it, five years prior to my mother's. It was a rare form, parotid cancer. Only one in every 500,000 women, my age contract this kind of cancer. This I knew was from GOD, because I sort of got a heads-up on it. I believed that the Holy Spirit warned me two years ahead of time that cancer was coming to humble me and keep me humble. Again, I wrote about this ordeal in an earlier blog. Cancer, Death, and Humble Pie, Among Others . 
    My cancer was stage one, so it was easily defeated with seven weeks of radiation hell. It was seven months of suffering for me, but it did the trick. It drew me closer to GOD. It taught me more of Who He is and His grace being sufficient in my weakness. Now, I'm a "ticking" time-bomb with all the radiation I did receive, thus perpetually feeding me humble pie for the rest of my days here on this planet. My mom's cancer was quite a bit different. It had an appetite for her body that was ravenous, and it fed on her like a famished lion. In less than sixteen weeks, my mom was gone.  This cancer was brutal, tumors grew like wildfire and burned like it also. My mom suffered terribly. I learned that it is just as hard to watch one's parent suffer as it is one's child. As would any child, I rushed home from one thousand miles away to be with my mother in her worst hour of suffering, and to be with her and my siblings as she exited this world and entered the next. I thought I received a sign from GOD that He had her up there in heaven, and all was well, because a minute after she breathed her last, John 3:16 popped up as the first tweet in my Twitter feed. There was one other thing that I believed was from GOD, and that was what I was reading the last few moments of her life, when she was breathing her last few moments of life here on earth.  I was reading 2 Chronicles 33 about King Manasseh entreaty before GOD and how He had pity on the formerly evil King.  He was reputed as having flooded the streets of Jerusalem of innocent blood, but when evil befell him, he fell before his GOD in heaven, seeking mercy.  Both 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles speak of just how evil was the son of the good king, Hezekiah, but only 2 Chronicles tells of Manasseh's repentance. When God wants to humble a person, He knows just what it will take, and a hook in Manasseh's nose and bronze fetters on his feet did the trick. Now, we humans would have said, "tough cookies, bud, you deserve this." Aren't we glad that we are not GOD and GOD is not us, that we don't think like GOD and GOD doesn't think like us? (Isaiah 55:8-9). One small act of humbling himself before the YHVH GOD. A sincere act of repentance (a change of heart), and GOD restored the evil king, who was immediately transposed into a good king. He proved his repentance was genuine as he went about restoring Jerusalem, the Temple, removing the wooden idols, and demanding that the people worship only GOD. It's an amazing story of just how big and wide is the Grace of GOD with one simple, sincere act of humiliation before him. 
      As I mentioned, I was reading these verses just as my mom took her last breath, and that is no coincidence. I truly believe that GOD wanted me to know that all the sharp words my mom used were thrown in the deepest part of the ocean, gone forever, and not held against her. Let me tell you, she had a tongue sharper than any finely tuned razor blade. She could chop a person to pieces with it with no effort at all on her part, and in no time flat. She wasn't just a Italian Yankee firecracker, she was a nuclear explosion when her fuse was lit. The day after she died, I happened to stumble upon some of her emails she wrote to my siblings about me and my children. After reading about twenty of them, I had seen more than my eyes should have ever seen. There is no question in my mind why my siblings hated me so much after reading what she said about me to them.  Mom was the fuel that fed that fire of fury. She had said the most dreadfully horrible things about me and my children that no decent relative should say about another, let alone a mother about her own child and grandchildren. I had no idea that who I thought was my supportive mother was not only not so supportive, but she had hoped to see me fail. According to these emails, she hated me and even went as far as to take my ex-husband's side when he abandoned me.  Maybe she even got some pleasure from it. I will never understand this, but here is where that BIG huge Grace of GOD comes into play.  My mom's heart was like every human heart, deceptively evil, hard to even fathom (Jeremiah 17:9). GOD, knowing that her time was coming soon, instead of letting her evil heart drag her into hell, he gave her an opportunity to be so afflicted that her only option and hope would be to call out to GOD, as did King Manasseh. The Bible says in several places, "Whoever calls on the name of the LORD will be saved," and I heard many times during that brief time of severe suffering, her calling on the name of Jesus for relief and mercy.  

   In the movie, Bart got a few last months to have a restored relationship with his earthly father, and it changed his whole perspective on forgiveness. GOD gave Bart time to forgive and love his earthly father. I never got a chance like Bart to have the wonderful end of life relationship with my mother, but, soon, I will have all of eternity to do it with, and I'm so looking forward to that day, I can only imagine how wonderful it will be.   I could hold a grudge against my mother, but what purpose would that serve? My tongue is just as sharp as hers, and I've ripped a few people apart in my day, even in recent days, when my fuse was lit. It's a terrible sin, but it's the human condition. We let our emotions dictate our words and actions when under a great deal of stress or distress.  My mom didn't get a chance to apologize to me, but GOD let me see just how He works in forcing an apology, even a silent one out of one's heart on their deathbed. I could hate that woman for the damage she had done to me all my growing up years, and there is still plenty of damage left over, but she is not that woman anymore. She is a new creation, a whole person, loving, happy and pleasant in Glory.  I never saw my mother pleasant and happy.  I can't wait to meet the woman she is now, and I will have the chance, sooner rather than later. Sin is sin, whether we fall into it, or commit it with malice-a-forethought, and we are in need of forgiveness from GOD for every sin, past, present and future.  Here is where GOD looks at the righteousness of Jesus and his work on the cross, and not the decades worth of sin that we either fall into, or plot in vain. Grace is not a license to sin, but in the end, if we do take that license to sin, in the end, GOD knows our true hearts, even if we hide it from the world.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I see this suffering as a gift from GOD. He will use it to bring us closer to Him either in this life or the next.  I would like to believe that He took pity on me and my mom and taught us both a very valuable lesson in how GOD not only humbles us in our sin, but by doing that, He wipes away 87 years of evil behavior in one instant, and that proves to us just how BIG and WIDE is His grace and mercy.

Saturday, March 16, 2024

 AGE, SEX, NUMBERS and EVOLUTION




     Age is just a number, right? Being a single woman in her 50's, I've heard this expression by numerous younger men, too many times to count. (Pun intended) Back when I was foolish enough to be looking for my next husband, when I knew my marriage was over, I heard that a lot whenever a man, considerably younger than me, say as an excuse to "get in my pants." I found it ridiculously disrespectful and demeaning from these younger naïve men. Basically, what they were saying was, your wisdom means nothing to me, I just want your sexual prowess and experience. Let me tell you, being a Mama for 31 years, and having to teach my children everything about life, the last thing I want to do is to teach a young arrogant novice about sex. Let him learn the hard way, like I had to, pun intended, again. Age is not just a number. It's years of experiences, it's mistakes. It's a learning curve, but more importantly, it's wisdom gained and measured in the numbers of tears from the heartbreaks and victories of life. No younger man is going to write off the wisdom I've gained, nor disrespect it just because he has an "appetite" from his physical carnal flesh, built into him by GOD for three very good reasons.


     The first reason of course would be for procreation, to populate the earth, fill it and take dominion over the plants and beasts of the planet. The second would be to enjoy a satisfying physical and spiritually intimate relationship with his wife. Sadly, though, as humans, with a little help from the devil, we've turned something beautiful given to us by GOD, into something ugly, violent, disgusting, and degrading. Isn't that just Satan's way. He always wants to turn the beautiful things from GOD into something so ugly and deadly. The two things invented and created by GOD to be beautiful, we humans turn so ugly. What is the other thing? Numbers. They are intricately related, numbers and sex. We measure sex by numbers and we measure age in numbers. Numbers, such an abstract concept, but something so powerful that we measure everything by it. We measure our weight in numbers, our age, with sex playing an intricate role in both, in human terms. Some like them older, some prefer them younger, some like them heavier, some like them stick thin. GOD loves numbers, and He loves sex, because sex produces offspring, and offspring as Psalm 127:1 calls them are a reward from Him, an inheritance. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full, He says. Let me tell you, when a soldier went to battle, he didn't go to battle with just 2.5 arrows in his quiver. A soldier today won't go into battle with 2.5 bullets in his automatic weapon. How can we prove that GOD loves numbers? First of all, He put in His Word, The Torah, (which means instructions) a book devoted entirely to numbers. There are countless times, pun intended, we can find numbers and tallies, dates, and measures, in His Word. Anyone who is halfway intelligent can tell that GOD loves numbers and finds them extremely useful in proving His existence.

     Numbers aren't physical, they aren't scientific. Sure they are used in science, but they are still just abstract concepts. The written number is just a symbol of what it means. If we really truly try to define numbers, it's very difficult. Numbers are a measure of quantity. It is completely a conceptual thing, being that numbers can only originate in the brain. Who invented numbers as quantity? Did man? Nope! Did numbers evolve? Nope, they were just there from the beginning of time, which by the way, is measured in numbers, therefore numbers had to exist outside of time. Pretty deep, huh?

    There is another reason why GOD loves numbers, mathematics. Mathematics is the only proof of creation by an Intelligent Being that no man can explain away with his vain philosophies. I recently watched a video, (I'll put a link to it, at the bottom of this blog), which was about the Mandelbrot set. Now, if ever there was proof of creation verses evolution, it's in the Mandelbrot set. Being that I am not a mathematician, I won't try to explain it, but I'll let you watch this most fascinating video. The Mandelbrot set was discovered by mathematicians in the 1980's, and no mathematician can explain it, except that it had to be created by a Mind so far out of human comprehension that no human brain could even conceive of explaining this. This video truly knocked me back a few pegs, wondering how a GOD so HUGE and so Infinite could also be so personal. So, the third reason GOD invented sex and numbers is to debunk evolution. The two most obvious inventions of GOD that evolution just cannot explain, numbers and sex. All living creatures from plants, to animals, to sea life, to humans have sex. All living creatures are measured by numbers, either in quantity, age, population, or weight. Weight is mass relative to gravitational pull, but again, measured in numbers.

     So, the next time an evolutionist tries to prove the THEORY of evolution to you, ask him where numbers and sex came from. It will surely stump him and stop him in his tracks. He cannot explain numbers in evolutionary terms, nor can he explain sex. One being a physical thing, the other being a conceptual thing. The Spiritual Realm is another thing evolutionists cannot explain, and age being a physical thing we can measure in time, the spiritual age inside a human is something we cannot count in numbers. Love is spiritual, hence age makes no difference when it comes to love, it only counts when it comes to wisdom. Never count out an older person's wisdom! (Pun most assuredly intended.)

You may want to block out a time in your day when you watch this where you have total concentration, in other words, if you are like me, make sure it is at the peak of your ADHD medication, because it will take that kind of mental energy to understand this. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand it, because I understood it. I tell everyone that I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. As a matter of fact, the spreading cheese knife laughs at me! So, here it is. I promise you, it's worth a watch, it will blow your mind.

      


Friday, September 22, 2023

 TRADITIONA SOUTHERN REVIVAL STRIKES A CHORD, BUT THE NOTE IS FLAT




The "sermon" tonight at the "revival" was about business as usual, but the Scripture reference was 2Kings 6 1-8. How he got the loss of the joy of the LORD because of dead or ceasing prayers from this Scripture is a stretch. BUT, what he said was Baptists are at the business as usual, the joy for working for GOD is gone. Their prayer life is powerless. No truer words have I heard. So, I talked to GOD about this. Here is what I think YHVH "said."


"They give Me a laundry list of things they want or expect Me to do. They don't want to really hear from Me, because they already have it settled in their minds what I should do, based on their traditions and preconceived notions of who I AM. They don't want to hear what I really have to say, because it won't fit in their settled ways. They don't want to know My truth, because they have created their own truths. Don't bother trying to talk to them, they'll have none of what you have to say. They won't listen to Me anymore than Judah would listen to Jeremiah or the Religious right would listen to My Son. The church doesn't want the Truth. They want their truth as they have created it to be. "

     Of course this is not a proclamation from God, lest I call myself a prophet, which you will never hear me say. It is however what I heard in my mind and spirit based on the truths of the Hebrew Scriptures and the words of Yeshua (Jesus) in the Gospels. It won't go over well with "Baptists." The Hebrew Scriptures have prophesied that for thousands of years that YHVH GOD will reunite the two houses of Israel to bring an end to the times of the Gentiles, but the gentile Christian church wants nothing to do with that truth. They are convinced that they are the vehicle to bringing God's truth to the earth, and yet, they could not be more wrong about it. They don't want anything "new," because they've "never done it that way before." Christians are CLUELESS when it comes to the Hebrew Scriptures. So, on my walk, I asked YHVH, what's the purpose of this story? This is the Scripture verses that He spoke about:
2 Kings 6:1-8:6
Complete Jewish Bible

6 The guild prophets said to Elisha, “As you can see, the place where we are living in order to be with you is too small for us. 2 Please allow us to go to the Yarden; each of us will collect a log there, and we’ll build a place there for us to live.” He answered, “Go ahead.” 3 But one of them said, “Please, won’t you come with your servants?” He answered, “All right, I will”; 4 so he went with them. When they arrived at the Yarden, they cut down trees; 5 but as one was felling a tree trunk, the head of his axe fell in the water. “Oh, no!” he cried. “My master, it was a borrowed one!” 6 The man of God asked, “Where did it fall?” He showed him the place. Then Elisha cut a stick, threw it in there, and the iron axe-head floated to the surface. 7 “Lift it out,” he said. So he put out his hand and took it.



So, I asked GOD, what is the stick for? This was the answer I think got.

The "sons" of the prophets, like the third generation after Joshua, wanted to build their "high places," like the gentile NT Christians build their church buildings. They build them bigger and bigger, because they outgrow their smaller dwelling place. (That's not a sign of GOD's work, that's man's work in his own strength.)
The borrowed ax are the buildings with mortgages. They borrow money to build their man-made dwelling places, when GOD does not live in a building. Yeshua called them OUT, and said GO, not shut your selves in and gather. Basically, the NT gentile Christian church has to be "buried" or washed in Mikvehs in order for the true TORAH to rise out of their, "unholy water."

The stick Elisha tore off is the "man-made" steeples, or rather the cross, which is a man-made symbol, NOT instructed in the Torah. The axe head rising to the surface is the Menorah, a GOD-ordained/instructed METAL instrument of the Tabernacle, which represents what? THE TORAH! Now, that makes perfect sense.

Tuesday, July 25, 2023

 Living or dying in the Death Zone

     I used to watch Bible study videos all day and night, but for the last nine months or so I have stopped watching them. I don’t open my Bible much anymore because there’s no use learning the Bible if GOD won’t let you share what you’ve learned. I need a platform to share what He has taught me and only He can provide that platform. So, instead of watching sermons all the time, I'm back to watching mountain climbing disaster documentaries. I've seen every plane crash, boat disaster, deadly train derailment documentary, holocaust documentary, and mountain climbing disaster documentary that there is out there. The only thing I won't watch is underwater cave disasters. I'm far too claustrophobic for that. So, why do I watch disaster documentaries all the time?

     One reason is I'm obsessed with death, because death here means really Living in Paradise. I tell people being born here is a life sentence on death row. Isn't that the sad truth? We are born to die. Isn’t that crazy? Seems pointless to me unless we do some good between the being born and the dying. I’ve always wanted to do good, even before I had my first encounter with GOD. He only enhanced my desire to climb that mountain of life and share with others how to do it. Second, my life has been one small disaster after another, hence, I like to watch documentaries about people who have had it worse than me so I don't die of overdosing on despair and depression at my own pity parties.

     I’ve learned so much about climbing Mt Everest from watching all these documentaries. You see there is a base camp where everyone starts out. It’s above sea-level and where you spend the most time acclimatizing to the higher altitudes. That’s like the years we spend in church. Then as our bodies adjust, we move up to higher camps. I’m amazed at how mountain climbing physically is the same as mountain climbing spiritually. Higher camps are where we go deeper with GOD. Each camp requires you to acclimatize, getting used to the thinner air. There’s thousands of people in base camp, but each higher camp has a smaller population of people. The people thin out just like the air because many people cannot acclimatize and they get altitude sickness and have to quit their ascent. They go back down the mountain, and most do not try to climb it again.

     If you don’t acclimatize, you’ll never get to the top alive. Eventually, your body adjusts, but the higher you go, the more supplemental oxygen you will need to survive. It’s not getting up to the summit that is hard, it’s the descent where most people die. Anyone can have faith as high as a mountain summit, but coming down to help others get up there also is what is so dangerous. I’m in the death zone. I don’t know if I’m going to make it back to base camp to show others that climbing and descending is possible. While on that summit, I had eight children and then I wrote eight books. I did it because I believed GOD could use me by working through me.

     Unfortunately, while climbing, I used up all my supplemental oxygen supply, and I have none left to help me get down. We can decide to climb a mountain of faith, but it's only supplemental oxygen that will get us up and down still alive. It’s hard to breathe when you are at the top of a mountain, because the air is so thin. So too is it difficult to live with GOD at the summit, because nobody is up there with you. When you reach the summit and spend time with GOD you learn so much about Him. You learn that the only reason you are there is because He willed you there, and the only way you will be able to descend is because He wills it. We can do nothing outside of GOD’s perfect will. If He didn’t will or ordain it, then it isn’t going to happen. 


     Believe it or not, we can get up to that mountain top alone, but we need a sherpa to help us down. Sherpa’s are paid guides who know the mountain well enough to teach us how to survive the unforgiveable climate. The sherpa becomes our lifeline back down the mountain. The storms come in so fast and so furious that you can’t see two feet in front of you. The wind and blistering cold kill you from the extremities inward. I’ve got frostbite on my heart and I need a sherpa to heal it and help me down. If GOD does not supply a sherpa to help me down, then I will die, all alone up here in the death zone.

     To me, the ultimate tragedy would be to get to the top, learn who GOD really is, encounter the storms on the way up and die in a storm on the way down. No one benefits from what we learned on the way up to the summit or the things GOD taught us while we are up there, unless we are able to make it back down to base camp and share with others what we learned and how to survive.

     If I don’t survive, then nothing I’ve learned will survive. If GOD chose not to send me a sherpa to help me down, then I don’t know Him like I thought I did. He knows without a sherpa nothing I’ve done to get up there will be worth a hill of beans. PUN INTENDED. So, I don’t know if I will make the descent successfully to base camp to help others, because I don’t know if GOD will send me a sherpa. Only He knows.

Saturday, July 8, 2023

 A TALE OF THREE PASTORS!


    It's been a while since I've had anything to write that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt came from YHVH GOD.  I had a question I asked while fasting and in the "Holy of Holies" and this profound answer came out of nowhere.  I knew it came from the Holy Spirit, because it was bathed in wisdom, answered sufficiently this scenario, and I never would have thought it up on my own. 

    There's a very highly known, hugely popular  pastor who blocked me on my social media.  I have no idea why, as I'm only a nobody peon, and he is Hollywood Hal.  He has a huge ministry. As a matter of fact, just today, he baptized 4,000 in one day in the Pacific Ocean.  WOW! Kinda like the Apostles who baptized 3,000 in one day, except, back then the Scripture says, " And day after day the Lord kept adding to them those who were being saved.

   Of course, many in the church are celebrating such an accomplishment, calling it a revival.  Hollywood Hal doesn't take credit publicly, but we can assume deep down inside, he is patting himself on the back after such a massive outpouring today.  Knowing of his humble beginnings, I asked GOD how can someone who was so devoted when he began his work for You have strayed so far from You and gotten so high on the drug "Hollywood?" I loved His answer.  It was one word. I'll get to that one word in a bit. This was too powerful to keep to myself. So, I'm going to tell you a story.  It's a true story. I'll be taking a poetic license here only to make it relatable.  

    There once was a congregation.  It was a very small congregation, mostly all family members, but a huge family.  GOD called to the patriarch of this large family and told him that He had a plan to grow this congregation to numbers greater than the stars in the sky, and that eventually, all of his descendants would dwell with GOD Himself in His own Presence. After that revelation, this family began to suffer many hardships. You see, there was a competing congregation, and their pastor wasn't too keen on this chosen congregation getting a bigger name for itself.  That's where the suffering and oppression began.  This other congregation was humongous in and of itself.  Both these congregations were in the same general area, and they did not get along.  The pastor of the humungous congregation devised ways to oppress the congregation GOD began.  Eventually, GOD moved His own congregation to a better place to get them away from the evil pastor. In fact, some of that congregation defected, because they saw that GOD's congregation was definitely better.  They saw through the evil pastor.  

     After many, many decades, this congregation decided it would be a good idea to have a Sr. Pastor, as they did not have one.  They had only elders.  They wanted to be like congregations around them, so they asked GOD for a pastor.  He obliged, but it wasn't the model he originally wanted.  He gave them the kind of pastor they wanted.  He was tall, dark, and handsome.  He was head and shoulders above everyone in the congregation. He had a charismatic personality and the people adored him.  Everything he did turned to gold, and the people were happy that they had such a successful pastor.  Eventually, the pastor decided on his own to change some of the "rules" and do things he thought best.  The people were all behind him, in fact, they even put some pressure on him to do so. 

    This did not go over well with GOD, in fact, He called on a very devoted elder and told him to go in search of a new Sr. Pastor, He promised that He  would lead him to the one He had chosen.  The elder obeyed and came to a family with many sons.  In fact, they were handsome, strong and looked quite capable of carrying out the duties of a Sr. Pastor. However, none of them were the one GOD had chosen.  The one GOD had chosen wasn't there at the time, so the father sent one of the sons after him.  As soon as the elder saw this boy, GOD said, "That's him!  He's a man after my own heart.  He'll listen to me."  The elder let the boy know that in time, when the  reigning Sr. Pastor was removed by GOD, that boy would assume the role and lead this very very large congregation.  

     As the years passed, everything that could go wrong for the tall, dark, and handsome Sr. Pastor did go wrong.  GOD's hand of blessing was no longer on this pastor and he hit a brick wall at every turn.  He soon learned that another was chosen, and that did not sit well with him.  He was bound and determined to find this other future Sr. Pastor who would take over his prestigious cushy job, and he worked to tarnish this man.  He sent many of his congregants after him to torment him, to even try to kill him.  Of course, GOD's hand of protection was on him, and eventually, the Sr. Pastor became so desperate over his losses that he sought a psychic to try and find out how he could get the honor of the people and GOD back.  He even had a séance and consulted the dead.  That did not go over well with GOD, and the next day, with defeat at his doorstep, this Sr. Pastor committed suicide.  Sadly, his sons who weren't half bad blokes, also died that day, leaving the Sr. Pastor's seat open.  

     Needless to say, many of the congregants loyal to the younger chosen one, the runt of his family, talked him into taking on the role as Sr. Pastor for this very encompassing congregation.  He did but there wasn't unity at first, Many were unhappy about this new less than stellar pastor, and they wanted one of the former associate pastors to fill in until a descendant of the former, disobedient Sr. Pastor was old enough to run this congregation.  Eventually all came to realize that this humble runt of a man, who had finally grown into his distinguished manhood was chosen by GOD.  For the most part, this pastor remained very close to GOD.  He even brought back the long lost altar so the congregants could gather and worship GOD.  What he touched turned to gold, and he was prosperous.  He was also fruitful with a quiver full at his parsonage.  All was going well for this pastor and his family, until he had a mid-life crisis.  As with many men, he stumbled and did something most men at that stage in life do.  When the mistress was found to be with child, the devoted pastor, instead of confessing his sin, seeking forgiveness from GOD and his congregants, he attempted to cover up his mess and made a bigger mess doing so.  

     One of his elders was called out by GOD to confront this pastor and hold up a mirror.  When he did, this devoted pastor was disgusted at what he saw, and he went away to seek GOD's forgiveness and favor again.  Word got out what he did in his family and many of his children began to see their father in a new light. He was less than perfect in their eyes, now.  They were not happy with what he did, and they began to fight amongst themselves.  Three eventually died over this family dysfunction, and one died very young. The father took responsibility, taking all the blame for everything that went wrong. He was devastated at the loss, but there was a congregation to lead, and GOD did not displace him because he repented of his sin.  

    As time moved on, one of his sons, who was conceived with his former mistress, after the previous son died as an infant, was chosen by his father to succeed him as Sr. Pastor.  He was trained meticulously in the Word of GOD by his father and many elders. The father wanted leave a legacy of a huge sprawling religious center of worship for this congregation to gather, but GOD had a different plan.  He told the father how He wanted a building built and run, but his son would build it, because the father had too many skeletons in his closet. Some the congregation did not know about them, and to this day, many have no idea just how low he sunk during his days on the run, drowning in a sea of despair and doubt. But GOD did. 

 

     When it came time for the father to join GOD in heaven, he passed the torch to his chosen son.  Of course, one of his sons didn't like that and he declared himself Sr. Pastor and drew others to himself. When the father got wind of the rebellious son, the father called the assembly together and made it official.  His chosen son would be Sr. Pastor and the rebellious son was to be caught and "dealt with." Things were going well for the son while he lead the sheep of GOD's congregation.  Like his father before him, everything he touched turned to gold.  This son built an enormous religious center for the congregants to gather to worship. His grand opening of this magnificent building was spectacular.  It was a marvel, plenty big enough for a growing congregation. This religious campus was admired by pastors everywhere.  Many came to see it, many came to speak with this Sr. Pastor, and they were amazed at his spiritual wisdom.  It was obvious that the GOD of the universe was with this Sr. Pastor.  

     There was only one problem with this Sr. Pastor, and that was that he was a man, a man with desires and wants, and an ego.  Eventually, sex became something more important to him than GOD, and his inflated ego over his religious campus began to draw him away from GOD more and more.  He became hugely popular among men near and far.  They admired his accomplishments and his prowess with women.  He even had an enormous mansion that was awe inspiring that he built for himself and all his women.  Because of his ego, his women, his pride, and his foolishness, he neglected to raise his sons properly or appoint a Sr. Pastor to take his place when he was departed.  This would eventually cause a terrible division, and the congregation would divide and not be reunited again for thousands of years.  It was such a sad story, as the son was as devoted to GOD as the father was in the beginning.  The only difference between them was that the father hated what he saw in the mirror, and the son did not have a mirror. 

  By now, if you don't already know the names of these three pastors, I'll let you in on the secret. Their names were Saul, David, and Solomon. So, getting back to when I asked GOD the answer to my question of how this super popular pastor, who baptized 4,000 people in one day could stray so bad to become Hollywood Hal when he started out so humble and devoted to the Word.  In my head, one simple word floated across my mind, and that was "SOLOMON."   From there I was told to tell this  story.  




Sunday, February 5, 2023

 Where Our Feet Have Trod



    As many of my readers know, I've lived like Jeremiah in Job's World.  Anything that can go wrong has gone wrong.  Anyone who could stab me in the back has.  Here I am trying to warn people about the Just GOD of the Bible, the one my covenant, (but ex husband in the eyes of civil law only), calls a "mean-ass-God."  Yes, he really did call the GOD of the Hebrew Scriptures a "mean-ass-God."  He believes in GOD, he'll come right out and say that, but like the majority of the New Testament Church, he doesn't believe in the YHVH of both the New Testament and "Old Testament, the one Jesus spoke about, the One who holds his fate in His Hands.  Like most regular church goers, he has created a god in his own image, one he can live with, one that loves everyone, no matter what they do.  If it weren't for lies they tell themselves and others, the church would be dead. 

    Paul warned us that this would happen, and it did not take long for it to occur.  Satan is just as comfortable in the New Testament Church as he is in the open world.  As long as he can deceive those sitting in the pews with that warm happy feeling that GOD loves them just as they are, they won't want to change.  As long as he can tell them that GOD isn't to be really feared, but to be worshiped, praised and loved, the way He "praises/worships" us, then all is well with however they live. 

    I had dreadful parents.  I determined never to do as they  did to us and make us feel like we didn't matter.  So, I risked my life to have six more children than the doctors recommended, and I treated them all like they mattered.  I bent over backwards trying to serve them and be a good mother, while teaching them about YHVH GOD.  I did this with my husband also.  There was never any question about my love for them, because I showed them and I told them.  Yet, six out of the eight threw all of that away, as well as my husband.  I sit here, all alone, the only one walking with GOD asking Him how this could have happened.  The only answer I get is that the devil hates the truth.  In me are no lies.  I refuse to lie, so, I end up saying things people do not want to hear.  

   People listen to words, they do not watch actions.  Hearing words they like appeal to them.  I took in an elderly man with dementia, because his grown children ripped him off blind and dumped him in squalor, yet, when he was handing out money for anything they needed, they loved their dad.  As soon as the courts came and took his money away from them and him, and assigned him a conservator, they dumped him like a hot potato.  

    Then the truth hit me like a MOAB, (mother of all bombs).  We are the same way with GOD.  Those of us who know the true YHVH GOD constantly try to earn His love and favor, because we know it can be lost.  You can take Scripture and twist it to anything you want it to believe, but history proves the truth of Who YHVH GOD is.  Read the judgments against the people and nations who rose up against His people.  Read what He said about His people who turned to idols and dumped Him by the roadside. Open up the book of Hebrews, in particular, chapter 2 and chapter 6.  

    Those who have created a god in their own image refuse to believe that they will be judged based on how they live, even though, it is explicitly taught in the Bible.  You see, everyone's mirror is distorted.  No one has a correct mirror into their own souls.  If you ask anyone, "Are you a good person" who will answer correctly?  People who are bad think they are good and people who are good think they are bad.  It's like that with everyone.  Bad people don't believe they are bad.  Good people don't believe they are good.  Now, which ones does GOD love? He loves the ones who think they are bad, and those people will forever be trying to earn His love and favor, even though they already have it.  Jesus is clear in Matthew 12:50 as to who are really truly his family. 

  Jesus’ Mother and Brothers Send for Him

46 While He was still talking to the multitudes, behold, His mother and brothers stood outside, seeking to speak with Him. 47 Then one said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak with You.”

48 But He answered and said to the one who told Him, “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” 49 And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.”


    Those who think they are good, or okay, think they don't have to earn GOD's favor, because they are deceived into believing they have it, regardless because of this "man-made doctrine of unconditional love."  It is a very tragic situation.  Here is one thing I posted on Facebook, and I think it's a pretty good scale in order to judge oneself by when looking in the mirror of our souls.  When you look into the mirror of your soul, if you can say yes to the question above, then you are in danger of having a false god, one you created in your own image.   I can tell you the people who will tell the truth, those on their death bed.  GOD recently brought a man into my life who is in end-stage liver cancer, and this man admits that he deserves this, because he earned it by living wrong.  He has  prayed and asked GOD to forgive him and take him to heaven.  He is now a humble man who cries at the drop of a hat and now  is only days away from Eternity in Paradise, just like the the thief on the cross, after he was crucified came to know about himself. 




   We/Mankind, Screwed It Up TWICE!      There are two things that I learned from my husband that I do believe were and still are spot on.  ...